E160 Varvara Blindar

I realized that we are more than our looks. We can do more for this world. Who cares about your body if you are beautiful inside, if you can provide something beautiful to this world and you can make people around you feel better? I think it's about feelings. We see the world based on our feelings, on our mentality, and I think we have to be more open-minded and to accept diversity and to not judge people. That's it. It makes our life easier. Just focus on yourself and focus on improving yourself. And I think this is my advice to other girls. To focus on themselves, to improving their skills, and to move forward no matter what others say. Just if you feel it, if you feel it's yours, just, girl, keep going. Hello, my name is Aziz and I'm the son of a divorced mother. She is really my superhero. That's why it's important for me to support women to share their uniqueness, their personalities, their perspectives, and emotions about this world. In these difficult times in human history, we need to bring the people of the world together. And when we hear women, when we listen to real lives of women from other countries, we connect our cultures without our differences or stereotypes, and we get inspired by their stories to live a better life. That's what this podcast is all about. My guest today is Varvara Blindar. Varvara is a volunteer at the District Youth Council of Soroka in the Republic of Moldova and currently the Vice President of the District Youth Council 2023 in Soroka. Besides school, she likes studying human rights, history, developing her digital skills, and also trying to include reading in her busy schedule. Varvara also is involved in organizing intellectual games and quizzes weekly at her school. She has participated in different projects, such as the Female Leadership Academy and the Youth Parliament of Moldova. Varvara, how are you today? Hi Aziz, nice to meet you and I'm very glad to be here today. And I'm feeling really happy and I'm excited to talk more about myself and to share my experience. I'm happy, I'm honored, and I feel lucky to have you here today and I'm really curious about you as a person. So I'll begin with this simple yet interesting question, which is, if your friends could describe your personality, what would they say about you? That's a good question. As a busy person, I am really trying to dedicate more time to them, but I have some good friends and they're really few, but you know, quality over quantity. And I think they will describe me as a sociable, supportive, empathic person. And I also like to share my experience with them. I'm very talkative. Yes, I like to talk with them all day. It's really fine to have some good friends that can get you and understand you, where you are, whatever you do, and they do support you. I like that. And I'm really curious about this because it seems we live in a time of social media as well as after the pandemic, a lot more people are socially awkward. Maybe they're not so talkative. So to explore this side of your personality can inspire them to become talkative too. So I'll ask a few questions. And the first one is, are you also talkative to people who are not part of your best friend circle, but you do similar activities together or to new people? Or are you a bit more reserved with people you don't know that well and very warm with your friends that you know for a long time? I think it depends on the atmosphere and the teamwork. When I find people with the same interests and with the same views as mine, I'm more disposed to communicate with them, but I also accept diversity and I'm trying to understand others and their views on certain things. I haven't been always so talkative. I had to work on myself in order to be more sociable and to make more acquaintances. And I'm very proud of that actually, because now I can easily make friends and to keep in touch with them after different projects or initiatives. And also we can meet together after the project and we create this social bond and we are really excited about it. I love that. And I love that you use the words social bond to understand it even more. What is the most enriching thing for you about those people that you have great teamwork with or your best friends? Is it that when you feel understood, you feel on the same path with passionate people, you don't feel alone in this world? Or is it about the emotions that there are sharing with you and you share with them and therefore you feel like your soul is being nourished because you're speaking with such great people and bonding with them? Or is that part of your personality that one of your important values is to bond with people and the more people you bond with, you feel you're creating your own universe, like your positive army of people that will change the world? Or what is your favorite part about bonding with people and how do you experience that human connection and bond? There are two kind of people in my life, acquaintances and friends. It's all about the common goal we are following. If we are friends in life, we can also be teammates and we can work on something. I'm trying to divide my social life and as a volunteer because not all my friends are volunteers and I'm really trying to understand them and to get into their world. And so to find more about their interest as do they do about my interest. And I think the most beautiful thing is that we create a really great result together even we are not on the same path. And I think it's about the way you interact with people and you accept them. Thank you. So if I understood you correctly, it's that feeling of total love actually because love is total acceptance