Episode Transcript
Hello, my name is Aziz and I'm the son of a divorced mother. She is really my superhero. That's why it's important for me to support women to share their uniqueness, their personalities, perspectives, and emotions about life. Too many women in this world feel alone. They worry about the judgment of others and they struggle. With their mental health, but when they listen to the Rare Girls podcast, where empowered women share their voices and tell their stories, many women will feel inspired to live a life of freedom and overcome all insecurities. They will feel it is a safe space to find their confidence, to remember their unique beauty and to feel their self-worth. They will connect with the sisterhood of Rare Girls who encourage their success and support their dreams. That's what this podcast is all about. My guest today is Margarita Alex. Margarita is a crisis, boundaries, and self-empowerment coach in Dubai, United Arab Emirates. She migrated three times each time at a critical age and she grew up in a broken home. Even with that, Margarita overcame. To build the life of her dreams, she visited. More than 30 countries received. Her license in business and management from a top five European business university, bought her first apartment at the age of 25, found two friends and soulmates around the world, and she speaks five languages, including Spanish. Margarita, how are you today? Hi, Aziz. Hi, it's so nice to be here with you. And when you were doing the introduction, I already got emotional a little bit. I know like the tears on my eyes because thank you so much for sharing these beautiful words about women and about empowerment and about how can we, just by sharing our stories, can help other women to feel confident and truly happy. I think this is very unique, very important and very valuable. So thank you so much also to have me today and me here today with you. Yeah, I'm very happy to be here. You are welcome. And thank you so much for the encouragement, for the support. And I'm very curious to know much more about you, Margarita. So I'll begin with this nice first question, which is, if your friends could describe your personality, what would they say about you? And I'll add something since you lived in different parts of the world and speak different languages. Does your personality change when you are speaking a different language in a different place? Or how are you when you are Margarita, the Spanish speaker, Margarita in Dubai, etc? Okay, interesting, very interesting. So I could definitely give you an answer to the first part of this question where how my friends would describe me because actually I did this coaching exercise about sending a survey to my friends. And one of the questions was this, so I know exactly what they think about me. And they would definitely say that I am a loyal person, very responsible person, very noble person, funny. Sometimes they say, well, I don't see myself as funny, but people say I'm funny. And also very optimistic person. And also here, I would like to say that I see myself more as a realistic, but people around tell me, oh, but you always optimistic. You always see the bright side of the situation. You always see how can you improve in the future or how you can help yourself here to be better tomorrow. So let's leave it in optimistic, realistic and regarding different countries and different languages. So I would say you do shift a little bit when you speak different languages, because of course the jokes are different. The grammar is different. And also to say that, for example, Spanish and Russian would be my first languages. So because major part of my life, I've been mainly speaking this too, then English would be my third language, then Ukrainian and Kata language is the language that they speak in Barcelona would be my last fourth and fifth. But if I change, yeah, I think I'm more funny in Russian. I am starting to become funny in English. I'm just practicing that part. And in Spanish, yeah, I think I'm just a little bit more neutral in Spanish. But yeah, no, personality stays, maybe a little bit this funny or joking part shifts. And I think also the voice changes a little bit so you can see that the person is slightly different. But I do think people change slightly when everybody speaks different languages. Thank you so much for sharing that. I'm very curious though about the point that you see yourself as a realist and your friends think you are an optimist. Often people, when they are a realist, they become pessimists and they see life even worse than it is. What about the way you think allows you to both be realistic and yet see things in a positive side? Yeah, so my personal point of view, I have a very analytical mind. And then I have a very analytical approach to life, which helps me a lot in my personal life and my professional life. So let's say you set a goal in your life and then the goal is not coming. And you are getting obviously overwhelmed, especially if you are a woman. I'm just going to be very honest, women, we have a lot of emotions. So it doesn't matter how the same equal we can be, but we have our own things and we are very emotional so you can get overwhelmed by these emotions. So then I am like, all right, so let's see where I am today. So the realistic part of me is like analyzing where I am today, what I have, what I wanted, okay, it didn't come, but what have I achieved, maybe how my personality shifted. So I'm trying to be realistic in terms of analyzing this scenario as per today without giving it any emotions, just analyzing, you know, like making a little bit of a step back and