E113 Nika Zimon

Femininity is powerful in all its forms, exceptional women, rare girls must be appreciated in every way for their perspectives, actions, thoughts, and their unique ways of being. But rare girls are inspiring and this is what this podcast is all about. Hello, my name is Aziz and my guest today is Nika Zimon. Nika is a FLEX alumna of 2017 from Ukraine, a former FLEX city representative of Dnipro, but much, much more than that. Nika works in marketing. She loves philosophy and theology, plays the piano, and is involved in many, many, many charities to help other people. Her focus is discovering and accepting herself and others. Nika, how are you today? I'm doing great, honestly, because I get to hear you and do this. This is what my sincere emotions are. How are you? I'm honored, I'm very happy to speak with you again, and I'm very curious about you. And since this podcast is about women, about rare girls, I want to understand what is, for you, femininity? Do you feel like a feminine person? Is it an energy? Is it an action? Is it a look? What is femininity? Do you feel it? And how can you describe it? Well, first of all, I'm honored as well to be your guest, and I'm very grateful for the connection that we have. Yes, femininity is a wide concept to me, and I'm glad that you ask about it, because I would say that it is what defines me completely, yes, immensely. In terms of whether femininity is something that you can see or something that a person can express, it is because what I do with my life speaks from my side of femininity. I do it, and I do everything. I express it through everything. Whether it's energy, I think, yes, I think it's education, how educated you are on who you are, yes, and on what vibes you want to give out to the world, and when you know who you are inside, it expresses through your emotions, yes, so the way you move, the way you touch your hair when you walk, the way you dress, the way you speak, and at work with friends at the relationship that you have, yes, inside this relationship and outside of this relationship, everything that I do, everything that I express is through femininity. I do consider myself a very feminine person because I love myself, and I think a woman can be anything she wants, anything, anyone she wants. She can dress however she wants, but what I choose for myself would be stereotypical femininity, yes, because it's, as I said, a wide concept, but to me, it's powerful, to me, it's beautiful, and to me, it is vital because without my energy, I would have been lost in every situation of my life that I go through. I love your answer, it's so satisfying and interesting how proud you are of your femininity, and there is even a book called Femininity Lost and Regained. So to ask you, do you feel that in 2022, femininity is lost and rare or not? What's your perspective on this? Is it a myth that some people say? Is it true or is it a truth in some countries and not others? Let me know. Okay, in general, there is so much stigma around femininity and what it should be, how it should look. There are so many appearance-related questions and doubts that the society puts on women because what is feminine is stereotypical, usually, yeah, what is it? It's clear skin and makeup and beautiful hair and the way you should dress. To me, it's wider than that, and every woman, the way she feels and the way she looks, every woman should be able to choose what femininity is for her. So when I'm speaking on my behalf, from my perspective and from my point of view, call me a hypocrite, but I do understand that I am a very stereotypical girl, and I'm fine with that. I'm fine with being called pretty and being called and complimented on. I like that, but not every woman is like that. I think that we have to acknowledge that because if you lose your femininity, it only is important to you. It should be only important to you if you want to gain more masculinity or if you want to feel more masculine or do what stereotypical men do with their life or chase your dreams as a man would. So a lot of child-free girls out there, a lot of more masculine-looking girls out there, the way they dress is more masculine, the way they act is more masculine, and if they still define themselves as feminine, that's fine with me. So what are we talking about? What is femininity to all of us or what is femininity to me? It can be very different. So through this challenging time, yes, we can't leave that behind. Through this challenging time, I think for a lot of us and me included, it's very hard not to lose our energy, yes, because feeling like a girl and feeling a woman and feeling vulnerable in a good position, yes, that word, vulnerable, yes, so feeling like you can rely on someone is crucial, it's essential, yes, and we have to stay so strong right now and only care about our physical needs and physical desires, physical wants, yes, cravings, because you can't put makeup on every day these days. You can't dress pretty if all your clothes has stayed somewhere where you don't have access to. So to me, I have felt like a shell of a human a bit, a shell of a woman a bit, but I think right now I'm as feminine and strong as I have never been. Is that a full answer, yes? It's a great answer. It's satisfyingly full, like you mentioned. At the same time, you said, let's speak from your