E159 Eliza Dolly

157 Eliza Dolly Eliza Dolly: [00:00:00] it would be in nature and, and there would be good walks to go on, and it would definitely be by the sea. Cause I love the sea. I think there's something so calming about it. , I'd be surrounded by all of my favorite people and by all of these people with interesting minds who, who did, who did art and and drama, and they had interesting opinions about the world, and they'd speak about them Aziz: hello, my name is Aziz and I'm the son of a divorced mother. She is my superhero. That's why it's important for me to support women to share their uniqueness, their personalities, perspectives and emotions about this world. In these difficult times in human history, we need to bring the cultures of the world [00:01:00] together. And when we listen to real people, to real lives of women from other countries. We connect our humanity without our differences or stereotypes, and we get inspired by their stories to live a better life. That's what this podcast is all about. My guest today is Eliza Dolly. Eliza is from the Wirral, near Liverpool in the United Kingdom. Eliza loves writing both journaling and poetry, and she enjoys art as a way of therapy. Hiking, cooking clubbing, spending time with her younger brother and studying psychology. Eliza was nominated as woman's officer for her [00:02:00] university leads Trinity University. She represented England. In a conference supported by the European Union in Molina, Spain, looking wildly at changing institutions and more focused on peace communication. Eliza also worked in Slovenia on a project looking at the effect of the pandemic and digital activism funded by the United Nations to run their own project within the UK. Which they plan to focus on inspiring the youth to be more socially active within their communities. Eliza has been part of a training for trainers project in Berlin working with socialist organizations from around the world to learn how to incorporate learning informal education in their own social movements. She was [00:03:00] head of the Women and Trans Committee in through a Wonderful Woman and Trans Evening. Eliza was also her sixth forms youth counselor being trained in Mental health First Aid by C A M H S. Eliza, how are you today? Eliza Dolly: Hi there. I'm good. I'm very excited. Thank you for having me. Aziz: I am honored. I'm privileged. I'm lucky to have you here and really curious to explore you as a person to share your inner universe and voice with the world. And I'll begin with this nice first question. If people, your friends, those people who know you best, could describe your personality, what would they say about you? Eliza Dolly: I think if people were to describe my personality, the first thing that they always say and talk about is about my energy. Um, I have [00:04:00] high energy all the time. I'm loud, I'm energetic, and I get excited by everything, the smallest and tiniest of things. So I think when my friends would describe me, that's the first thing they would talk about. Aziz: I love that. That's a wonderful attitude to have and even more, I would like to explore that you as a person who gets excited by the smallest things, who has a lot of energy and loudness. Do you have some beliefs about life and the world that allow you to have that when most people don't? Do you see the world as a playground and so everything is fun, or do you view that life is too short or do you enjoy the flavors of all the emotions? So you want more and are like ravenous about taking more of that emotion, or you just happen to. Have a perfect diet that gives [00:05:00] you energy that is sustained throughout the day, and you just give it and share it and give it more. Eliza Dolly: I believe that, well, the world can be this horrible, horrible place and there can be so many awful things happening and. People can be sad and people can be angry, and there are things that just are completely out of our control. So I think it's our job to find things, to make us happy and to appreciate the beauty of the world because the world is insane. It's amazing rainbows, you know how? How can someone not look at a rainbow and feel this kind of inner peace? If, if you don't take time to appreciate all of these beautiful things in the world, then you're just stuck with all the horrible things, and I just don't think that's a way to live at all. Aziz: I love that. So if I understood you correctly, it's about taking back the power into our own hands in order to. [00:06:00] See the beauty in life in order to see the mesmerizing positivity that is all around us instead of staying somehow helpless and just taking in the negative that is in the news or anywhere else. And therefore, to ask you, are you a kind of confident person? Do you have a lot of self-confidence? Do you view yourself as a cause in your. and that you can create anything you put your mind into, or is this attitude just still evolving and encouraged by your high