say, okay, this is what we have. So obviously then you have a choice to go pessimistic in terms of like, oh, I wanted it to be green and it became blue. So now I'm going to be sad because I didn't achieve it in green, I had it, I achieved it in blue, but I'm like, okay, well, do I still want it to be green? Then I might take this blue and put another color tomorrow and then it will become green tomorrow. Or maybe I say, oh, but maybe I don't want it green. Maybe I want to shift it maybe to like oranges. So let me think how I can shift. So I practice a lot of patience to myself and a lot of indulgence, right? We can say it's indulgence. So that you don't, you try not to judge. And then whenever you see this scenario today, you, I'm not looking backwards because what was yesterday, and it's very important to understand this, that whatever you thought yesterday might not be your thoughts today, because you shift, because you go through life, because you go through experience, because you have people that sometimes can illuminate to you, like spotlight different options and different emotions or different scenarios in your life. So if we stick to our aversion of yesterday, then obviously, if we think about us today, we can get pessimistic in terms of all, I wanted this and I don't have it now. But if we think about us as a, as a, this shift that navigates the different seas, so we fluctuate, we change. And if I understand that my thoughts from yesterday are not the same, that my thoughts from today, I might just not get that upsetting. If I didn't get what I want, because I'm thinking like, Oh, but tomorrow I want a different thing. So let me, let me shift my thoughts and let me just go up to tomorrow. Right? So I hope I, um, answered just slightly your question. You did very much. Thank you for sharing that. And earlier you mentioned that your first languages are Spanish and Russian. And I spoke about how you moved in your life at critical ages three times. And now you are living in a different part of the world. Can you share those shifts and changes in your life? How did you adapt to each place? What force did a bit of your story and a bit of how did you stay optimistic and grow in a situation where some people could get sad and depressed? Yeah. Well, sometimes I asked this question to myself. I still don't believe I did it. I made it. But especially, you know, when you have supportive environment, supportive friends, they always tell to me like, how did you have the courage? How did you do it? I don't, I know, but I still don't believe that I did it that far in my life. Okay. So going back to the first shift. So I was originally born in Ukraine, West part of Ukraine. And then when I was 11, um, I moved to Spain. So my mom moved to Spain when I was nine. And then from nine to 11, I lived with my grandparents, big respect to them to handle a small kid with, you know, without, living without a parents, having me like as a devil running around the house. So after that, when I was 11, I shifted to Barcelona with my mom. And obviously when you are in that age where you, uh, start already to shift into your, let's say poverty, right? So a lot of emotions go. And, uh, by that time, uh, I mean, I'm side of 11, one 18 centimeters. So when I was 11 years old, I was already very tall. Like I was almost 170. So as you can imagine, you shift to Spain, a lot of people are shorter. I'm different. I'm tall. I'm blonde. I don't speak Spanish. I only speak English. Uh, they would not understand me. In school, it was kind of a hustle because, you know, uh, you cannot communicate with people and kids in certain age can be very cruel. So you can suffer bullying. And I got like my sandwiches stolen. I got my books stolen. I got like so much confusion in school and, uh, and I, there was like no way I could communicate with people because they would basically do not understand me. Like I could not, I did not manage Spanish as well as I do now. They did not manage any English. So it was like a big disaster. Still, you know, you have to, uh, you have to have this crotch and say, okay, well it's either they eat me or I just step a step forward and say, okay, Basta, that's it. How is it here in Dubai? So I think that age was kind of crucial in terms of adapting into a new country where you are very different from everyone else. And, uh, what helped me a bit was starting to, to have friends like one year, uh, older or two year older, because I feel like whenever you go with people slightly older than you or slightly more evolved, it doesn't matter with what you get. They're, they're slightly, you know, they have a little bit more of, um, of the wisdom. So, so then I, I started going and going out and having friends like Spanish friends, Catalan friends, and then I reached some Russian speaking community. And it was like a beautiful time because in early 2000s in Spain, we had like this huge waves of people coming from Russia, from Ukraine, from Belarus, from Georgia, from Armenia, and all these countries are, um, from all Soviet unions. So basically we all somehow spoke the same language and we could give support to each other. And I believe this is something I, you know, I really, I can relate this to your podcast because whenever you find a community that you all share difficulties, but then you all are together and then you can support each other. So I think this is exactly what you do. You have a lot of women listening to your podcast that go through difficulties, but sometimes they are scared to, to address another woman because they don't want to feel weak or feel like a loser or to be seen as someone that cannot