where you accept everyone for what they are, you're curious about what's interesting to them because you value them as human beings and they do the same to you. So it's mutual, it's something shared and together even on different paths. You create results, but then how does that work? Because if you're on different paths, what result are you creating together? Is this something like a specific goal for volunteering or the result of growing your human touch and human connection is what matters to you the most? Friendship is a gift and it's also beneficial for your mental health. When you have support from your friends, you can succeed in your career. And it's all about this because I feel good around them and they give me the power to move forward and to create more ideas and projects. I think it's about it, it's about support, it's about networking, it's about this bond which keeps us moving on. Thank you. I understand. And to dive a bit more into the ideas and the projects, how do you decide on or choose the ideas and projects that are important for you? Are you looking for things, for example, that progress people who are similar to you, other youth in Moldova, is it something that you see what's happening in other parts of the world and that inspires you to show that Moldovan girls and young people are as motivated as others? Or is it because you feel the whole group is excited about some idea, then you feel, wow, this has energy, everybody will push in it, so that's why we choose ideas? Or what criteria do you have for the projects and ideas that you think are the most important people and your group and teammates usually are focused on? Firstly, I'm trying to expand my leadership skills within my team because now I have to be more responsible and to take it all over myself. And the fact is that we are constantly looking for projects on different websites. In Moldova, we have special websites reserved for volunteers and young activists where we find our projects, so they can be based on digital skills, soft skills, and then there are some projects that just find us. And it's really interesting when it comes out of the blue and you are thinking, you are there and you have to decide whether to dive into this project or not. But most times we are really engaged into them and we accept everything that comes to us and we're trying to do our best and to develop our community because it's a really small town, but we are trying to improve it in really each way possible. That's all about it. Thank you. I have so many questions about this. And you mentioned you're from a small town. What difference does this make to you as a girl who grew up in a small town compared to some Moldovan girl who grew up in the capital or a girl who grew up in New York or London? What things nowadays changes when you grow up in a small town? Do you believe that is a factor or nowadays because of the internet and social media, there is no difference? You're influenced by the cultures of the world, of Europe, of Hollywood, of Japan with anime and music and all the stuff. Firstly, I live in a post-Soviet country and there is still a lot of stereotypes which we try to fight with. And yet in a small town, you know each other really well. And the fact that there are many prejudices and I don't know what stereotypes like I mentioned, I think it's affecting our mental health, especially the girls, because there is a lot of violence around and I'm afraid as a girl, I'm afraid for our safety. And I want to break that. I want to break the stereotypes and I want to create a safer environment for us and for all the citizens who live in this town. I agree 100% and I support that. And for people who might not know what those stereotypes are, why you might fear for safety, et cetera, can you explain and share as a post-Soviet country, what stereotypes are that you're dealing with and fighting? There was a saying that if you beat a woman, you love her. I mean, it's a real saying, which is really going around and I don't like it because you can still see a lot of violence, especially in the villages where women don't have access to justice. They don't have access to social services because they purely don't know about it. So we tend to raise awareness about it and we are trying to prevent violence. As an example, your outfit, you're going out and you are afraid to wear whatever you want because you're afraid of prejudices, stereotypes, and you can't wear it in evening, let's say, you can't wear a skirt at night because you're simply afraid to be shouted. And it's really scary. It's really scary at night, especially. And it's scary when you think about those looks that are, and I think we have to grow out of this shell and we have to move on as a modern society and we can just change our views because it's the moment, it's the time, we can't wait more. So I think we have to act now, immediately. I agree with you 1000%, no to violence against women. No woman should be feeling restricted in how she wants to dress or where to go or feeling anxious or fearing for her safety. It's absolutely unacceptable. And I wish for you success in fighting and winning against those stereotypes. And this makes me think about leadership because it's an important factor in this. And earlier you spoke about developing leadership skills and now that you are working in more of a leadership position and you're volunteering work, et cetera, what is leadership for you? Especially in a country, like you said, a post-Soviet country, maybe leadership is also stereotyped in specific ways. So what is a good leader in your opinion? What are leadership skills and how are girls who want to be in leadership