Episode Transcript
Hello, my name is Aziz and I'm the son of a divorced mother. She is really my superhero. That's why it's important for me to support women to share their uniqueness, their personalities, perspectives, and emotions about life. Too many women in this world feel alone. They worry about the judgment of others and they struggle with their mental health. But when they listen to the Rare Girls podcast where empowered women share their voices and tell their stories, many women will feel inspired to live a life of freedom and to overcome all insecurities. They will feel it is a safe space to find their confidence, to remember their unique beauty, and to feel their self-worth. They will connect with the sisterhood of Rare Girls who encouraged their success and support their dreams. That's what this podcast is all about. My guest today is Divya Ram. Meet Divya, a powerhouse who navigates the corporate world as a full-time project manager at General Electric, overseeing billion-pound projects. Beyond the boardroom, she graces international runways for Milan and London fashion weeks and has been featured in esteemed publications like Malvi and Celine. She previously won the prestigious title of Miss Capital of India, a fitness enthusiast passionate about gyming, trekking, salsa, and yoga. Divya is also an education counselor, guiding students aspiring to study abroad. With an MBA from Nottingham Business School, earned on scholarship, she seamlessly blends her business acumen with a global perspective. Divya was born and raised in India, then moved to the UK for studies where she is currently working. Divya, how are you today? Oh my God, thank you so much, Aziz. That's really kind of you. Thank you so much for having me here. It's a great initiative by you to inspire independence and resilience in women by sharing stories. And I'm really grateful to contribute to this podcast. Thank you so much. I appreciate having you here. Privileged, lucky to include you in this project and to explore your mind, your thoughts, and your experience. And I will begin with this nice first question, which is, "Divya, if your friends could describe your personality, what would they say about you?" Okay, very interesting question. A controversial one also, because my friends from different age groups of phases of my life would describe me in a completely different way. Starting with school, I was very innocent, and my friends would actually think I'm underconfident, because I used to get bullied a lot. And I was body shamed for my image size, so... The better side was that I was a big foodie. And I loved street food. Indian street food is really famous, and we used to all enjoy that. If someone hears this now, they'll be shocked to death, because I'm known for being a fitness freak. And my friends now think that... And this zane kind of personality who doesn't have any cravings, who is very strict in diet and extremely confident, be it my professional endeavors or in the modeling front. So it's funny how times change. And similarly, I think growing up, if I say when I went to engineering, I was known as the life of the party. And we used to start partying from 8pm in the night and go on till 4am in the morning, and then there was a series of after-party at home. And now, if you take me to a club, I'll start crying. So my friends have to literally plead and beg me to come party with them, because they know I hate parties, and that's the biggest complaint now, like, "Why don't you party with us?" But these are the differences. But I think one thing everyone would say is, I was always a go-getter, multitasker, and they knew, like, anything you would give me, I would do it. I won't give up. I'd give my heart and soul to it, and I'll ensure that, you know, I come to the other end. And I hope they know this, that no matter what, I'm always there for them. Like, they can rely on me. And likewise, I'm really grateful and blessed to have such amazing friends, be it any age group, I was in any phase of my life. Like, I had amazing friends. I love that. And I believe that energy is good, and people attract each other with the right energy. And I have a question related to that. You said you were innocent and bullied when you were little, and now you're very, very confident. How would you describe that transformation? How does it happen? Because if there is a girl or a woman who has been bullied, and she's thinking, "How can I become confident?" What advice would you give her based on your life experience of going, from being bullied to being one of the most confident women in your friend groups, and they look up to you for that? This is an emotional question because initially it was a huge struggle for me also. And although it starts with one aspect, for me it started with the fact that I was not as thin, or people thought in my class that I was not that pretty. And, you know, I was stubby. I was not obese, but I was stubby. And the body shamed me. But then I think it integrates into your personality. You come out as a weakling. So it's part of your personality. You are under confidence. So I really had to work on my confidence. I had to first convince myself that just because a group of girls... It used to be girls, mean girls, we used to think they are because they used to bully me. Just because a group of girls think that you are not worthy to be sitting with them, or you are not worthy enough to be called pretty, it doesn't certify that. So I worked on my confidence, I would say. And one way to do that is, obviously, I lost weight later and it added on to my personality. But as Priyanka Chopra says, "Confidence is the best accessory to wear." What worked for me is I worked on the cultural aspects. Like I started spending time on hobbies. So I developed skills like dance or music. And I started being more outgoing and participating in these events, which I did in a lot more confidence in me. And then people used to look up and recognize that, "Oh, she's participating in dance or music or literary events." And then I started getting that recognition. So as confidence became part of my personality, bullying was reduced and then