energy, or how does it work? Eliza Dolly: Yeah, I, I would say I'm a pretty confident person. Um, you know, I have anxieties as everyone does, and I feel nervous and shy and awkward, but I feel like it doesn't come across that way. . I think if you let those kind of emotions take over, then you're [00:07:00] gonna miss out on so much in life. So I do, I do act in a way that says self-confidence and, and loudness. And if I have an opinion, I'll voice it. um, even if it's a controversial one. And I think, I think I've always been like that even as a child. Aziz: Thank you. And do you feel that nowadays we live in a time, maybe because of the social isolation during the pandemic and because of Instagram where people see photoshopped uh, photos and videos of people living the jet set perfect life, they. Feel small. They feel disempowered and don't have that courage and bravery to state their opinions, to behave in a way that even if they have anxiety inside, they don't stay within their comfort zone. Is this something you notice about other people? And how did you do to overcome any effects of the isolation from the pandemic or social media with its messages? [00:08:00] Saying: Oh, we're so much more successful and cool and better than you. You peasant, or whatever it is to everyone who's watching. Do you notice this in others, and how did you personally overcome those messages? Eliza Dolly: I think that's, that's such an interesting question because I know when I was younger, I used to have these people that I would stalk on Instagram. I would know everything about their lives that they'd share with us. And I called them Instagram celebrities, like my friend. I was like, Oh my goodness. This like my Instagram celebrity. It just posted this picture and all this and they, they were just, they were normal people that just like lived in my town. I was obsessed and I would relentlessly stalk them and follow them, and they're every move. and try change my feed to look like theirs or my outfits to be similar to theirs. And I get so awkward and, and worried that my posts weren't cool enough and sit there for hours and hours looking at color schemes and, oh, that doesn't go. [00:09:00] And, oh, does this make me look like I, like, I'm rude. Oh, maybe I don't look cool enough. But no one's thinking that no one, no one has ever looked at someone's Instagram post and gone, oh, they could have been wearing a better outfit. And if they do, that's a problem within themselves. If they're making those comments about other people's life and looking at the way someone dresses or takes photos or how they spend their time, then that's them sitting with this negativity. And that's got nothing to do with me. So I think it's just with social media post, what makes you happy, if you like a picture, post it. If you feel cool and confident, post it because there will be someone out there who'll see it and go, wow, they are cool. And um, my favorite quote, actually, I read this when I was about 30 and I think, and I've just tried to live my life by it. It's be the person you ideally would fall in love with and I think that in a, in a broader sense, when you look, when you look for a partner, when you look for someone, you, [00:10:00] you go, oh, I want them to be self-confident and I want them to be caring and, and I, I don't want them to stress too much, but of what people think and, and I want them to be happy and I want them to look around and find, you know, find things beautiful. So I think if you use that as, as a, as a, as a law in your life as a rule, then you're gonna become this amazing person that you know, that you've picked and dreamed of. Aziz: I love how much wisdom you are sharing, and I understand that you probably both had a reflective ability through maybe journaling or study in psychology to understand these perspectives better as well as you probably faced pain in your life because pain is the best teacher in my experience, and to ask you about the Wirral. Are you this way because that's the culture of people growing up in the Wirral, with its 300,000 or so inhabitants. Or did you grow up [00:11:00] there and found that people are more close-minded because it's a smaller place, so you rebelled against it and went to be more open-minded, more worldly, more understanding as a reaction to the people that were there. How are you, how was the culture there and how was your reaction to it. Eliza Dolly: Yeah, I think it's definitely the rebelling against, um, we have, we have so many cool people and so many amazing people in the Wirral,. However, I think in general, because it's so small, I feel like everybody knows everyone and everybody knows and wants to know everybody's business. I think because when I was, when I was younger, you know, um, I knew a lot of people and I spoke to a lot of people cause I'm a social person. Everyone seemed, seemed to know me and I'd have strangers come up, um, and be like, oh, I've heard about this with you and