Episode Transcript
Hello, my name is Aziz and I'm the son of a divorced mother. She is really my superhero. That's why it's important for me to support women, to share their uniqueness, their personalities, perspectives, and emotions about life. Too many women in this world feel alone. They worry about the judgment of others and they struggle with their mental health but when they listen to the Rare Girls podcast where empowered women share their voices and tell their stories, many women will feel inspired to live a life of freedom and to overcome all insecurities. They will feel it is a safe space to find their confidence to remember their unique beauty and to feel their self worth and they will connect with the sisterhood of rare girls who encourage their success and support their dreams. That's what this podcast is all about. My guest today is Lilia Jiamzian. Lilia is a digital marketing enthusiast and currently getting her master's degree in international marketing and management. Lilia lives in the lovely country of Lithuania, Vilnius city, but originally she is Ukrainian. She is a gym addict and planning to open her sports studio in the future. Lily, how are you today? Hello, hello, I'm really nice to meet a superhero as you were introduced. I'm fine, thank you. I'm honored, lucky, happy to have you here, looking forward to know much more. And I'll begin with this nice first question, which is, Lily, if your friends could describe your personality, what would they say about you? Well, so what can I say? I guess all of the people, not only my friends, but in a workspace as well, what they notice that they say that I'm connecting, I'm like people connector in a way. So I can say that it includes friendliness, open-mindedness, and communicative. So that's how my people introduce me when they see me in a circle of people. Thank you. Can you tell me a bit more about that? How did you discover the importance of being a connector? What does that mean to you? Tell me more about that. Well, I guess in the current business world, and not only business world, it's super important to have networking processes all around you. So if you know someone, it wouldn't be a problem to keep the person in mind, like see the value in the person and know that she or he, they always have this value that can be useful to other people and that the world is being run by people. So we need to connect people, like it just helps in the world. So basically, how to teach people, you have to be open. You shouldn't be restricted with your narrow mind or some stereotypes that people sometimes tend to fall in. Now, I guess because of a lot of political things going on, some people just put this cliche on nationality, some origins, and that's why they lose a lot of opportunities. So that's sad. And that's why I'm speaking about being opened and don't follow the stereotypes, as well as you have to be brave at some point as well. Because if you see the great person, you can just be fascinated in the back of your mind and stay silent, or you can use this opportunity. So that's also about this connectivity, you have to be brave to connect proper people with proper people. And I guess my dad here, he's huge example for me, because I always like since I'm very little kid, I've been observing how he communicates to people and doesn't matter like if the person doesn't look so good or doesn't talk that good. He always stayed kind to them. And that's how I realized that it's really cool to be able to communicate with anyone in this world. Again, doesn't matter what you think of the person, you still have to be a good person for yourself first of all. And if you follow these principles, you would be a good connector. That's what I think. Thank you. That's great. And when you meet people in order to keep them in the back of your mind, what are you looking for in order to know which people to connect with which? Is it their energy and you look for similar energy? Is it backgrounds? Is it needs? You think, oh, this person will be useful to help this person with their goals? Like how does it work for you? Do you go for the vibe and chemistry and you're like, I love this person. And I think someone else with a similar vibe will love them or someone with a bad vibe or like I don't care as long as they will be a good connection within the network or how does it work? Well, it really depends. It really depends because it can be as I mentioned before business world, then you care a little bit less about the vibe. But still, if it's creative side of the business then you care about vibe a lot. It's very individual, it's really individual. It's also depends on your ability to fill people because sometimes you can think, okay, great. Like this person needs designer, I know designer, I will connect them. But if you just feel that they will not get along well because one person is super energetic and another one likes to follow with the flow and have everything smooth, like you can't connect them. So I guess a lot of factors pose like conscious subconscious just match and I can't say that a talent is just more about the feeling because obvious things are easier to be noticed for example okay this person needs this another needs this so I connect them so I guess it's more about the feeling and your observation of a lot of factors characteristics that this person has. Thank you so much about this and I want to know more Are you more of a girl who is creative? Are you serious and logical? How does it work? Because you speak a lot about business, which requires a lot of logic, a lot of seriousness, but connecting people needs a level of soft kind of warmth that is more creative and therefore it's more artistic than process oriented. Well, I guess I'm still combining that both logic and creativeness. I'm more on the strategic side of the business, not gonna lie, not like financial part, but still the strategy. I'm obsessed with