no one even dared to treat you like that because they know, "Okay, you're coming across a confident person, someone who's talented, so let's not mess with her." One hundred percent and I celebrate that. And I want to know more about your journey. So that was in India. You moved to study in the UK and start your life there. How was that journey of leaving your family behind, leaving some of your friends, if not all, behind and adapting to a new culture? Was it challenging in some way? Did you stick to the Indian part of the UK just to remember the flavor and the street food? Or how was that movement? Because for many people in general, doing such a huge change of culture can be a bit shocking or intimidating. True. As exciting as it sounds, moving to a new country or as glamorous as it looks now, initially it was quite challenging. So when you move to a foreign country, as you rightly mentioned, it's a new place, it's a new culture, the weather was freezing here. And so many things at once, you leave your job behind, you leave your immediate family behind, your parents, your siblings whom you grew up with, all your friends behind, so you enter a new country all alone. So there was a sense of isolation in me and I was a bit overwhelmed initially. And there are financial challenges because you're going to pursue education abroad. Luckily, I had 50% scholarship, but the remaining money was taken as a loan. So there is this pressure also that you have to go get very good grades, very good job, get visa sponsorship abroad, pay off your loan, establish yourself. And for me, I had always two professions. I had my main profession of project manager and the modeling one. So I had to prove myself in two fields. And for that, I needed a part-time job. So I actually first because of the financial needs. So initially when it started, it was, I felt so worthless because I used to give three sets of interviews, part-time job, main job, for project management and for modeling. And I used to get rejected. So it was not until like three months later that I first got a job, successful job application, which was for a part-time job. Before that, I used to think, am I not even worthy of being a waitress in the UK? Am I like that gone case? So it really shakes your confidence, you know, for someone who has worked in India for a few years and, you know, coming here and starting from scratch. But this is a story of not only me, like all the students who come, who travel from like there's a lot of students who come from Asia and Africa to UK to study. This is everyone's story. For me, I think I was blessed in a way because I had my uncle and aunt in the UK. So they were a huge support for me in my initial days of struggle. But juggling between my assignments, finishing them on time, going to university, part-time job, applying for main job, applying for modeling, there came a point where I was like, this feels like depression because it was not every day you wake up to rejections. And, you know, there is a threshold till which you can continue and it's like, oh God, when will I crap a job? When will I get this? And I clearly remember I came September of 2018 and it was still March, continuous rejections every day. And then March of 2019, at the end, I got my first fashion show in the UK. And the same month I got my job in general electric as a project manager. So I can't forget that like same month, I felt like some miracle has happened, some there's a blessing. And finally, and that was the start. I've not looked back and I've been in the same organization. And then I started my first fashion show in the month of March of 2019. And I've been doing some exciting work after that. So it's been very good after that. But yeah, it was a series of struggles and rejections and sacrifices. I celebrate your success. That's very, very good. And I remember I was like, oh, I'm going to be in the same position. I'm going to be in the same position. I'm going to be in the same position. I'm going to be in the same position. And I remember I was like, oh, I'm going to be in the same position. And I remember I was like, oh, I'm going to be in the same position. And I remember I was like, oh, I'm going to be in the same position. And I remember I was like, oh, I'm going to be in the same position. 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And I remember I was like, oh, I'm going to be in the same position. And I remember I was like, oh, I'm going to be in the same position. And then you worked with them. Thank you so much for sharing that. And it makes me wonder as well. There are a lot of women who feel stuck in their comfort zone because they have anxiety. Maybe they worry a lot or they're living a life where their parents are creating a path for them. But deep down, they don't want to go through that path. And still, maybe also their people pleasers. And so they feel stuck in that comfort zone or in that rut or in that expectation of other people and cannot find the strength in order to overcome any anxiety or any worry in order to move forward. Do you have advice for them? Did you deal with this? Tell me a bit more about this situation. I understand that comfort is reassuring, but only mantra that I followed in my life is change is only constant. So as reassuring comfort may be like the fear of stagnation will keep me motivated. Like I cannot get too comfortable in something. I have to try like beat a new hobby, new job, new place. So I have moved four different cities in the UK. You were asking me if I'm in the Asian part of the UK. Now I am because I live in Birmingham, but I used to be in Derby or Stafford before, which are like purely British towns. So I think change is good with every new place or a new hobby you learn and growth and development is really important to one's personality. And I think I was blessed in the fact that when girls of my age were getting married or when the parents were getting them married, even if they didn't want to, my parents were like, what are your career aspirations? They supported me in pursuing higher education abroad. I had family support. But for those girls, I think I would say stand up for