Episode Transcript
Hello, my name is Aziz and I'm the son of a divorced mother.
She's really my superhero.
That's why it's important for me to support women to share their uniqueness, their personalities,
perspectives, and emotions about life.
Too many women in this world feel alone.
They worry about the judgment of others and they struggle with their mental health.
But when they listen to the Rare Girls podcast where empowered women share their voices
and tell their stories, many women will feel inspired to live a life of freedom and
to overcome all insecurities they will feel.
It is a safe space to find their confidence to remember their unique beauty and to feel
their self-worth, and they will connect with the sisterhood of rare girls who encourage
their success and support their dreams.
That's what this podcast is all about.
My guest today is Maryam Mir.
Maryam lives in Virginia, born and raised in the U.S.
Her parents are originally from Afghanistan.
Maryam has a degree in information systems
from George Mason University,
and she loves to travel to try new restaurants
and to spend her free time with her loved ones.
Maryam, how are you today?
Hi Aziz, thank you.
I'm great, how are you?
I feel blessed.
I feel positive.
I feel excited to know much more about you
as a person and as a woman.
So I'll begin with this nice first question, which is if your friends and
your loved ones could describe your personality, what would they say about you?
I think my friends would say that I'm a very caring, genuine, strong,
trustworthy, and dependable person.
I love that.
Let's begin with the word strong.
There are a lot of women nowadays who may be growing up, have been
criticized, bullied in school, parents who are critical, teachers, whatever it is, and
they grow up and they feel weak and they stay in their comfort zone because they worry
too much that they might make a mistake and so they limit their life and reality.
How does this compare to yourself describing yourself as strong and what's your advice
to those women?
Sure.
You know, life tests you, right?
and you're put in difficult situations
and it's really about your mindset
and how you're able to overcome things.
There's been instances in my life and growing up
where I've been placed in situations
that have been difficult.
And I think that I would say I agree with my friends
or anyone who would describe me as strong
is because I have been able to overcome
those difficulties by always having a positive mindset.
I think it's really important to be able to always think of positivity in the situations.
And it's not always easy, right, when you are in those difficult situations.
But be able to always know that you know what, things will get better.
Things are going to get better.
And just to really have that drive to keep pushing through and reaching your goal.
I think that is that it all starts with your mindset.
I agree 100%. That's very, very wise and very, very useful, very, very much. Thank you for that.
And you said that you keep pushing and you keep your drive even when there is difficulty and
obstacles for you to overcome, which is great. Some women say that that is too much masculine
energy within their body, that they will feel exhausted, that they feel it's too much of a
burden, they would like support within that way. So for you, how do you stay an ambitious
woman who is driven and pushing towards her goal, but at the same time, take care of balancing
your feminine energy, if that's relevant to you, or how do you perceive this?
Well, honestly, sometimes I believe that you have no choice but to be strong. And
by that, I mean that you're placed in situations that either you can overcome
them and become successful or you can stay in your comfort zone and kind of soak it in
and you know, think that I need to depend on others or you know, I can't do this and
then you're kind of stuck in where you are, you know, like I've been placed in different
situations that I've had to come to make that decision. I've always been, I'm going
to give you an example. I've always been somebody who growing up, I felt like I really
of relied on my family and I still do but I grew up from that sense and thinking that you know what
I have my family they're there but I don't rely on them in terms of I know that I can be on my
own and I can make it on my own and achieve my goals but yeah my family will be there
if I need them or if I need that extra support right that balance but if I want to achieve
that goal or if I want to get where I want to be I can do that on my own I just need to push
100%. And you said that your friends will describe you as someone who's dependable,
someone who's genuine to you when you meet new people. Maybe, you know, there are some women
and girls who are moving somewhere, maybe even move into Dubai, and they will go away from those
friends they had for a long, long time to make new friends and meet new people. What do
person, someone who is genuine, and someone who is true, or the red flags that lets you know,
this person may be charismatic, but they're actually full of red flags, and they will
probably change like a chameleon in the end. How do you perceive this? What's your experience
and perspective? Yeah, sure. To me, being an honest person is everything. And by honest,
I mean somebody who's real, you know,
somebody who's going to sit with you
and have those real raw conversations,
not this superficial, you know,
kind of not what they're gonna,
you know, what you want to hear.
