Episode Transcript
Hello, my name is Aziz and I'm the son of a divorced mother. She is really my superhero. That's why it's important for me to support women, to share their uniqueness, their personalities, perspectives, and emotions about life. Too many women in this world, feel alone. They worry about the judgment of others and they struggle with their mental health, but when they listen to the Rare Girls podcast where empowered women share their voices and tell their stories, many women will feel inspired to live a life of freedom and to overcome. insecurities they will feel. It is a safe space to find their confidence, to remember their unique beauty and to feel their self-worth, and they will connect with the sisterhood of rare girls who encourage their success and support their dreams. That's what this podcast is all about. My guest today is Agnes Ntafya. Agnes is the first born in her family with three siblings she lives in Dar Esalem, Tanzania. Agnes loves doing makeup, hanging out with friends, going to cafes. She is also a plus-sized girl who loves her skin. Recently graduated university with a bachelor's degree in finance. She is currently doing her internship. Agnes, how are you today? Hello Aziz, I'm fine. I'm happy to have you here. I feel excited to know much more about you and I'll begin with this nice first question which is, Agnes, if your friends and the people who know you best could describe your personality, what would they say about you? I think my friends will describe me as funny. I'm also too nice. I'm also indecisive, if that sounds. It does. And I'll ask you much more about that. But let's begin with too nice. Does that mean that you feel you have people pleaser tendencies, that you find it hard to say no to people, that you tend to say yes and even sometimes sacrifice a bit yourself or others or what do you mean with too nice? I have this tendency of people pleasing that I'm currently trying to deal with and stop it because it's not nice. I understand. And let's say you are in a situation where you are dealing with the people pleasing tendency. Why does it happen? Is it because you don't want to give other people bad emotions? Is it because you don't want to hurt them? do feel they'll judge you, what is behind it? I usually just feel bad saying no. I feel like I'll hurt the other person's feelings and that's the last thing I want to do. So I usually end up saying yes, but that also hurts me. So on the other side, it's also not good for me. I understand. And how are you working on this? Did you find something that helps anything that is working for you? Well, I have a friend that's very strong-minded and she's really a part of me trying to teach me how to say no. She's really trying to change me. So I'm really thankful for her first. I'm really thankful for her because she's really trying to show me that I can say no and it doesn't have to make me feel hurt about someone else's feelings. Like I'm not responsible for someone else's feelings. So she's really a part of trying to teach me and me not pleasing people and trying to say no. I understand she's a very good friend and I encourage the transformation she's helping you with. And you said that you are undecided. First, is this related to worrying too much overthinking or is it just that you feel there are so many great options? You're like, "There are so many good things. I want everything I can decide." Or how does that work? Okay, my indecisiveness is that I feel like there's so many... Most of the times, the scenarios are there are so many options that get confused on what to pick. Okay, let's say maybe we might go to a restaurant and there is a menu that I have to pick from to pick something from food, let's say. but then I would really have a hard time picking out what everything I want to pick. This one I take, cocktail, I want to take juice, so I am really indecisive. And I actually end up making the wrong choices. I'm going to a restaurant and like I would run this, I want this, I want this, and the next day I'll take out, make a choice, but it would end up not being a nice choice. I understand. And you being indecisive, does it mean that you enjoy being around decisive people, so you don't need to decide or worry about that, or how does that dynamic work? I love being around people who are decisive. That helps me a lot. It saves me. Great. And to know even more about you as a woman from Tanzania, maybe some people have never visited. They don't know the difference between women within the different countries that are near Tanzania and Tanzania itself. How would you describe yourself as a Tanzanian woman? What kinds of attitudes? What kinds of thoughts? What kinds of rights? What kinds of lives do they usually lead? Most people describe Tanzanians as too nice. People say that we are too nice. And like I would say that's true because you would find you greet someone and they would respond like very nicely back. I don't know about you guys there, but Transylvania people are very nice and I would say I'm nice. And Transylvania women are nice and our culture is also nice. It's a beautiful place to visit. I agree 100% and I know that you are a woman who is into body positivity. You enjoy