yourself. Tell your parents what your hobbies or aspirations are. Like just because they think this is the kind of life you should live or these are your dreams. Don't let them write for write that for you. You decide your life, what your aspirations are or what your dreams are. Like I remember I come from a normal middle class family. And when I one day realized that, you know, I want to take up modeling professionally. It was a shock for my parents. They were also like, have you gone crazy? Like what? Because suddenly they realized I'm eating this boiled eggs and boiled lentils. And you know, I left all the Indian street food and normal food that they used to eat. But then they saw the desire, the hard work and the kind of effort I was putting in. So they understood if I had not expressed it or had been pushy about it, they would have let it go. So I think it's our ownership as the ones who make dreams for ourselves on what we want from our lives and how we convince our family to support us. One hundred percent. I agree with that. And also earlier you said that you are bullied for your looks as a little girl, but then you decided to become a model. And in the modeling sphere, you are literally in competition with the looks of different models. There are women who are using also social media to succeed and they might have Photoshop, whatever it is. Did you struggle with something that many of the women struggle with today, which is comparing themselves to other women, not feeling beautiful, not seeing their unique beauty? What's your advice to them? And how was your situation? To be honest, Aziz, I did. And as I mentioned that I was bullied as a child, so even though the bullying stopped, you know, the scars of that trauma stay with you longer. And it took a lot of time for me and a lot of inner work to heal from that. So even like for the longest time, when I close my eyes, I couldn't imagine myself as a thin or a fit person. I used to get images when I see Divya. It has to be a fat chubby girl. And it took a lot of emotional work to heal that trauma and come out of it. And to everyone who sees social media and you see picture perfect images of models of actors. So as you mentioned, Photoshop, that's one aspect of it. Like even without Photoshop, like when we go for shoot, for example, there's so much makeup, then there is lighting, then there is after the photographer clicks the images, there is series of editing done. And then there could be filters put up before a picture is finally uploaded. There is a whole team behind the model or the actor to make them look the way they're looking. So none of us get up like this. We are not flawless. We do take care of how we look or fizzy, but we are not flawless. And the idea that picture perfect, clear skin, it not necessarily exists. So let's not run after these societies set up standards of beauty. As you mentioned, inner beauty is important. The day I started feeling confident from inside the day I healed all my trauma, and I felt no, I am beautiful the way I look, I stopped seeking validation from outside. And I also realized that world perceives you in the way you perceive yourself. So the day I stopped seeking validation from outside and I started loving the person I am in my own skin, I started getting much more validation. Like all the hours, not seeking for it. Like people telling me you look so good. So nice. You look like a model. These were the same people who, when I started modeling, told me you don't look like a model. You cannot be a model ever. So it perceives with the way you perceive yourself because I think a lot of it is in your head and a lot of it is how you attract the way you behave. I would say, don't compare yourself with society standards. Instead, definitely live a healthy life, eat healthy, sleep on time, meditate, practice gratitude, go out in the nature and walk. These are all things as small and pretty as they sound. They are not, they bring a huge transformation in your life. The more you spend time in nature or say in a gym or running, it brings in more self-confidence in you of how you look. And once you exude that confidence, people see that and people characterize you that way. So I think work on your inner beauty, I would say, and work on focus on self-care rather than comparing yourself with others. Thank you so much for sharing that. I really appreciate it. And I agree 100% with those insights and with that wisdom. And you said that you lived in multiple cities in the UK, you had friends in India, some of them were colleagues or classmates who are mean girls. So you learned the types of people. How do you go about not only adopting and adapting to this new culture, but making groups of friends who are good for you, who you feel like you said right now, they will not believe that you are a chubby girl who's not on a diet and all that. Do you find that as part of you socializing, building your social life? Do you get it because of work and therefore your work colleagues become your friends? Or how do you build those friendships, especially that you moved so much and therefore you didn't stay in one place for that long? In the UK, if I say so, when you are in school, you get along with your classmates, same for engineering. But when you go get out of this education circle, it's actually very difficult to find friends. And that was my biggest struggle in the UK, because I did have MBA friends, but then after MBA was over, everyone left and I was left all alone in UK except one friend I have in UK who's still my closest friend. But other than that, making friends in UK was my biggest struggle. So I tell you what, how I went about it because I'm an extroverted person and I need my social circle to stay sane. So I joined groups based on the hobbies I like. So say I joined a meetup group to meet other people who love hiking. And I joined gym and I went to classes and I made friends with other people who came to the same HIIT class as I went. And what happens when you make friends through hobbies is that you are connected through a common value, which during a school or engineering used to be academia, because you're preparing