your boyfriend about me and my 15 year old boyfriend. How, how do you know that? Who are you? everyone, everyone just speaks, speaks to each other. [00:12:00] And if you know someone, they know someone. So everyone's judging. Everyone is, everyone is watching what you do. I, um, for six form I went to an all boys grammar school, uh, which let girls in a grammar school, I'm not sure if they have them, you know, in other countries. Uh, but in England they, they have quite a lot of special in the world. I think one of the places has one of the most grammar schools in the Uk. Where you have to do like an exam to get in, and it's intelligence based, and these boys were mean, and they were judgmental and they were horrible, and they were entitled, and I, I would just be doing my thing and they would, they would nickname me these horrible things. Someone once, once made a. Fake Eco page for the school. So I went to this school called kdi Kdi Grains Grammar, and they made a fake C grains, grammar eco page, and they, they pretended that I was running it, but I, the, the disbelief that they think [00:13:00] that's a form of bullying. Oh wow. You know, I've made an eco page that, but that's the kind of people they were, they, they nicknamed me. They nicknamed me, um, oh gosh, what was it? Suffragette. They nicknamed me suffragette as an insult, and they'd say, oh look, suffragettes coming Are you, are you what? I I, I genuinely still to this day cannot fathom the fact that they think that that is an insult. Look what the suffragettes did. They're incredible. They, they, they completely change the world as we know it. And they were using that as an insult. And I think that really talks about, you know, it says the core of, of kind of what they believe. If they think that that is a bad. Aziz: That sounds horrible, honestly, to be around such people reacting in that way with small minds, and therefore, to you because. You are reveling. How and what would be an ideal place for your personality to shine? Would it be like New York [00:14:00] City with 10 million people and everybody's anonymous, so anybody can be whoever they wish to be any day of the week without judgment or people knowing and getting into their business, or would it. Near the beach in Bali, in nature, away from other people. So you can reflect and journal and read poetry and write and do such things in the confines of beautiful landscapes. Or would it be like California and Hollywood and the sunshine and the beautiful people and people partying and enjoying life? Where would you Fit best in a way that will reflect your personality and why? Eliza Dolly: Oh, I love this question. Um, it would be in nature and, and there would be good walks to go on, and it would definitely be by the sea. Cause I love the sea. I think there's something so calming about it. , I'd be surrounded by all of [00:15:00] my favorite people and by all of these people with interesting minds who, who did, who did art and and drama, and they had interesting opinions about the world, and they'd speak about them and everyone would be emotionally mature we'd all be vegetarians. There'd be animals roaming around the place and we'd spend our evenings around a bonfire, making music and talking and looking at the stars, and everyone would dress exactly how they wanted to dress. And it would be this big democracy where everyone would have a say and everyone just felt calm and at peace and like their opinion. And we'd sit on the beach and we'd have these big dinner parties where we'd have a massive table along there where everyone would bring lots of tasty food and drink and people would play music and people would [00:16:00] read poetry aloud. And, uh, yeah, I think that's, that's my dream. Aziz: I love that. That sounds like a beautiful utopia. We should all be working towards and living in. And if you start first, please invite me. It seems that people are a very important part of your life and of the experience that makes a place or a moment perfect and complete. So what kind of characteristics do you look for when you meet someone so that you feel they're your kind of person? I know you mentioned open-mindedness. , you mentioned that they have strong, interesting opinions, and please explain more what makes an opinion unique and interesting compared to opinions that aren't. It seems too that they are skilled. They know how to cook similar to you. They know how to. Read poetry. They know how to make music so skilled, [00:17:00] opinionated, uh, open-minded individuals, if I can guess. But tell me more and tell me, is it more about the energy of the individual or what they talk about? Eliza Dolly: Of course, I'll invite you. It'll be amazing. Um, I think it's more about the. Because I don't think that we should surround ourselves with people exactly the same. I think we would get bored, and I don't think that we would grow, and people are meant to be opposite to you. so you can learn about their perspectives