positions? What do they need to develop? What do they need to think and do in order to become good leaders and take on more leadership positions? I think if you grow up in a post-Soviet society, you have to expand your views and you have to be more confident about yourself. You have to understand that if you are judged, it's not a reason to stop. A leader is a person who can inspire, who can manage a team, who can raise awareness, who has a critical thinking about what's happening and what's going on in this society. And I think a great leader is also a very imperfect person because if you cannot get into someone's shoes, you never know what's happening there. And you also have to be really decided and really supportive and to develop constantly your knowledge about your rights and how can you improve your society. I agree one thousand percent. I love the wisdom that you're speaking about. And to me, those seem to be skills that need time for thinking, time for planning, etc. And earlier, you mentioned that you get excited about projects and ideas that come out of the blue, that require fast thinking and fast deciding. So tell me more about that. Is that something that because you love the thrill and the adrenaline of needing to decide and making plans and being busy and deciding fast or is it a different part of being a leader that being good at making fast decisions and speak more about this topic, please? It's a really important skill to make fast decisions. First of all, when I started my activity as a volunteer, there was a project which I got in within two days from when I signed up as a volunteer. And it was a female leadership school where I learned so much. And it was my first project where I could make friends and I could discover myself as a leader, as an inspiring person. And I learned very much about our society, about stress, about stereotypes, about gender discrimination and other social aspects which are very relevant nowadays. So I think making fast decisions can lead to very unexpected results. But for me, from my experience, these results are positive. And also require more mobility and flexibility and making decisions is really important when you are a leader, especially when you manage a team. So you have to consider it and you have to be responsible for your team. You have to act in spite of the challenges that come on your way. So I think it's really a good skill. Thank you. And I noticed that you mentioned that project helped you discover more about yourself, understand the stereotypes, et cetera. So two girls who might look at you and listen to you and think, oh my God, she seems so confident. I am not so confident social media is destroying my self-esteem. I'm not perfect, et cetera. Can you speak about that? Are you a confident girl or are you a girl who is always increasing her confidence and that gives you confidence because you feel you're progressing? And what is the meaning to you of a confident girl? How can more girls become more confident so that they take those decisions and risks that allow them to become leaders now and in the future? I think confidence is more about self-work. When you start to analyze yourself, when you start to see yourself from the other side, it's a next level. And when you realize it, you become more confident and you want to try more and more. At first I was very shy. I remember myself a year ago, I was a really shy person. I couldn't believe in myself and social media was a really destroying factor. And then I started volunteering, I started being involved in different projects and I could think, wait, I can do something more. My image is not just about my physical aspect. It's all about the impact you do for your society. It's all about your manners, your skills, and the fact that you want to improve and you want to change something. I think confidence is about improving, it's about working, it's about networking because when you're around nice people with common interests, it's an environment where you can grow and you can develop your skills and to grow your confidence. I like that and I want us to explore it even more. What changed from a year ago when you were a shy girl until today? What motivated you to take the decision to become a volunteer and can you share how was Varvara from a year ago, how did she think, what made her shy and how are you today and what thoughts and beliefs have changed that allow you to be more confident and do you recommend to all girls to become volunteers as a way to increase their confidence, self-esteem and develop their personality? When I discovered the Youth District Council, I had a couple of friends there and I was thinking, wait, what is going on there? I want to try it too and I was really afraid because I was fearing prejudice. I was young, unexperienced and I couldn't fill this block inside me but when I gave it a try, I started feeling differently. I started feeling useful and then I could realize that something has changed and when I realized it, I started taking courses, I started evolving in different projects and I also was trying to contribute with my ideas. I could talk freely and I wasn't expecting that my ideas would be accepted and they would work. Sometimes I could even take more responsibility and I think this is what made me different because I wanted to try more and more and when I saw it working, I could do more. I became more efficient and I think this was my motivation because I could do more and I was constantly falling in love with volunteering and with the world around me because when you want to change something around you, you have to start from yourself and I see volunteering as a way to change the