Episode Transcript
Hello, my name is Aziz and I'm the son of a divorced mother.
She is really my superhero, that's why it's important for me to support women to share
their uniqueness, their personalities, perspectives and emotions about this world.
In these difficult times in human history, we need to bring the cultures of the world
together.
And when we listen to real people, to real lives of women from other countries, we connect
our humanity without our differences or stereotypes and we get inspired by their stories to live
a better life.
That's what this podcast is all about.
My guest today is Naseeba Nikha Damova.
Naseeba is a FLEX finalist from Tajikistan, an active volunteer and currently living in
Iowa, the U.S. as a FLEX exchange student.
Naseeba enjoys political studies, music and psychology and she worked as a volunteer with
the U.S. Embassy at American Space, Khorog, in her hometown.
Naseeba, how are you today?
I'm fine, thank you, how are you?
I'm feeling positive, I'm feeling lucky to be alive and very curious about you, so I'll
begin with this question.
If your friends could describe your personality, what would they say about you and the small
twist, would it be somehow different in Tajikistan compared to the new friends you're making
in the U.S.?
My friends would probably describe me as a leader and as a creative person who is easygoing
and always talk to people, but my friends in the United States, I guess they will just
tell the same because people in here, they don't talk to each other so much, so if they
don't know you, they'll probably just not talk to you.
So the thing is that I talk to a majority of people in my high school, in my community,
in my neighborhood and this is really interesting for them, like they think it is a person who
have like a lot of courage to have the ability to talk to everybody and share their ideas
and thoughts.
So I think both my friends in the United States and my friends in Tajikistan would describe
me as a person who has a leadership abilities to lead a team, to talk to people, to be open-minded
and easygoing.
That's interesting and to take it even further, there are many people nowadays who need to
go study abroad, who move to a new town, a new country where they don't know any person.
What would be your tips for them in making new friendships even when it's hard?
Do you recommend they go to specific activities and find like-minded people?
Do you recommend they just say hello to everyone and notice the chemistry?
How do you go about in an ideal world making new friends and do you have any conversation
tips to find commonalities and build that connection?
Yes, for sure.
When I first came here it was really hard for me to adapt to this environment especially
first two weeks because you know you just realized that you are in a new environment
and there's like no parents, you don't have any relatives in here.
So in those two weeks I actually realized that all depends on me.
I would recommend to new people who are going to change their environment and who need new
friends is to participate in school events.
What about activities?
If you enjoy for example doing basketball, you can join basketball, but if you don't
enjoy basketball but you just go there to meet new people, from my perspective it's
going to be a little bit hard for those people because sports in United States especially
are big deal and those are really hard to play.
So I think the best way to make friends is to join the activities that you truly enjoy.
So you will both spend your time doing the activity and meeting new people.
Again just being open minded and being talkative and finding new people you should pick up
like classes you are really interested in and AP classes I guess you will find a lot
of people in there.
In my case I'm participating in DACA club and KEY club, those are the leaderships club
in my school so we are doing a lot of volunteering activities, we are doing a lot of conferences.
I met almost all of my friends in there and yes I guess doing volunteering, doing activities,
participating in social life is the best way to find friends in here.
Neighborhood is also a big deal in here, you can for example make cookies for your neighbors
or in my case I made a big presentation about my country and I made a cuisine, I prepared
traditional food so I invited people that's how I made a lot of people in here, a lot
of friends so yeah.
Thank you that's really useful advice and to ask you because you have probably gotten
even more clarity on your culture when you are having your flex exchange for you.
What did you notice is the way that a girl from your hometown in your age is in 2022.
How would you describe your culture?
How different are you compared to girls from Iowa?
Can you explain to someone who maybe doesn't have any friends who are from Tajikistan,
what is a teenage girl, what is her culture, what's her perspective and personality in
2023 already?
Yes of course by my arrival in here I had a cultural shock because girls especially
in here and girls in my country are super super different.
In my country I'd say like the biggest difference is that girls back in my hometown unfortunately
we don't have a right to wear whatever we want so people in here, girls they have freedom,
they can do with their bodies whatever they want and judgment is here is not like how
to say society is more judgmental in my country than in here so for girls I think the better
environment is United States, the environment I'm living currently in.
The thing is that in my country if a girl goes for education there is a high chance
that she will get married and her husband will never let her work again.
That is what made me crazy back at home.
That's why I had an ambition to go further, to get my education, to build my career and
to become someone important and to improve my society.
That is what I want to change because I want to tell people back in my country that the
woman's role is not only give birth to kids and stay at home and do household responsibilities.
Also I think gender equality plays a huge role.
I think Tajikistan and my society is just developing and comparing it to the United
States would be a little bit unconscionable however I think Tajikistan should develop
and improve their gender roles and make a specific place for girl and for guy so they
should be equal.
