Episode Transcript
Hello, my name is Aziz and I'm the son of a divorced mother.
She is really my superhero.
That's why it's important for me to support women to share their uniqueness, their personalities,
perspectives and emotions about this world.
In these difficult times in human history, we need to bring the people of the world together.
And when we hear the voices of women, when we listen to real lives of women from other
countries, we connect our cultures without differences or stereotypes, and we get inspired
by their stories to live a better life.
That's what this podcast is all about.
My guest today is Ilona Aleksieva.
Ilona is a Ukrainian girl and a single mother from Kiev living in Dubai.
She is a business development director at a tech startup
and partner at a creative design agency.
Ilona, how are you today?
Hello, Aziz. Nice to hear you today.
I'm great. So it was a little bit of work, not a little bit actually,
but from the early morning and now I'm here talking to you.
So interesting, interesting day today.
I'm happy, I'm honored, I'm lucky to have you here
and thank you for your time.
And it's great to know more about you,
to share your life and your story.
So I'll begin with this nice first question.
Ilona, if your friends and the people who know you
best could describe your personality,
what would they say about you?
You know, there's an interesting thing that all my friends, I don't have many, but all of them
have the same opinion that I usually don't talk much. So I am the kind of person that likes to
listen more because in my view, only by listening to others, you can get some new information,
not by talking by yourself. Also, I hope they can say that I'm honest and supportive.
and maybe that is why I don't have many friends because I'm devoted to person
like quite a lot you know so that is why I have a selected circle.
I understand fully and completely so how was it moving from Ukraine to Dubai
since you keep your circle small were you able to make
new friends or it's mostly acquaintances
and just friends are those who are original circle of friends?
Actually, yeah, definitely I have many friends in Dubai.
It was that transition was, I can't say easy, but again, this is
experience for everyone, yeah, when you are changing your
country and even not country, sometimes you are just relocating to
another city and you're starting everything from scratch, yeah.
So, if that's a new country with totally another mentality and new language, that's like kind
of dramatic change.
But I'm happy actually to have friends here and some of them are Ukrainian because, you
know, during the war situation, a lot of Ukrainians came to Dubai as well.
Um, yeah, but, um, I am blessed actually, um, I think, uh, because I, I have a possibility to be
in a multinational environment and that's quite exciting because you can learn some other cultures,
mentalities, and, uh, to starting to think a little bit outside of the box because the
mentality we have, we used to think in, in some one specific way in terms of values,
in terms of understanding the life and people from other countries have a totally different perspective.
And it's always great to learn this.
I agree 100% and since you mentioned the war and the invasion in Ukraine,
can you share your story of that day?
How was your life on February 24th?
How did you hear the news of the invasion?
Did you believe it? Did you not believe it?
And how was the story of you deciding, choosing to move to go to Dubai?
Oh, this is a quite emotional question, I guess, for all the Ukrainians.
I relocated to Dubai two months before the war started.
So my relocation wasn't linked to the war.
I came here to work.
I was relocated inside my company from Ukrainian office to office in Dubai.
And I just was working here, and as you know, I have a son, and I decided to leave him in
Ukraine while I settled here in Dubai.
So by the time the war started on 24th of February, he was in Kiev with my mom.
So basically, this is how I got information that the war started, because actually,
They were woken up by bombing and of course my mom called me and told about this.
That was definitely the worst day in my life and I hope such things never repeat again.
And I'm praying every day that this situation and everything will end soon and we will rebuild
our country together.
I really know and hope and understand that you will, and all I can say is Slava Ukrainyi.
Hurray for Slava!
Thank you.
And how is it to be a mother in such a situation where there is a war and also a big change
of your life circumstances?
How do you try to educate your child in a way where it will not be so traumatic?
like, what are some lessons about motherhood that you can share with other women that your difficult
situation or the big change in your life and in Ukrainian country can be also a way for them to
learn about motherhood and being a mother who protects her kids and helps their emotional and
mental health? Oh, you know, I think that it is impossible to learn how to be a mother.
It's just a way of no mistakes.
And sometimes you do things in the right way, sometimes you don't because it's quite difficult
and no one is teaching us here how to be a good parent.
So you need to have a big control over yourself and your emotions in the first place.
Because when you're stressed, your kids are stressed.
So you as the parent have a big responsibility to keep your mental health on the first page.
You know, it's how it's happened in the airplanes during the turbulence, put a mask on yourself
first and then on the child.
So we as a parents, we have to work on our psychological state, I would say.
And of course, in these stressful times,
especially during the war,
when no one knows how to act
and you don't know what is the right thing to do
in this specific moment of time.
So when the war started,
I flew to Poland to take my son and mom at the border,
but it happened only in few days after it started.
So, of course, it was very stressful, and he was scared because they were traveling
by car from Kiev, then to central part of Ukraine, then from central Ukraine to Lviv,
and trying to catch some bus to go to the Polish border.
