Episode Transcript
Hello, my name is Aziz and I'm the son of a divorce mother. She is really my superhero. That's why it's important for me to support women to share their uniqueness, their personalities, perspectives, and emotions about life. Too many women in this world feel alone. They worry about the judgment of others and they struggle with their mental health. But when they listen to the Rare Girls podcast, where empowered women share their voices and tell their stories, many women will feel inspired to live a life of freedom and to overcome all insecurities. They will feel it is a safe space to find their confidence, to remember their unique beauty and to feel their self worth. And they will connect with the sisterhood of Rare Girls who encourage their success and support their dreams. That's what this podcast is all about. My guest today is Mariam Umar. Mariam was born in the UAE. She has been residing here for 29 years and living in Dubai for more than 15 years. Her interests are in makeup, fashion, blogging, and dancing. Mariam, how are you today? Hello, how are you? I'm feeling blessed, super positive, excited to know much more about you. So I'll begin with this nice first question, which is, Mariam, if your friends could describe your personality, what would they say about you? My friends describe my personality like very loud and bubbly, as you can hear me, I'm like loud. I'm caring, sensitive, outgoing. I do have a, like I'm quite funny. Sometimes I don't even need to like, you know, talk, my expressions or reactions or comments would like just make everyone laugh. I do have a serious side, but I just don't bring that out unless like it's a topic. It's like a serious topic and I need to be serious. Unless like when my parents talk to me sometimes like with the serious topic, I just start laughing. I just don't know. Like I always take everything so light because like, you know, life is serious, so you just have to laugh at yourself. Thank you. Tell me a bit more about that. What makes you and allows you to see life in a light way when there are too many people taking it way too seriously? I mean, to be honest, I used to take life very seriously. And then there's been incidents and stuff like in my past that have changed my mindset a lot that I just would like to be more positive. And I don't want to like get into a negative space. I would just laugh everything off. And yeah, that's pretty much it. Thank you so much for sharing that. Also, to know much more, you said you're bubbly, you're loud and all that. There are women in this world who might worry, especially if they grew up in conservative cultures, what other people think, if they're too loud and all that. How do you allow yourself to be allowed without worrying about what other people think? And what's your advice to those women who might be reserving themselves because they think and their parents told them, oh, worry about what other people will think, etc. That's a great question, actually. Like, I mean, it depends on the families and everything. So initially, I'm actually like it's me, my parents, of course. And then I have two siblings, one younger brother and one older sister on the middle child. So I'm actually then I'm the only bubbly one from the house. My mother's bubbly. And then I'm bubbly. Like my sister and my brother, they're more like subtle. They like they do talk and have fun times and everything. But like with me, I've always been bubbly. So like I remember when I was still when I was much relatively younger, like because I would be loud or laughing, a lot of people wouldn't like that factor. So it took me a lot of time to understand because in the culture, they don't like how girls are like super bubbly or they laugh and everything. But I mean, I love them from my parents. They never had that mindset that, oh, she shouldn't be herself. So they've always let me be herself. It's just like it depends, like especially when I was younger, I would filter myself more out. And then as obviously time changes, I would reduce that filter from time to time. My parents obviously know who I am. Just I do have that filter around probably like other people, like relatives extended. So yeah, that's pretty much it. Thank you for sharing that. And so you as someone who has been living in the UAE and in Dubai, is your experience of Dubai mostly within relatives and people from similar culture as you? Or do you experience it from a lens of being someone who interacts with all nationalities, goes to places from all backgrounds? And so a lot more cosmopolitan in general. Did you like live the same as your country, but in a microcosm, in a small neighborhood or a small number of relations in Dubai? So you have like little Pakistan or little parts of Asia that you are residing in. Or are you someone who's constantly exploring and you consider yourself a mix of many cultures? Basically, yeah. I mean, my dad has been here since he's been 13. And my mom, I mean, when they got married, my mom was 17. My dad was 23. So I've been born here and everything. So initially, when we started, it was just all