It's more like, I wanna know what the real you is,
right, and I'm very good at being able to kind of tell
if someone is genuine and honest,
or if someone is kind of just putting up that act,
that's superficial or, you know, and again, to some level of
degree, I'm not I'm not judging anyone. But for me, I wouldn't
want to connect with that person that I don't feel that
they're being honest. And I'm usually very good at being able
to tell if somebody is or somebody's not, but it really
stems with, you know, their character. And you know, what
you're kind of talking about, if I'm sitting with
somebody new, and if I have I'm introduced to them, and
know, if we're going to sit there and we're going to talk about, you know, Hey, yeah,
you know, my goal for this next year is X, Y, Z, or, you know, this is what I want to
do. Or versus that person to sit here and say, Oh my gosh, you know, X, Y, Z about
this, some person I'm going to know immediately. Okay. What kind of person they are, their
character in a way. And if that is somebody, do I want to connect with somebody on that
level when they're worried about superficial level of things versus somebody who is real,
raw, open, good and bad with me.
I love that. That's absolutely very, very true.
And it makes me think some women suffer from being people pleasers where they think truth hurts.
If I say to someone what I really think or if I don't want to do something and I say no,
I might hurt them and they sacrifice their own integrity and themselves for
the temporary appeasement of some other people.
One, how do you dare, if we might say,
because there's some women that might feel daring
to say no and set boundaries.
And what's your perspective or advice to those women
so that they show their true selves?
Because in my own experience and perspective,
when you show your real self,
it's actually perfect because the wrong people
will go away and the right people, they will love it.
And therefore you save time
and you'll be filling your universe with the right people
rather than with random people.
But again, about women, people pleasing
and how that can make them compromise
their integrity and character
because they want to protect another person's emotions
and feelings.
I think it's very important
to always push yourself first in life.
Set your boundaries.
You have to sit and think, what's best for me?
And that doesn't mean that you have to completely
not care about someone else's feelings.
no. But you can keep in mind that what I'm going to say or the decisions I'm going to make,
I'm going to think of myself first and I can keep in mind that person's feelings or their thoughts
and kind of do a combined choice together versus just, you know what, I'm going to try to please
somebody else. That's not right. And if that person is good for you or somebody that you
should have in your life, they're going to want you to put yourself first. I think that's
for both relationships?
I agree with that.
And to ask you, you studied information systems.
Usually that is a field that is very, very logical
where to some women who might need and crave variety
and emotions that might make them feel
like they're not feeling fully alive when doing that.
How did you balance the potential and possibility
and how do you do it in your day-to-day life
where you can progress on your goals,
do things that could be logical or more robotic in a sense,
and at the same time do creative things
that are more chaotic and emotional if you do need that.
Yeah, so I definitely, I studied in information systems
and I currently work in the cybersecurity field
so it is very logical, typical field of IT.
And, um, I think the way that I'm able to really balance, um, life in terms of emotions
and setting my goals is I really have in my mind, I have it limited that, you know what,
I'm doing this from this time to this time after this, you know, 4 p.m. or whatever.
It's me time now.
Now it's time to focus on Miriam.
What that, what that, that means that, you know, treating myself in whichever way
that means spending time with whoever going out,
because I work from home.
So getting out of the house, getting a change of scenery
and what really helps me though to kind of,
I guess you can say detox or unwind from all of it
is kind of looking forward to my next trip.
I love to always travel and I keep that in mind
that I have something booked at a certain time
so that I'm always able to relay back on that.
well, you know why you have this coming up.
So it's something to look forward to, something to plan to.
So that is something that is a key point
that helps, I guess, push me through.
Tell me more about that.
What does travel give you?
Is it that you go have new experiences,
fill yourself with new emotions, feel excited,
and it's like a break from routine and monotony?
Is it something else that you are curious about cultures?
You imagine yourself, maybe when you go to Egypt,
pharaonic ruler or princess, you go to Rome and you imagine yourself a female
Caesar, you go to London, you imagine yourself the Queen, and all those
alternate universes titillate your imagination? Or what about it? Is it the
food, since you love restaurants and etc., maybe you love to eat a lot, all
kinds of different food and seduce your palate with it? Or what about travel
enchants you so much.
Some things that you said, but most importantly, I think because
through traveling, we learn about different cultures, you know,
different cuisines, you're interacting with different people of the backgrounds,
the way they were raised and kind of become in tune with all of that.
It's so intriguing to me, you know, and I think I also do love to travel
to historic places that have meanings.
I'll be honest with you, I went to Turkey, but the main reason why I went to Turkey was
because I was always so fascinated by the Ottoman Empire and things of that sort.
So that's why I went to Turkey.
And I feel like most people wouldn't go to Turkey only for that reason.
That's not the only reason I went, but the main reason I went was because of that.
So it's a mix of the cuisine, the background, the culture, the history, and really being
able to, you know, relive those moments regarding that their
historic places and it's really, I think, makes you wiser in a
way, you know, because you're learning about these different
moments of time and people of different backgrounds. And, you
know, you get to reflect and think of where you are today
and where they were. And I think that's really beautiful.
