E135 Maria-Raluca Olteanu

Hello, my name is Aziz and I'm the son of a divorced mother. She is really my superhero. That's why it's important for me to support women to share their uniqueness, their personalities, perspectives, and emotions about this world. In these difficult times in human history, we need to bring the cultures of the world together. And when we listen to real people, real lives of women from other countries, we connect our humanity without our differences or stereotypes. And we get inspired by their stories to live a better life. That's what this podcast is all about. My guest today is Maria Raluca Oraltiano. Maria is a student of medicine from Bucharest, Romania. Maria likes drawing, music, reading, and recently the gym. She has taken part in volunteering activities at Curte Darges as well as a journalism project. Maria, how are you today? Hi, I'm really fine. Thank you. How are you? I'm feeling positive. I'm feeling lucky to be alive and very curious about you as a person. So Maria, I will begin with this nice question, which is if your friends could describe your personality, what would they say about you? Well, I think they will say that I am very energetic and a really positive person. They always say that I'm a people pleaser. And I think that might be true because I really like to make the people around me feel happy and safe and just like comfortable knowing that they have a really nice person to talk with. Thank you. This is interesting because being a people pleaser can be a very positive thing or it can be somehow toxic if you find it difficult to say no to people, if you feel you're constantly sacrificing yourself and your happiness for them. Is this a dynamic in your life or are you someone that when you are the reason someone else is happy, when you feel useful, it really gives you a great feeling of happiness and therefore you're not sacrificing yourself at all? Well, I think I find myself in both situations because sometimes, yeah, it just feels really hard saying no to people. So almost all the time I say yes, but at the end, it kind of makes me feel good because I know that I've made a person feel good. But at the same time, I know that I'm sacrificing, let's say, my small precious time that I have just by helping people. But in the past time, I've learned to say no more because I saw how this had a really big impact in my life as I was like more of a people's person than a me person. I didn't have a lot of time for myself. I didn't really enjoy spending time by myself because I was like really used to be around people and just helping people. And I found that I wasn't able to help myself the way I was able to help people. So from like a few months ago, I just tried to do more things for myself, even though I knew that it won't be a really good thing for other people because I knew that it was the right thing to do for me, let's say. Thank you. I can understand you fully. And I'm curious and wondering, is your desire to help people, your people-pleasing tendencies the biggest motivation and reason for you to choose medicine? Or what's the story of you choosing this field to study compared to any other possibility? Yeah, to be honest, I really think that this characteristic of being a people-pleaser is one of the main reasons that led me to choosing medicine, but I don't think that at the time I wanted to go to the medicine university, I was realizing that I was a people-pleaser. Well, I think one of the biggest impacts was my father, to be honest, because he's a medical assistant, but when I was little, since I was little, like since I was born, I was kind of obsessed with my father and I really liked him, spending time with him. I didn't neglect my mother or something like that. I was just really, I don't know, let's just keep it obsessed with my father because I really liked him and the way he was with me. And as he was a medical assistant, I think that was one of the reasons I wanted to go to medicine and this was like, since I was four or five years old, I was just thinking that if he was a doctor, then I should be a doctor too because that's a cool thing because he's doing it. But also my mother had an impact on that because when I was like eight or nine years old, we started watching Grey's Anatomy together. She really liked that show and because I was sleeping with her most of the time, I watched it with her too and I was really, really surprised by how doctors live day by day and how they treat people and how they make people feel better, speaking of people pleaser. And that was one of the reasons I wanted to become a doctor too. And then when I got to school and started studying biology and chemistry and just sciences in general, I was really passionate about them and step by step, I just realized that medicine is really the thing I want to do in life. Thank you. That's such an interesting story and you tied in the family connections and memories nicely into it. And I understand you said before, even you chose medicine, you didn't realize fully, your people pleasing tendencies. So if I understand, you're discovering yourself, you're understanding yourself. Do you feel you're more and more understanding who you really are or do you get surprised often that who you thought is your personality, it changes, you're moody, maybe for no reason. You have some different attitudes, one moment you're people pleasing, another moment maybe you say no to everyone or whatever. And therefore you don't really feel whatever you think you are is already complete, that it's always a discovery and you're always surprised by the changes. Or do you feel that