Episode Transcript
Femininity is powerful in all its forms, exceptional women, rare girls must be appreciated in every
way for their perspectives, actions, thoughts, and their unique ways of being.
Such rare girls are inspiring and this is what this podcast is all about.
Hello my name is Aziz and my guest today is Lel Singiz.
Lel is a sociology student in Mimar Sinan University in Istanbul, Turkey.
Lel works towards being a musician and a singer.
She plays some instruments like the ukulele, violin, guitar, a little piano, and bass.
Lel had an MUN resolution regarding the Western European refugee crisis sent to Geneva Conference.
Lel, how are you today?
I'm fine, thanks.
How about you?
I'm feeling lucky to be alive, happy to be part of this universe, and very curious about
you.
So I'll ask you this question because often, you know, other people give us more perspective
on ourselves than we can have internally.
So if your friends could describe who you are as a person, your personality, what would
they say about you?
Well, actually, just today, my friend, actually we met just three weeks ago, but he said,
oh, you're so unpredictable, so that may be one of the things.
Maybe unpredictable, maybe my close friends would say, oh, you look at things in an emotional
way to understand them instead of logical.
But I always think I'm logical, but apparently I'm not.
I love that.
I have so many questions.
And so when it comes to people who you love their energy, you love being around them,
do you prefer people who are calm so that they calm your unpredictability and emotionality?
Or do you like more adventurous, daring, unpredictable people who make life exciting and unpredictable
as well?
Well, actually, I look for both of them because I want them to be calm when I cannot be calm.
But when I feel a little low or maybe depressed, I actually, when I, okay, when my friends
are sad or when they feel low, I use my energy to cheer them up.
So that's actually something that goes both in relationship, especially in friendship.
So whenever I cannot be very predictable, I want them to be calm and want them to calm
me.
But when they're the calm one, I want to just cheer them up.
So yeah, I don't know.
I love that you mentioned energy.
Are you able to detect and feel other people's energy?
Are you resonating with people on an energetic level?
Or like you said, you understand things emotionally, so you relate more to how what people say
and do makes you feel rather than any energetic charge they might have.
Well, that's actually a very good question, because when I was in an era when like I was
so much into chakras and energies and spiritualism, I tattooed sakral chakra on my lower belly,
which also kind of helps you with your emotions and your just getting your vibes together
with another person.
So I think I can see when a person is feeling love or vibrating a little low.
But in a logical way, I don't think that I can see how people are reflecting themselves
and just read a people because I'm not good at reading people actually.
But I don't know, I don't know, maybe.
But when I talk with people, if I feel connected with them, that means to me that we have the
same energies and we can cooperate and talk and understand each other in a better level
than other people that I don't feel the matching energy.
I love that.
I have so many questions, one about your tattoo and the culture, but I'll begin with this.
You said when you feel connected to some people, then you can feel them better and can resonate
in that way.
How would you explain it?
What is the experience of you being connected to another person?
Is it just something like you've known them all your life or is it something like a vibration,
like a musical instrument, or what is to you the meaning of connection to another human
being?
Well, we've been taught to like people and be with them in peace and connect with them
and act together.
So that both comes naturally because of my personality, I suppose, and also from the
teachings of Bahá'u'lláh.
So I've been taught to emphasize and understand people and be with people.
So I think that affects the most when I'm trying to communicate with persons.
When I feel comfortable around them, because in the first place, I'm actually very shy
and I get very nervous around people when I'm first meeting them.
Thank you.
And you mentioned you're shy around people.
I would like to know something.
You said in that way that you're shy, but have you ever met maybe romantically or in
any way someone where you felt instant chemistry, where you opened up to them, you felt like
you know this person all your life, like it's a magical moment, or for you, no matter how
much you like a person or you have a potential to like them, you need time to open up slowly
to observe, to understand before you can relax and fully connect to them.
Well, that's a really good question, because that's something I recently went through,
because there was some person, a certain person, and when we were first talking with them,
I really felt like they understood me very well, and they were just what I was looking
for.