I love that. And then you said earlier that to the right
people, you love to have deep conversations. You spoke now about going to places that have
meaning that let you reflect on and meditate on different time periods, different situations
so that you feel wise. So is it in many ways that wisdom is something that you chase
or crave, but in a positive way that it's a very important part of your life? And
if so, what does it give you? And do you notice that there are many people today
appreciate wisdom? Is it rare? Tell me more about this. How does wisdom play a
part in your personality and perspective and the way that you operate in the
world? Yeah, definitely. I believe through traveling we become wiser, right?
Because we are, you know, stepping out of your normal day-to-day situations
and it's causing you to adapt to, you know, the new environments. And I
I do believe that when you do successfully adapt to these new changes in life, whatever
they may be, but those are the key foundations of success, of being able to adapt and then
implementing those changes and having that positive mindset, I feel like those are all
matters that are really going to help push you through and get that next level of life,
whatever that may be.
and traveling the world definitely opens up your eyes
and shows you that there is so much more
than just your perception of what your daily life is.
And I think that's so beautiful and amazing.
And I'm lucky that I'm able to be able to experience that.
Thank you.
So if I understood you correctly,
your biggest pursuit in life,
like there is a pursuit of happiness to you,
it's of growth.
And that wisdom is in many ways the ladder or the tool,
the way that you find the next opportunity for your growth.
Is this correct?
Yes, correct.
I can resonate with that because to me,
if I'm not growing at least 1% every day,
I feel like I'm dying.
I feel suffocated.
I remember at one point,
if I was like so busy during the day
and it's sleep time,
I will refuse to sleep and I'll like learn something,
read a book, check a webinar, whatever for 30 minutes.
And then I'm like, oh yes, I learned something new.
Now finally I can sleep so that I don't feel
the day is wasted. Do you operate in this way or how does it work for you? I definitely do. I
definitely do resonate with that and I feel like, like you said, if I'm not learning something new
from my travels, from my daily life, if I'm not able to, you know, implement, you know, a lesson
learned or that growth, then I feel like, okay, I didn't do my part today and, you know,
that can be from something simple as having that real conversation with a friend and, you know,
learning something from that aspect,
from anything, honestly,
but I feel like it is so important
that I crave wanting to have that, you know,
knowledge or growth or wisdom.
And that's really important to me.
I agree.
And I'm very surprised you didn't mention
that you love journaling or something,
because it will be a best fit for your personality.
And I'll speak about,
you said before you felt very attached to your family
that maybe you wouldn't be able to operate in this world
with some distance from them.
And you began building your own sovereignty
and independence.
You grew up in a family that has a culture,
which is the culture of Afghanistan.
And you are born and raised in the U.S.
where the culture is in many ways very different,
very strange, very culture shocky compared to Afghanistan.
How was it for you?
My imagination, based on what we said so far, is you're the kind
who doesn't really believe in being stuck in one place or one
culture, but you pick, like Bruce Lee, the best, and
Sheri picked the best from all cultures, all places to build
your own unique and eclectic kind of culture and
perspective. But in many ways, how was it growing up in
an Afghani household surrounded by American people outside the
Oh, it was very different. Being Afghan and connecting to my culture, it's really important
to me. And, you know, growing up and even now at home, I tried to only speak Farsi.
And I feel like it's important to be able to connect and speak my native language.
But on that topic, actually, Farsi is my first language, not English, even though
was born and raised here. And it's hilarious because I went to my first day of school, kindergarten,
and I did not know a word of English. I just knew what my name was and my house address.
And it's almost, that's unheard of, I think, to hear because I was born and raised in
America, but I showed up to first day school. I didn't know a word of English. And that
just says, because my household was just, it felt like I was an Afghanistan inside
my house. And then outside of my house, it was like America. So as a child, all I knew
was Farsi and, you know, it was very Afghan. And then it was like, I showed up to school
and I didn't even know how to speak English. And I think it's hilarious. But growing
up, definitely, my mom always would focus on cooking mainly Afghan dishes. Me and
my sisters would help her out. We would really put importance on our holidays,
um you know not only on the Islamic holiday Eid but on our other holidays such as Nawroz which is
new years um it's afghan new years and so these are very important things that we still you know
do and take you know pride in because it's our way to keep that contact with our culture and
feel like we're keeping that alive here in the U.S. I love that and one of the participants
in this project is human rights activist from Afghanistan who supports the rights of women
to education there and she writes poetry and books and is under death threats for all the
work she does but she doesn't stop. So this project supports very very much the freedom,
choice and rights of all women in the world including and not limited to any part of
Afghanistan, etc. So I understand it fully and completely. And to ask you a bit more,
out of all the travels that you have traveled, you said that you were, for example, fascinated
with the Ottoman Empire. What about it was something that fascinated you? Is it maybe
a bit more related to the people and those decisions that they could have made that were
very, very difficult? Is it that they have different cultures and traditions? Is it the
fashion and the outfits? Is it just looking back in time and feeling not like a small
grain of sand in this universe, but part of a big, big culture? Or how does it work
for you?