being plus size, you're proud of it, you're happy and feeling beautiful with it. I want to understand too, Is it also because you are lucky to be in Africa, which could be more celebrated than other parts of the world? Or is it in general that you found a way for you to find your confidence in every way that you are, love yourself in every way you are? Or how is that for you? Honestly, I can say I found it myself. I don't think being a plus size is being celebrated in Africa. from my experience, my own parents, body shame me. They do not like the way I look. Sometimes I feel like they are ashamed of me. People seeing them, seeing me with them. And this is why it told me like so many times, "This is the way, it should not look good. No one is going to marry you." But then it reached a point of like, "I don't want this to get to my head and you're not going to to get to my head because okay you're gonna you're gonna fat shame me and then what I'm gonna cry and then what am I gonna get thin overnight no okay I'm losing the weight I'm working out within on the process of it am I is my life going to be miserable am I gonna wear boring clothes just because you told me I look ugly no so I think it's me it's from within me I decided like I'm gonna do this. I'm gonna be pretty, I'm gonna wear nice clothes, I'm gonna go out, whatever you guys say, I'm gonna do it. So I feel like every woman should do that too. Whether you're a man, you're a woman, if you're a pla-size, yeah sure, the people who hate, hate on pla-size, they say a lot on pla-sizes, you need to, you're not healthy, you know that, but then you're not me. I might be healthy than the skinny person. So I don't think it's right for you to judge a person based on their size or to judge to judge someone's beauty based on their size. I don't think that's right. And I took it upon myself that I am beautiful. I am pretty. I am gorgeous. No matter what anyone says, they're not going to get to my head. Yeah. I love that attitude. I encourage it very much. A lot of women need it. So I'll ask you even more. There are many teenage girls and women in their early 20s who are comparing themselves constantly to women in Instagram, women who are photoshopped, or even now they'll be generated by artificial intelligence and they feel ugly. They don't see their unique beauty. What's your advice to them? how can they overcome that and find that confidence from within themselves? Well, I would advise anyone, women and everyone, not to take social media seriously. Let's say I might post, maybe I'm in a nice restaurant, and you might say, "Ha, Agnes is in a nice restaurant. She's in a five-star hotel. She's enjoying her life, but you really don't know how it got there, right? You don't know how it got there, you don't know what I've been through to get there, you don't know what transport that I used to get there. So like people should not trust social media, that's a place for fun and relaxation and if you take social media seriously it's gonna get to your head and you're gonna not feel beautiful, you're gonna not feel successful, you're gonna feel a lot of insecurities and people say this every day like do not trust social media. Do not compare yourself to anyone on social media. Just do you and everything's gonna be all right. Perfectly said. That's absolutely great. And you mentioned before that you don't want to wear boring clothes. Can you speak a bit about how much fashion is an important part of expressing your personality and your life? What does it add to you? How did you find your style? Maybe there are even teenage girls who are looking to find their fashion sense and maybe they can get some advice from you. Okay, funny story. I never used to wear trousers. Trousers, skinny jeans. I always used to dress up on dresses. And I know people are going to ask why, why? That's from my, I don't know if I can say this, but my parents are very toxic. My dad, I once wore a trouser around 2015. That was the last time that I stopped wearing trousers. And my dad was like, I was going out with him to run some errands and he was like, "Where are you going wearing a trouser? You look like that. You know your size is like, and you know your size, your big girl. Why are you wearing a trouser? Go change it." So that made me very insecure, honestly. Like, so I never, never, never used to wear trousers again. Until after uni, after finishing university, well, during university, my friends used to tell me like, wear trousers, why not wearing trousers? I'm like, no, I'm uncomfortable, my thighs and all that. But then the, and I used to wear very boring clothes. Like, why would my food go out for swimming? My friends would wear swimsuits, would be kinnies and I would wear maybe a boxer and a vest. And I used to wear very, my style was very boring. So after finishing university, I was also, I was still in the journey of self-love and self-confidence. And this goes back to like, it doesn't, you don't just sleep and wake up in your confidence. You don't just sleep and wake up and you love yourself. This was a journey, it took a while honestly. So after university, that's when I was like, why am I being boring? Why am I wearing boring clothes? Like, who am I doing it