cope with the reality. But then you give this, you know, like huge community and huge support. So that helped me when I was 11, 12, 13. Then there was a second part of my life when I moved to the UK. So I finished my degree, as you said, in business and management. And, um, in that time I was already practicing modeling. So I started modeling when I was 15. So I wanted to shift. I wanted a bigger, uh, city. I wanted to know the world, to see the world, see people open-minded, cosmopolitan. So then life shifted my story and my way to move to London when I was 23. And I believe in that age is when you, you know, you go out from your parents' house. Some of the people I stopped living with my parents when I was 20, but you go out of your house, you go out from your city, from me, you go out from your country. Like none of your parents, none of your friends, not even your language is there. So you, I moved to the UK and it was a big cultural, uh, like a sudden kind of water coming to me because the culture is different. People are different. Uh, timings are different. Everything was very different. And also I believe like by the time of, I was 23, I had a very comfortable environment around me in Spain. So, you know, I had my house, I had my bike, I had my uni, I had my hobbies, I had my gym, I had my friends, uh, the places I would go. So everything was very comfortable for me. And in that time I was already feeling like I'm not a youngster anymore. I'm becoming a serious adult with responsibilities and how I see myself. Right. So then I was taken and, and brought into the environment where first of all, the city was very fast. It's a little bit similar to Dubai, like everything, a lot of people, a lot of activities, everything very fast, very fast. So you land there, you want to, to, to adapt to everything. You want to understand everything and you don't have any close people around you. So that when you feel lonely, you can, unfortunately go into some beds, uh, friendships or, uh, or some maybe like, um, you know, like just a bed, not bad, but just not your type of crowd. So thanks God, I, I had some, maybe two people in London that were slightly close to me and, um, but still they had their life. So they could not be with me 24 seven to guide me. So I had to find my way to, to look for friends. And it took me a long time because, uh, I was so confident about myself and about my life. And then I, in London, I felt like I lost all that idea of status that I had in my life of how I was or what I had or how easy for me, what it was to navigate through life. So there I had to find myself again. And then after finding myself again, I had to find, uh, my relationship and my friendships there. So that was, uh, that was a tough, tough time as well. And the weather didn't help because it was rainy and cloudy and I was used to Barcelona sun. So that's why my third shift was to Dubai. Cause I said, listen, I like the sun. I like the sea. Uh, and this is one of the values that I have. So I have to shift to Dubai. So when I was 27, I moved to Dubai. And I think that was the most conscious, uh, I wouldn't say, I would say it was the bravest shift because it a hundred and percent and totally depended on me on my decisions. And I moved in 2021 in the middle of COVID. So I think it was like the bravest immigration in my life, but it was also like the most conscious, um, immigration because I knew what I didn't want. I knew what I want. I knew to buy. I thought, okay, I, I like to buy. I know to buy. I paid a visit for like 10 days. I want to move here. And then I prepared myself for this shift. I, and that's why I'm telling it was the most conscious one because I thought, all right, so I'm moving there. Obviously I need a house. I need a car. I need this. I need that. I had a friend living here. So, uh, again, uh, I was very blessed to have a long, long, long, long years friendship here. And, uh, my friend Anna, she's a amazing person. So she helped her and her and her husband helped me a lot, but I was like, I approached it not where, when I was already here, but when I was not here yet. So I thought, okay, here's where I want to live. Obviously I need my car and this and that, but I also looked for communities. So I said, okay, I have an interest in sports. I have interesting yoga. I have interesting psychology. Um, I have interested in people who are active. I want some ladies community. I want some mixed communities. So I did this research and then I applied for like, uh, I joined the group. So I applied for memberships. So whenever I came, I already had, especially for the first two months already, some events scheduled. So I could, you know, like go into this events and meet people from scratch from the beginning. So I would not feel that lonely or, or, or, or, or, you know, like just saying like, Oh, why, what I'm doing here, like all my life is back in Spain or in the UK. And, and again, starting from the beginning when, when, when you were even more confident about yourself and you were like, Oh my God, I'm becoming like even more serious, responsible adult person. And again, I have to feel uncomfortable in a city. I have to feel that I don't know anything. I don't know anyone. I can feel weak. I can feel unsafe, not unsafe in terms of safety, but like, you know, you're just alone navigating through life. So, um, scheduling this, this communities and this events and this meetups was one of the key factors that I didn't feel that bad, but still it took me a year to find people who would, let's say I invite to my house for, for tea. So it took a year. Unfortunately, I went through ups and