Yeah, sure. I think I was definitely fascinated in different aspects about the different
mix of cultures and all these different regions that at one point were under the
rule right from you know like places like Algeria to Egypt to all of these
countries at one point were under the Ottoman rule but you know what
fascinates me the most is how like a single decision that you know that
Sultan you can say at that time made could affect you know be such a huge
thing that it could affect so many different regions and different people
of cultures and how they were so very tolerant
of the regions that they conquered,
like they never oppressed anybody in terms of religion
and allowing them to practice their religions.
They never forced anyone to convert
and they were very welcoming
in terms of conquering their lands,
but never really, I guess, really oppressing the people.
And that to me resonates a lot
and just the significance of their power at one point
and how they were faced with making difficult decisions
and how I think at one point they were, you know,
one of the strongest empires in the world.
And that to me is really amazing.
Thank you.
I noticed that you said you're a strong person,
that you appreciate people with character,
which is a form of personality strength.
And now you spoke about like how one decision
by a sultan could impact a whole big range
of parts of the world.
So I believe that power is in some ways interesting
for you, fascinating, even worth studying
and delving deeper into.
So you as someone who loves growth,
you as someone who appreciates the possibility
of having potential and creating it
and turning it into reality,
How does power fit within that?
Are you interested and fascinated by the brains
and the attitudes of powerful people?
Is it more for yourself?
You want to develop your personal power
like Tony Robbins so that you will develop yourself
and your own personal improvement?
Or what is that?
Because I want to see the connection
between your desire for growth
because a lot of people who are into self-improvement
and desire growth, see power as a dirty word,
but to you it's something fascinating.
So how does that operate?
Well, I think that it stems from really, you know,
being able to have that mindset of,
it's important for me to be a strong independent woman,
right, that's very important to me.
And I think it's because my mom always taught me
to be a strong independent woman,
to never rely off anyone.
And so I think I was, always had this mentality
since I was a child and then, you know, growing up,
I just, again, really put emphasis on being a strong, independent woman.
Now, what does that mean to me?
That means somebody who, you know, doesn't have to rely on anybody, somebody who is
learning new things, somebody who is growing, somebody who's achieving their goals, somebody
who, you know, if I put my mind to something and it may be difficult and, you know,
I'm going to be uncomfortable, but I'm going to push myself to do what I can.
And so, but I think that is instilled
because of how I was raised, that mentality.
And I think that is what kind of pushed that fascination
with the self-growth and hey, you know what?
You really can do anything you put your mind to it.
I know it sounds so cliche,
but I've experienced that in different situations
where I felt when I was younger,
maybe I doubted myself,
but there came a time when I,
You know, sometimes I feel like I give myself pep talks where I tell myself, you know what,
Miriam, you can do this and, you know, push it through.
And I've seen that, you know what, it really is mentality.
And I have been able to achieve those goals and push through.
But, you know, it's definitely something that was, I guess, instilled and really,
since I was a child, my mom always kind of pushed it down, like, hey, guys,
you have to be the strong independent woman.
And, you know, she was one and she was the role model.
I thank and salute your mom. And since you spoke about pep talks to end this,
is there any pep talk or advice you can give to women who might feel stuck in their comfort zone
and maybe their brain ruminates a lot on worries, on anxieties, and therefore they don't dare
to live up to their potential, go for their next step on their evolution and growth,
and they feel that they're stagnating,
what would you tell them that if someone in the right place
and in the right time hears,
they might be impacted positively?
Yeah, I think it's really important
to put yourself first.
And by that, I mean, you know,
having your boundaries in life,
having your goals in life
and knowing what's important to you
and prioritizing yourself.
It all comes from within.
If you don't put yourself first, nobody else will.
And when you put yourself first,
everything else will fall into place.
The right people will come into your life.
You will be able to go after the career
or that goal that you want when you push yourself first.
When you tell yourself that, you know what?
I can put my mind to whatever it is and I can do it,
you can, but if you have this mentality
where you are doubting yourself,
that's not gonna help you.
You need to be positive and really believing
That you know why you can achieve your goals and you know, you can get there and you know, just just to tell yourself that you know what this discomfort or you know, this difficulty in my life, whatever I'm going through, this is just temporarily.
This is just part of my journey and I will get through it.
But the most important thing is I need to push through and know that I will get to my end goal.
I love that. Thank you so much, Maryam. It was my privilege and my honor to have you in this
podcast, to share your voice, your experience, a slice of your life and experience. And thank
you again for participating. Thank you so much for this opportunity.
Thank you for all the work that you do.