who you are is constant and you're always discovering more without many new surprises? No, I'm pretty sure I'm not constant at all. As you said, I feel really surprised by the way I act sometimes. I mean, I tend to think and I want to think that I know myself pretty well, but by the gestures and by the thoughts I have, I don't really know to be honest because I think I'm just in a really long adventure of knowing myself at the moment. I just discover new things every day and there are some things that don't really, they're not the same as they were before. I mean, I used to be more energetic, as I told you before, and more into socializing and meeting people. But now that uni takes most of my time away, I started to become, let's not say totally antisocial, but I just like spending time with myself more because I know that I really need it, of the fact that I'm surrounded by people almost all the time. And also I told you at the beginning that I'm a very optimistic person, but that's, let's say it's not something constant because sometimes I'm really pessimistic, but just about myself. Let's say because I'm a people pleaser, as I told you before, I tend to be very optimistic with the people I talk to and I try to make them feel as happy as possible. And I'm just telling them that everything's going to be all right, that they're going to fight this fight and stuff like that. But when it comes to me, I'm a bit pessimistic, maybe some anxiety there, and I'm not just as sure in my feelings as I am when I'm talking to other people about their stories. So yeah, I think my moods are changing every time and my thinking is still in process, let's say. I'm just trying to collect everything that I can from every event I go to, every memory, every person I met. I'm just trying to build myself off the events that happen in my life. And I'm just trying to, let's say, build a puzzle of myself and it doesn't have to be that constant. I don't think this is a feature that could go in my life because as I told you, I'm always changing, the people around me tend to change, the atmosphere around my life tends to change. So I don't think that constancy is a thing that could happen in my life. Thank you. And you mentioned how sometimes you can be unsure about many things. To ask you about decisions then, how do you approach any decision in your life? Are you always debating in your mind, yes, no, yes, no, and hesitating? And if so, what do you do in order to engage and commit to anything? Or do you have parts of your life where you're totally committed, maybe in drawing you already decide what you're going to do or your gym routine or the book you read, or are you constantly undecisive somehow at some level where you're always thinking, am I making the right choice? Is this correct? And keep on hesitating often. And if so, how can you explain that? Are you moody? Are you like emotional or you just wonder because you need more experience before you know or what's your perspective on this? Well, the fun thing is that I really like to be on point with everything. So I tend to be a really organized person and I want to know. I want to know what I want to do in life. But at the same time, I'm a really indecisive person and most of the times I can't really decide for myself. So I find myself always asking other persons their perspective on my situation, even though I shouldn't because it's just my situation and I would know how to handle it best. But when it comes to taking a decision, I'm very intellectual. Let's say I try to roll that situation up and down and right and left. And I'm just trying to see it from every part that it has. And before analyzing it very, very well, then I try to make a decision, even though it's just like a very, very small decision that anybody could take just at a moment. I really need a really long time to think about it, just to make sure that I make the right decision, because as I told you before, I'm very perfectionist. Yeah, I think that's the word. I'm a really big perfectionist and I just want for myself to do all the things as good as I can. And when I'm taking a decision, it has to be the right decision, if you understand me. And that's why I think a lot about it. And I'm also overthinking it like, what if I'm not taking the right decision? What will happen? I think also about the good side and about the bad side. So when I'm taking a decision, I'm not only taking it, but I'm just thinking in advance what would happen if that was the right decision, what would happen if that was not the right decision. I'm just overthinking it mostly for nothing, because most of the time it doesn't even happen how I'm thinking, but yeah, to sum it up, I'm just very analytic about my decisions. But I've tried recently to also go with the flow, even though I'm not really comfortable with it. But I know it will help me improve myself and maybe not spend so much time thinking about useless stuff, thinking what to eat, and as you said, what gym program to choose today. And about reading and drawing and going to the gym, as you said, I'm trying to be as straightforward as possible. I don't have much time for drawing and reading, as I told you, because I'm just busy with going to the university and maybe two hours for going to the gym, and that's all, and just some time for myself and spending time with my friends. So I'm not really exploiting this part of my life, like dear Stacey's one, even though I wanted to, but I'm sure that when I will get the time, I will be as into it as possible. But now I'm just keeping myself busy with other things. And that makes me feel like I'm not enjoying life as