I think that's it.
I love that, that's really, really, really important and can you describe you personally
how do you feel when you're in a place like the US where you can wear anything be any
way you are and how did you feel when you were before some place where you could be
judged, where people could gossip or like negatively react and even before you went
to the US to discover all the freedoms possible did you realize it was possible somewhere
just not around you or was that experience of seeing it in real life eye-opening?
Yes, back at home I was always curious about that but I behaved the same way as I'm behaving
in here because I always knew that this is my freedom and nobody, nobody has a right
to take it from me so I actually had my own standards like wearing whatever I want but
as I live in a Muslim society it was a little bit impossible so in here my behavior changed
a little bit, back at home I was focused on people's opinion, oh where will people think
about this, where will they think about that, how will it impact on my parents reputation
because I'm from small, small town and gossips they are endless in there but in here it's
different actually nobody cares about you and you can do your own business and people
are doing their own business so yes I think I didn't change a lot but I got more open
minded about things that back at home I thought oh my god it will never happen to me it's
a bad thing but no.
Thank you, I understand that fully and I have a theory that some people are just born different
born to be unique, to not follow the herd and to understand your situation, is it like
a core component of your soul or your being that yearned for freedom or did something
happen maybe you read novels that inspired you with their female characters that were
defiant to restrictions or Hollywood movies or something else maybe YouTube seeing girls
from other cultures or even your parents that gave you the fire to not just follow and obey
and just conform to society was it innate or was it more something that when you discovered
was real and possible you were like I want that.
Yes of course this is an interesting question I'd say that West Side impacted on myself
a lot I accept as the I think the more inspiration I gained from reading different books especially
books about Afghanistan about the life in there Haleh Dusseini he is my favorite, Kite
Runner also by the way Malala however it's Malala is like I really adore her story and
how she impacted on people and it's unbelievable but all those books also movies maybe from
Hollywood too I don't know but all those movies they impacted on me a lot because they showed
me other side of life.
In my community I already like they were in my community there were special settings you
go to school you graduate from school you go to college you graduate from college and
you marry and your life ends that's it no more work nothing else but I saw that there
could be something else you can travel you can learn more those books those movies they
showed me different life also I think my volunteering it helped me a lot to change my mindset as
I mentioned earlier I did volunteering at the American Space work I also did volunteering
at the Smiley Center the Smiley Center helped me a lot because I meet a lot of foreigners
in there and American Space of course I met a lot of Americans that helped me to understand
Americans mindset so I could apply for flex program I met a lot of foreigners and they
shared their experience and how life how life looks in their societies how girls struggle
or they don't all that things they impacted me a lot and I don't know in my society people
usually don't talk about the things that I I used to talk I always always my entire life
I was a person who was in battle for justice I think the the thing that inspired me the
things that inspired me the most were books movies volunteering and just talking to people
with different backgrounds and different experience the thing is that if you want to become some
if you want to improve yourself talk to people who already improved themselves talk to people
who already achieved something it will help you to to achieve something so I talked to
people who are successful who achieved something even though there is a gender equality seal
in Tajikistan you can meet someone rarely but some people who are really successful
so I tried to talk to them I tried to learn new tools from them I read books movies everything
and I think it shaped myself and I was active I participated in debates everywhere I was
barely home I came home from school and I immediately left for my all of that stuff
my mom was mad at me all the time because I was never home and for girls it's not common
there because you are a girl society says you should sit at home and do your chores
and do stuff but I didn't do it I was always somewhere and I think that is that is exactly
the factor that helped me to become who I am now thank you and I can feel all the struggles
and difficulties and it's really important that you can truly express yourself and be
yourself and be celebrated for it rather than judged in any way and to understand then even
more now that you are able to dress how you like speak how you like do what you want feel
more valued did you discover new parts of your personality did this allow you to explore
different parts of who you are that are maybe surprising discoveries to you that you couldn't
when you had more limits and more societal pressure before is this allow you allowing
you to develop and to grow in unexpected ways that you didn't have the opportunity to before
yes it kind of changed the way I think a little bit because in the United States for example
in my school especially if you were a girl you can go and freely join wrestling you can
go and you can join boxing and that's okay and nobody will nobody will say anything about
it I mean for people in here it's okay but in in the society I leave before if you are
a girl and if you want to go to wrestle it's not okay so the way I mean my mindset changed
because now I know that no but like it doesn't matter what your gender is if you wanted to
do something you can go and you can do that but I thought this way back at home too but
unfortunately there was no chance to express all my thoughts and my opinions about that
but in here yes I think it a little bit changed my mind even though I was really open-minded
back in my society the freedom without borders in here changed my mind a little bit thank
you and does this mean it would be difficult to be back home after the end of your flax
exchange year because usually when you get that freedom without borders and you taste
