Episode Transcript
Hello. My name is Aziz and I'm the son of a divorced mother. She's really my superhero.
That's why it's important for me to support women to share their uniqueness, their personalities,
perspectives, and emotions about this world. In these difficult times, too many women
in this world feel alone. They worry about the judgment of others and they struggle with their
mental health. But when they listen to the Rare Girls podcast where empowered women share their
voices and tell their stories, many women will feel inspired to live a life of freedom and to
overcome all their insecurities. They will feel. It's a safe space to find their confidence,
to remember their unique beauty and to feel their self-worth,
and they will connect with the sisterhood of rare girls
who encourage their success and support their dreams.
That's what this podcast is all about.
My guest today is Anastasia Semashko.
Nastie is an international Bachata artist,
a professional ballet artist,
and the first Lithuanian girl in this podcast,
Born in Vilnius and having finished National M.K. Cirlionis School of Art at the age of 20.
Together with two amazing partners, Nastie opened a dance school and a nightclub that they keep growing.
Even though she grew up in a small city in Eastern Europe, her talent is recognized worldwide.
she is often invited to teach dancing not only in Europe but also USA and Asia.
Her biggest goal is to become the best version of herself.
She likes reading books and analyzing everything around her.
Nasti loves nature and quality conversations which we will have one of them just now.
Nasti, how are you today?
Hello, it's really pleasant to be here and your story is so inspiring.
I'm so happy to be here and to help the rest of the women to feel better about themselves
because in our century, sometimes we get lost about a lot of things.
How we need to act or to be more masculine or to be more feminine.
How we need to do everything, we need to be perfect.
And we sometimes get lost and forget that we actually need to just love ourselves.
Thank you so much.
It's exactly all those topics, honestly,
that we will discuss today and even deeper
because you're a woman who has felt all these changes
and chaos and uncertainty about what it means to be a woman,
how to find your self worth, your confidence.
What is something that you believe
if you could have known some years ago,
you would have had much more confidence
and ability to go for all your dreams?
Is there one thing just to begin with,
we will discuss many that you feel other women should hear.
Yes, so I think at the moment I'm struggling the most with
being perfectionist and really self-critical
because being in our century we are judged by
everything that is around us so that starts with
social media, our friends, we are so competitive and we want to be perfect
and we forget that perfect don't exist and
sometimes we aim for things that are impossible to achieve and even if you are so good you compare
yourself with the version that you imagine that you can be and you don't receive the compliments
or when someone says that you do something good you don't believe it because you don't believe
their judgment is fair as you didn't achieve what you want but if what you want is impossible
you are gonna be forever unhappy. So what I would advise to myself and to
other women is to be able to find the joy in the little moments and don't
forget that you are doing better than you were doing yesterday. And even if
you are not, tomorrow is another chance to do it all over again. So don't judge
yourself by what other people expect from you or by what you
want them to see about you.
Just try to be better for yourself and compare yourself to your self.
That's my thing.
Thank you.
It's so much wisdom.
Absolutely.
I'm really enthralled and really excited about learning more.
And I'll begin with this.
You spoke as well about your inability to receive compliments because of being too self-critical.
Some people, even psychologists, they argue that when it comes to friends and even to love,
you tend to not believe if a nice guy tells you that he likes you or that there is a compliment,
but be excited or interested into people who are more toxic or they don't like you,
confirms to you that your worth is not complete and it creates a cycle of being surrounded by
people that confirm the toxicity rather than the people who heal it because you cannot believe
that you think what's wrong with those people are they stupid are they blind or maybe whatever
it is is this something you struggled with what's your perspective on this how did it work for
Yes, actually, I believe this is a really big issue at the moment. I don't know how
many other women feel like this, but I felt like this almost all my life, because I came
from a very strict school that is an art school. And as you know, ballet, it's probably
one of the most difficult dance art that exists. And it is literally perfect. Literally.
there is no other better word to describe and I guess that's because I started since I was three
years old it kind of put my mindset in this way that I have to be perfect in everything that I do
I have to be the best or don't do it at all and sometimes this this ability of failure
it just prevents me from going in even into a situation because I'm afraid to fail
And what you say about choosing the friends, it's also because, well, I can't be perfect, that's impossible.