downs. Um, uh, eventually I felt like, Oh, you know, I, I, I, I cannot find people with the same values or I do find people with the same values, but they're not a hundred percent there. So unfortunately for me, I went through a very bad, uh, friendship that, um, you know, um, I wouldn't say abused, but like got some news out of me and, uh, but it's fine. I mean, whenever you feel a bit stronger, you cut that and you say, bye-bye. I don't want to see you never again. And after that, you think, Oh, like that bad experience, going back to being optimistic or realistic, I thought, okay, well, this is a terrible experience. I've been used by a person who is actually not, not a good one. Um, however, I feel like she got attracted to me because I'm a great person, because I'm a great friend, because I am so caring and I had such an amazing heart. And that is the fact those exactly, those things are the ones that I want to put in my mind. And this is the, the, the, you know, the idea that I want to have about this situation. And that gave me even more value about myself as a, as a friend. So I said, and after that, amazing people came to my life because I said, well, if this one got attached to me, it's because I had so many nice things. So I will better, I value them. And then with this, you know, with this idea, with this mindset, I will attract amazing people. And I have like, now I have amazing supportive friends here in Dubai and we are really, you know, like shoulder to shoulder and very supportive to each other. And, um, especially in women's community, I think it's sometimes it gets tricky to find true friends because you have a lot of competition between women. You have a lot of jealousy between women, but then in the end of the day, all of us, we just want to have like the true friend because unfortunately our partners, you guys are amazing, but there's so many things in our psycho, in our personality, in our self that you don't get, not easy that you cannot help us or support. You just don't get it. So we need a woman to understand that part and to say, okay, okay, calm down. I understand you or cry now or scream now, or let's go here, let's go there. And once you come down, once you tell all these thoughts and maybe insecurities or overwhelming ideas to, to a girlfriend, then you're like, okay, now I can go back to my partner and he will not think I'm crazy. Right. So thank you so much for sharing that. And you said something poignant, which is you said that, uh, women can understand each other when you can tell her things that she can resonate with. It makes me also think what was the reason why you chose to become a crisis boundaries, et cetera, coach, is it because we have been through those things. And so you resonate with people. Why specifically that? And in general, moving from being someone who graduated in business and management, the shift to become self-employed as a coach is not a direct one. So how was that decision? How was it created? All right. So this one, uh, is a long journey. Uh, so I have, I think I have to tell for the entire industry of a therapist, it can be psychologists, coaches, psychiatrics, uh, or any like healer therapists, people who help other people to cope with their lives. Don't remember the exact statistics, but I'm 99 for 9% sure that it was, it was 98 or 97% of therapists. They come into the industry and they come to the profession, uh, through personal journey. So for me, uh, someone who, who was from the beginning, like from a very, uh, from the childhood moved into a new country and suffered bullying and suffered like this adaptation. Uh, I had to find a way to cope with that. And also we haven't touched the modeling part yet, but I, I did 12 years of professional modeling. And unfortunately maybe, you know, like, uh, people have this stereotype about this is like an amazing industry. You take pictures, you put nice dresses, you go down on a catwalk. Uh, this is the beautiful part of the industry. Unfortunately, the not as much beautiful part of the industry is that you, um, as a woman from the early age, cause I started modeling at 15 and majority of the girls do so in that particular time, your body start to shift from girl to woman and you start to have your curves, you know, like your boss, your, uh, your, your, your, um, ways, even like how your shape is, is very different. So in that moment, when you need to value yourself, you need to see the beauty in you, you need to see the femininity in you. You need to understand all this like hormones going around. Like you start to have this, uh, attention from the opposite, uh, gender, right? So all these things that the woman has a need to understand and accepting herself, uh, when you model, when you model, it's exactly the opposite. So they want you skinny, they want you with no shapes, they want you with no, uh, you know, like a waist or this beautiful feminine vibes. Now it shifted a little bit, right? Now we have a little bit more acceptance in fashion, but when I started 15 years ago, everything was like slim, slim, slim. So whenever you had a little bit more of, of waves, they would say, well, you need to lose your weight because you were too, too, too, too wavy to, you know, so, and it's a constant, constant, constant message that they give to you year after year and month after month. So also for me, when I went through all this long, long, long journey, what I was always, uh, question my body, I would not see me, I knew I was beautiful, but I wouldn't, I would see all this like, Oh, here is it. I need to change this. I need to adapt this. I need to do this and this. So always see, just trying to