world but starting from your inner self. Thank you. And if I understood you correctly, when people don't volunteer, they don't take so much impactful action, they stay stuck in their thoughts and their thoughts can destroy their self-esteem but if they take action such as volunteering, real life will give them feedback that they are successful, that they are strong, they are impactful and that is a positive cycle that tells them, look, you are useful and the world is agreeing and you are making a change and that allows you to increase confidence. Of course, this is what I understood from you and I noticed earlier you mentioned that it's not about your looks, it's about the impact and how you feel useful. Can you tell me a bit more about that? Do you feel that in your culture or before you began all the volunteering work, you felt that people were judging you more based on appearance and after that, you wanted to be judged based on your brain, on your actions, on your impact and that gave you higher self-esteem or can you explain why specifically you use that when you talked about not being valued because of looks but because of impact? You can do beautiful things without even realizing it. You can help someone you love, you can help an unknown person, you can think something beautiful about someone and it is also a change but when you volunteer, you become more visible and you can make your ideas become real. When you talk about looks, yes, I was really shy and I was shaming myself for my body, for my look because social media culture is promoting skinny or skinny girls or this beauty standards models and many girls are feeling really ashamed for their bodies and I was one of them but then I realized that we are more than our looks, we can do more for this world. Who cares about your body if you are beautiful inside, if you can provide something beautiful to this world and you can make people around you feel better? I think it's about feelings. We see the world based on our feelings, on our mentality and I think we have to be more open-minded and to accept diversity and to not judge people. That's it. It makes our life easier. Just focus on yourself and focus on improving yourself and I think this is my advice to other girls, to focus on themselves, to improving their skills and to move forward no matter what others say. Just if you feel it, if you feel it's yours, just girl, keep going. I love how you described and expressed that, that comes from your heart and from real experience and earlier when you spoke about leadership, you said that the leader has to have empathy and now you said people should be appreciated for their actions, their thoughts, who they are. Are you an empath? Are you someone who can feel people's energy, you can feel their emotions and that's how you create the bond with them, that you feel what they feel? Is this a part of your volunteering and leadership secrets? Yes, I am an empath and sometimes I can feel people just by their face expression but sometimes I feel really shy to approach them because I don't want to break their boundaries and I can ask them something just to create questions, how are you feeling, is everything fine and if he or she wants to tell me more about it, I am very happy to listen and support them. I am very strict about personal boundaries and I am trying to approach them in a very delicate way. Thank you. I understand and I agree with that and to finish this, is there any advice or vision or thought or lesson you have learned that you would like to share with all young Moldovan girls and all women in the world in order to be more inspired to live to their full potential, anything that when you understood or thought about or you would like to think about more because it's impactful to you as a person? Yes, sometimes you have to break some rules in order to be listened to, sometimes you have to find power just by yourself because sometimes it happens that you cannot find around the right people but believe me, when you believe in yourself, when you are improving, the right people will find you. You have to stand up for yourself, for your rights, you have to find the will and the power to move on and don't be afraid to express your ideas because your little thought can transform and can become a really, really great initiative, just you have to speak up and you have to try. You have to try more, to try everything you want until you find yourself and until you find what you like and what you want to improve. I think it's about it. Thank you, yes, all voices of women matter, all ideas because you don't know, you might say them to the right people that get inspired and together as a team, you can make a huge impact but if you keep them in your thoughts and you judge them as not being great or cool, then they will never become reality and people will not benefit and that is really a waste. I encourage all women to speak up, to share their thoughts, their voices, their ideas, they really, really matter. Varvara, thank you so much for being my guest today. It was my privilege and my honor to share this time with you and to understand you more as a person. I wish you success. I wish you to break all the stereotypes and thank you again for participating. Thank you so much Aziz and thank you for your beautiful initiative in supporting all women from all over the world. I think it's a great project because as you have said, you got inspired from a mother and I believe she is a very, very beautiful person because she grew up a very nice son and I think she's proud of you. Just keep moving on and keep involving more and more girls to make our voice loud and thank you so much. You are welcome.