around family. It wasn't like a lot of friends. It was just like my dad and work and then family. So there wasn't a lot of like social life, to be honest, at the time, there would be like family, friends and stuff. Or like it was. Yeah, it was more like with the Pakistani community, but not that much. It took basically when I started going to like school, like back when I was still, I started actually out in Sharjah. So when I started in school, I was more with the Pakistani community, like all my friends were Pakistani or Indian. So, yeah, I was more like in that mindset and in that community until I moved to Dubai, which was maybe 2005 or three. I think 2003 to 2005. I don't exactly remember the date. That's when I changed school. So I went into a different school and that's where I met people with different cultures and diversity. And then I started gelling with them. But, yeah, it took it takes a long time to get out of like what you've always been in your comfort zone and then getting out of the comfort zone because it was like a lot of international students actually at the time in my school, which was Emirates International. There weren't a lot of Indians and Pakistanis. There were very less, but it was more of like the other cultures. So I like wouldn't exactly say blend in or fit in with them. But like it was it was different to communicate and it opened my mind in a different way because obviously I'm used to thinking a certain way based on the Pakistani community. So it just changed my mindset a lot in like middle school slash high school to see like other cultures and everything. Thank you. That's very, very interesting. And now to focus a bit more on your interests and in particular makeup to you, how did that fascination with makeup start and what do you love most about it? Is it like art and you feel and like an artist when you do it? Is it that you can look in any way you want and you can be any person you want or what about makeup makes you fascinated, interested and have it as something that you consider as a part of your life. So I've literally been obsessed with makeup from the time I remember I used to. I remember my mom's lipsticks. I used to. I mean, I guess eat them or break them or like go in the mirror and write things with them. So I've always been fascinated with makeup. Like even though my mom would just like she weren't my mom still not into makeup. She only has lipstick. So now but I was obsessed with her lipsticks and I would always want to play with them. And obviously I wasn't allowed since I was very young. So when she wasn't around, I would just like ruin basically her lipsticks. So I've always had the fascination with makeup as I was growing older. I remember I was like not allowed to wear makeup because I was like pretty young. And my mom had the thing that, oh, you don't wear makeup right now when you're much older, you can wear makeup. So I've always had this fascination with makeup. So I mean, Instagram and like Facebook came much later. Instagram came much later with like makeup tutorials and everything, even YouTube. So I've always liked makeup. I feel like it's more of a canvas. But for me, I feel like I want to enhance the features. I don't want to transform myself like through the makeup. I rather just enhance the features of like my eyes, the lips or the nose, the cheeks. So I rather like it's like kind of like an art therapy on your face. And I've done it to like I would do makeup on my mother or sister from time to time. So I just like for me, it feels like it's like my me time. And I feel like it's my happy place because I like I've always loved makeup and it's been something that I like. And whenever I do it, I just feel happy. Like it takes me whatever time I'll do different looks. Every time my friends meet me, they've seen like I would always have a different eye look. I will never do the same thing or I'll maybe match the eyeshadow or the eye makeup with my clothes where I would contrast it. So it's always been like a fun part for me. That sounds absolutely great. And also dance is a huge interest of yours. You spoke earlier how you can be reserved around extended family and all that. Does it mean that you only dance at home? You only dance in the privacy of your own bedroom? Or do you go practice it more professionally when you go to dance instructions or you can dance in front of strangers and you're not feeling shy about it? Can you share a bit more about how culturally you can dance freely? Where do you dance? Is it saved and reserved to specific places or you can dance anywhere you desire? Tell me a bit more. Also, what do you love about it? What makes you feel you enjoy it so much? I mean, dance, I don't do it professionally. I just do it for fun. I actually dance is a very big inspiration from my mother. She's an amazing dancer and she will just like she doesn't what we would do in public, but just like in weddings and stuff. I remember obviously my grandparents, my grandparents at the time before they didn't like it because they were they felt like, oh, girls shouldn't dance in public and stuff. So I've