find this, uh, errors or, or, or not beautiful parts of me. So that also affected how, how I would feel about myself. Right. So you some, you take my childhood, uh, story and then you put 12 years of modeling where you want to be family, but you cannot, because all the time you were, you were, you were struggling with your body. And on top of that, you were in like, I wouldn't call it a toxic environment, but usually you, you were surrounded by women because if you go for, for a photoshoot campaign casting, there's always women around you. So you constantly compete with other women and you constantly complete compete based on your, uh, physics on your body shape, on how, obviously how you walk, how you post it's fine, but still your comparison is purely physical, physical. So that didn't help obviously to, to feel confident and, and, and comfortable with myself. So there was a point, I was very concerned about me. I had this, I was like, okay, I feel beautiful, but I don't feel beautiful. I know I'm this, but I don't feel that I'm in constant pain. I'm in constant dieting. Uh, I don't know what's going on. I'm like suffering, um, emotional and psychologically. So I wanted to heal myself. So then I started my own journey of therapy, of reading books and doing courses on going into a group, um, let's say masterclass or workshops or just group communities where you could just talk to other women and understand, okay, I'm not the only one. Like I'm not the only one. I'm not, you know, because we all, women, we are all beautiful and we want to look beautiful and we want to be beautiful for ourselves. We want to be beautiful for, for you guys. So every woman tries to show the most beauty of her, right? So whenever you are surrounded or around all these beautiful women, you sometimes you don't even think that she can be in emotional pain or she can think that, oh, she's not even beautiful as beautiful as you see her. So that helped a lot. And then, uh, going back to your first question about my friends, how they see me. So the other thing that I realized is that since I was a teenager, all my friends would come to me for advice or just a conversation. And I just, I always knew that I was like a good listener, right? So, um, while I was on this journey of healing myself and just being a great friend and supporting friend and listening friend already before COVID, I was not sure about the industry I was in. I was suffering from modeling. I just didn't feel comfortable with it. So I wanted to shift to somewhere else, but I was not sure where about. And then one of my friends, she was, um, going through a separation with her, with her partner and she was in a really, really bad emotional state. So like two or three times per week, we would just have a phone call and we would just talk. And after a month, month and a half, she just wrote me this beautiful message saying like, I, I don't think I would have made it without you. I think you were a great friend and you are not only a great friend, but you are the only person who I wanted to call in this situation. And then you are this because you don't judge me. You don't question me. You don't say, Oh, how could you have you done this? Or why did you tell this to him or how, why you were not thinking like none of this comments came from you. The only thing that came from you is like, okay, how do you feel? What do you need? Why do you think this happened? Like what, where do you want to be like in five minutes? Like, how do you want to feel like, w why do you think you were, you know, like suffering this or feeling this? So unconsciously, I was coaching my friend my entire life and this particular girlfriend, she just spotlighted there. And she's like, my love, you have to do this because you were too good in this. And I will be the first one to send you like this amazing review. And I will be your first, you know, like supportive client. So after that, I thought, Oh, why not? And then I started searching for like coaching programs, coaching trainings, because I'm also considering being like a licensing in psychology, but that takes at least four years. I thought, I thought, okay, what can I do to start now? Because I mean, I've been doing this for like more than 25 years, like, come on. Then I started this programs and then COVID hit. And for me, COVID was from one side, obviously a very emotionally difficult time. But from on the other hand, it was the biggest blessing I could have had, because everything got shut down. And a lot of courses and trainings and programs that I wanted to do, but I couldn't because they were like physical, like offline somewhere, they all shifted to online. So then the entire COVID like year and a half, I was connected to zoom for like six to eight hours a day, doing like coaching programs, emotional intelligence programs, conflict management programs, mindfulness programs, so many different I'm talking now, and I have goosebumps, like I was like so happy because I had the time and the opportunity. And I was so happy. And then once I started learning that, I started already, you know, doing some zooms, because unfortunately, we couldn't do it all offline in that time. And then, and then I started obviously, we all started with our friends, I said, guys, okay, I'm doing this, I need you, whoever is is able to open up to me, we sign our contract of no disclosure, everything's gonna be very serious. And then because my friends consider me as a serious responsible person, they were so trustful to me, you know, so then I started, and then I continued and continued. And when I moved to Dubai, by the end of 2021, here already, it