for? OK, my dad told me like I don't look good. But when I when I wear something nice, people tell me I look good. Why would I base my dad's opinion on my body? So after university, I started dressing up. I started wearing trousers. I started going to the beach. I started going to swimming or a bikini. And honestly, I would say that I felt really good about myself. And I found my style too, like I can wear this and look good. I can wear miniscule and look good regardless of how my thighs look like, regardless of how I look. And people would still tell me that I look pretty. And I would look in the mirror and be like, why was I wearing dresses? Why was I being boring all this time? And I really regretted it. And I was like, when I was in uni, like I had the chance to dress good, but I was wearing boring clothes. Why didn't I do it earlier? So I would go back to advise other girls that are like me or went through something like me that they should not waste their time and dress up good and feel good about themselves. Like, you know, life is short. So if you start being insecure and thinking what are people going to say, even if people judge you, they'll judge you for one second, but after you turn around, they'll actually forget what they just saw. So I think people should just live their life and be happy and follow their style. Those are very, very wise words. Thank you, Agnes. And as a woman who studied finance, and you seem to crave new emotions and excitement, and you don't want to be bored, for some people, finance might be boring. How do you deal with that? Do you have like a Gemini personality where you're bored at work, but then you make sure you have exciting weekends and after work periods of time, how do you go about it? And I remember I interviewed a woman from West Africa and she said she lived in Tanzania before as well. And she said actually in West Africa, they party much more than people in Tanzania. I don't know what's your perspective on that. I guess, to Z advanced level education, secondary high school, let's say high school. I studied with half high school and I studied with her at university and we lived together during uni and I'm really lucky that I'm working with her here. So during, I mean on Fridays which I go out on Fridays and have cocktails. I wouldn't say I'm a pretty girl, like I do like pretty but not most of the time. So like We'll just go to town places and have cocktails in the evening, and in the morning, we'll go on Fridays, in the morning, we'll go to different, we try different cafes every Friday. And that's something fun that we do, that we do. So I really look up to Fridays, even if work is boring and exhausting. I really look up to Fridays, due to the activities that we have. I'm happy for you. And it makes me think, since you have dealt with people pleasing, with confidence, et cetera, and you spoke about how sometimes families can be toxic, there are women who maybe are living up to families' expectations, doing work they don't love, but their family expected living life based on someone else's term. And they feel stuck. And they worry if I take a risk and do what I love, but then I fail. And my family will say, I told you so, you were wrong. and other people will judge them and all that, but that makes them not live to their potential. Do you have any advice for yourself and for those women so that they dare to go out of their comfort zone and reach their potential fully? I would advise myself, even others, that they should not care what their parents say, what their illness say, what their guardians say, or what they have on them. Because they have lived their life. they have lived their life. Why can't you two? Why do they? Okay, I would really advise people to live their lives, especially girls, and not follow their parents' expectations. Okay, for example, let's say me. My parents expect me to, I'm a first, I'm a firstborn. I'm a firstborn, so they kind of depend on me to be like this pillar for my siblings, like I have to do the most, I have to be the best, and I can't mess up in between, I have to be the best. And that's really a toil for me, it's like a bag, a baggage that have to carry, which I don't think that's right. I didn't ask to be a firstborn, And I don't think it's right for parents to buy their first bonds with all that, all those responsibilities, all those, all that expectations to be perfect. So I would advise girls to just be them and live their lives. And do not, if you want to be a painter, be a painter, girl, you want to be, you want to sing, go sing, you want to be a model, be a model, because your parents have believed their life. They're not going to be you. You're going to get old and you're going to regret why you didn't do what you wanted to do. Yeah. Thank you so much, Agnes. It was my privilege and my honor to have you in this podcast to share your voice, experience, and wisdom. I wish you all the happiness, success in your internship, and glory in your life and all your dreams to come true. Thank you so much, Azbirz. I had so much fun talking to you too and we brought up some emotions that went inside that we want to bring them up but I'm glad that I really had to talk to you. You are welcome.