much as I should, because I'm just really focused on this, let's say, career thing in my life with medicine and all, but I'm not really focusing on the spiritual life. So I like, as I told you, to draw, and I forgot to tell you that I like taking photos a lot, but I just take photos with my phone. I don't have a camera or something very fancy, but I like when I spend time with people to take photos of them, when I'm just walking by myself to take pictures of everything that's around me. I think this is the thing that I do constant, and I like looking through my photo gallery and seeing that I'm not only having some courses there and some pics from the gym and pics from university, but I'm also having some small parts of my life that I just enjoy watching over and over again. Thank you. And then it makes me, I have so many questions about this. It makes me wonder when it comes to people, do you feel more fascinated by those who seem to be perfect, who are perfectionists as well, who do everything perfectly and correctly, even if they take time to do it? Or are you more interested and fascinated by people who take risks, who seem to make decisions strongly and confidently, even if they're not perfect decisions, but they know how to adapt when things go wrong, et cetera? What kind of people do you wish to be more near them, maybe so that their aura rubs off on you and you get some of their qualities? Is it people who wait for things to be perfect, but they still do it? Or people who are confident to make quick decisions, they seem to go for it, even if sometimes it's wrong, they know how to adapt and they don't really worry too much later? Well, that's a pretty hard question to answer, to be honest, because as I told you, I like perfection, so I should like perfectionists around me. But I realized that when I'm around perfectionists, I get like too much of a perfection, you know, because I'm already exaggerating this perfection thing, if you could exaggerate perfection. And when I meet someone that has the same patterns as me, I think it's just exhausting because I have to be perfect for myself and also for the other person. So it's just too much for me. So I think that a spontaneous person would be better for me. And I'm telling you also from experience, because my boyfriend and also my best friends, they are pretty straightforward people who just don't think that much when taking a decision, they just go with the flow, they go by what they're feeling. And I think that's way easier than analyzing everything and thinking about what you should do, what could happen, what could go wrong. It's just too much energy that's wasted because honestly, we don't even know what's going to happen, so we should just go by how are we feeling. And yeah, I told you about my boyfriend and I remember that I wanted to tell you from the other question about consistency and just being really determined in doing something. I don't really have a routine or I don't like sticking to routines and stuff like that because I find myself just doing a really good thing for like two or two weeks and then it goes away because I get tired of it. But my relationship with my boyfriend is one of the single things that I kept constant and that helped me become the person that I am today. Because as I told you, he is a very straightforward person, he doesn't like to wait, he doesn't really care about what people think about him. He's not a people crazy like me, he's like the total opposite of me. And I think that really helped me just build my balance and my equilibrium because when I am too much of a perfectionist or an over thinker, I used to talk to him, I used to talk to him, yeah, and he kind of puts me with feet on ground and he doesn't let me fantasize too much about stuff that are not meant to be fantasized about. And yeah, I think that's all to be honest. Thank you. That's wonderful. And you mentioned earlier that you're spending so much time focused on your university, you don't feel like you have enough time to enjoy life. In an ideal perfect day for you, what would you do so that you feel you're enjoying life and where would you be? What would be a location that will represent your personality and what you love? Would you be near the beach in Greece or California? Would it be in some mountains or a big city? What hobbies would you do? Who would you be with? How would you ideally in one day do everything that will make you feel, yes, I'm enjoying life? Well, to start from beach or mountain, I'm totally a beach person, more than a mountain person. I really like warm weather and waves and sand and all these stuff. So yeah, maybe the beach would be a really nice option, but just without any wind or clouds or stuff like that, maybe some clouds because I'm really passionate about clouds. I don't know why, but I like them a lot. So yeah, the beach, sun, I should be with my boyfriend, I think, because he's the person that makes me feel like the best in the world, him with, of course, my family and the two, my best friends. But I think that he has a real big impact on my life. So I just stick to him and that's it. And I don't know, just swimming, having some chill time without thinking about anything else in life, maybe taking some photos because as I told you before, I enjoy a lot taking photos. We should do, we could go see a movie, of course, or stand up, we like going to stand up together. I just like doing things that don't make me think about other things that are happening in my life. You know, I just try to be focused on the thing that I'm doing at the moment so I can just erase all the problems from my mind, let's