own perspective as a stereotypical girl or a girly girl. What is for you, masculinity? What is attractive about it? How does it make you feel? And delve a little bit more into what you mentioned, feeling vulnerable, but in the good sense of the word. Some people might not understand that, so can you explain it more? Sure. Maneuverability for me is this pure energy, yes, pure energy that involves manly actions and manly behaviors and manly words. I don't really find myself attracted to men who have femininity to them at all. I mean, I respect everyone, of course, but to me, it's somehow from theology, from religion and from the Adam poster, from this pure masculine energy that is supposed to fill you in with power, yes, and with stability and with fire, with passion. To me, masculinity is more about how you act and how you choose to dress and look and how you talk and what emotions, more like not emotions in their detailed way, what emotional range you have, because a man to me is someone who gives a word and keeps it, who doesn't break easily, yes, and who is able to fill me in with all of those emotions that I lack in life, yes, so there is no other way for me to gain them, and on the other side, that gives me a feeling of my femininity, like an increased exaggerated feeling of my femininity, because it's very hard for me to feel like a girl near the men, because I'm so strong. I think I'm very strong as a person. It's very hard for me to shut up. It's very hard for me to stop when I started the fight or when I am going on an emotional rollercoaster. So for me, my femininity also very much depends on a man's masculinity, if that makes sense. It's very hard for me to feel like a girl when I'm with a man, because it's like I express all of those emotions when I'm by myself, yes, throughout the actions and movements and motions and behaviors and words, but it's very hard for me to feel that if there is no pure, strong masculinity coming from a man. Do you understand? I want to understand more. What I understood is you're very feminine, but you're also very strong, so you need a man who's even stronger than you so that you can feel that trust and vulnerability and be fully feminine, but if he's not as strong as you, then you don't feel safe enough to let go. Is this correct? Yes, there is this line, you know, it's easy to cross because I think my power is a part of my femininity, but if a man is weaker than me, then I try to take responsibility and try to be in charge, subconsciously, I think. So I don't want to be yelled at, yes, or I don't want to be pressured, no, but the power that I have needs to be put in place, is what I want to say, yes, because femininity is strong, it's expressionate, yes, and if you don't find the right fit for it, like, you know, the golden medal, it's going to vanish, it's going to bomb, you know, any kind of exaggeration with any energy. Too much is too much. Too much is too much. You can't be too feminine because if you're too emotional and too expressionate and too feminine with how you live your life, yes, it starts to, you know, pressure a lot of your relationships, really. You have to have some energy back. If there's no energy, it's going to break everything. And masculinity to me is balance, I would say balance, stability, and power. Thank you. And there are many ways that a man can be stronger or more powerful than the baseline that you wish, that you like, that's attractive for you. Which one is the one that matters to you the most, although all are important? Is it intelligence, someone who's much smarter? Is it physical strength that he's bigger and stronger than you? Is it more experience in life and more years? Is it looks that he looks more handsome than you? I don't know. What is really important for you and what maybe other people think is important but to you doesn't really matter? Your question is very, you know, there is a lot of comparison in this question that you asked and I like that, but I'm not searching for comparison, like more handsome than me or smarter than me or more intelligent than me. No, I don't want to compare and the relationship I don't want to compare. I want to be his biggest fan and in terms of age, it doesn't really matter. I do want a person who is as intelligent as me and as educated as me, but at the same time, his energy needs to be able and be in power and be capable of handling my emotional levels. So the only comparison I would like to make is to be more stable than me, to be more static than me, you know, to have a position that is stronger than mine. And what really attracts me is passion, passionate towards his job, passionate towards his family, passionate towards his dreams and chasing his goals and passionate towards me. What attracts me the most is fascination because a man in my life has to be fascinated by me, by everything I do, by my looks, by my achievements and by my personality, by my talents. Because when a guy looks at you, like you're his religion, yes, like you're his goddess, like you're his world, even if he does it only when you're alone, yes, all of you together, only when it's two of you, even if he doesn't bring it to, you know, to the world, to his friends or to his family, even if he doesn't speak about you everywhere, which can be healthy, can be unhealthy, but if he's fascinated, he is