But I had a really big anxiety back then, so we just talked and they really understood
me and they really been there for me, and then we started like talking more and more
and more.
But then after we spent more time together, I realized that it was more of the idea of
a person understanding me and trying to be there for me, but that's not really a thing,
yet that's not really things that explain how is their personality, so I really do think
that if we feel the connection and the chemistry the first time we meet, then it's just a charm
and it's just a moment thing, because as soon as we get to know them, some things start
to fall apart and we try to connect them and like glue them, try to stick them together
again, but the first image we created in the first place is something we created and it's
not real, so I really do think that we should take our time to get to know people.
I've never had the experience, but I guess the better relationships are where like you
were friends in the first place, but not really best friends or closest friends ever, but
you know each other for years and years, and then you start to feel the connection between
each other and then that grows into a relationship, maybe that's the best way for a relationship.
Thank you, so if I understood you correctly, you had the experience of feeling almost like
a magical moment with someone through understanding and connection, but after some period you
noticed it fell apart, that first image or experience was temporary and therefore you
need to get to know people over time before developing connections, so that it's something
that lasts.
Is this correct?
Yeah, because if we want relationships to last, we don't have to look at it like something
that really glows up and then goes away.
Thank you, but to verify and maybe to challenge you a little bit, aren't you moody in a way
where like your friend said you're emotional, so maybe in the morning you might like something,
in the afternoon you hate it, and then you love it back at night, etc., so can it be
that your natural mood changes are causing that thing rather than the person changing
you or that thing being lost, just to make sure?
So is it maybe your mood that changed and therefore you felt different, but the connection
could have been there and stayed there, it's just you were in a different emotion and different
headspace, or was there something else you noticed and felt that let you think, no, this
is not about my mood, this was just the first impression and now it's not there anymore?
Well, regardless of my mood, whenever I'm trying to communicate with a person, I always
try to put my feelings behind me when we're trying to have a healthy conversation, so
it wasn't really onto my mood because there were some red flags I couldn't see in the
first place, which just showed themselves time by time.
So I just kept seeing them, but ignoring them, so it got worse and worse, but I'm not saying
it was just their fault, I had my mood changes and my fault, sometimes I got very angry,
sometimes I got very sad, but we were happy together, we were sad together, and I don't
think that we should look at the old relationships and ex-lovers, I don't know if a lover is
the right word for it, but we had a good sharing together, whether it was good or bad in the
ending, it's the time that we spent that matters the most, but I don't think it was up to my
mood changes, yeah, I'm emotional, but not in a very, just I'm changing, I feel this
much sadness and I feel this much happiness, it's not like that, I try to solve the problems
in an emotional way.
Thank you, and yes, I have questions specifically about that, and how you understand and relate
emotionally to things, but first, about your tattoo, the culture in Turkey, is it open
in the way that any woman can do whatever she wants with her body to put tattoos, it's
acceptable, is there like an openness and freedom to women in 2023 already now, or is
it some parts of the country or some people in Istanbul are open-minded, other people
not so much, or can you describe it so that people can understand you as a girl or as
a woman in Istanbul, how much freedom do you have to live life on your terms, or are there
any limitations?
Well, it depends on the place I live in, it depends on the family I have, it depends on
my relatives, but there's so much going on, like my mom's side of relatives I have are
very conservative, and they don't know about my tattoo, and when they, yeah, I mean, one
of my aunts know about it, and she said, okay, but really was not into it, but when it's
my dad's side, they're not that conservative, actually, they're very open-minded, and they
liked it, and they said, oh, it really suits you and stuff, but it depends on the environment
they have, it depends on their relief, because some people who are not open-minded are everywhere,
and people who are open-minded are also everywhere.
You cannot just look at some people and say, oh, this one is conservative, or this one
is acceptable or something, but when you go to certain places, you cannot just fear whatever
you want or look like whatever you want, because that might be a little bit dangerous for you,
because at least the most little things we can get is assault, and the worst thing we
can go through is being killed, so like Turkey is not really a great place for women to express
themselves, but Istanbul is one of the rare cities where you can just partly show yourself
as you want to.