and their opinions and their interests. And a lot of my friends, so in my university house, I live with five boys and one girl. And the boys are just not the kind of people that you would imagine me to be friends with. They laugh at me for the clothes I wear, but in a nice way. And they dunno how to cook at all. I think they ordered a takeaway for every meal of the day, and I'm not even [00:18:00] exaggerating. And they're into football, which I just don't understand. And they go to gym, which I just, I'm way too lazy to do, but it works because. One, we all care about each other, but it works because I like hearing about this side of the world. You know, I don't wanna be shielded from these kind of people and, you know, they make an impact on me. Um, well, I, I hope I make an impact on them. And, you know, we kind of share different ideas. They'll say One thing I'll disagree, we debate debat. Is one of my favorite things to do in the world. But I think in general, if I'm looking for the characteristics, they have to, they have to be kind. Um, they, they have to care about other people. I think, and funny people, I feel like my, my go-to, if someone can make me laugh, they are in my good books and. . If I'm looking for someone to be, you know, a close friend, emotionally mature, um, but fun [00:19:00] and someone, someone that you know, when you, when you, when you're with them, you don't feel judged, you feel kind of at peace. I think that's the ideal kind of people I want in my life. Aziz: Thank you. You mentioned being at peace and calm frequently, whether it's the water and the ocean and nature, or now speaking about the people who give you that vibe and allow you to relax in that way, to understand you even more. Is it a feeling of safety? Is it something that when you meet people and you think, no, no, no, this is the wrong kind of person, it gives you anxiety, or are you someone, if you're alone, you get some kind of boredom and anxiety and therefore you want to relieve it through things that tress you and walks and nature and the ocean, and good people can help you do that. Why is that calm and sense of [00:20:00] relaxation and peace so important for you? Eliza Dolly: I am an incredibly chaotic person. I have always been a chaotic person, but in a good way. Um, I'm always on the move. I am not good at staying still. I like going places and doing things and, and seeing people and. You know, sitting still for too long stresses me out. I like to be, you know, in it doing things, you know, any kind of vibrant atmosphere. And I think that that things that kind of bring me peace, like that, I feel like it keeps me balanced. It keeps me steady from these wild ideas that I'll always have. And, and I'm always, you know, on the move. So when you have those moments of this calmness, Because it's one, not something that I, I give myself much time for and I really should give myself more. But I think as well in my childhood, like, there was, there wasn't much calmness. That's why I feel like now when I'm, when I'm seeing those kind of things and being in those kind of environments, it calms me [00:21:00] down cause I didn't have it. Aziz: I love that. So it's about balance. It's about taking that part of you that is chaotic and always on the move, and give it something that will help it relax and be more in equilibrium. And therefore, that's a beautiful thing and it makes me. Are you a spiritual kind of person? What are your thoughts about how the world works about karma, faith, destiny? Do you believe that everything is chaotic as well, or there is a sense to everything that. We're all souls on this world that are meant to help each other and teach each other lessons on our path to fulfill our destiny. Or you believe No, it's not. Or you believe everything is already pre-written like in a journal and therefore [00:22:00] You love Tarot and all those cards that tell you about your fate and destiny. Tell me more about. Metaphysical perspective about how life and the world works. Eliza Dolly: This is a very interesting question because I'm not completely sure where I stand myself on this. So I was brought up a Buddhist, um, which was, which was incredible, and I'm so grateful for being brought up in that environment and I still hold a lot of those beliefs. and in kind of the lifestyle and the way to treat people and the way to look at life. I still hold, and I still use meditation regularly, but I'm, I'm, I'm not a boat a Buddhist. Now I'm an atheist. I can be a very practical person. Um, you know, I do psychology. I do a science when things make sense. When you can have a schedule of events or you can look at something and say, that calms me. But at the same time, I do like the idea that there is [00:23:00] some bigger plan out there, and as I've got this, this side of my brain that goes, well, there can't be, because how would that even work if there, if there was, if there was a bigger plan, if there was a path that we were