for same exams and you're studying together. But when you come out of it, how do you make friends? So for me, it has done wonders. So now I have a group of friends I go to Salsa with. I have a group of friends with whom I go hiking with, same for badminton, swimming. And the most beautiful part is they act as accountability partners. So me and my friend, we both feel lazy to go to swimming, but one week I'll be pushing her. Next week, she'll be pushing me. What happens with is we end up showing every week. So not only they are there to take care of you, or you can talk to them, spend good time, but they act as accountability partners. You feel more accountable. You feel the need to show up every week and do that. So it makes a hobby more fun as well. And it depends on bond as well. So to everyone who is feeling lonely, there are so many apps, just download it and match with people who are pursuing similar hobby and go for a hike. And if you are connected to a common hobby, you will have more things in common and your bond will be stronger rather than just meeting someone for a glass of beer. Quality is better, more important over quantity. Definitely. It's good to have a circle, but on the flip side, be mindful, like don't be with wrong people. Like I really trust my gut energy. So after a meeting with a group of friends, I come home and see how I'm feeling. Like am I feeling positive or am I feeling negative? Were they pulling me down or were they lifting my energy more? So if you feel you have a group of negative people, that's also not good. Like just leave them because their presence can be detrimental for your growth. So that's actually being lonely is better than being with a group of negative people. Thank you so much. That's very, very practical using the apps as well as the checking with yourself. How do you feel after meeting with people is very, very important. And nowadays it's more necessary than ever to hear that advice because in this world, a lot of people are ambitious, moving around, living in new parts. And speaking of ambition, I recognize within you the fire of an ambitious woman. So what are your visions for the future? What are your plans? What are you working on? Are you someone who's constantly going after that next goal? Or do you have specific goals? Once you hit, you want to retire? I don't know. What is your own perspective on your own future? You're right. I'm very ambitious. I need to have a sense of purpose and direction in life. So when I wake up, there's something to look forward to. If I don't have it, I feel worthy less, direction less. And that's my advice for everyone. So how I do it, I plan my year. So I make a plan for say 2024, January, these are the goals, February, these are the goals. And I review it on a weekly basis. Then I have a three-year goal and a five-year goal and like a 10-year goal, but they are not that detailed. But yes, for the year I'm in, I have a goal for every month. And if you divide your goals like this, it really helps you not get burned out because that I've done in the past. Like I'm so ambitious, like I want to do everything this month and I've burnt out. That's not good. That doesn't help you be consistent in life. So plan your, prioritize your goals based on what are important and place it throughout the year and review them periodically. So for me currently, I want to climb up the leadership ladder and reach the executive band in the coming years professionally. In the modeling, there are some international projects I'm really looking forward to doing. And by God's grace, I hope I get them and I keep on doing like creative, versatile work. Because initially when I started, I started with Asian bridal work in the UK and being an Asian, it was easy for me. So I really had to struggle, like even after getting my first project to move from Asian to Western looks, I had to struggle so much because they tie costume with one kind of work and I really wanted to do versatile work. So it was a lot of hard work, but I'm even trying to find more versatile work within the modeling industry. And these are the two main things. Thirdly, I hope and I pray that my parents keep on feeling happy and proud about when they see their daughter achieve her dream. So I know they are, but I want to, that's a sense of fulfillment when I see them happy and proud. Other than that, I think I'm in a position where I deeply feel I want to give back to the society because I have got a lot. So there are two things which are really, really close to my heart. First is education. So I'm associated with an NGO which supports education for slum children. It's in India, Delhi, and I'm part of their initiatives to raise funds and I even contribute to them to help educate slum children. Other than that, I told you about education counseling. So Indian students who are looking to study in the Europe, I help them with university applications and scholarship opportunity and general guidance and what are the do's and don'ts of coming here, what they should be prepared about, what are the exams they should be preparing for, which universities offer scholarship. So I feel like I'm giving back because I got scholarship and I have come and studied there. So if I can tell them the mistakes I made, so they do not need to make that. That's one. Secondly, I am a fitness freak and I see the growing concern in the area of health. So definitely in the coming future, I have this in me that I want to touch and inspire lives of as many people as possible in the field of health and want to give the knowledge I have accumulated over the years researching or studying about health to the other peers I have, friends and family. Thank you so much for sharing your voice, sharing your spirit and soul with all the listeners. I really appreciate you participating in this podcast. It's a privilege and an honor. I celebrate all your successes. I encourage you being an ambition driven woman who is pushing forward and keep going. Thank you so much Aziz and keep up with this initiative. I hope that many more girls or women keep listening to our podcast and get inspired to live their dreams. You are welcome.