was possible to do offline events. So then that's where I started with my own events. And then I was, I was invited like social clubs or business clubs to do workshops there. And then I started my public speaking. And then and then now I'm giving you a podcast interview. So all started because I've always been a coach to everyone, I was just not aware. And I think this is the exact mirroring example about why also people come to therapy. Because so many things are in us that we cannot see. And it has to be someone sitting in front of us to say, Hey, you are this you're amazing. This is good. This is this is this, you know, so yeah, that's, that's how it all started. Thank you. Thank you, Kaja. I love that. That sounds absolutely like a whole odyssey journey and a life filled with adventure. And to ask even more, because I'm sure some women might be curious. If they like your vibe, they resonate with you, they want to use your services or get in touch with you. I will make sure of course, to write your Instagram in the description. But what can they expect? What is the first step? What things can you do together? And then I'll ask you the last question. But this is I believe is very important. Okay, sure. So I believe when you touch your when you open your soul, or you open your mind or your open your consciousness or unconsciousness, it's very important that you trust the person who who is in front of you. So for people, it's very important to whatever therapist you choose, you have to be comfortable with that person, first of all, energetically, then you need to understand that because whenever we come to therapy, we I mean, we all I'm the first one who says I always go to therapy. Whenever we enter this therapy room, we accept a certain jerk, Jersey jerky, whether you position yourself a little bit below the therapies, because you know that that person will understand and guide and the therapist has a little bit more of a knowledge regarding your situation. So you have to be comfortable with that. And to be comfortable with that and to be comfortable with a person and to understand that energetically, we are on the same vibe and, and you like my approach and you like, how I speak, how I talk, how I do jokes. For that, you need to have a little bit of a of some time with me to understand, right. So for that, for those type of things, existed discovery calls. So when we just jump on a Zoom call, we have a 25, 30, 35 minute conversation about who are you, what concerns you, who I am, person can ask me questions, I will ask the person the questions and then I will tell, okay, this is how I work. You know, this, this is the type of thing that I do. You know, I work with consciousness, we like active questions, active dialogue. I work with subconsciousness. That's a different technique. I use like different cards, also like visual cards. No tarot. No, no astrology, no tarot. No, which instead, but just like cards with images, with pictures that will help you to get out all the information that you might not be able to tell with your words. So all this kind of things I explain on a discovery call, which is absolutely for free, just so that the person understands, okay, I like her, I like her vibe. I know she can help me. I want to sign up with her. And also not for the person, also for me, because some people come and I am 100% sure that I can help them because I, one of my values and qualities is honesty. So if I see that the problem that the person comes with, it's more, let's say for a psychiatric, rather than a psychologist, I will say, I'm happy to have conversations with you. I'm happy to be for you if you need me, but I would suggest you first go to here. And after you do this, you can still come to me. Okay, so I will be also very honest because some people, I don't accept, some people I don't work with, or some people I do work with, but I just redirect them first and then they come back to me. Or we can do it parallelly, but I'm someone who is very honest. And also, you know, me also, I have to be comfortable with a person because if I'm not, little we can do on our sessions. So of course, you can tag my Instagram. There is a link in BO for my direct WhatsApp and discovery calls can be scheduled through that link. And then whatever options the person want to know, then that will be told and discussed on the session. Thank you very much for sharing that. And yes, your Instagram is in the description. I loved our call. I loved all your insights. And to finish with this, is there any lesson that maybe you resonated with recently or something that you are thinking about that you would love to share with other women so that they will live better, something that either you believe they should hear or something you realize, so you want to share it or anything that might be heard by the right person in the right time to make them feel that everything is going to be okay? All right. Yes. So I'm not getting tired of repeating this idea because it can be applied to any part of our life. So a lot of time people are concerned about their relationships, their life, their job, their families. And so many times what happens to us, whenever we are in uncomfortable position, we take one of our personnel, we have like three people living inside us. Some people have more, like in that movie that he had like 32 different personalities, but we're not talking about biopolarity now. We're just talking about the three people that live in us. And it's usually our adult, our parent and our inner child. So whenever we are in an uncomfortable unpleasant situation, what we do, we just ship directly to our inner