attracted and he's drawn to you. This is what is more attractive than anything to me, really. I do have a type of a man, yes, I told you, I want him to be more stable, not as emotional because we're going to be fucked up if we have two emotional people in the relationship. And I think I'm searching for something, something that you can breathe in and never breathe out, you know, this passion that is always burning inside because I give a lot of that and I want to see the reflection of it. I have had relationships where it's like, you know, stable and nice, but there is nothing, like I don't, I didn't, I mean, I didn't, I used to not see the fire in the eyes, like of wanting to touch me and wanting to, you know, bear with me when it's possible. Yes, I'm not saying you have to drop everything you do and only be fascinated by me, but if it's there, it's there. I really love that because passion is what makes life exciting and worth living. At the same time, you looking for a stable man who is very passionate, it's very rare to find and that's why some women are attracted to bad boys or maybe that's a myth. I would like your input where they have that passion, but they're more unstable or guys who are very stable, but women might get bored of them after some time. Did you experience this? Is this just a stereotype and a myth? That's your perspective on it, that you want something that is contradictory, which is a stable man who is super exciting, not you in general, but like a stereotype. What are your thoughts about this? See, you said that those types of men are rare, but I think I'm rare too, so like what's the point? We have to connect. But no, I mean, you're speaking, you're speaking more like emotionless, yes? Emotional doesn't always mean emotionless. Yes, this person has maybe in my point of view, yes, this person has to have an emotional range, yes, so the big point where when it's done, it's done, yes, so of course, I mean, stability is keeping your words, being able to think logically and be driven more by your mind, not by your feelings, but that doesn't mean that a person can't be emotional at the same time. I'm just saying that I want those emotions to be directed onto loving me and being fascinated and attracted to me and drawn to me and interested in me, yes, because I don't need him to go and dance at the party, yes, and laugh loud, yes, I want him to be only emotional towards me, so like emotional in terms of me, and that's important in building relationship, you know, because I give a lot of that and I want a lot of it back, the relationship isn't only physical, yes, or romantic, no, it's more than that, and those kinds of things like conversations and challenging situations, a person needs to be a proactive problem solver, you know, a doer, and that's what I mean by stability. Bad boys I've never been attracted to because a bad boy is this weird concept that, you know, who is he, a fuck boy who fucks around, or is he a guy that will sleep with me and dump me? No, I'm not attracted to that because I love myself and because I respect myself, and I don't like the idea of one-ninth-ten, because I think it's impossible to forget me, so you see, I'm arrogant in that way, I'm arrogant, I am not selfish towards other people, yes, I'm not selfish in terms of thinking only about myself or like having unhealthy ego or self-esteem that's exaggerated, not at all, but I'm very arrogant in terms of my femininity. If a guy wants to be with me, he has to understand that it's about me in a lot of ways, and I give out just as much, so. Thank you, that's fascinating. To understand even more since you're emotional, since you're passionate, did you feel instant attraction with a man, instant chemistry where from the very first second you felt that fire? Or are you someone who needs time and more exposures and meetings and experiences with a man before you feel or decide on attraction for him before you verify that fire in his eyes, as well as touch? Are you comfortable if you like a man to be touched from the beginning or did you grow up feeling that touch is so intimate that you need a lot of comfort and time before you relax into it? I only do what I feel in life. I think my intuition, like my inner intuition always tells me whether it is okay or not, so I don't have a problem with being touched if only I want that, yes? First, if there is no consent, I'm not comfortable at all, but if it's what I want right now and it's what I feel right now, it depends because whether it is a guy that I am attracted to but understand from his words that it's only physical attraction, it's only physical attraction. If I would like to get to know him more and experience more with him, yes, and take it serious because that happens too, I don't think sex or physical interaction is a good idea right away because I don't want him to think that this is done the night we met and there is nothing more to discover about me, yes? To answer your question about instant attraction, yes, that has happened because as I said, first thing that I feel attractive is man's reaction to me, so if he reacts to me and a lot of men react to me, I rarely react back, but still his reaction to me and the fire in his eyes and if he tries to approach me, I have had not a lot of the times, yes, not a lot of situations like that I've had, but I