And I think, oh, I feel too fat because I have to look like this.
Or my smile is not good enough, my eyebrows are not equal.
This is about the appearance, but also it comes from your personality.
oh maybe I should have said this I disappointed this person and then you don't believe that you
can be good and you start kind of manifesting yourself into being a not nice person even you
try to be nice to everyone around you you are not nice to yourself and you are kind of pleasing
everybody else by the cost of your own happiness and that is really really really toxic and
And I believe that what you said about being surrounded by over-toxic people because they
approve that you are not worthy of a good company, you kind of feel...
I wouldn't say that you feel accepted, but it's being in a comfort zone.
And probably, I think a lot of people would agree, but being in a comfort zone meaning
that you are not growing.
And one of my goals is to be happy, be healthy, and achieve what I want.
However, if I'm surrounded by the people who don't believe in me, obviously I'm not going to achieve anything in my life.
And to be surrounded by people who believe in me, I feel like I'm not worthy of their attention or even their presence in my life.
So I did struggle with this a lot, but if you keep analyzing yourself and you try to look at yourself from a third-person perspective, not as you, maybe that might help to see the reality from another picture, not from your own.
Thank you. I love this. And I'm really, really interested in knowing more.
you mentioned, you said that you manifest toxic people and the fact you use the word manifest
makes me want to know even more about your spiritual side. Do you believe you're in control
and that life is like under your control, it's meaningless in many ways and you create everything
or do you feel protected that there is destiny that you are creating it and going in this
journey unfolding, discovering your destiny and so you're not alone or is it sometimes this,
Sometimes that and when you feel alone and unprotected,
you feel even more that negative voice and toxicity
and sometimes you feel protected
and that you're one with the universe
and you feel better or how does it go for you?
Are you a girl who's like so into metaphysical things
that every night you're reading Tarot for tomorrow
and checking your horoscope or how does it work?
I really love this.
Well, I do believe manifesting is crucial to a person because, well, I don't know if you believe in this, but I believe that we have the world that is kind of inside of the vibrations and how, for example, people with the goals work.
They write down their goal and they put it in their mind.
when you believe in something you are gonna one way or another way get it but
if you don't do nothing for it you don't set your brain into the mode of I will
have this so you don't manifest it you you kind of fake what you want to have
and you don't do nothing for it and obviously in your mind you already
failed because your human nature knows that if you don't do nothing for it
you're not gonna get it.
But if every morning you wake up
and you see that goal in your eyes,
you fire up and even if it's, I don't know,
something that seems at the moment impossible,
you will grow during the time.
And every time that goal seems closer
and one day you will get it
by the power of manifesting
and by the power of discipline,
by the power of believing in it
and believing in yourself that you can do it.
So if you manifest something that is probably going to happen, but it doesn't mean that it's gonna be good
Because you can also manifest something that is bad. So for example when you talk about control
what happens to
People who achieved something or they have failed or especially if they have perfectionism and criticism
What sometimes happens is that?
They are so afraid to fail that they get into a mode of when something happens. They create the worst-case scenario
So they don't they don't feel like they will fail because they have the illusion of well, it's in my control
I know I'm gonna fail and you manifest this whatever you are going to fail in in the worst-case scenario
That you believe in
But again, that's the power of your own mind that you can control.
And if it controls you, this is the worst.
You have to realize, okay, look, what am I doing?
This is not how it's meant to be.
If I'm gonna say I'm gonna be bad, well, I'm gonna be bad.
That's how it works.
But if you say, well, why?
Why did I mention that it's gonna happen like this?
Why does it have to happen?
If I don't want it to happen, I can change it.
Because, well, I rule my life.
Either you run the world or the world runs you.
One hundred percent.
I love this.
And you spoke about the vibration running through you.
I'm wondering, as a dancer,
do you believe that there is a chemistry and compatibility
between people and dancers
that it's not about the skills of the two people,
it's about their level of vibration together
that creates something magical when they dance,
that some people might be too perfectly technical,
but there is no soul in it.
And some people can be good, but not perfect technically,
but they have a lot of souls.
So the audience is really moved.