the different life when you return you feel even more suffocated it's like taking away
something you had and does this motivate you to find a way to study abroad to do your university
and therefore would you like to do it again in the US would you love to go to Western
Europe or to stay at home and like become an activist for the empowerment and the freedom
of women that's a good question before even applying to flax I was planning to study somewhere
abroad not just because of the freedom but just because of the education education and
to Jekison is not that strong that education in Europe or the United States for example
is currently I consider that would be a little bit just a little bit hard for me but not
that hard because I lived in that society for 17 years and I don't think spending more
additional months in there is going to be hard for me but however yes I think you already
adjusted to the society and you already behave as people in here behave and you go back and
you see people with small minds who judge others and who punish women and say all religion
says that but however it's a good motivation flex program it's a good motivation for women
and for girls especially to see how life and abroad and the United States is so we can
go back and we can implement and we can contribute on our society we can contribute on new change
we can change something in there so this is a great power that we have we can show other
girls that hey you can go for your education guess what you can win scholarships you especially
girls and IT they nowadays they can earn a lot of scholarships so I think that's a great
power to be able to help others to know how normal life looks like so I consider this
my motivation to go there and to make life in there a little bit better but however for
my bachelor degree I think I will either choose Canada or be back home and study at the University
of Central Asia which is a really good environment to study thank you and to understand you even
more as a person when you're in the US how are you expressing your personality and feeling
your development are you spending your time for example joining boxing and wrestling clubs
to experience that are you drawing are you spending your time visiting different natural
and cultural locations how are you expressing your essence through different interests and
activities in a place where you have freedom to do what you want or are you still continuing
to debate to enjoy that kind of back and forth that develops and stretches your mind mostly
in here I enjoy traveling because seeing the places and knowing more about their history
is something really really interesting and here the way I express myself and I spend
my time I usually do volunteering in different events as it also a requirement of my program
next month I will do volunteering and I will make cookies for kids before I was doing volunteering
at the Latino Heritage Festival that was really really fun and I did volunteering at Food
World Festival you are meet you're going there you're doing volunteering and you're meeting
new people with different cultures and you have a chance to try their food to see their
traditional clothes what about other activities I go to DACA club as I mentioned earlier key
club and I spend majority of my time preparing for my exams and tests and I also prepare
for my university and college but I try to combine them and find a balance between them
so I cannot miss my entire year in here but just yeah so I enjoy a lot of traveling seeing
new places meeting new people trying new food yes I think that's it thank you and now that
you're in the US do you find that a lot of people know where Tajikistan is they could
maybe located on a map or is it somehow of an unknown country and culture and therefore
how does that make you feel what do you do about it tell me more yes of course people
in here majority of people they don't know where Tajikistan is and what the culture looks
like if you tell them from Tajikistan they'll probably think that it's Russia you I have
an amazing opportunity to teach them that Tajikistan is not Russia and it's Central Asia and it's
different last month I did four presentations about Tajikistan three in my school and one
at home and I also made some food that makes me happy to be able to teach people something
new in American you in America you can meet a lot of people some people know where Tajikistan
is they're really good at geography so they can even tell you about the flag and they
can even tell you about mountains and everything but some people they have no idea so it doesn't
makes me kind of nervous but I'm always ready to represent my country and to share my culture
and my background knowledge thank you what things have you learned from this experience
where you needed your own full independence where you have to be responsible for many
things in your life what things about life about living did you learn that could be good
pieces of advice for teenage girls or women from all over the world that you can share
I consider this experience an incredible chance to change your mindset and to improve yourself
I think being able to go to a new environment without your parents relatives and adapting
to that society makes you grow now people they think that I am 20 years old but I'm
just 18 and they always say oh you look really mature for your years that that is because
I already understand a lot of things the first thing is that only you are responsible for
your life and you can do whatever you can color your hair or you can get a tattoo you
can do whatever or you just if you don't want you you don't want to do that if you want
to go to the university you can go to the university if you don't want to do that it
means you cannot do that everything depends on you you are responsible for your own life
you choose for yourself we have a choice we have a choice to be whoever we want I think
that is extremely good being able to choose for ourselves our entire life is a choice
we choose every day what we want for breakfast we choose every day what we want for dinner
that's the choice we also choose what we want to be in our life I think the greatest
knowledge in here that I learned is that I have a choice and nobody can took away nobody
can take away my choice from me thank you Nasiba this was such a wonderful conversation
about very important topics I wish you freedom I wish you full choice every day I wish you
success thank you so much for participating in this project and keep going thank you
so much for interviewing me I really enjoyed it I also wish you more successful stories
I wish you success on the development of rare girls this is an incredible podcast