strategies, with the plans, but you can't plan if you're not creative. You can't have your plan B, your another extra plan if you are just, you have just a tunnel vision. So it's necessary to combine. I guess you will not survive in this world, you will not be properly successful like you will not reach your goals if you only follow the creative side or only this analytical side. You have to learn to combine and you will get this golden middle with the results. Thank you. And to ask more about you as a person in a way or even better even before we go there. Imagine there are Ukrainian girls or any girls who are moving to live in a new place and you as a connector? Well, they don't have many friends, maybe their situation, it doesn't put them in contact with a diverse group of people and they want to have friends from different parts to feel they have a new home. What will be the strategy that you use in order to begin building a new network and a new place from zero? Well, you gave me a very nice question because I have a solution because that already was a reality one year ago when I moved to Brussels and I was experiencing that I didn't have any connectors, I didn't have anyone. So what I thought would be nice is to create a little event. For example, it's pretty popular around girls to have some art evenings when they just gather and they draw. So if I would be in Belgium by that moment already as a connector, what would I do if I see my friend who is coming without any friends? I will invite her on such event evening where different people who I know like it's possible to announce this event in university groups or just in chats of neighbors because that's the most common like chats of dormitories where people are pretty active. So you invite these people, you prepare everything to draw, or you can do whatever, like create candles, what we also were doing. Yeah, candles, art. We were also creating like mind maps and maps of wishes. So that's a really good way to see the person. And that's a really good way to match because if you will see that, okay, she's drawing something that I really like, you approach this person. So that really worked. I still have connections from there, because I met really nice friends on such events. And I guess that's the best solution because it's not something that okay, we're going to drink some coffee with three people and you need to talk to them. It's more smooth and you are not forced. If you want to talk, you talk so you feel comfortable to open up. Thank you. And now about you as a person, how do you spend your day there in Lithuania, how do you take care of yourself so you don't burn out? How do you take care of your feminine side, your creative side, your body? Just like walk us through because maybe some people imagine you are working nonstop like a workaholic, maybe you are, but or maybe it's the opposite that you have a balance and then it can help other women who maybe think, how should I structure my day? Maybe you can be an inspiration for that. Well, I'm a very bad example in this regard in terms of if people don't want to burn out, they shouldn't listen because now my life is pretty intense. So what I usually follow through the week is I wake up, I have like 15 minutes to reflect on my thoughts, on my first thoughts during my waking up that's something I always follow because without that my day can't be started. Then I get ready myself to the gym. I go to the gym and it's very important to mention that I don't use my phone during like this first let's say 30 minutes. In perfect scenario like one hour after you're waking up you shouldn't use your phone but doesn't happen that often. So at least 15-30 minutes without the phone to wake up, it just to have mind naturally woken up. So I go to the gym, I have my workout, that's about till 9 in the morning, then I go to my work. I'm currently working online so it's easier for me. So I work from let's say 10 to 5, then I get ready and I I go to my university and my university starts at six. So from six till 10, I have my university. Then I'm coming back home. And most of the times I'm just doing a little stretch 'cause the day been all on the place. I also have this must have routine of day of a self reflection. That's something that I'm doing for, I guess, five years or more, just I have my little dairy where I put down something or I also recently bought some books on that. So they already have some prepared questions for you and you are kind of motivated to feel that. So to put it shortly, yeah, that's my day. Not that interesting, not that full of something bright, but it's not always like that. Sometimes I don't have lectures. So I fill my evening with summer events. Sometimes I arrange myself a day off or I see that, okay, It can work three days to finish everything. And then I have two, three days. So it really depends, but I described like most, most typical day. So yeah, that's shortly it. - Thank you so much for that. And I want to explore more. You said that for the first hour you keep your phone turned off. Can you tell a bit more about that? What is the difference in your day when you are starting by looking at your phone and compared to looking at it one hour later? And let's dive a bit deeper you mentioned working out and being a gym addict. There are too many girls who compare their bodies when they're working out themselves to other girls on Instagram. First thing in the morning, they wake up and begin comparing. So how do you believe in your unique beauty and feel beautiful and attractive, even though there are women who might be photoshopped or plastic surgery or genetically different to you in a way that can make some women forget their unique beauty? That's a super good question because I guess that this self-confidence, that's what is guaranteed that you will not compare yourself with anyone else, is the lifetime process. Sometimes you wake up and you don't have