child. We sit there and we're like, "Oh, it's your fault. Oh, I don't want to do that. Oh, why you did this to me? Oh, I'm so unhappy. I cannot do anything. I'm so weak." So this is fine to feel. And I think we all have the right to feel that. What happens is whenever you want to stop feeling that, the person has to come into the adult position. And the first thing that we should ask ourselves and we should be aware is, "Who are we? Who we are? Like who I am? What type of qualities do I have? What type of values do I have? Like what is important for me? What do I tolerate? What do I do not tolerate? What I'm interested in?" Not because someone came and told me this. No, who am I? Because so many people, and especially women, we are drags from one side to another side. I'm so confused by other women and by social media and by this and by parents and by family and by partners and by friends. At the end of the day, one can just lose herself. And the most important thing that a woman can do is just like, "Okay, who am I? Like really, who am I? What describes me? What things I've achieved in my life? What things made me the person who I am? What are my top... I'm not tagging like 20 qualities. I can name it 20 qualities. All my clients can name it 20 qualities. But at least start with five qualities. Like what are your five qualities as a person? What are your five top qualities as a friend? What are your top five qualities as a wife, as a mother, as a child? So when you start to really put an eye on you, and this doesn't happen today because talking about ourselves, talking nicely about ourselves is considered egoism. You want to be on the spotlight. You want to be the start. So a lot of times people are scared to talk about themselves and even concentrate their minds on themselves because it's seen badly in the society. But in our conversations or in therapy or just in a nice community or just yourself at home, you have to put an eye on you. You have to see yourself with this beauty in the eyes. And for that, you have to ask yourself questions like, "What makes me amazing? Why am I amazing?" And like, really be honest. You want to know how amazing you are in your mind? Talk to your mind. You want to know how amazing you are in your body? Just look at your body. Tell, "Oh, I have great eyes. I have long nails. I have great legs. I have great shape." Just look at yourself and really, really, really compliment yourself. Ask yourself for you, and especially your values and especially your qualities because that will make you understand the value of yourself and to see the full picture of yourself. And once you do that, everything else that will be coming to you that does not mirror you, you will say, "Oh, this is not who I am. So I don't want this in my life." But if you don't know who you are, if you don't know how valuable you are, if you don't know how cool and amazing and funny and interesting and great you are, whatever will come to your life, it's going to be a complete mess because you are accepting things that you should probably not. And half of them should probably not even be there for you. So this is like my, I think my biggest advice to all women, just really focus on how amazing you are and be 100% true about your amazingness and coolness and just your personality and your person because so many of us are not aware of how cool we are. And the other thing, like a little tip, little exercise, you know, you asked me at the beginning, like, "Oh, what your friends tell about you?" Well, that's something that you can start with. You can just send a little survey to your friends like, "Hey, I'm just doing like some therapy or just like an exercise in my company or in my therapy or just for myself." Like, could you please ask, answer these questions? And the good exercises that they ask the good and the bad sides of you, but you can start with the good sides and say, "Okay, what qualities do you think are, make me a good person? Or why do you think like, I'm like an amazing woman? Or what types of, or what parts of my body do you see as beautiful? Or what makes me a good friend?" And you will get this feedback and you will realize that so many things that you don't even, you are not even aware of, people see beautiful in you. So that's a good start because other people can just spotlight you the beauty of you. And from there, you can put layers and layers and layers of self-awareness and self-empowerment. And then it will make your life easier and your emotions easier. And boundaries will come easier and crisis will come easier. Just the first step. That is absolutely fantastic. I agree with it 100%. Thank you so much Margherita for sharing your life story, your wise thoughts, your advice, your experiences all over the world. And I wish you all the success in the world with helping people with your coaching. I'm sure that many will absolutely benefit and will be excited to connect with you. And thank you again for participating in this podcast. It was an honor and a privilege. Thank you so much. Thank you Aziz. For me, it was like a great experience. Thanks to you, to your effort to do this amazing project. You were putting small grain that will become a beautiful botanic garden eventually. And yes, I cannot wait to see it posted. I cannot wait to share it. I cannot wait to talk about the beautiful project that you have. And thank you so much for having me. I was very happy to share my story. And I wish you a lot of success in your projects. And I wish a lot of women can connect with this podcast and feel slightly better about themselves with every audio that they listen. You are welcome.
