E132 Roberta Mihaela Butu

Hello, my name is Aziz and I'm the son of a divorced mother. She is my superhero. That's why it's important for me to support women to share their uniqueness, their personalities, perspectives, and emotions about this world. In these difficult times in human history, we need to bring the cultures of the world together. And when we listen to real people, real lives of women from other countries, we connect our humanity without our differences or stereotypes. And we get inspired by their stories to live a better life. That's what this podcast is all about. My guest today is Roberta Mihaila Butu. Robi is a volunteer originally from Galatia in Romania. Her hobbies are drawing and reading, and she has experience helping kids. Robi, how are you today? Hi, Aziz. I'm actually very good and I'm glad to be here today. Me too. I'm honored. I'm privileged. I'm lucky to interview you, and I'm curious to know you even more. That's why I'll begin with this nice question. If your friends could describe your personality, what would they say about you? If people don't know me for a long time, they tend to think that I'm mean. But the truth is that I'm very shy at first when I meet a person, but after I meet them, I talk a lot. That's it. I just talk a lot about everything. I tend to laugh about everything, and I'm a happy person. Thank you. Does that mean you have that kind of typical Eastern European or Balkan resting bitch face that intimidates people at first when they don't know you? Or is it because of vibe or aura, or you wear a lot of black? That's why they seem to get that impression. What's your opinion on this? Yeah, it's true, I wear a lot of black, but I don't know what to say about this. Most of people are like me. I met a lot of people that seem like me. I think it's in our genre, in Eastern European Balkans. Thank you. And to understand you even more, you love reading. What kind of thing or genre or type of books or even characters are fascinating for you that you love reading about them and you almost cannot stop yourself? I am very into criminalistic stuff, documentary stuff, horror, thriller, romance, or psychology. I'm sorry, I mispronounced that. No, no worries. That's wonderful. And so to ask you about the criminality and thriller, what interests you in those emotions? Is it because you're curious and you're always wondering what will happen and you love the suspense? Or you love to feel all the emotions, you like to feel afraid and you like to feel pain and you like to feel happiness and depression and excitement, and you feel life needs all emotions? To be honest, I like the suspense. I like to find those stuff interesting because it's just fascinating to me the fact that I can find the truth, then I find the truth in that documentary. I don't know what to explain that. I understand it's interesting as well. And so to ask you about the other parts of your hobbies or what you love, which is drawing. Do you tend to draw scenes of criminality and suspense because it's the theme you love? Or is drawing more about nature or about faces of people? Or what kind of thing are you fascinated to keep drawing and to express yourself in doing? I actually draw what I dream through the night or what my emotions are in that day. I draw what I feel. I can't explain why is that drawing like that or why it's so sad or so happy. I just draw what I feel. It's kind of relief when I stopped drawing something and I look at it and I say, wow, that's how I feel. Thank you. Speaking about dreams, do you feel dreams are like helping you discover the truth? Like you spoke about documentaries and thrillers, et cetera. Or are dreams like a signal to you about your life that give you signs of what to do next? Or are they just an artistic expression of your mind that you view as a piece of art or movie or what's your relationship with dreams? Most of them are very boring or very, very weird. I mean, I have most of them lucid dreams and I just woke up. I know that is not real. I know what is happening. I know every detail and I just woke up. I can have a dream that makes sense or that makes me feel they try to tell me something. Lucid dreams, that's really interesting. Does it mean inside your dream, you know that you're dreaming, so you do all kinds of extraordinary things, you live a dream life with full control and freedom? Or you mean that you remember it very, very clearly? You know it's a dream, but you remember it as if it's real life, but you're not in control inside the dream. I think the first option, when I dream, I know what is going on. I can control it and I can wake up whenever I want. But it's something that I can control. When I have a bad dream, a nightmare, I can't wake up. I get scared and I don't know what to do. I forget I can control my dreams and I absolutely freeze in my dream. I freeze and watch all that's happening and then start crying in my sleep. Thank you. That's really emotional. Do you sometimes feel that when life becomes difficult, it's similar to that dream where you feel stuck, you forget you're in control and you cry, et cetera, in real life? This nightmare stuff started about a year ago when my mom died and the feeling that it's present in the nightmare, I start to feel it all day or maybe for all week. That feeling, that feeling of fear, of loneliness, of sadness, and I can't really explain it. I just draw something to help me get through it so I can be better again. Thank you. Are you a highly emotionally sensitive person? Do you feel emotions very strongly? Something gives you a strong reaction or is this after the unfortunate death of your mother that things changed and you became a lot more sensitive emotionally? I became more sensitive after that before my mom. I tend to be careless, not to think so much about things, not to talk about my feelings, but now I tend to cry almost when I say how I feel or