Like to you, when you dance with people, other people,
do you find that two people same skill,
but one with them you can just not really enjoy
or feel there is that chemistry in dance
and another person you don't know why,
it feels like magic.
Can you speak a bit more about that?
and if you believe there is a reason that causes it?
Well, I believe you are absolutely right.
And the thing about vibrations and the technique,
the Bachata, the dance that I'm in right now,
it's not about the technique, seriously.
It's more about the connection.
And all the, we call it social dances.
So I'm going to explain a little bit of what Bachata is.
So it is an improvisation-based dance,
dance that empowers people to open up.
So as a leader in this moment,
so normally we say a leader is a guy
and a follower is a girl,
but nowadays you can enjoy both, I guess.
Depends what is your energy,
what you feel like at the moment.
And that gives you the power to express
every feeling that you have.
So sometimes when you feel lost in life,
when you don't know what to do
And if you, for example, have, if you're a perfectionist,
most probably you're gonna cope all the bad energy
inside of you because you cannot accept
that you are feeling bad.
You cannot show to other people
because they wouldn't understand.
You have such a perfect life, how?
Why do you feel bad about yourself?
You are perfect, right?
And you don't want to get this feedback.
So you'll run away and where you can run away,
the best is somewhere where you can express
those feelings. And dancing is literally the best way to do it. There is nothing else because
when you dance, you transfer yourself to another dimension. If you really give your soul to it,
doesn't matter your technique. You can be that you can just put the music in the room
and dance. And if you put your heart to it, you're gonna, you're gonna speak not through
mouth but from your soul and that makes such a big difference you feel like no one understands
you music will believe me and when you dance with a partner you spoke about the connection
with the partner right so there's always the connection between you the partner and the
music so if you are a follower in a couple dancing situation it is so amazing because
Nowadays women are so independent and we want to do everything ourselves and we forget that
our feminine side is sometimes to just follow and you really need to turn off your brain
to follow because you need to go you need to really give all the control away and
that is so so hard but when you do it you feel such a relief however if you
a leader you can express another kind of emotion so you can take the music and
you can kind of draw the music into the body movement of you and your partner
so it doesn't matter which is your personality type you can find yourself
in dance and in the dance you find other similar mind having or sometimes
meet people that you feel like you know you know them your whole life and you just dance with them
and sometimes that connection it's not sometimes you don't even know the language i've traveled
a lot and sometimes i dance with people that i've never met in my life and i enjoy so much
because through the dance you connect so much but at the same time if you are dancing in
own city you meet people you communicate with them and dancing especially these kind of dances like
bachata maybe i could say salsa and kizomba also as well they that's why it's called social dance
because you're not only dancing you're also communicating and you are finding friends that
maybe face the same struggles as you and that is really helping you to continue growing
and being better in your mental health and especially in self-esteem.
I agree.
This whole podcast is like a sisterhood or a group of women who understands what it means
to struggle with your mental health, to have all that pressure.
And I want to focus on one point in particular.
Just for both men and women nowadays, there is a confusion.
What is masculinity?
What is femininity?
What is to be a leader?
why would someone enjoy being a follower and letting go?
To you, who is both a leader
and therefore you show the masculine side,
and also you enjoy being very much a follower,
not specifically in dance, but in life,
what can you tell to explain two things?
One, to women, how can they let go of wanting,
let's say, to be the girl boss and in control?
And what is the fulfillment or the results?
as well as for maybe they say that many boys grow nowadays don't understand what is masculinity.
You who experience it through dance, can you explain what is the energy of masculinity for people in general to understand?
What is masculinity? What is femininity? What is the positive of each and the pleasure of each?
Well, well, well, we're getting into serious conversation now.
Right, so from my perspective, actually I've been called a passive bossy, so you know like
there is passive aggressive, I am passive bossy, like I am not so bossy, but I get people
to do what I need them to do.
But that's just a comment by a friend that we were laughing a lot.
So I believe I personally have a lot of masculine energy because I don't know why but for some
reason I was mostly being a leader in my life in a lot of cases.
And I felt like if I didn't do it, there was no one else who would.
And it doesn't mean that I wanted it or it doesn't mean that I didn't want it.
