E293 Janaina De Andrade

Hello, my name is Aziz and I'm the son of a divorced mother. She's really my superhero. That's why it's important for me to support women to share their uniqueness, their personalities, perspectives and emotions. Too many women in this world feel alone. They worry about the judgment of others and they struggle with their mental health. But when they listen to the Rare Girls podcast where empowered women share their voices and tell their stories, many women will feel inspired to live a life of freedom and to overcome all their insecurities. They will feel supported to find their confidence, to remember their unique beauty and to feel their self-worth, and they will feel connected to a sisterhood of rare girls who encourage their success and support their dreams. That's what this podcast is all about. My guest today is Janaína de Andrade. Janaína is half German, half Brazilian, university student living in Japan. Janaína has climbed Mount Fuji, Kilimanjaro, and Meru in Tanzania. She loves dancing, going to the gym, watching anime, analyzing films with friends, and playing Legend of Zelda on her friend's Nintendo because she doesn't have one. Janaina loves listening to podcasts and to make last-minute trips and plans with friends. Janaina, I'm so happy to have you today. How are you? I'm good. Happy to be here. I'm really, really looking forward to know more about you. And just to set things up and begin in a relaxed way, I'll begin with this question. If your friends and the people who know you best could describe your personality, What would they say about you? I think they would say I'm very playful. I'm a very playful person. I care a lot too. Sometimes I'll say I care too much. And then I can be a little bit mean as well. I can be very petty. But usually that's only when I have been given a very valid reason to do so. Yeah, I think those would be the main things my friends would describe me as. Yeah. I love that. Tell me more about your playful side. Where does it come from? Because I mean, of course, there are many people maybe because of the pandemic and social isolation, they lost too many social skills. So they're looking forward to the playful side. How do you go about that? Are you thinking, oh, I want everybody to be comfortable. I can't like playful like a kitten that you love that energy you feel more feminine if you're playful or are you walking around and thinking what's funny what's playful about life let me just enjoy it just to have extra memories or how does it work? Well in the beginning especially when I get to know a person I'm very shy and I'm very introverted but I love to see my friends just smile have a good time with me. So even if things kind of go wrong, I always try to be like, let's try to look at the positives or let's try to get our mind off and do something else. And I also sometimes, like you said, like a little playful like a kitten. Like you mentioned that example, I'd say it's just, it's just fun. You know, it makes good memories. Sometimes it gets the bad energy off, especially after a long day. It's funny to like, It's funny to kind of play around, not like really play around, but kind of like float a little with men and then they kind of like run away to your friends and be like, no, I got to go. It's just fun to do, but I don't do it too much, but I would actually hurt a person obviously. Yeah, I guess that would be the play for me. And I can also be very, very energetic. And then I just have random energy hoops and I don't know what to do. I just run around and I do flips or whatever. Yeah, I love that. And the way that you describe yourself makes me understand that you love emotions, new emotions, exciting things at the same time. Are you someone who gets bored easily that if you're not doing something exciting, you feel like life is too boring and you're just itching for that new thing or how does work for you. I like that. And do some people criticize you for that side of you that is more spontaneous, more wild, more rebellious? Or how do you deal with that? Because in many ways, society is set up for people to spend their days bored because they need them. They really, they need them to be like good workers that are able to be bored and do the boring work all day long. So probably those people will criticize you not you tell me. I wouldn't say criticize. I know sometimes my friends get a little bit worried because of course they don't want me to do something and then I put myself in danger but I've never really gotten criticized just like a lot of worrying and a lot of are you sure you want to do that? Yeah. And how does it work because you're showing two sides of the same person which is okay that when you meet someone new you're more reserved and when you're You're not being your wild side. So how do you have that inside you at the same time, that wild person? But also there is like, I don't know, why do you care when a new person, when you meet them to be reserved? Do you care? Oh, I don't want to offend them. I don't want to hurt them or will they judge me or I don't know, will they worry like my friends? I don't want that energy. Because usually, if you're wild like that and spontaneous, you forget the rules and therefore one of them is to forget to care about someone new. So how does it work? Um, I'm naturally, I'm more of an introverted person. So the playful and wild side of me really comes out when I'm really comfortable around you. The more comfortable I am, the more I'm like, let's do this, let's do that, the more energetic I tend to be. And then obviously when I just get to know a person, I also need to see how are they like, what do they like, what do they don't like. Can we connect on a certain level or like how deep do we understand each other. So obviously I don't want to make a person uncomfortable, especially