Thank you.
I understand, and I hope you can feel exactly the emotions you desire in every way you wish,
and then to ask you about your emotional side, although you said you think you're logical,
but to understand, you said or even your friends think that you understand and relate to things
emotionally.
What does that mean?
Is it like when you hear about a topic, depending on the emotion it gives you, you understand
it in that way, or do you look for the emotions in the different things and how people feel,
and that gives you a different perspective, or what does it mean?
To explain that, I'm just trying to give an example, like I'm talking to a friend and
she's talking about her feelings and she had something happen to her and she feels bad.
I would say to her, how did that make you feel, and she would answer, and did you talk
about the person, did you talk to the person about how you feel, and I'm trying to solve
the problems based on the emotions and trying to understand the emotions better to have
a more clear and healthier communication, because communication and feelings feel like
there are keys to our relationships.
So these are mostly the things I focus on, mostly.
So I try to help people understand themselves, how they feel, and act on it, because if we
are unhappy and ungrateful in things in our life, that means we're not doing things right,
and if we're not doing things right, we should see it clearly so we can change it.
Thank you.
That was a clear example, but it makes me want to challenge something that you said.
Since you're an emotional kind of girl, do you prefer to only have positive vibes, good
emotions, reliable people, or do you feel more alive when you feel the whole range of
emotions, like sometimes you want to watch a sad movie and cry, sometimes you want to
have your heart broken a little bit so that you feel different experiences, you watch
murder mystery of people like serial killer, and you're like, oh my God, this is so exciting,
and therefore to you, the negative emotions and positive emotions are all important to
keep life exciting.
So is this an approach that is important to you, or are you about good vibes only, staying
in a good positive state always without much changes into negativity?
Well, actually, in theory, there is no positive or negative emotions, it's just emotions,
and they are just expressing our feelings, the ways to express our feelings, but in practice,
I don't like feeling sad or lonely or angry, but I know that when I feel those things,
I'm trying, actually, my body and my brain and my soul, they're all just trying to protect
me and just trying to express themselves in a way that they only knew, and when I feel
these things, just one thing I'm looking for is these feelings not being harmful to anyone,
so that's the thing I'm trying to take care of whenever I'm feeling anything, or at least
I'm trying to, that's a really complex one.
Thank you, and my next question is even more complex, since you mentioned your body, your
brain, and your soul are trying to protect you, so what's the difference?
Who is you?
What is the difference between you and your soul and brain and body?
Okay, so regarding the teachings, my soul is my true personality, so that's in one hand,
in the other hand, brain is our consciousness that we use to understand this earthly world,
but I believe there are so many worlds, after we die, we will go to that world, and maybe
some other and some other, maybe that will go on and go on and go on, but my body is
trying to make me survive in this earthly world we live in, and my consciousness is
actually my weapon, because when we look at other animals, like lions have their feet
and claws, and birds have their wings and their gaga in Turkish, I don't know if it's
in English, I'm sorry, but they like mouths and the sharp things they have, so the consciousness
is my weapon, like they have their claws and wings, but my soul is my true self, and I
believe that it will always be my soul, whether it's in this world or another world, an afterlife
or in the womb life.
Thank you, that was very beautifully said, and do you connect to and fall in love with
people's souls, or their thoughts and their consciousness, or how is it?
Can you feel people's souls?
Are people's souls to you specifically their true beauty, not really how they look, or
is it a combination of their soul, brain, body, consciousness, etc.?
How do you relate and connect to other human beings?