always I've always remembered, especially my grandfather, not liking it in the past. So when I was younger, we were just avoided. But now I feel like my whole family, when there's a wedding, the first thing like we're so excited about our dance practices and how we like the choreography and whatever song. So we're very into that. But I feel like for me specifically, it's it started with my mother because she's always been into dancing. And it's her safe place. She would all she would only do it in weddings, just family weddings. She wouldn't do it publicly. We'll just only do it in our secure or like happy place. Like if it's a family wedding or like a close friend's wedding, that's the only time we'll dance. But we just want to keep that space for us and not like for public consumption. Yeah. Now I do post it on Instagram on my stories, but I'm like, it's OK. But yeah, it's always been something that I love. And I will do it at home if like I'm in the mood or like if I'm even with friends, like we'll get together and we don't mind dancing. But just like it depends on the environment. Like I just won't randomly start doing it. It just needs to be like a safe space. And if I feel comfortable, then yeah, I'll do it. I don't do it professionally, even though like I feel like I should maybe get into the classes just for fun. But then I just haven't got into that space to like go and maybe do that, do the classes. I mean, I do it at home, like with my mother, my mother and I have very different styles. She's very classic and I'm very like hip hop, more than I don't mind doing the classic stuff. But like, I mean, the steps and everything is like very hard for me to conquer because I feel like our eras are very different. But yeah, thank you. And you as a woman who's constantly being feminine, you are someone who models and you have to take care of your look and also compare yourself to how other women look. Nowadays, there are a lot of girls who are growing up and watching other women who are maybe photoshopped or comparing themselves to Instagram girls and feeling ugly. Did you go through that phase or struggle with comparing yourself to how other women look? And what's your advice to those women so that they find their unique beauty? I feel like, yeah, for me, this this part has been in my life, like from the beginning. So when I actually moved to a different school in Dubai, I was bullied over my weight. So I was overweight. That was one of the first things that I, you know, like look different than the other girls. So I was bullied over that and many girls used to be skinny at the time. And I was just like, I guess, like overweight. So I was always compared and still like before like social media was there, Facebook was there. So that was like, you know, you would see other people and you would feel insecure. So I've always had that because I was bullied. I wasn't bullied before. And that was one of my first experiences there. And then like sometimes, you know, how like as a joke, maybe some a member of the family, they can nickname you based on the weight. And they don't realize how it impacts your confidence as a teenager. I'm still I was still like maybe, yeah, I was 12 or 13 at the time. So they don't realize how my self-esteem would hurt. I know they didn't have an ill will. But sometimes the words really matter. And you have to be careful because you don't want to pass that kind of stuff onto anybody. And you don't want them ever to feel in that zone where they feel insecure about themselves because everyone's beautiful in their own way. It's just like Instagram, like with now these days with Instagram, the I mean, Photoshop or, you know, procedures or whatever. See, it's OK to do whatever like filters and everything. There's no judgment ever. But then you need to be very wrong. Open about these things. People are not open about these things. And the pressure of beauty now, especially these days, it's come to a very different standard. It's all about the lips and cheeks and your weight and having a certain body type fillers or surgeries. It's always about the physical form than the internal form. Like it's everyone's choice to do whatever they like, of course. But it would it would, you know, stem insecurity to the younger generation. People, especially women and men, of course, they need to feel good in their own skin. If they're going to see Instagram's like, don't get me wrong, it's happened to me like I would feel low at times. And because I've been bullied upon a weight, it's actually never let me go. I would still be insecure about it. But then I'm just like, I mean, my grandmother had a certain body type. My mother has a certain body type. I have the same certain body, too. So I'm like, there's some things that I cannot change unless, like, I do a procedure. But I don't think that's the question or the answer for anything. Like one of my idols is Huda Katang. She's so transparent as a woman. She talks about her struggles in every way. And I remember where she talked about how the beauty industry needs to accept every woman and sizes and shapes and like