So, of course, it was stressful for my kid and for my mom as well.
in terms of how I teach him. So I just told that sometimes we face different situations
in life. Not all of them are good, and not all people are good, unfortunately. And we
need to accept this and to understand this in order to build our actions and life in
a more healthy way. Tristan, because he's only six years old now, so in November
he will turn seven. And now they he was his friends. They are they you know, they draw this
Ukrainian flags and some some symbolical as well. And they're supporting Ukraine very much.
Nonetheless, I must say that in terms of patriotism of my son, yeah,
He used to speak Russian. So he's speaking Russian language. He's trying now because I want him to
know Ukrainian. And he's studying now in a Ukrainian school, in Ukrainian language,
because this is the first grade. So I decided that it is important that from the beginning,
he will learn how to speak and how to write in Ukrainian, and then English as a second part of
Yeah, because of course I want him to study in Dubai in next periods, but yeah, I consider
that this is important to start with Ukrainian because you have to know your roots. Yeah,
and you have to have the native language as Ukrainian language.
I understand 100%. Thank you, Ilona, for doing all of that. And as a way to inspire
other women and to understand your productivity. You are in a new country and you are working in
business development which is hard and you're a partner in a creative agency. How do you manage
your time? How do you put time to take care of going to the gym, going for some fun so that
you don't burn out, to do all that work and to grow the creative agency and all that? How
is your advice for many people? Because some people often will say, if I do my job and I finish it,
I'm already too exhausted and tired, I cannot do anything else. So how do you manage all that?
I guess this is a question not of me wishing to do this, but maybe more a question of having
no other choice. Because being a parent, this is a big responsibility. Being a single mother,
this is even the biggest responsibility. I don't have any tips to be honest, so don't expect from
me any advices because of course we need to have some general knowledge regarding time management,
so there are different types of tasks. Some of them are high priority and urgent,
Some of them are high priority but not urgent, and another one is medium and low priority.
So you have to understand what is in this specific time period is more important and urgent to do.
So you just do it and then you're like solving your problems, let's say, and your tasks just
one by one. And that's it. Of course, about the burnouts, I guess everyone has them from
time to time, especially if you have stressful work. But like,
okay, nowadays, I guess everyone is stressful. So this is
important to keep yourself in a healthy internal condition
because it influence all your other life. And it is up to
each person how to do this. Yeah, someone goes to a
therapy. Someone is doing every day what they like, like in terms of hobby and it makes them
relaxed and inspiring. So we just need to learn how to switch off our brains sometimes
and to do what we get pleasure from, even small things. So me, for example, I found
out a few weeks ago the Pilates for me. It was my first experience and I must say
I like it very much. Sometimes I go at 7.30 a.m. Sometimes I go at late evening, so it depends on
my schedule. But this one hour of this activity, it gives me new strength, new energy, so I can be
refreshed and energized by this. I have a friend, she's fond of drawing pictures,
Not professionally, but just this is something she's enjoying and it gives her the pleasure
in life.
You can walk on the beach if you are in a seaside country or whenever in the park or anywhere.
So we just have to find what gives us pleasure.
This is different for each person and just to try to enjoy life despite of the work.
I understand fully and completely.
I love the experience, the insights and the wisdom. And so I will ask another thing that I'm really
interested to know your perspective about. Many girls and women are growing up now
in the age of social media and maybe also because of the pandemic and social distancing.
They did not spend a lot of time around many people. So they judge themselves because of
and they feel ugly, maybe they feel depressed, they don't feel beautiful, how do you manage that?
And what is your advice, especially for the younger girls who are almost addicted
to social media because that is their life, in order to build confidence and self-esteem,
even though some photoshopped women can look more beautiful than them,
and so the girls will look and think they're ugly?
This is a very interesting topic, because just recently we were discussing almost the
same with my friend, how social media impacts our lives and our self-esteem, as you said.
Really, I believe in the time of all this successful success, rich, big money, etc.
that people are translating in social media. But we have to understand where it comes from.
Because these girls that are using filters, I also use some filters when I post some picture
to my Instagram, for example, I add some color correction or something. I'm not using this face
applications or something because I don't want to change the way I look. But yeah,
so just to make a picture in a nice way. So I guess we all do this, but we have to understand
that what we see in Instagram, for example, this is not a real life. This is what people
want to show. Only a small percentage and it's mostly go to bloggers that are sharing their
daily life with all these failures and dramatic parts and successful parts. But all the rest,
we are not sharing. I mean, the regular people, not influencers. We are not sharing our difficulties
in Instagram. So when you have some problems, let's say, or just bad day in your life,
and you go to Instagram and you see this successful rich and crazy, beautiful girls,
and you start to compare yourself to them. This is the first wrong thing to do, because we all have
to understand that we all are special. So no other person in the world are there like you.