if I just met them. But also it's just I'm just always like shy when I first meet someone. That's just how I am. Thank you. And you mentioned, like, you're always shy when you meet someone, but have you ever had those experiences, whether with a man and you said you love to flirt and run away or with a friend who's a girl or whatever? Where you felt instant chemistry like you knew the person and felt comfortable from the beginning. So you were crazy from the first second. I don't know. But does that happen to you? Is it super rare? Is it rare enough? Is it okay? Because then you can argue that those are your people who and other people you feel shy around. They're not your people anyway. Or how does it work? I definitely had people I met where I was like an instant connection and an instant bond was formed. Most of the time it was we had a, we just randomly sat down and had a really, really deep conversation about something. And we were like, wow, we can really, you know, because for me at least it's really important to have deep conversations with people I'm close to. It doesn't even have to be about something personal, just about anything really. So most of my just direct connections were these deep conversations we had in the beginning or we saw something happen and then we laughed about it together and then from there just kind of carried on. Yeah. I like this because there could be a stereotype for some people that you're a girl who gets bored easily it means you love motorcycles and bungee jumping and all that stuff and there might feel yes but they might feel shocked like what do you mean deep conversations that's probably boring to you that's for intellectual people so can you describe a deep conversation how does it stimulate you emotionally and mentally and how is that different compared to jump in from an airplane or the parachute or whatever you want? Well, deep conversation. I think it's just so important to be able to be comfortable, first of all, and also just share really how you feel, because I think, especially in this society today, there are a lot of emotions and thoughts that are being suppressed or people are just not. They don't know how to articulate themselves, or I don't know if it's going to be acceptable. So for me, it's just, you know, even if we don't know each other well, just having it sitting down and just talking about whatever it's just, it feels me, you know, it's fun for me to have deep conversations because I like really going into detail about topics and learning from other people as well. Because I learned, you know, the more you listen to other people, of course, the more you learn yourself. And the more you're like, oh, well, I didn't look at a certain thing this way. Now, thank you for showing me a different way to look at this, for example. So, yeah, it's just it makes me happy, you know, having just like really good and deep conversations with someone is just kind of fulfills me in a way because I don't like these just like, oh, well, how was your day? Your day was good. That's nice. Cool kind of conversations, you know. So, yeah, it just makes me happy. I encourage your happiness. And at the same time, I noticed that you're someone who loves to be free, to be unlimited, you know, unstifled. At the same time, you need to be comfortable with people. Are you someone as an introverted girl who struggled with some anxiety? Do you have the kind of brain who will always tell you, oh, what if this happens? What if that happens in bad way and you're like I don't know tell me more about that but also how do you like because that will keep you from being spontaneous and wild and all that so what do you tell yourself or how do you feel how different is it how do you overcome that or did you go through a journey of overcoming that can you share more um definitely it has been a very long journey I've been always had really bad anxiety, especially in social settings. And I always think a lot and all the time I still do, but I've been kind of been able to manage myself more. I always say, you know, if there's something that is out of my control, I just say shogunai, which in Japanese basically means if you can't control it, let it go and focus on the things you can control. So I always try to remind myself of that. And I still do have really bad anxiety and sometimes really bad panic attacks, especially a lot of things are happening at the same time. And I feel like I'm losing control of everything. In those moments, really, I try to just calm myself down or reach out to someone that I know will take their time and listen to me and just be there for me. It's definitely, it has been a long journey. It has gotten better in recent months only, to be honest. And it's still a really long journey that I'm working on, but every day I kind of try to step more out of my comfort zone a little bit. I try to kind of start talking to people first in clubs, for example, or right now I'm actually the protagonist in my friend's short film. So like every time I'm kind of like trying to like push myself a little bit more, get more comfortable in my own skin. And then if something bad happens, just remind myself, it's okay, just take a breather, take a step back. But it's definitely a journey, but I'm getting better and that's all that matters. So I'm trying to stay positive. Yeah. I agree because to me I define being successful as constantly progressing on the goals that are important to you. So it's not because once you arrive anywhere it becomes boring because you already made it. So the fact that you're progressing keeps you excited and full of enthusiasm for life. And then it makes me think, why Japan? Because some people might think, I don't know, maybe you love the Yakuza and the more dangerous side of Japan because you're a wild person. Maybe that's the reason. But