not having filters or Photoshop. Like she would she was very raw about it. So I feel like a woman in that platform when she talks about things like this, then obviously it inspires everyone. I feel like women like all women are beautiful. They have their own choices. They can do whatever they want. But to be honest, I've always hated my nose. I would always tell my mom as a joke that I would love to do a nose job. But if I actually think about it, then I'm like, I don't want to do anything like that. It's a very like spiritual thing. Like God has given you these looks. Then why do you want to change it? Like, OK, for some people, they want to do it and fix it or they want to feel happy. And that's good for them. But I feel like women really need to be comfortable in their own skin. One hundred percent. I agree with you so much, Mariam. And thank you for sharing that. And to know more, too, what are your next goals? What are you considering constantly in twenty, twenty four? Did you have anything in mind that you're working on? And how does that go in a city like Dubai, where there is so much competition? I mean, I agree. Dubai is a place of opportunities. But yes, competition at the same time. So you always have to be on your toes for everything. I mean, for one of my goals, actually, I'm working with my father. We own a trading business. We've been here for over 40 years. The company is called Mohammed Ibrahim Haji. It was it started with my grandfather, actually. And then the sons like my uncles and my dad joined and then they expanded it to a greater horizon. So we've been doing like import and export of building materials like in the last 40 years and the GCSE and other parts of the world. My other, I guess, focus is, I guess, yeah, content creation, Instagram. I need to like get on with that, too. I've always like had things that has prolonged that part. So that is one other part that I really need to focus on. Other than that, I don't plan so vigorously because, you know, plans change all the time. And at times before I used to plan a lot and I used to get disappointed when things did not work out. So I would always now have a plan B and if things don't happen, I just don't want to beat myself down to it. I rather navigate on like two different alternatives. If my plan A doesn't work, if there are certain plans that I have to have to do, then I will work on it and I will work on how to execute it. I mean, it doesn't always succeed, to be honest, like it would fail many times. But then I know I do get the result. Like patience is something that I'm still learning. And this part, I would want everything done fast. But I know like patience and failures is how I get to that. So nothing comes overnight. So these are right now my plans to expand my dad's business and focus on content creation. Thank you. And if someone could be curious about how Mariam spends her day, when do you start your day? Are you a morning person? Are you a night owl? How do you take care of your body and self when you are stressed? How do you take care of work? How do you spend time with family and friends? If you could describe your typical routine in Dubai so that people get a glimpse into your lifestyle, to be honest, I don't have a typical routine every time I do have like different things that happen. So I'm a morning person and I could be a night owl. Just depends like how the routine is going. I'll have to alternate and manage myself. So morning work, I'll go straight to work. My head office is in charge. Even though I do have offices in Dubai, Rasa Khaima, Umaquen. But I'll prefer to go to my head office, which is in charge. So I'm around the team and I have like everything is already set out for the day. I will go to the other places depending on what I have to do. After I guess work, I would like go and work out because whatever mentally stressed, whatever I get from work, I rather just go and work it out in the gym and throw it all there before coming home and spending time with my family. And probably on weekends, then it's more like depends on friends or family. I'll go out. I'll do content creation. I'll sit at home. I'll be working on something. So there's always like I don't have a typical routine, but this is how my usually routine is from time to time. Thank you. I appreciate that so much. And to finish this, if you could think of something that you think other women should hear in order for them to be able to increase their success or something you learned recently or you try to remember that as advice, it would be something that more women will benefit from. I think with women, there are a lot of lessons that have learned. Like I can talk about I can be very real. I can talk about my divorce and anxiety. That's one part of it. I know a lot of women maybe have anxiety or they've gone through a divorce or maybe it's a bad marriage. I don't know. I can talk about that kind of stuff in the sense if they have. See success is a very profound thing for me. So it doesn't have to be just work. It could be anything. It could be successful marriage. It could be like mental