Episode Transcript
Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 0:08
femininity is powerful in all its forms. exceptional women, rarely girls must be appreciated in every way for their perspectives, actions, thoughts, and their unique ways of being. Such rare girls are inspiring. And this is what this podcast is all about. Hello, my name is Aziz, and my guest today is Valerie Onoshko. Valerie is a student at church, Cassie Bohdan, Khmelnytsky National University in Ukraine, studying to become a teacher of English and German languages. Valerie, how are you today?
Valerie Onoshko 0:55
Hi, Aziz. I'm great. How are you?
Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 0:58
I'm feeling positive, optimistic, and really curious about you. And so to begin, what have you be, have been a topic that you've been thinking about lately, these days, something about your life, or the war, or the future, or anything that you feel is important to think about?
Valerie Onoshko 1:24
You know, the only topic today in Ukraine is war, and when when will be our victory. So I'm thinking only about that all the days. And the first day, so warm, I, I don't have I didn't have any dreams, I don't have any plans for the future. And that was, that was scary, because I always had some plans, some different things that I will do in my life. i My dream was always to live abroad, not in Ukraine. But nowadays, this changed. And now it is 38 day of war. And now I'm thinking about plans for the future, because I see that our victory is near, and we will win. So I'm thinking about how to deal with it, how to study in this world how to how to help my country become more powerful than it was before this war.
Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 2:38
I like what you're saying, because I have a friend who said before she wanted to live abroad, but now that it's forced to live abroad, she wants to stay in Ukraine, because before it was a choice. But now if it's an obligation, it's not so interesting. What are your thoughts about this?
Valerie Onoshko 3:03
From my childhood, my parents, my teachers, so all people that surrounded me, they all say, was saying that it is better to live abroad, it is burden to live not in Ukraine, not because they didn't love Ukraine. That's because, for example, USA or Canada, it's better countries to become someone in this world. But now, they are saying to me that I must live abroad for a year, not for a good not for a long period of time. Only for a year, just because there is no work. There is a lot of destroyed houses. So it's hard now to be here. But they want me to be in Ukraine. And I want to because I didn't appreciate all these things, all these fields are religious, all our culture, all our Ukrainian culture i Many times I work at my grandma's house and it is it is unimaginable, how beautiful it is our culture. And only after war started, I understand this. And only now I can say that why I want to live in Ukraine and why I want to stay here.
Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 4:32
So how did this whole situation change you as a person? How was Valerie before the 38 days ago and now? What change in your level of maturity in your thought, in your patriotism in your desires for the future? What is different?
Valerie Onoshko 4:54
Maybe different? Maybe change that I you like A lot of people from music industry from film industry. And now I am a little bit disappointed in them. Because you know, when something like this happens, you can't just be silent, but they aren't. And this is the fact that I understand that people are not who they seem to be. And what about my dreams or plans? I don't know. It's like, it's like, my life started again. But I remember this day when my mom came in, in the morning, it was 6am. And my mom said, the war started. And it was unbelievable. And so my life started again, and I don't know, I'm, I can't even think about what changed in me so much, I can say that I become more, more cheerful. Because more happy. I don't know why. Maybe because I appreciate every minute, every day in my life. And I see all this destroyed houses, killed people. And I understand that one day, it can be me how sad it can be. But it is our reality now. So I appreciate every day, and I appreciate my relatives. Because you know, before war, we just don't think so much about our family. Don't think about what what is going to be tomorrow. But now, I like to play with my sister, go for a walk with my dog. And just play games with my parents and have dinner together because it can be. It can be the last. So it's like that.
Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 7:08
I really understand what you're saying. It's both sad, but also very happy. Because every day every moment is meaningful. Now, and it's important. But the sadness is because the reason that the beauty can be seen, and every moment is that a lot of houses are destroyed and people died, which is not so good. But I'm happy that you have this optimistic attitude about life. And it's really important because some people realize it very, very late. When they're 40 or 50, only then they understand how precious life is to ask you also, since this podcast is about girls and women and femininity. What is to you being a woman? What is femininity? Is it an energy? Is it the way you look? Is it an attitude? Is it a behavior? And how does it make you feel when you feel really like a woman?
Valerie Onoshko 8:25
It's a hard question, I guess because I understood how strong women are during the war. And what about me? I guess? I guess I changed a little bit a little bit too, during this war and about my attitude. When I see these pictures of women that gave birth, in bomb shelters, and they are they are dealing with all of this every day, understand how strong we are. And that I should be as strong as this women that are dealing with such a situation and I'm here I'm safe right now. And I don't know how to do it. Because I can't see him in me that I'm changed so much.
Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 9:24
Thank you, Valerie. And since it's a special situation, what do you do in order to protect your mental health? And to feel like life is normal? You mentioned playing with your sister, and maybe studying online, but what things do you do to distract yourself from the stress and have moments where you forget a little bit the pains and the negativity of the war?
Valerie Onoshko 9:58
I like to draw So in Java now, maybe every day, it is destructible. For me, and I, I have watched a lot of movies before where I haven't watched movies a lot, but now I do this. And also studying is distracting me. Because first two weeks of war, we didn't study. And I was all depressed, I guess, because of all of this. And but then when teachers said to us that we are going to study again, I was upset, I didn't know how I'm going to deal with it. But now I understand that, it's great that we started to study for half of a day, I can be, I can have my thoughts about studying, not about all of the situation and not looking in the internet. But also, you know, a lot of apps, they allow Ukrainian people to do use them free. And I use a little bit of apps, like English learning apps. And also, there is an app, I forget, I forgot how it is cold. But it's about psychology. And it has a lot of different Yogo videos, so you can be calm.
Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 11:43
Thank you. I also noticed specifically you mentioned drawing. And since the apps and the study is already decided by others for you, when it comes to drawing, what inspires you? What kind of drawing Do you like to do? And why is it interesting for you,
Valerie Onoshko 12:08
I like to do landscapes, it might be a lot of skies, a lot of fields with skies or mountains with skies. And you know, also there is always the path. So it's like grass and path. So I guess maybe it's because I'm thinking about how beautiful our country is. And I'm thinking about how I am in the village again, and Mike at my grandma's house. And in all these fields, all the skies, free sky, you know, without all this planes, without bombs. And I'm just thinking about it. And it's it helps me to, to relax. And to believe in better.
Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 13:03
I like that very much. Do you notice that people around you became more happy, optimistic and believing in better? Or some people are becoming more depressed and negative? And if so, why are you different from them?
Valerie Onoshko 13:22
You know, it's like, a two sides of the coin. Because my mother is really not negative. But she is She changed. She. She is she's not depressed. But she is like, she believed in victory. And like that, but let's she reads news every day. And she see you that that it's not a good situation in our country. So she is not an inspiring person. For me right now. I don't see her as my inspiration. And I try, I'm trying to keep her calm. But my friends, my friends, I guess, become more positive. They believe that everything will be okay. They try to live their life. They try to find the work for them. They try to find a hobby for them. And they believe in something good. And they inspire and they inspire me. So something like that.
Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 14:42
People are very important, especially in hard times. Do you choose the people in your life carefully and you try to create your own community of positive and happy people? Or do you accept the People who are around, but you try to manage your own thoughts to keep them positive.
Valerie Onoshko 15:07
I like I like to be to be a man, positive people positive thinking people. And, of course, I'm trying to manage these people and trying to look for these people, and only to be with people who, who inspire not only with who inspire me, but with people who believes in good, who know that everything will be good, and who try to live their life. Not be upset because of all of this. Because if you are upset you, you wouldn't be able to deal with all of this. So as I said before, my mother is like depressed. And because of that, I'm trying to, to inspire. And to be like, light, for sure. And I try and I'm trying to distract her from all these things. I'm trying to I don't know, cuckoo is here to speak with her more in and that's how I manage people around me. Not, not people, not the she is a person that I don't like your attitude right now. But I'm trying to like it.
Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 16:38
Thank you. And since this is about we spoke about being a girl being a woman in your life. Well, there are also a lot of men and Ukrainian men who are protecting the country. And in general, to you. What does it mean to be a man? What is masculine energy? Do you like it that you feel protected? Or you feel equal, or you feel the man is strong and smart? Or you feel he has experience and interesting? Or he's handsome, and tall? Or I don't know exactly what is to you. But what is the ideal kind, that gives you that feeling of being with a masculine man, that gives you exactly the emotions you desire.
Valerie Onoshko 17:30
I've watched I watched a lot of videos on Tiktok app. And I guess maybe people who have watched it, they saw this videos, and this is about our soldiers. Army. And it is very attractive videos, it is about how handsome our soldiers and it is about not only about how strong they are, and how helpful they are for our people, it is also about how how good they are, how cheerful they are, and that they are people they are not like in an emotional store soldiers that fight and kill the opponents. But a lot of videos showed that our soldiers played with pets, they played with dogs. And this is really inspiring for me that soldiers can be like that they not only unemotional, they have this good, good feelings, insight and good attitude. Also, I have a lot of a lot of soldiers in my family and people who pour on the war right now. And I see them I'm talking with them on the telephone and I see they are good characteristics and how good they are. And I have an example of being a good person. So, my point of view of, of a good soldier of a good man and masculinity is you should be and you should be good with all people. You should be kind and also you should you should not be unemotional, you should have feelings and think about other people's life. If, if they come to kill you, you also should think about realize their families and not be this unemotional soldier.
Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 20:06
Why is someone being unemotional something that you view as not good? I understand, you know, of course the problem, but when someone has those emotions and feelings, does it make you feel safer, that they're more normal, that they're less scary, or so that you can understand them? Because you can feel those emotions as well.
Valerie Onoshko 20:33
I guess both because I can, yes, I can feel the emotions, and I can see that they are good in person. They are, they are helpful. And they can, they can feel something. Because when I see videos with Russian soldiers, I don't understand how they can be like that. And when I see videos with Ukrainian soldiers, when I see I saw today a video how they, how they go to Bucha, in which is now three of the Russian soldiers. And it is amazing how good they are, how good they are to people. And this means to me to be an animal or to be emotion to be with emotions, to think about other people.
Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 21:30
Are you very emotional? How do you experience life? Does everything give you strong emotions, like the environment, the places, the weather, the activities, the people? Everything gives you? A wave of emotions,
Valerie Onoshko 21:51
I'm emotional people or a person, but I don't. I don't show this to be a to other people. I don't know why I just I can be emotional in my room alone. I can be like that, maybe on the internet, but not to when I am among the among other people. I like Yes. I like the weather. It inspires me. What is the weather outside? What is the situation outside with people occupies me? And and that inspires me, even if it's raining outside. It's also very good for me. And I feel different emotions about that. So a lot of things, I guess, it can be helpful for me to be emotional.
Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 22:55
Do you like being emotional? Or do you wish you were more logical and in control, and, like, serious and that way?
Valerie Onoshko 23:08
I can say that I'm not serious. I'm not logical. I'm just I'm emotional. But you know, when I'm doing something, I'm thinking before I will do something. So I can say that. I compare both of these things. So sometimes I'm emotional. But sometimes when this the situation and understand that I can be emotional in this situation. I just don't allow this to me.
Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 23:43
Thank you. And you spoke about how you were in thinking about the future a lot? Well, a lot of people left to go to Europe and be refugees. Why did you choose to stay in your city? What do you think about all those millions of Ukrainians that are abroad? Do you think they will start new lives and therefore maybe they will not return to Ukraine? Or do you feel that all will return and try to build it? Or what is your own personal expectation?
Valerie Onoshko 24:20
I think that maybe half of the people that left Ukraine, they will stay in the cities, and especially people who who left to the Canada or to the USA. I think they will stay there for for a long period of time and they won't return in Ukraine. But why I'm staying here. That's because here is all my family. And you know, a lot of yes, there are lots of Refugees centers for people who left Ukraine who was running from war in Ukraine. But no one is waiting for me for my family abroad. And when it is safe here, it's not safe, but it is. It there is no bombs, there is no soldiers, Russian soldiers. So I think that I should stay here as long as I can, when I'm thinking about going abroad from Ukraine. And also, I can't even imagine go without my year debt. Because mom and my sister, I can go with them, but my dad, even he can go abroad. But as I said before, a lot of my relatives, they are in the army. So it's it just unimaginable for me. To left him here alone, I left my cat to have my dog, and all my relatives here and just just go, you know, maybe if someone from my family from my year, and maybe aunt or uncle or cousin, someone would go abroad, I used to think that maybe my mother and sister and I know we'll go to. But when we're all here we are all we can see each other every day and be happy for all these little moments in I guess I shouldn't be here. And I shouldn't left Ukraine right now.
Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 26:57
I like that you mentioned being happy for all those little moments. If there are people who are listening, or even Ukrainians who cannot feel happy, because of those little moments, the stress of war is too much for them. What advice would you give them so that they will have similar thoughts to you, and see the beauty and the joy and the happiness in every small thing.
Valerie Onoshko 27:27
I can advise to this people to think about a better future. And to think about all of this, all this work as as just like a moment, a bad moment that happens in our life in everyone's life. There is a moment that change our life. But right now, this moment is happening in Ukraine. And we we should think about a better future for us, for our children. And we should think about how strong our countries how strong our president is, and how strong people in Ukraine are. So I can't even imagine how how these two people who call run from their houses and, and leave the abets and leave the homes, close this and so on. So only advice can be to believe in, to believe in good future and to believe in victory. And to be to be not optimistic, but to be happy and to be happy about different things. And so not to help maybe other people but to be with other people to talk with other people not to be depressed because when you see it and just look, look on the on the news on the TV set. That's that is not good. So you just you should be among people, you should communicate with people and talk with them. So it's it will help you and believe in better future in Ukraine.
Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 29:23
Thank you. That's such good advice. Valerie. It's an honor. It was a privilege. And thank you for this conversation. And I wish your green victory, Slava grainy and I wish you a wonderful and positive week.
Valerie Onoshko 29:42
Thank you. I wish you the same slam Oh green