Well, when I'm being friends with persons, I mostly look for common things, like caring
for each other, trying to understand each other, similar interests, but there is a thing
called vibration and soul, so we cannot see them, but when you meet a person, you just
feel alive, so you're both happy and energetic, and it just goes away, and you just vibe together,
and that's it, you're friends, but sometimes there are people who are very strict with
their ideas, and these ideas might not be very common with my ideas, but what I'm trying
to do when I meet those strict thoughts with persons, I try to understand them, and get
to a certain point with them, so we can communicate, but not start an argument or fight, but in
a romantic way, the body is a part of us, but it's not real us, so if something doesn't
just like, so you like certain things in people, like brown hair, or just blue eyes, and etc.,
if when I look at a person, I think, okay, that looks like a normal person, that's okay
for me, and I know when we look at a person, we just say, okay, that looks like a person,
so it actually doesn't matter, I cannot say it doesn't really matter at all, but it's
actually the energy they give, and if I feel comfortable around them, if I can be myself,
if I can act like a child, or be as much energetic as I want, so that's the person for me to
enjoy their company.
Thank you, and it's interesting that you spoke about people who are strict about their views,
who might argue that they're correct, etc.
Some people think that is confidence, that to be flexible and open-minded is not confident,
because you don't stand for anything, and that people who are confident should be close-minded
and just argue and be right all the time, etc., and that it's attractive and strong.
To you, then, how would you describe the meaning of confidence, and how different is it or
similar to someone with strict views?
I don't think having a strict opinion or just arguing to defend your opinion is being confident.
I think that's the exact opposite of it, because when you trust yourself, when you're comfortable
in your own skin, in your own ideas, and you're just being yourself if you're comfortable
being yourself, you would try to understand other people more, because as long as you're
comfortable, you want other people to feel comfortable, too.
You have an idea, but that doesn't mean you have to be right all the time.
You can be wrong, and being okay with being wrong is a sign of self-confidence.
Thank you.
I agree 100%.
And one final question, in this big, big world, what would be the ideal culture or place for
you that you would love to live in or develop in, if theoretically you could live anywhere?
Would it be like Japan, and enjoying the Japanese people who can act childish and unpredictable,
but also shy and traditional, or is it more like America or Brazil or any other place
in the world, Italy maybe, to go to all the museums or Spain to enjoy the guitar and all
that stuff?
What would be to you a place and a culture that you would love to explore, to develop
yourself, and that represents the essence of your soul even more than Istanbul, as much
as you might love Istanbul, of course?
Well, actually, I think if I was born in Turkey, Istanbul, I have a reason to be here.
But if I cannot be here, then I don't know.
But maybe Japan, maybe Netherlands, Spain is also a good idea.
But my most would be Italy, because I heard that their culture was very similar to Turkish
culture, like they care so much for family and their own ethical issues.
Maybe not the memes we saw on the internet, like the mafia and the mob and the things.
And I love being in nature, so like a soft village, a small house with my cats and my
books and just friends, I can enjoy my time.
And also service the people I'm around in the village, because I feel like my purpose
should always be to help other people all around the world, as long as I can, to serve
humanity.
But yeah, just a soft village in Italy just sounds nice to me.
I love that, and I noticed you mentioned serving humanity.
What does that mean for you, and why is it important?
So as a Baha'i, serving humanity is one of the, it's actually the most precious principle.
So serving humanity means like help their development in an educational and a physical
and a spiritual way.
So that actually, on my side, I think I can try to help these people by education to develop
and serve them.
I can use education, but that's the way I can use it.
Maybe there are some other ways I cannot think about right now.
The reason I chose sociology was because I wanted to work with women and children that
was in prison.
So I wanted to help them get back in society and reconnect with their old lives and develop
them in a more, in a spiritual way, maybe in an educational way, but not like teaching
them physics or math, but maybe like sociology, psychology, philosophy, and just like social
sciences and developing them in a communal way.
So that may be a way to service humanity.
I don't know.
And it's also so hard to speak in English so long.
I'm sorry if I said anything wrong.
You did very well.
Thank you so much for your kindness, for your service, for your adding the emotional touch
and communication to this world.
I encourage your success.
I encourage your development and thank you so much for participating in this podcast.
Thank you for being so thoughtful.
I'm sorry I was late again, but thank you so much.
It was a great honor to talk with you and have this podcast.