the mood so you feel a little bit insecure. That's okay, that happens. But what I noticed that social media really affects that. And why prefer just to stay away? Because first of all, a lot of people, as far as they know, they struggle simply with waking up. they prefer to stay in the bed and then it longs for a few hours. So that's why I prefer just to remove my phone. So I'm not staying in my bed. I'm like, okay, I reflected, I put some notes down. So now I have to go. I'm not distracted with my phone. Secondly, I just feel this bad influence of social media. If it's over exceed, let's say, I never compare myself on social media, because I I knew that because I know that it's fake even though I'm trying to avoid such content, but I never believe like in any images that people show. Yes, some people they just original there they show real themselves, but it's still it's social media. You can't know the life of these people for sure. So it's for me just like more visual pleasure rather than some life principles that I can get from social media. Yes, so that's, I guess, the difference that you just put away these triggers that might feel you bad. And that's it. And in the gym, how I feel confident about myself, I just know that my actions prove my worthiness. Like I'm doing something, I'm not laying in my bed. So meaning, the person is also working now. So we put the same amount of effort. It's like we are equally all as human beings equal. So I'm doing for myself my efforts, I see that, okay, then I have to appreciate myself for my attempts, and I shouldn't compare because if I compare myself to someone else, I just cancel all of my efforts. So then why am I doing that for and not gonna lie, I guess my results. I'm very happy in my body, in my appearance, because I've been working on that for a long while and I wasn't stopping. So now I just stopped comparing myself. That's it. One hundred percent. Thank you for that. And you said when you meet someone who is important or interesting or smart, some people might become intimidated and shy, but you keep it a bit to your head and you try to connect them to find a way that you can build a part of your network. Well, there are many women who struggle with anxiety, they worry about the judgment of other people. They think, well, what if that person hates me? What if they think I'm rude, or I'm doing too much, or even not that person, maybe someone there like is nearby and they're like, Oh, what if they judge me and they think I'm trying too hard or whatever it is. So how do you stop those thoughts? And what's your advice to other women so that they go for their big dreams and their big connections without limiting themselves because of hypothetical worry. I've been recently watching some influencers events, and they were also sharing and talking just in a cozy atmosphere about all of these issues and network building. And doesn't matter how successful you are, you still struggle with this anxiety sometimes. okay. All of the people struggle with stress, with thoughts in their minds, like it's okay. Again, you can't be perfect in your mind as well. So that's what I realized. Also, I'm not that brave every single time. Sometimes I feel this comfortable, but I just, I'm following the habit, you know, I'm just like, okay, I'm just going, I'm just doing that. I stop this questioning process in my head and that's how anxiety reduces. But what can I recommend that for me it always works doesn't matter in what life situation you are. You just ask yourself and so what? For example, like, oh my goodness, I like this girl, but I can't go to her because she's like so good. I'm not that good. And you have to imagine in your mind like, okay, if I will go to her, so what? Okay. And then you proceed like and then step by step in your mind, you proceed like the worst scenario, for example, okay, go to her, and she was a laugh at me. And so what? Okay, like my life will not be ruined because of that. And after you see how ridiculous like all of your overthinking processes in your mind, you just anxiety just flies away. For me, it always works with any of the issues like migration, people finances, I'm just asking myself and so what and then I'm proceeding with the worst scenario and it helps and this practice it's not something just developed by myself. I've read about that pretty much and even like Greek philosophers, these stoics groups, they were also recommending that it's not that much about positivity to be entirely honest but that's realistic world and that's how people follow it and maintain to be successful. So I guess it works if it's still like it's ancient philosophy and it's still applied in reality. That's what I follow. I love that. Thank you so much. And then to understand you. So are you someone who is more of an introvert because you're reading all the time and you are constantly learning about Stoicism and ancient philosophy, which is usually the trait? And therefore, do you push yourself to be more extroverted or do you use your extroverted attitude when you have goals? So only then, but other than that, you are in the forest meditating and touching the trees or how does it work? - I can say that I'm very, very in between this Amge word definition. What I really know that I'm kind to myself and if I feel that, okay, I don't want to do that, I'm not doing that. If I say that, okay, that's like something very valuable, then I can force myself. But most of the times I get energy from people as well, but I'm also fine on my own. So it's like perfect balance. I'm really happy in the place that I am now. And how I reached to this place, I guess I stopped forcing myself and I started trusting myself that if I want to do that, if I want to stay in my home today without like any people around, I will stay because I just need that. And if I see that, okay, I miss this vibe of people, energy, I will assign myself to any classes or events. So