have had instant attraction because it's in the type and the eyes, yes, I always recognize smart eyes and deep souls and if you're smart, you're not going to look bad, that's the tea, like if you're smart and if you're intelligent and if you love yourself, respect yourself, you're not going to be a bad looking person, not in terms of appearance, but more like in terms of behaviors and how you view yourself and how you behave and even how you move, so instant attraction has happened, instant touch has happened, I don't doubt anything, if I feel like it, I go for it. Thank you and I like that you value how rare you are, your personality and you do what you want and you go for what you desire and then to understand because you said if someone has deep smart eyes and they have that fire, they cannot be bad looking. Have you ever felt that true deep attraction and electricity with a man that maybe your friends or others will say, he's not that good looking or he's not that attractive in a physical kind of way, but to you, he was igniting the desire? See, again, femininity, yes, what we were talking about to me is a lot about self-love and self-respect and if you respect and love yourself, you are not scared to be rejected, you're not scared to be refused by others and by society as well. If you love and respect yourself, you give out a lot and a person, people, yes, people always understand where the line is, yes, so I always do what I want, not because I think there is a concept that should be freeing, yes, I do what I want just because I like how I am and even if someone comes up to me and tells me, you're not beautiful, I'm going to say, well, okay, I respect your opinion, but to me, it's not true, even if a thousand people group tells me that I'm ugly, I mean, I'm not going to believe it because what I believe I preach, yes, and it's inside me. So same goes to my choices, if I choose a relationship, if I choose a man and he is attractive to me, I don't give a single little shit about what others say, really and I would say, yeah, my first boyfriend when I was, I think 15 or something, yeah, he wasn't attractive physically at all, but all the girls including me were falling for him. Why? I don't know, because of his energy, because he was so sure of himself and because he was so confident in what he was doing, he was deep and smart and talented and his face didn't really look like a model face at all, at all and that's a good example to me, my parents at the time were telling me like, oh, you're so cute, Nika, he's so ugly, I didn't give a single idea of why I have to listen to anyone if I'm attracted to him, yes. It's more than looks, it's more than appearance, I think women aren't as much about your physical appearance in terms of how handsome you are, yes, handsome guys, I love them, but handsome to me is confident, is proactive with his behavior and handsome to me is, I don't know, you can see it, you can see the fire in the eyes of a guy who loves himself and that's the most important thing, really, really. Thank you, that's a wonderful description, is it rare? I know before I mentioned a guy who's both stable and passionate can be rare, is it rare that fire in the eyes of a man who loves himself, who is confident and who has smart, intelligent deep eyes, that's one thing. The second thing, you spoke before about vulnerable and the positive sense of the word as a feminine woman or girl, explain that, why is it important, how does it make you feel, is it because some man will say, oh, you only like me because I protect you or I take care of you or something like that, explain to them why that is important to feel vulnerable, to be able to count on them, why is that sexy even, tell me more. See, there are two types of love in my opinion, you can say, oh, I love you because you make me feel happy, I love you because you make me feel all these things or I love you because you are this and you are amazing and these are your achievements, yes, and it's very important to have love for nothing and have love for something because I don't know and I don't understand how to view a person separated from their actions, it's a weird question to me because of course, it's the same with materialistic things, it's like, oh, you only love me because I take care of you, oh, you love me because I have a house or a car, but if I accept the person and love a person, how can I view a person separated of his achievements in life or his actions directed onto me, yes, because what is there to love if you just stand still and do nothing, like what is there to love because vulnerability is feminine as well, but vulnerability in my life is what I need from a man to give me, yes, like not every day, not every second, but I do want to feel like I can come to him with my problems and be listened to and be validated and that he will know how to make me feel comforted and how to hold me right, that's basically core of the relationship, yes, so the actions directed onto making me feel good is the expression of love and you can't love them separated from a person, you know what I'm saying, so please make me feel good because I will make you feel good too, like that's relationship, that's love, but a person that stands outside of their actions is, I don't know, it's senseless to me because I am concerned if a person doesn't