And I was just always ending up in this situation for some reason.
I don't know why.
However, nowadays, I believe you say there is a problem of understanding what is masculine
and feminine energy.
And well, I believe there is because our world is changing a lot.
And sadly, but women kind of are becoming men
because we don't feel like men will do the job
or we don't trust them or I don't even,
I don't know what is the real issue,
but the world is changing and it's a fact.
I don't know if it's good or if it's bad,
but it is changing.
And well, from the dancing perspective,
the leader should be the guy and the woman should be the follower. If you take into consideration
different cultures in every culture you can have a different view of the family and which one is
right which one is wrong is not to us to judge because every culture has different understanding
and different picture and for everybody I guess it's working different because every single person
sees the world through its own filter so let's say if I was born in a family who
puts certain beliefs in my mind I would believe that let's say the guy have to
be the leader and the woman need to just support him all the life be at
home with kids and do nothing or maybe I was born in another family and I
to be served by the girl or maybe I'm living in some other countries where there is one guy and
around him nine girls and to me this seems like how can I share my man with another woman. For me
it's not understandable. I cannot even see this coming. I cannot imagine myself in that situation
But because they were grown under another circumstances, for them this model is working
the best.
And because I was never in that situation, I cannot judge.
Maybe that format is better than mine, right?
So I cannot say exactly the answer to your question, but I guess that should remain
open because we are all different.
However, from my dancing experience, getting back to the dancing always.
So the guy should be the leader and the girl should be the follower.
The problem that I faced myself, because like I mentioned, I'm quite bossy in my life,
is that for me it's so hard to let go of the control and that becomes the problem
in the connection.
Because if the guy should be the leader, let him do his job, right?
so i don't know if he compared this to the real life i don't know if it's the men who are not
let's say masculine enough or it's the girl's fault fault that she doesn't let the guy to be
the masculine one because she wants to do everything herself she doesn't leave him space
to be the man so that's what i figured from my dance because sometimes i would dance myself
And then you kill the energy of the guy and he cannot continue leading you, he becomes follower at some kind of point because you are doing everything yourself and you don't leave him space.
So I guess the same thing happens in life.
And again, maybe the guy is bad and he just leads bad and you are getting bored because you are in another level.
for you is not interesting to dance you don't feel like dancing you don't feel
like he's catching the vibe but maybe you are the one who is the lower level
and you don't let yourself be led and I think that is the real problem
nowadays because it's getting all mixed up and it's a real confusion I
to find a balance doesn't matter which one but there has to be feminine and masculine side
to match if both of them doesn't matter it can be a girl and a guy but if both of them are masculine
they're not gonna work or if it's a guy and a guy but they both have feminine side it's also
not gonna work one of them has to be masculine another one has to be feminine that's what i
I believe at the moment, maybe it's gonna change,
maybe it's not, but at the moment,
my opinion is like this.
Thank you.
I love that.
That's very well explained
and it comes from real wisdom
and experience related to this.
And before the last question,
I'm curious about something.
You said you went to a ballet school
that was perfect and very, very strict.
Usually girls who go to strict schools,
they have a period or a phase
where they explode into being crazy
Or they go like drive fast on motorcycles and bungee jump and do all that stuff just
to get it out of their system as an act of freedom and defiance and to not feel like
a prisoner and caged.
So did you have such a phase?
And could that be the reason why you became more dominant and masculine?
Because you have a bit of trauma from the strictness of the school and then the masculinity
of a man you follow in him you worry oh what if I will feel again like I felt in
that school and then it becomes maybe a reason of freedom or how does it work
for you? You literally touched my pain right now I was trying to avoid this topic because well I'm really really really thankful to my
school for all the experience that I've got from there and I believe if I
didn't go there I wouldn't be the person I am right now however there's
it gave me some kind of I could say trauma because well it was strict and it
was rough and only the best can really survive it I would even say but if you
do you have to not stuck in the same position and you have to realize that
life is not all about past and if you are not there anymore and that trauma continues haunting you
that's where the problem is so it's not the real problem is the problem that is in the past and
you have to let it go you have to accept that this was you and maybe it's not you anymore
and if it's still you is because you allow it to get back to you right so
you get over it, you don't have another choice, you have to change, you have to work through
and you have to believe in yourself, you have to do it.