it's really simple. But it has to be an agreement with yourself and yourself. That's it. 100%. And you said you're into mind maps. I imagine you're into productivity. Tell me about this. There might be girls who are feeling stuck in their comfort zone because maybe they worry what if they fail and then everybody will think they're not worthy. They don't see, like you said, that their actions are enough to be a success. But for you, what would be a way for them to create a plan, maybe even to know what they want because it's outside of their comfort zone so they don't know it yet because they didn't have that adventures in their life. What is the way that you plan you personally when you're starting a new goal, a new experience, something new that is outside of your comfort zone. You don't know it yet. You're not an expert so that you feel both safe, but you have a plan to progress. Well, first of all, I cancelled. I just, I fully disagree with this definition of being out of comfort zone. You don't have that. You have just the zone of your potential growth. So you can grow in your, let's say, comfort zone or you can move to the zone of new growth, like new stage. And when I just changed that, I don't even remember where I heard that or maybe I practiced and that just occurred to me. I don't really remember. But it just like this switching this understanding that okay, if you are comfortable with yourself personally, like if you have this solid self-confidence, if you know that you have particular skills and you're also aware that some skills are missing out, like if you know yourself pretty well and you are not strict to yourself but at the same time you're disciplined, you will not feel this stress, you will be always like comforted but you will just have this new area of growth. So it shouldn't be a problem and few people we overthink so much and so badly that we procrastinate and we are stuck in the same place. For me I also I'm not that always like flanchaser I also feel sometimes lost I don't know what to do but what I definitely know that I don't have time or opportunity to stop and stuck in these thoughts. So I have to do at least something because small steps are still better than nothing. So it's better to try small, at least like part of your goal or part a little tiny thing that you know that you really want, then sit in one place. Just try it and it's better to try and then regret that then not to try and also regret that you didn't try. I agree with that attitude because I live a life of regret minimization. It's important for me to not look back and think I could have tried more or I wish I tried more. And to finish this, how was for you February 24th the invasion? How did you hear about the war starting at full scale? Did you believe it? Did you not believe it? Can you share the story? How did it change your personality between that time and today. Tell me more, Lily, and thank you. Thank you for these nice questions. Well, my February 24th, it started from like, I woke up, I was getting ready to my office, and then I saw a lot of messages. And the first message that I saw, and it really like caught my attention, was from my friend. She was also in Kiev. She's like super non-emotional, and we are pretty, not distant, but emotionally. There are some people who don't express themselves. And what she texted me is like, Hey, Lily, I really love you. What is going on? And then I started realizing like, okay, something is definitely not okay here. And then the next message I see is from my little sister. And she texted me like, Lily, you know, the word started, but please don't tell parents that I told you. She was trying to hide that from me, they were thinking probably for the first like few moments that okay, maybe I will not find out because it will be ended up that soon. It really helped me a little bit to release the stress because you see, okay, my sister is still my sister. And it just like this little soft moment. But otherwise, I guess, as most of the people we were just taken aback, I felt I went numb, you know, when you're that stressed that you don't feel anything like any emotions to you, you can't even hear anything. A lot of people also had panic attacks. I'm not sure that I have one, but it was some kind of feeling like that. And I guess again, it was pretty common for everyone. Some people didn't believe like, I really understood that, okay, this happening. And after that I was like, okay, what can I do then? From now, from here, like what am I supposed to do? Like I can't just sit like super emotional here or experiencing my panic attack. No, I have to do something. So I called my parents, we decided what to do, like will they come or when they come? And I guess that's also about my family. Like I didn't feel that they were panicking. I felt that they were doing something. And then yeah, we gathered here in Lithuania with all Ukrainians that I knew and we were just together supporting each other or like talking, what can we do? How can we help? Because that's one thing that you are staying in your country when this starts you experience that on your own, you see that and you feel that. But when you're outside, it feels even worse because you can do anything based on it. Like you can't go to the border and somehow do something later. Yes, but at that exact moment, it's just this feeling of unhelpfulness, like you're not helpful anyhow, that's the worst. So you just need to plan what you can do to help. Thank you so much, Lily. I really feel your pain. I understand your emotions and I really wish for you and every Ukrainian victory, happiness, success, and rebuilding even brighter and higher the Ukrainian trident and flag. Thank you so much. I really appreciate you. I wish you all the success. Keep going. And it was my privilege to share your voice and story in this podcast. Thank you so much for this amazing opportunity. That was fascinating.