do anything, like what is there to love then, so that's my tea to spill. I understand and so, so far in previous relationships, what was the problem or the issue because you probably chose guys who had that fire and that passion, what was the block or the imperfection that didn't let things evolve and continue, maybe you just got bored or tell me what happened? See with the serious relationships that I had, I chose two completely different stories, there was fire and there was a lot of emotion, but there was lack of stability, so at some point I realized that like there is obsession over me and I can't take it really, I can't take it because it's unhealthy, there was a lot of jealousy, there was a lot of control, there was a lot of privacy related issues which I don't find comfortable and there was a lot of emotion that lacked stability. Another time I chose a guy, not I think he chose me, but I chose to be with a guy, yes, and build a serious relationship, but I think I considered him more than he could give, so he was very stable and very calm and he lacked masculinity, yes, that a man should have in everything, so it got pretty serious and it was good, the relationship was good, it was comfortable, it was happy, it was healthy, but at some point when he proposed and asked me if I want to stay with him forever, I asked myself, do I love him or did I convince myself to love him and that's it. I think there should be balance and I have mentioned this balance, yes, just because I have had both and I understand that I need both, but in the right amounts and I have grown to be able to sacrifice and to be able to work on my relationship, yes, and to be able to change myself when I have to, just because I don't have to defend myself anymore, yes, I don't have to say, oh no, don't do this to me because I will lose my self-respect, yes, or don't do this to me because I will start thinking I'm doing something wrong, I know what I'm doing wrong and I know what I'm doing right and I'm ready for something balanced. You cannot go for less than you want. I don't want to settle. I don't want to be with someone who gives me less than I want or who I give to the person that I can give more and I know that I can give more but don't want to give more. So even if I'm single for the rest of my life, I'm not going to settle for less than I want. It's rare, okay, it's hard, okay, let me see, let me see. I understand you're so fascinating and open and full of emotions as a person and you mentioned the importance of stability, well, we have to of course address the issue of the war because that destroys stability more than anything else, it's so unfortunate. How did it change you as a person? How is Nika different two months ago compared to today and are you more appreciative and grateful for every moment or did you discover new parts of you you didn't know existed or what happened? See, I don't want to give a monologue on how I re-evaluated my values because I didn't. I already had all the right values in life, I already valued and cherished small moments, I already loved my family and I already knew what was prioritized by me. So speaking about like how the war gave you so much revaluation and you realized what is good and what is bad, that didn't really happen to me at all, this experience has been more destroying to me because I moved to Kiev last year and I started learning new things and I started an amazing job that I loved and to me positive outcome of this is minimal, I think that it didn't teach me lots of things but it gave me a lot of fear, I have never been as scared in my life and I have never felt as fatal, you know, like the life is ending in my life as I felt the day it started for instance, yes. So I think there is no more fear that will be present in me ever, you know, I think that was my maximum level. So I'm more than sure that nothing is going to overcome that, yes. So I'm going to say that right now I'm not scared of anything anymore. All the fears that I had related to my life or my job or being honest or going for it, you know, or speaking up, I don't have those fears anymore. I'm ready to do anything and I'm ready to compromise anything and that would be the only thing that is positive, otherwise it's cruel, it's awful and I hate it and I'm not going to say that this war had to happen to teach me things, I was good, I was good and we don't need this war at all, it didn't teach me anything but that I want to do anything and everything that I can to prevent this from happening, you know, from my point. So I'm trying to stay stable, I'm trying to continue working, I'm trying to be myself and I'm trying to maintain relationships that I left in Ukraine and I'm just trying to be normal, I guess, because no stressful experience teaches you more about yourself than you learned when it wasn't there, you know. I think I stayed the same but my fear scale has been gone since then, yeah, so that would be the positive outcome. Otherwise, let's hope that this finishes tomorrow, okay? Well, I hope it finishes today because Slava Ukrainyi, thank you, Nika, it's my honor, my privilege and I really wish you peace, balance and to have an even better life and in Ukraine soon than you even had before the war. Thank you. Thank you so much, I'm honored and I'm very satisfied with our conversation. Thank you so much.