And yes, I believe that your, how to say, really good notes about being crazy and being
dominant coming from being pressed in school, not being able to talk freely, not being
able to do what I want. I don't know if this was coming from
school. I think it was also coming from my family. And
again, I think this is why I become became such a
perfectionist and I when I go somewhere, I always try to be
the best for me. It's I don't it's not understandable.
How can you just be average? You can't be if you go you
have to be the best. It doesn't mean you have to be
it best when you come. No, no one is perfect from the beginning. But if you come, your
goal is to end up the first. And that is not always the right case. Because it's not
maybe your goal. Maybe your goal is completely another and this is only the helping period
of your life. And it's not your main for someone else is the career for someone else,
but it's not for you. So you have to set your priorities and understand what is you.
And getting back to the same point about the freedom, it is really important to
understand that you are not there anymore. I think this was one of the hardest things to do
and how it still affects my life and that I can't sometimes listen to people.
This is really painful to me because I really want to listen.
But that just becomes so natural because all my life I was not listened to.
Not like I was not listened to. I didn't have the right to say my opinion.
I never said it out loud because it was never important.
My voice was nothing.
So in this case, I always want people to listen to me because I believe I am right.
because all the time no one listened to me and it's not correct because sometimes
I have people who have more experience and they are right but my mind believes
that I'm right and it blocks the information before I get to actually
filter it and what I'm trying to do right now is to be more careful to try
take and accept all the information and after I accept it filter it then I can
make my decision and maybe even before talking you can change your opinion
otherwise you will not grow because you will be close-minded because you think
that you can do this no you can't you can't you you have to listen because
only through listening you can grow and obviously I had the period where I wanted to do everything
how I want to do because again because of the school I was pressed and I wanted to
do that and I wanted to do that and I did and it's fine I continue but at some point
it's good it's good that I did everything how I want to do it happily so at some
And some part I was a rebel for like, I don't know, it was not so long, maybe two weeks.
But I had to get through this because otherwise, I guess I wouldn't let go.
I wouldn't experience what it is to do everything how I want.
And happily for me, it took only two weeks.
But for some other people, they stay in that phase for a very long time
and they continue rejecting everything.
they continue to believing that I have to be like this I cannot be the good girl
anymore but you know once you're there you have to realize and you have to
again like I said judge from the third person perspective I needed this I got
this now it's enough I got over it I have to live my own life how I want
probably being rebel it's not gonna solve anything it's not gonna fulfill my
freedom because freedom is not about being it's not about being rebel it's
not about being how to say it's not about rejecting everybody else's opinion
it's about taking it learning from it being open-minded and being able to do
what you want to do without hurting or without disrespecting anybody else around you.
And if you have like one of my actually goals right now is to be free, but being free is
not what most people think it is, in my opinion.
If I can be emotionally free, if I can express what I want to express, and I guess that's
I dance because during dance no one will judge me from my feelings which I couldn't express
when I was before pressed and during dance you're you feel such emotional freedom doesn't
matter what you feel it's gonna get out there if it's pain if it's happiness if it's
shame if it's regret anything you can just express to it and other parts obviously
go to, I want to be locationally free, because when you travel, again, you get your mind
into another level, you study other cultures, you realize how little you are, because at
the end of the day, we are so little compared to the universe. But getting back to the
power of manifesting doesn't matter how little we are, we can change the world.
So be free and aim for the biggest.
However, don't be too critical because otherwise you're not going to achieve it.
I agree 100%.
I love that, that such an empowering mindset.
I salute you for sharing this and to finish this because I want your opinion on something important.
You said, of course, because of dance, you look at yourself and you think, oh, my body has to look a certain way.
some things related to how you should look. A lot of women and especially girls who are teenagers
and growing up with Instagram and they see Photoshop perfect women and soon with AI,
there will be even imaginary women that look even better than humans could look.
Those girls could be thinking to themselves when they look and they think,
I will never be as beautiful as her. I'm worthless. I should never do anything.
and they become shy and socially awkward,
and they don't take risks in life
because they feel their beauty is not there
just because they constantly are bombarded
with comparison with other people
who seem on social media to live a jet set perfect life
that is always happy and exciting and always beautiful.