usually the other parts, they're a lot more monotonous because they're made for tranquility and for the introverts who like to go sit in nature and just sit and drink tea for hours. I don't know that's exciting for you or not to some people that sounds amazing like paradise so tell me how how do you find yourself how do you express yourself how does it does Japan and the life there match your personality Japan I actually get this question a lot why Japan I always love Japan since I'm very I only have brothers so I never really grew up watching like what other like What do they even watch? High school musical and all that kind of stuff. I never really watched that. I always watched anime. So in a way I always kind of grew up with the idea of Japan in my head. And then I got more involved with the culture and I saw the style. And then when it was time to find universities, I just found it. I just found a university in Japan. I was like, well, let me just try and apply. And I got accepted. So Japanese people are definitely, they're very introverted, especially towards foreigners. They don't really approach you first. They're very, definitely very shy. So sometimes it does get hard to interact with them, especially if you don't really know the language as much, but the nature is absolutely beautiful. The fashion, the art, it's so inspiring and it's so amazing. A lot of people they love, because I don't live in a main city. I live more in a countryside. So I'm surrounded by mountains and nature actually. So I love going on hikes and I would just find random temples and random shrines. And sometimes people are always very welcome. They're like, we don't speak the same language, but let me show you this. Let me show you the shrine. Let me show you my garden kind of situation. And it's just, it's just beautiful too, because it really does feel like a fairy tale because it's just so different from where I grew up. So it just, it makes me happy because I also love the nature. So I love entertainment, but I also love nature and Japan kind of has both because it has the fashion, it has the car culture and the motorcycles. It has the party scene, but then at the other hand, it also has the entire nature and the culture. So I really love being here. I do struggle with really getting a connection to Japanese people, though, but I think once I learn the language better, it will be easier. Thank you. And you spoke about connection with people and how Japan is very different from where you grew up. I interviewed another mixed German girl who's half African, half white, but from Germany and grew up there. And she said she always felt different, were considered different although she didn't feel like she totally belonged anywhere, but she created her own personality, her own independent kind of culture that makes her fit in Germany. How was that for you growing up? Half Brazilian, half German, was it a perfect fit? Was it something different? Your brothers, how are each of you connected to Germany? Or like You said from the beginning you were escaping into anime, waiting to leave Germany as soon as possible, or how was it? I actually left Germany when I was around 14. And then I spent most of my years in Tanzania. So I actually didn't, I only grew up with my brothers until I was 14. And now we only see each other like in holidays and stuff. But I do actually had this conversation with one of my professors today. I never really felt like I actually fit in anywhere because in Germany, I'm not white enough, but then in Tanzania, I was never really black enough. And then, especially when I was younger, I always wished for my skin color to be darker, so I would feel more accepted. And in Japan, especially, because they have xenophobia, to be honest. So, you know, totes foreign people, they're always very shy, and they're always like, oh, we don't really wanna get involved with you. And especially if you're someone from color, it's even worse. So I'm still kind of trying to figure out and kind of find my place, but my friends definitely make it easier for me because my friends are like my home here as well. And it's just, I accept myself the way I am and I'm happy with the way I am. So I know the people that will appreciate me will come to me. And that's, you know, when times get hard, that's what I try to remind myself of. Tell me more about that. No, really. It's important. there are many women in this world who maybe are not showing their real personality because they want to fit in even to people they don't even like, they worry about the judgment. So what's your advice to them and how did you come to the conclusion or what do you say to remind yourself that they can tell themselves too about the right people will find you and how to be strong enough to not worry if you seem to lose some people just because you're not compatible but to some who might have abandonment issues, it might still hurt, you know? Yeah, I definitely also have a little bit of abandonment issues, so I do feel that. I always try to remind myself, you know, if a person, people in your life, they come and go, everybody comes and goes, and everybody brings a different lesson that you have to learn, whether it's positive or negative. And the people that are for you will stay, and I feel like you also will feel a kind of connection. It's actually really interesting because I had a really close friend who we stopped being friends for some time, unfortunately, and it was really painful. But recently, when I was in a really low point of my life, she actually came back and she was like, you know, I'm still here to support you and we kind of got back together and all that kind of stuff. So the people that are meant for you will come or they will stay in your life. And really the most important thing, I guess the advice I would give is always stay