And you have to understand that, okay, she's beautiful. She's successful. That's good for
her. Okay, she's doing a great job, doing a great job. But you are great too, maybe in
way. Because, you know, in terms of comparison, this is, you know, the thing to fail from the
beginning, because when we will compare ourselves, we will find people who will have bigger eyes,
longer hair, more money in any position in life you would be. Yeah. So there is always someone
better in terms of some specific part. But we have to understand the complexity of each personality.
And the only thing that we have to compare, this is us in previous timings. If we grow
for ourselves, if we are becoming better, if we are developing, if we are studying and growing in
general understanding of this word, then you are doing a great job in your life. And we have to
also keep in mind that every person has its own path in life. So what is good for some other girl
doesn't mean that it is good for you. You have maybe another way in your life, another destiny.
So that's it, I guess. Yeah. So the most important feedback is trying not to compare
yourself to other people. And that's it. And know your worth.
I agree 100% and concerning and related to knowing your worth. I'm
curious, are you brave and doing so many active things because
you're a single mother and like you said, you have no choice?
Or what is your advice to many women who maybe worry about the
judgment of society? They worry if they follow their big dreams
and they fail, their parents will not love them anymore,
or they will be ashamed or anything like that.
So they stay in their comfort zone
and maybe do a job that they don't like,
but it's safe.
What's your advice for them
so that they will be able to do great things
in this world and take risks
and go after their big dreams to see what happens?
Because I want to know too, like, what's your advice?
And is it part of your nature to do this?
Or is it big motivation because you need to take care of your family and you are a single mother and all that?
This is a very difficult question because, yeah, we are all influenced by other people's opinion, unfortunately.
Even though some of us can say that, no, I don't care what others would think about me, this is not true 100%.
We can grow inside ourselves some strong points and to have this understanding that your life is your life and no one else will leave it for you.
So you have to take your own decisions and these decisions should be based on what feels good for you specifically.
Coming back to your first question in terms of coming out from the comfort zone and being afraid that parents won't support you or your friends won't support you.
Yes, it could be. We should face it that not always your parents or your friends or some other people in your circle would support you.
But this is normal and this is just the part of the transition. We won't be judged by others
only in one way, if we won't do anything. So do nothing and you won't be judged because
you will take no actions. But as soon as you take some actions, and especially if this is
concerning some dramatically changes in your life, for sure there will be people that won't
like it, that will tell stories about you. I'm sure the girls who
already had this in life, yeah, there's some big changes, they
all understand what I'm talking about. From my perspective, I
can say that there were a few decisions in my life when I
wasn't supported by my family and by mom in specific,
despite of the fact that we had and have very close
connection. But some of my actions she didn't like, and we
had quite a big fights. But it was difficult time, I must
admit, it is difficult morally because it is difficult,
because you are doing a big change in your life. So you
are actually afraid by yourself yet to do the sections. And
in other hand, you don't have any support from your closest
people. So this is a big challenge for your mental system as well. But I can say that the people that
love you, if they don't understand your actions right now, give them time. If you are sure that
this is something you want to do in life, at least you want to try because we can't be sure
in the future. We don't know beforehand that if we take this action, it will bring us success.
We don't know this beforehand, unfortunately,
but all we know that this is what we want to try.
This is something I want to step into
and find the courage inside yourself
and try these things
because the regret is the worst thing
we can have in our life,
especially when we grow older and looking back,
we understand that we lost so many opportunities
in our youth, like when we were from, let's say, 20 to 30, this is the biggest time in
terms of understanding ourselves, because below 20, we are only learning in this life.
We don't understand ourselves for 100%.
We don't know how this life works.
We don't know by which rules their life is going.
So we need to take some lessons from our actions as well. Maybe some of them, it will be a mistake,
but in mistakes, we can learn. In success, we cannot learn. We learn only in our mistakes.
Not in other people's. It doesn't work, unfortunately, when we see,
okay, my friend did this and it didn't work. Okay, I will learn this as a lesson.
unfortunately, it doesn't work this way. We are learning only
by our own actions. And this is normal. This is a part of the
life. We have up and downs, all of us. There is no such person
in the world that have only ups, no downs. This is a balance
of the universe. This is normal to have different
timings. But if you are sure that you want to try
something, just find courage inside yourself, and don't be
afraid of what other people would think about you, because
they will think about you something anyways. But at least
when you choose your path in this way, at least you would
know that you are doing the right thing in your life.
Thank you so much, Ilona. It was honestly my honor and my
It's been a privilege to interview you, to include you in this podcast.
I encourage and support your success.
I encourage and support the peace and victory in Ukraine.
And I wish you, your family, and your child the best of the best in the world.
Thank you very much.
Thank you, Aziz.
Much appreciated.
It was interesting questions and interesting conversation.
