E048 Maria Vitrenko

Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 0:00 The femininity is powerful in all its forms, exceptional women, rare girls must be appreciated in every way for their perspectives, actions, thoughts, and their unique ways of being. Such rare girls are inspiring. And this is what this podcast is all about. Hello, my name is Aziz, and my guest today is Maria Vitrenko. Maria is a Ukrainian who used to live in the USA, and her hobbies include traveling, go into the gym, learning about psychology and Greek mythology. Her future goals is to become an OBGYN, or to work in the UN like her father, Maria, how are you today? Maria Vitrenko 1:01 I'm good, how are you? Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 1:03 I'm feeling happy to be alive. I'm feeling optimistic and curious about you. So I'll begin with this question. If your friends were to describe your personality, what would they say? Maria Vitrenko 1:17 They would probably say, that's a tough question. But they would probably say I'm shy. Because at first I'm a little bit shy. But then once you get to know me, like, I'm a really like, fun person, they would say, kind of fun. And yeah, that's pretty much it. Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 1:35 Thank you. Does it mean you have a poker face where people at first think you're angry? Or in a bad mood? Even if you're not? Yeah, Maria Vitrenko 1:43 they always think that like Amina at first, but then once they get to know me, they're like, Oh, my God, like, you're not going to expect it at all. Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 1:50 That's really cool. And you mentioned Greek mythology. What is fascinating to you about it? And is there like a specific goddess, or God or any of the characters that speaks to you a lot. Maria Vitrenko 2:07 I just really like learning about it. It's just interesting. And my favorite God is probably Ares, the god of love. Or Psych. She's like his wife. And like, I don't know, I just think that it's really interesting. Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 2:26 I like that. That's why you're like five colors. So you are currently in Ukraine? Is this correct? Maria Vitrenko 2:36 Yes, this is correct. I actually, we had to leave America from my dad's job, and go back to Ukraine. And I lived in America for six years. So it was really tough leaving, like all my friends. And it was just like a tough situation. And then when I came to Ukraine, like right away, like, I came like, February 20, right after the war started, and it was really hard. Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 3:05 I agree. And we'll speak about that as well. To speak about culture. How I mean, like, you only have a few days to experience that, I guess. But how would you compare the culture when you were living in the US, the people the interactions compared to when you went back to Ukraine and experience something different? Maria Vitrenko 3:27 Oh, I've lived in Ukraine before I lived in America. So I know how to compare that. But honestly, like I Ukraine's my home and like, I read this a really beautiful country, and like I love Ukraine with all my heart. But I feel like the people on America are more welcoming. And like, just like nicer people. Because like some people in Ukraine are like, very closed off and like, they're just like, not as welcoming than like Americans. And there's like so many different cultures in America. Like it doesn't really matter. Like, where you're from, like, everyone's just so accepting. And yeah, but the food was really different also, and I love Ukrainian foods. So I could definitely say that Ukrainian food is one of my fears. Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 4:15 Thank you. You said. So culturally, I know. You spoke about living before in Ukraine, etc. Do you feel you're more American or more cosmopolitan, where you took a little bit from all the cultures of the world a little bit from Kpop and Korea, a little bit from Latin America from the US from Eastern Europe. And you are your own melting pot? Maria Vitrenko 4:43 I definitely. I used to think that I was more American but now I disagree because like, I just like have like such shock love towards my country and I just feel like like both of my parents are Ukrainian and I'm not American just because I live there doesn't end just because like I speak, American people tend to think that, like, an identify me as American, but I'm Ukrainian and like, this has always been my home. And just because like I've lived in America, that doesn't really make me American. Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 5:18 Thank you. And you spoke about leaving your friends behind? What characteristics or things do you look for now that you have to remake new friends? Or how does it work? Do you have that instant chemistry with a few people where you don't feel shy right away? Or do you need time to open up always? Maria Vitrenko 5:40 No, I don't always need time to open up. But when I'm like, in big groups, I tend to like, just like stay to myself and like, I don't really like like, parties and like, where there's a lot of people. Like I like being alone more than like being with my friends. Because I don't know, I just feel like, with some people, I can't really be myself, if I don't really know them. And yeah, Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 6:05 so are you more of an introvert? Maria Vitrenko 6:08 Yeah, I'm definitely more of an introvert. I like just like, spending my time like, alone in my room. And like, most people would describe that as boring. But like, I have my cat to view with me and like, so I'm not that alone, because I have my cat. And I just like reading stuff and like watching Netflix, and I don't know, like some people say that it's impossible for them to just stay home for like, weeks. But for me like, I just feel like it's nice. Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 6:36 Thank you. Do you have metaphysical like ideas about your lovely car? Do you feel maybe it's an reincarnation of a soulmate or best friend or something like that? Maria Vitrenko 6:48 Actually, no, I had very bad luck in my past relationships. I still talked to like, my last boyfriend from America. But we tried to do long distance, but it was really hard. Because long distance just really hard. And it's like almost never work. So so if I ever go back to America, like maybe, maybe I'm gonna go to college there. So I'll see. Like, maybe the things are gonna work out between us again, but for now. We're just on speaking terms, but we're not like together. Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 7:26 Thank you. Do you tend to as a shy girl who doesn't like to go to parties, etc. Like more bad boys and enjoy that drama and new emotions? or more of the calm guys or you think they're boring, and you're already a loner, so you don't want more of that energy? Maria Vitrenko 7:47 No, I definitely, definitely go for like bad boys. Everyone says it. Like even my mom. She's just like, you have to change your time for like, I don't know, I just feel like, they're like mysterious and like, I don't know, I just really like tend to go for like, more compatible type. Because I just feel like, they're more fun. And they just like, like, a new part of me comes out when I'm with them. Like, not like the shy type or like, just like, they'll fund me like, where I could actually, like, have fun and like, go on adventures and stuff with them. Because I feel like if someone was just as calm as me, like, we would literally just like be sitting somewhere and like not even speaking and like it would just be awkward. So I need someone with like a bigger personality than me to like, yeah, Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 8:40 thank you. That's so interesting. Do you feel when you want someone with a bigger personality, someone mysterious, etc? Do you feel a drive that you're gonna fix them or change them? Or make them because have you become a good guy? Or it's more like a roller coaster where you want to go through the highs and lows and the emotional changes? Maria Vitrenko 9:05 No, I always feel like I'm gonna fix them. And once I like actually did that's like the guy that I still speak to, like, from this day, like we were like together for like, a year and a half. And like, we did break up a lot because like we just aren't you. But I definitely could say that I should have turned him into like a better person than he was and like, I don't know, I just Yeah, always like with my first boyfriend like he had like a lot of problems and stuff like with family and like I just wanted to be there for him and help him because like, I'm like very nurturing and like I just really like wants to be loved like the way that I love people. And like sometimes like with like a bad boys like you said, like I don't really get that back but Yeah, Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 10:01 thank you, do you feel I'm not speaking about feminism, I'm speaking about femininity, that you're a woman with a high femininity and high feminine energy because you spoke about being kind and nurturing, et cetera? And what would that mean to you? Maria Vitrenko 10:20 That's a tough question. But I definitely think that like, I'm really feminine. Like, I just like, believe in like, the roles of like, the woman, like, stay home, like taking care of the kids. And like, obviously, like, I used to, like, want to work, but now that I think about it, like, I would rather just like, have my husband work at the money and like, I could just, like, stay home, stay with my kid and like, cook. And like. I just feel like, Yeah, and like, very feminine. Like, I always just like, once, like, if like, I have a boyfriend at the time, like, I just really want to give him like, like all the love that I can just like, like, fix him, like you said, and like, make him feel like happy. You know? Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 11:08 Thank you, as someone who spent, you know, seven years in the US, didn't you feel that the culture may be there try to not make you feel feminine not to believe in the gender roles? How did you overcome it? Was it your own personality that they didn't accept such programming? Or how did it go? Maria Vitrenko 11:29 No, I honestly feel like I'm in America, like, there still are gender roles. That didn't really like, like, change anything that I thought because like, I feel like there are gender roles in America. And I feel like if you're a woman, well, obviously things are going to be harder for you in business, because I know that a lot of men in America believe that women are better, like naturally better business related things. But I don't really agree with that. Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 12:00 Thank you. And how was that day for you? February 24, which is what, two or three days after your return? How did you hear about the war? How did you feel that you believe it at first or not? telling me the story and the emotions? Maria Vitrenko 12:17 Okay, so I woke up, I always wake up very late, because I go to sleep very late. But like, my mom woke me up early. And she told me like, pack your stuff. Like we're leaving, like we're leaving, like the worst started. And I was like, what? And at first, I didn't really feel scared. Because I'm not like really, like intimidated by things at first. And like, I kind of didn't believe it. But then when I saw what was really going on, like I felt terrified. And I felt like, oh, like, why is this happening? And like, I just felt like really strong hate towards Russia, and because they're doing this to my country. And yeah, I basically on February 24, like early in the morning, I just had to pack my bags and leave. Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 13:04 Thank you, I can really, really understand that. And to know a bit also more about your Do you feel you're a highly sensitive person to emotions, that you feel emotions very strongly, that maybe a small criticism can hurt you or something like that. Maria Vitrenko 13:24 No, I don't, I definitely don't think that like someone's words are gonna hurt me if I don't care about them. Like, if someone was to, like, criticize me and stuff, I wouldn't really listen to them. Because even though I am very emotional, and like very kind, like, I'm not gonna let people walk all over me. Like, if they have something to say about me, like, obviously, I'm not just gonna, like sit there and cry about it. Like, I'm not gonna let them lead disrespect me because like, even as the kind of person like you shouldn't let people just, like, take advantage of you. But like, with people I love, it's harder for me because if it's like my boyfriend at the time, or like a really close friend criticizing me and like someone I really love, then I'm gonna take it to heart. And I'm gonna get really upset about it. And like, in past relationships, like, like, I just tend to get really jealous and like, everyone, like, in my past relationship would describe me as like, jealous and like emotional, but yeah, that's only like, one side. I mean, relationships. And that happens like rarely, but I don't know, sometimes I just feel insecure in relationships. Because like, I always think like, oh, like what are they're gonna find someone like, better than me. And then I start getting like emotional and stuff. But if it's somebody that I don't really know, then I'm not going to care what they say. Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 14:49 Thank you then, how do you explain or Why are you shy at first, if it doesn't matter what people who are unknown, or strangers say and do doesn't hurt you, where do you believe it comes from? Maria Vitrenko 15:03 I honestly just believe that like, when, like when I was like, younger, like, and I did like really show my personality, I would like, I don't know, like, sometimes like, I used to get like really loud and like people would be like, called, like, I use a lot. And like, even though it didn't really hurt me, like, over the years, I've just started getting like, quieter and quieter. And like, I've been through a lot of friend groups and like, they didn't work out. And like, I've been through three relationships and they didn't work out. So like, I just feel like I shouldn't really show myself at first because I don't want people to like, like, show my personality, because I don't want people to take advantage of it. And like, I don't know, I just feel like in the past, like, because of the love I give out, I used to always like, like, I'm just getting got taken advantage of. And I just don't want that to happen again. Because like, it really hurt me because like I don't understand, like, if all I want is to just give out love and like have like, good relationships with people. And like good friendships, why they like take advantage of me and they hurt me. So I just thought that like I just shouldn't be like more closed off and like, not really show my whole personality at first. Unless, like, I see that the person is like deserving of it. Because I think that like, I'm like when not to sound like cocky or anything, but I just feel like I'm like one of the best people like that, like a friend could have. Because like, I just want to, like, truly care about someone like I will do anything for that person. And I just feel like, people are gonna take advantage of that, like some people might. So I just don't really want to show myself at first. Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 16:49 Thank you. So if I understood you correctly, you're someone full of love very kind, who can be one of the best friends or girlfriends etc. But the experience you have been through is that some people who you open up to take advantage of that. And because you love them, and you're close to them, whatever they do hurt. So you try to protect yourself and only open up when you know, someone is deserving. Is this correct? Maria Vitrenko 17:19 Yes, this is correct. Because like, I've gotten like cheated on before, but I don't really like it doesn't really hurt me anymore. Because this was like a pretty long time ago. But like, with my most recent boyfriend, it really, like did hurt me like a lot and especially like me moving to Ukraine. At first like, I thought it was gonna be really bad because I just love this like boy so much and like, I want to spend like my life with him. And like, I just felt like me moving is gonna ruin everything. But he told me that it would ruin everything that we would work out. But things don't work out because he said that, like, it's really hard for him to love me from far away. And I don't know, maybe he's I know that he's like, still a good person and maybe one day like we'll meet again, Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 18:10 I understand and what makes you love you said you have three relationships, etc. Many of them you go for the bad boy and you try to fix them. I thought you said as soon as you fix them you get a bit bored because they become too nice. I don't know if I understood that correctly. But that's not the case. Okay, I understand. What is it I want to understand? Is it the soul of the person that you fall in love with? Is it the brain and the experience and the way of thinking of someone? Is that the type they look a specific way that is your ideal and for some reason you just adore that and love it or is it the shared memories? And what do you love about the people that you love especially you know, in the relationships you had, so that I understand how you perceive the world. Maria Vitrenko 19:08 I definitely am not like Lux type personally, I know that some people just go for looks but I just can't do that because like I've like looks are going to change over the years but like your soul is gonna stay with you forever. And like I just always go for like personality and like honestly will makes me fall for a person is how they treat me. Um I sometimes tend to just like believe words more than actions and that has gotten in me like her in the past because everyone could say like something that they don't mean but like actions really show how like a person feels about you and like, I don't know, I just feel like my love like languages like words of affection and like, I just like starts like fall in love with someone if they like showering me with love. And like sometimes And what hurts me is that, like, their actions don't match. And what they say is one thing, but what they do is another. And I tend to stay in relationships just because of what they say to me like, Oh, I love you, but then their actions are like, showing completely different. So I told myself that I'm not gonna go over that anymore, and I'm gonna stop trying to like, I'm gonna stop, I'm just believing people from what they say. And like, I'm really gonna, because I know that I deserve and I know that I deserve the best. And I just really want like, someone whose actions actually match their words. So I could definitely say that I go for like, soul and personality. More. Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 20:40 Thank you. Yes, I like that very much. Are you an empath? Can you feel people's energy when you're walking around, maybe even the energy of your cat, etcetera. Maria Vitrenko 20:52 I am a very empathetic person. Like, once like one of my close friends, or like boyfriends, or like family feel sad, like, I literally just feel the same emotions as them like, and like, I don't really like being very emotional and empathetic, because, like, people are gonna, like, see it as weak, but I don't think it's weak. I think it's actually like, a strong emotion to feel emotions very strongly like me. And like, I just like, really love animals, cats, especially in like, if I like, like, whenever I go to shelters and stuff, and like, I see cats, like one of my cats from a shelter. And her previous owner just threw her out. And like, when I found out about it, like, I felt so sad. And like, I just want my cats like, have the best leg because like, of how they like how she loved before and like, I don't know, I just really like, I love animals, like, as much as I love people. And like, I just felt like, very, very, like sad. And like, I just don't understand how some people could just do that to animals, like, I don't know what kind of person you have to be to just, like, throw someone out. Like, especially with the war, like some owners, just leave their cats inside and leave. And like, I just don't understand how you could do that. Because, like, how could you just leave your animal like, I know, sometimes it's hard to travel with animals, but like, you should at least, like, let them go outside and like live outside. Because if the cash is gonna be trapped inside, like, that's just not going to end up great for them. Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 22:33 I agree with you on 100%. And again, to ask about, for example, your previous relationships. Did you feel that chemistry and spark from the very first moment? Or was it a slow burner that built over time to fall in love? Maria Vitrenko 22:52 So I'm just gonna talk about, like, My last relationship, because that was my strongest relationship. And it was, I would say, a slow burner. Because at first, like, like I said, like, I tend to be shy and like, at first, like, the first couple days, like, it was a little bit awkward, but like, when I actually because he's like, an open person, and like, he just gets along with everyone's, like, I'm not really like that. And like, it was kind of awkward at first. But then when I started really, like, opening up to him, like, there was like, so much chemistry there. And like, I just felt like, honestly, like, the happiest that I've ever been with him. And like, I'm sure like, he could say the same. Like, we just like, we're both like, really, really happy. Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 23:45 Thank you. And when you felt awkward and things were awkward in the beginning, what made you stay and try again, and not just run away and feel shy and block that guy or whatever, so that you don't face that awkwardness and uncomfortable emotions? Maria Vitrenko 24:03 I like ever since I was like 13 Like, I've always just wanted, like, I could say that I'm like a hopeless romantic. Like, I really just wanted love. And like, with this person, like, I felt like he could show that to me and like just things he was saying and like, even like his actions, like it was just showing me that like, oh, like I want to try this out and see what happens. And like he ended up to be like, the person for me and like our relationship lasted pretty long and like, I don't know, I'm just really happy that I did try it out. Even though we're not like perfect tears right now. He's still like, it just made me feel really good about myself most of the time and like, I'm really happy that I did try it out because he's taught me a lot of things like a lot of life lessons. And he was just like my person One point, like my best friend, and I just like, I'm really happy that I did try it out. Because if I wouldn't, then if I haven't, it would have like, I feel like my life would have been very different. Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 25:12 Thank you. And now that there is war in Ukraine, and it's already six months, what are your next plans? Are you planning to return to the licensed study abroad? Do you feel your go to the UK or Europe and find a new life? Or what do you think? What do you plan? Maria Vitrenko 25:34 I feel like sometimes I tend to care about like, people more than like my future. Like, for instance, like with my last boyfriend, like, I just feel like I really want to see him, and maybe give things another try. But sometimes I think to myself, like, you have to think about your future more than that. And I don't know, I my plans are like, I would I feel like, maybe I could be wrong, but I feel like there's way more opportunities in America to start a career and like, become more successful, maybe then in Ukraine. So I would really want to, like, go to America, go back to America, where I used to live and like, just start, like, studying there. But at the same time, I don't really, but at the same time, I don't really know. So like, it's just kind of hard for me right now. But I feel like my parents want me to stay in Ukraine. But I don't really know if that's what I want. So I just need some more time to like, really think about Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 26:49 Thank you. And to finish also a little bit because I feel your pain, I feel you got rejected a lot. Did that make you lose some self esteem or doubt yourself? Or think you don't look good enough or anything like that? How did it impact you in that way? Or was it just the feeling or dream? You can fix everything that makes you think? No, I'll keep trying, I'm worth it. I deserve it. I'm perfect all that. Maria Vitrenko 27:19 At first, like, when I first came to Ukraine, and my boyfriend like, Well, my ex boyfriend now. Like, he broke up with me and like, told me that it was too hard for him. Like, I really just like, was so upset over and like I kept telling him like we could try again. Like, like, don't give up on us. But he ended up saying that it was too hard for him and stuff. And that really made me feel like really terrible about myself. Like, I felt like maybe it's not more of like that I'm not worth it. And I don't look good enough. It's more of like, me coming here. Like, I felt like, every, like when I came here. I felt like that ruined my relationship. And at first I was really mad about that. But I don't think that like I'm not like, good enough for anyone because I know what I'm worth. And like, at first like obviously like after breakup, everyone's gonna like think like, oh, like what could have what could I have done better? And like, why am I not good enough but like, after some time passed, I just like that. It's really more about him. Now wanting this relationship because I'm far away. Then like that. There's something wrong with me because I know that there's nothing wrong with me like, I'm a very good like, girlfriend and like friend. So I know that I have a lot to give and like, even if like he left me that's like his problem like he's not going to find like anyone better than me that's going to treat him better. So I like having like maybe for a little bit after we broke up I thought like oh like what's wrong with me? Why does he have to leave me but I know that there's nothing wrong with me now like after some time passed like I just realized that literally none of this is my fault. Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 29:21 Thank you Thank you Maria this was such a rich conversation truly deep understanding and I'm happy opened up so much because I feel I understand you so much more and on this day all I can say also it's Laval Carini. Yeah, girl, I was lovely. I wish you happiness, peace and love. And please always take care of yourself. Maria Vitrenko 29:48 Okay, thank you so much also, happy Ukrainian independence day.