when I say I'm doing. How do you take care of your mental health? How do you recharge your positive energies? What do you do in these days so that you can rebalance your mental health in a good way? What advice to any person in your same position? You would tell them, you know, I tried this. It helps a lot. Maybe you can try it too. My boyfriend actually helps me a lot. He's a very good listener. He's by my side more than my own brothers and my father. What helps me the most is drawing, as I told you, or I don't know, spending time with the loved ones. I think that helps you more than you think. Talking about your feelings, trying to let people help you. I mean, I know how to say it, I had to take medication for some time. I still do and that's kind of difficult because I don't like medication. I want to be a strong person, but I know I'm not. I'm trying to be that again. Thank you. So you feel that love is the best healer for anything that can be difficult in these difficult times such as with your boyfriend who is a good listener or spending time with loved ones. Is this correct? Yes, that's what I meant. And did this somehow inspire you in any way since you love psychology, to study psychology, to help people who could have been going through chaos similar to you so that they can handle themselves and you feel that you're changing those lives in the same way that you hope your life would be changed so you feel better? Or you're still in the middle of the chaos and you're still trying to get out of it? I am still in the middle of the chaos. I mean, I'm trying to put myself together even if it's for a long time. I mean, I was struggling with my emotions for a long time. I had panic attacks almost every day and almost every day I am crying. I don't know. I just start crying without saying anything or when I just woke up. I think I have to make myself better first, then help people. Psychology is a very difficult thing to do, not a lot of people can do that. Emotions are more difficult than people think. It's not a rational way to put them together. It's difficult to take care of that. Very, very true. I agree with you 100%. And how do you feel about the culture in Romania and maybe in Galatia and anywhere that you may be living right now? Is it open to the importance of mental health to supporting people who are going through mental health challenges? Or is it viewed in a bad way where people think, oh my God, this person is crazy or any stigma or judgment like that? That's your perspective, are in general the culture supportive of people going through difficult emotions and mental health, or it's not so understanding or still evolving in this area? From my experiences, Romania isn't that open-minded about mental health or people's emotions. The lack of empathy is everywhere in Romania. I just recently watched Selena Gomez's documentary about her mental health, about all that stuff. I get very emotional. And then I started thinking about our Romania hospitals and mental health care. And it's very different. I feel like a stranger can understand you more than your relatives or than your own country. People are not that open. That's what I think. People in Romania. Thank you. I do understand 100%. And before the unfortunate situation, did you think of yourself as an emotional girl? Did you recognize that, oh my God, emotions are so important and so impactful on me? Or did you think, oh, I'm a logical person. I don't let emotions affect me so much, but things change. I'm trying to understand, is it that you were always emotional, but you didn't realize it and this made it a lot bigger and more magnified? Or were you logical before, but this was so big that it changed even the core of who you are? I was the girl that takes everything logical, everything with a reason. But then after my mom died, as I told you, I got very emotional. I think I might be traumatized about that thing and about my father and my brothers. They were kind of bad for me after my mom died. And I became the girl who is crippled by anxiety, can't move when I look in the mirror, crying when I'm alone because I feel so weak when someone sees me like that. I had a time when I was hiding because I was terrified to show myself. I struggled to motivate myself sometimes, but I am sure that I will get better with time, with time, with medication, with my boyfriend by my side and his family. That's all I can say about it. I believe in you as well. I believe you will get better. And can you tell me about your spiritual or metaphysical beliefs? Do you believe now in destiny? Do you believe that things are happening and they have a reason to happen or this situation made you think that life is chaos and unfair? Or you believe that there is something that will be good out of every bad situation and that there is a path and a fate and a destiny. What's your perspective in this period? Well, I had a time when all I saw is dark everywhere. And then I started to think about it more closely. And I think karma is real, faith is real, God put something for everyone, even though I'm not a very religious person, but I believe in God. I think he prepared something for everyone in his own and only way. I believe destiny is real, faith is real. You just have to believe in what you think. You just have to be curious, to pray and to be kind, just be kind. No one cares about you as you do or God do. You have to do good for your good. Karma is real. And I think that you'll see that after a long time. Thank you so much, Robi. This was so sincere, so deep, so thought-provoking. I wish you recovery, great mental health, a lot of strength. I thank your boyfriend and his family and everyone who loves you and supports you for their support. And I really wish you to feel better very, very soon and to share the gift you would have had from this experience with the world. Thank you, Robi. Thank you so much, Aziz.