all meant to take. And that's, that's just silly. How, how would that work? And then I've got this screamer inside of me that's, Did thinks that we are meant to meet people for a reason and they're meant to be in our lives. And one of the main things I got from, from Buddhism was this, um, my mom used to say like, they could be Buddha so a bully school they could be Buddha um, you know, someone who annoys you in the shop. They could be Buddha. And it's the idea of. What if they've been sent down to test you? You know, someone's being mean to you, but it's butter so that they're there to test you. So how are you gonna react? Are you gonna get angry? Are you gonna get aggressive or you gonna deal with it in this sensible way? You gonna think, why are they acting in this sense? And um, I do like that. I like that idea. [00:24:00] I like the idea that, People are there in your life for a reason. And I think if I didn't believe that at all, I think I'd just be very sad. Because if they're just so horrible people in the world and they're not there to make you better or stronger, and if the idea that they've not been placed there to build you, then they're just mean. And that's horrible. my parents are both very spiritual and, um, tarot cards. You know, my dad's tried to teach me a few times actually, but, um, I don't believe in, in, in them in that sense. I can't fully say that I believe in star signs or I believe in tarot cards. Probably a bit of rebellion from my parents to be fair, but I do believe that there's something. There has to be, Aziz: I love that and I really understand your struggle and how important it is to have that positive perspective and belief, and a plan and a higher power, [00:25:00] and no matter. What you think and believe, and to end this on a note that based on your life and your experiences and your, the lessons you learned from bullying and from feeling judged by a lot of people who you didn't even know because everybody was in your business, et cetera, and now you evolved and grew as a woman and as a person. What is a message or a lesson or something you would like to say to women all over the world and trans women and all the people who might feel lost, misunderstood, or just growing up and not knowing themselves fully, but wanting to discover more that they would benefit from something you would love if someone told you when you were a child or. And a previous reincarnation. Eliza Dolly: I think I just say that the only, the only person's [00:26:00] opinion that really matters is your own. If you think you look cool, then you do. If you wanna go on that trip, do it. If, if you like that boy, you like him. It doesn't matter about other people's opinions and voices. The only person's opinion and voice that matters about you is you and I just think that. Women, we've been so pushed down and so repressed through our history and you know, we still are, people are so shy to share their opinion and they're so afraid to speak their truth and they don't wanna be judged and they don't want someone to call them. Um, bitchy part of my language, but that, that's, it's, it's, it's a word that's used to describe. Who have anything to say and it is still being used. So I'd tell people to say it. If you've got something , say it. If you wanna do something, do it. Because the, the longer that we, that we don't, every time that we, we let this openness or this anxiety, or this man or anything stop [00:27:00] us from sharing our experience or talking out, then we're giving them power. Then we're letting them do this. And they'll just get more powerful and there's gonna be a little girl who is younger than you and she's gonna wanna speak and she's gonna see that no one else is doing it. And then she. , and that's just where it's gonna continue. This way, if we ever really wanna make real change and wanna be heard, we have to do it. We may feel like our voices are relevant and that we're one person, but if everyone, if everyone thinks that, then nothing is ever gonna happen and no one's voices are gonna be heard. No one, no one's gonna speak. So be that person and trust me, other people will. Aziz: I love that message. I encourage you to stay strong, keep going, sharing your opinions, and I encourage every woman to make her voice loud and clear and never shy away from expressing herself because her [00:28:00] opinion is part of her essence, and therefore, hiding it is killing that part. Of herself. Thank you Eliza, for participating in this project. It was my privilege and my honor to have you here and to learn from you and to discover more about you. Thank you for this experience and I wish you success. I wish you expansion and I wish you growth and building. That world and place and wonderful community of people that you dream about. Thank you again. Eliza Dolly: Thank you for having me. Thank you for listening, and thank you for giving me some really, really interesting and important questions. It's been a pleasure.