health. So for me specifically, what I've learned in my past that I've prioritized my mental health and once you succeed that in life, then you can succeed anything. You'll be better at work. You'll be better at your like relationships, family, everything. Initially my mental health took a toll when I was still married. I went through a divorce. I felt I was completely alone, isolated. I pushed everyone. I didn't care about like I cared about. I didn't even realize I wasn't having anxiety for so long until I just never felt happy if I was like just sitting my heart beat was shooting really high and I'm just like, I'm on a resting pace. Like I'm not even doing anything. I would have multiple breakdowns. I'd be crying for hours and I would not get relief. Sometimes I would just sit in the car like just coming from work. I'd be crying and then I would just sit in the parking lot, not even going upstairs and I'll just just cry and cry. Just not understand like what was happening with me emotionally, mentally. So I feel like a lot of women need to take care of their mental health because that comes before anything. If they're not sought out mentally, then success is something that comes with a ladder. You need to like have your own self. Like you're not always put together. You're obviously human. So it's part of life. Like up and down comes and any point of success could be like, like I said, with anything they're doing. I'm not, I'm not talking about like jobs or like money in that sense. It's just a whole profound thing. But if there's any way women that sought themselves out mentally, if they don't want like a therapist, I'll be honest. I went to therapy. I did therapy and I was feeling better. I was in a very toxic environment. So I didn't understand like what was happening. I was never put on medication to be honest because I just wanted to like, initially I was ashamed to even do therapy. I feel like that's such a taboo thing. Unfortunately in culture to seek help. But Alhamdulillah, my parents were very supportive and they said, like, we feel like you do need help. And I just had the courage to get therapy. And obviously I've had good days and bad days. It's taken me a lot of time to get to this place on Alhamdulillah. So not everything's come. Not everything comes fast. Getting out of my comfort zone, like maybe people could, women or anyone, men too, if they can feel insecure about something or they're like, they're not mentally okay and getting out of their comfort zone. Like I was, honestly, I was going through my divorce and my news was out and I was attending weddings of families and friends. And you know, people usually sit at home and they're like crying. Don't get me wrong. I've had that face too. I would sit at home and not face people. But there was a point where I'm like, why am I hiding? I didn't do anything wrong. I need to accept this part of my life that it's not worked out and I don't need to be ashamed of anything. I just need to get out of this situation. I'm sure a lot of people have bad situations and they have to somehow get out of it. And in the end, for what I've learned, no matter who you have around your surroundings, your parents, your loved ones, family, you are the person who's going to get out of the situation. Yeah, people can help you, but people are not going to be there all the time. Like for me, I had to learn that the hard way. Like I had to make sure that I need to get out of the situation. I need to process things better mentally and whatever helped. I mean, I did, I did the conventional therapy where I talked to a therapist for like three, four months and then if people are not comfortable with that, there's a lot of other types of things that help. I mean, there's dancing that can help for people that helped me for a phase two after I felt better. I even did art therapy. So there's no conventional things. There's just like, for me, it's more like whatever makes anyone happy. They should do that. They should not stop themselves or filter themselves for other people. They just need to have, I don't give a f attitude in life pretty much. I do still struggle with anxiety, to be honest and stuff. Like I do have my own struggles. Everyone struggles, right? Maybe they show it, they don't show it. I do struggle. So for me, I will work out. Makeup is one of my things that's my happy place, like I've said before, but I feel like people should really acknowledge the mental health and all of these other factors in order to succeed. Like if you're just going to be focused on work or whatever you're doing and you're not mentally okay, because a lot of people have that word, then they're not going to succeed in life. You need to make sure like you're okay in every way and whatever you want to do just makes you happy. That's it. Thank you so much, Mariam. It was my privilege and my honor to have you here to share your voice and your story. I wish you to keep going, to elevate yourself, to take care of your mental health and thank you so much for participating. Thank you so much for having me. I love that we have done this podcast together.