say. So I should, I would like a place that makes me feel really relaxed at my pace. And I think we will finish today just by staying in bed and cuddling. I know that sounds, let's say, lame and boring, but I really, really enjoy staying in bed because since I started this year of university, I haven't got a lot of really good sleep and a lot of time to stay in bed, actually. So when I get the occasion, I just enjoy my bedtime as much as possible. And I think that'd be it. Thank you. Yes, I wish you to have as much time as possible to rest, to sleep, to enjoy your bed. And recharge in yourself. And I'm curious about you, your perspective on culture. When it comes to girls your age in Bucharest, Romania, what do you feel is a way to describe them and how they are culturally? Do you feel maybe they're like 80% traditional Romanian, 20% European, or because of Netflix and YouTube and TikTok, they're a mix between Romanian and European and Hollywood and K-pop and Japanese and all the stuff? Or how, if you were to say, what you notice in the younger generation of girls your age, how are they compared to their parents or their mothers or girls you might have known or heard about from other cultures or movies, et cetera? Well, I think compared to our parents, we are, of course, way modern and understanding of the other cultures around us. And I don't know, the best way to describe a Romanian girl, I think it's complex because you could just go take a walk in Bucharest, let's say, because it's more crowded and you see way more types of people than in small countries and small cities. You can see all types of girls, some of them are more traditional, some of them are like trying to modernize themselves and be like the American girl, I don't know. Some are just enjoying some trends that just appeared and they are like very different and very unique and beautiful compared with the basic that you see on the streets. But yeah, I could say that we are pretty traditional and Romanians as a population, we tend to stick by our traditions when it comes to holidays and I don't know, some special events like a wedding or a baptizing and stuff like that. We are really traditional and religious and even though people my age are not as religious as our parents or grandparents, we still have that tendency to go back to our origins when we need it. So yeah, I would say that we are pretty traditional even though we don't show it every time. Just like going back for Christmas and making some traditional food with my grandmother makes me feel really connected with my culture and with my ancestors, let's say. So yeah, I think to sum it up, Romanian girls like to experience everything, like you could go from being traditional to being modern, to being a very European girl like those Northern Europeans or just living the American dream. I think we can do whatever we want actually and just it will look nice on us. Thank you. That's fantastic. And the Romanians are known to immigrate also a lot as well as live in Romania. So you can find Romanians all over the world. In the future dreams you have, is there a country you would love to maybe continue your education in or spend a couple of years in or do you see that something about Romania keeps you here and you would love to spend all the rest of your life in Bucharest or something? Can you tell me more about this? Well, I haven't decided yet. I've been thinking a lot about it since I graduated high school and got into university. It's pretty hard because I really feel connected with Romania, Bucharest and my home place. I mean, it would feel really hard to just live and go spend the rest of my life in any other country. I like Romania, I think. I could just build a life here. I would like to build a life here because I feel like this is the place I belong to. But also I would like to maybe go and take my residency in another country because I don't feel like Romania has that many opportunities. I think some other country like, I don't know, the Netherlands or Denmark could be a better option for me just by going to medical field and improving myself on that specific field. Maybe when I'm over with it and when I finish my residency, I could go back to Romania and spend the rest of my life here. I'm not sure what I want to do and I still have four more years to decide. So that's a good thing. But I think probably as I'm feeling now, I would just stay in Romania and maybe go to some other countries just to experience some different stuff and to travel, to be honest. I really like to travel and I like going and visiting other countries and finding out about other cultures. I would like to go to Spain also, but I've been to Spain this year, to be honest, but I haven't been really exploring that scientific part of the countries. I've just been a traveler or a tourist, but I would like to go on maybe medical congresses or medical meetings and stuff like that to see how people from other countries see the problems that are happening in the medical field at the moment. I understand and I know how difficult it can make it when you hesitate about decisions, think about all the negative consequences, but I wish you success. I wish you all the best decisions. I wish you good rest, moments of enjoying life with all those you love. And thank you so much, Maria, for participating. I really wish you all the success. Thank you a lot. Thank you. And also, I'm very happy that you contacted me for this interview and for this whole project. I think it's a really, really nice thing that you're doing. And I also wish you good luck and hope you find as many interesting girls as possible.