And they're always like amazing.
Did you struggle with this as well?
And if anything,
what's your advice to those girls and women
So that they take care of their mental health and feel their real
Like beauty of themselves their souls on every level and find their value
Sadly, but this is such a huge issue. I believe for
such
impossibly big amount of women nowadays and me included because again
Like I said, I was coming from belly school and ballerina should be so skinny and my body is not like that
So I was starving myself and I destroyed my metabolism and it doesn't matter how skinny I was.
I always see myself fat and not worthy and sometimes, even till now, I wake up in the morning, I look at the mirror
and only because I don't see what I expected to see because, well, it's hormones.
You can't, you can't have a perfect abs every day.
You can't, you, one day you wake up and you feel like you are fine.
Another day you wake up and you feel like, no, my arms are too big.
My shoulders are too, I don't know, masculine, or maybe I never say, uh, I
want to have a bigger ass because I saw yesterday on Instagram, this amazing
ass and I don't know, maybe some guy commented about it and I like that guy
And all the hormones, they destroy how we think, but we have to be so careful about it and we have to catch ourselves in these kind of moments.
When in the morning you wake up and you don't like what you see in the mirror, you always have to fight against it because it's you talking to yourself.
And that is what self-critical is.
And perfectionism also there, so we're getting back to the same issues, because well, you have to accept yourself the way you are.
I believe in some kind of way we always are perfect and we are the way we have to be.
Of course, that doesn't mean that you can't do anything about it.
So if you really don't like yourself and you are, I don't know, you are feeling so bad about it,
well, go to gym or try to eat more healthy.
That don't mean that you have to be getting on a diet
and not getting any sugar and not doing anything.
Well, if you want, and if that makes you feel better
in a way of health, in a way of,
well, I should get eight hours sleep every day
because on the morning I feel more energy,
I feel more healthy.
So if you feel better, please do it
don't abandon it because the little things really change your life, little habits of every day so
let's say you go to the gym and after the training you feel emotionally and physically better so
don't skip the gym go for it because if in the morning you wake up and you feel bad
and after the gym you feel better do what makes you feel better and if you don't feel good
I'm sorry but take it until you make it it's not my phrase but I really love it because
again if you manifest that you're looking amazing if you if you argue that that self critical voice
down at the end of the day you win because if you continue thinking the same you are gonna lose
you are gonna lose your whole day you're gonna go to bed you're gonna go to cry you're gonna
go eat more and that is not gonna help you feel any better because after that you're gonna
judge yourself well I am fat and on top of that I ate that ice cream okay I'm
talking now so stereotypical but you know what I mean so it doesn't have to
be ice cream or you don't have to eat but it's about you continuing judging
yourself and not doing anything about it and sometimes you don't even you
have to do anything about it because you already are perfect and all you
need is to talk that that inner voice down and accept yourself because
Not who are you trying to please? Are you trying to please yourself?
Are you trying to please your parents? Are you trying to please
the boyfriend or the husband or your brother or anybody else?
The only person that you have to please is yourself
and it's not about the appearance, it's about how you feel.
So if you will be starving yourself to death
you will be unhealthy and on top of that you will be skinny but that
not bring you any happiness, well is it worth it? So you have to always consider what makes you
happiest and choose to be happy. Perfect words to complete this really really one of the best
honestly podcast that I have ever done. You're someone who shares sincerely, who has gone through
the journey and is progressing on it. I can feel and believe that progress and wisdom. Thank you
for your time, sharing your voice, for participating in this podcast.
I wish you to finally feel free and be free from perfectionism, but also keep being someone
who puts yourself through the exciting journey of becoming the best, but without the mental
challenges of it.
And I wish you all the best.
Thank you so much and thank you for having me.
I hope that it might help a lot of other women to feel better, to find the confidence, to
find the guts to do what you want to do, and to find the guts to be happy.
Because it really takes a lot of work to be happy.
Sometimes we struggle a lot, but at the end of the journey, it's worth it.
So thank you so much for your time and have fun!
you