true to yourself and try to remind yourself who you are, what you stand for, your values, what other people get from a friendship or a relationship with you. Because you need to be happy with yourself to be happy with other people as well. And it can be really hard and it can be really, really lonely at times, but there's always a down and then there will be an up again. So that's just what I try to remind myself of. And in Japan especially, it can get lonely when it comes to trying to find a relationship because obviously guys are biased towards you, especially towards me because I am of color and they don't really, they're not used to that, but I just fetishize me. So I'm like, I don't really want to get involved with you unless you really want to know me for who I am. So that's something I'm still, I wouldn't say struggle, but that's something I'm definitely different from other girls, especially from my friend group. But at the same time, it's okay, because I want someone who appreciates me and not just appreciates the way I look, obviously. So yeah, I just always try to remind myself that the people that will love me and that are good for me will come and they will stay. And even if it gets lonely, it's better to be lonely than to be around people that don't appreciate you for who you are. So, yeah. One hundred percent. And you spoke about like guys getting to know you, guys appreciating you for who you are. That sounds to me like having a deep connection. Maybe it's related to deep conversations, but can you explain it maybe to people who don't understand your own personal requirements or desires? How was that connection built that you're looking for? How does it feel? Does it feel like you agree on everything or does it feel like you opened up together in ways that you didn't open up to other people or does it mean just it's the right vibe where you feel almost so comfortable together that you don't even speak so the connection doesn't require words? I don't know but can you explain it in a way so that people can get it in order to understand you better? I think one of my main things in relationships is definitely acceptance. you know, you accepting me for who I am, which means I accept your positives and your negatives. So that is definitely, I would say that is like one of my main things that I'm looking for in a relationship. I don't necessarily need to agree with you because I think, you know, having those disagreements and those little debates can be very entertaining, can be really fun. And then of course, you know, understanding and respect is also just so important to me. Even if you don't really understand my motives in a situation, you need to respect them because at the end of the day, I will do the same to you. And then just, you know, we don't need to talk all the time. We can just do our own thing or whatever. Just being comfortable with each other, you know, open, like going through things together. You know, there's a challenge and we, you know, we both take on that challenge together. And we try to go through it together and grow as a result of it. that is just very I would say those are like one of the main things that I'm looking for that are really important for me also to build a connection because obviously without trust and without the feeling of loyalty there's no relationship but trust is something that has to be built and it's mainly built through challenges so yeah and communication of course is also really big part of it. Thank you and all you're describing is describing a good partner and good man. There is, whether in reality or not, including in anime, which is something you adore, that women love and enjoy bad boys who really break their hearts somehow in some level so they're not boring at all. How do you explain both existing or you were never interested or fascinated by supposed bad boys or bad boys are to look from far but you don't feel comfortable enough to get closer or how does it work? Because some people might think the same where they say, look, you went to Japan, you love excitement, you love jumping from airplanes. The guys who would be spending time to get to know you and all that, they probably don't want to jump from airplanes and the guys who want to jump from the airplane will probably not care about the connection as much and that he will be more of the dangerous bad boy. how do both work in reality in your own real life desires? I'm not saying speak about it for women in general, but for yourself, you know. I do get the fascination in bad boys. I had to learn the hard way that bad boys are not good for you most of the time. I don't really mind if I will be in a relationship and the person doesn't want to do all bungee jumping and stuff with me, you know, obviously that's okay. and I would never want to force them to do that with me. Obviously, there is, you know, obviously there's a little bit of excitement and bad boys, especially because they keep you at least for me. You know, I never know what happens next. And then there's an entertainment in that. But I would rather at least now at this point of my life, I would rather have someone I I'm safe with, you know, physically and mentally than someone where I don't know what is going to happen next, where I'm not sure, oh, should I say this? Or is this too much? Or is this going to send off the wrong message? So I would definitely take someone who just loves reading books over someone who would bungee jump with me, but then give me stress every single day because I just love my piece. I've been working so hard to just find my piece and keep my piece. I don't want anyone else to come in and just destroy that. So, you know, bad boys are fun, but they're there for a short time, not a long time. So yeah. Now a very important question since you lived in Tanzania and now you're living in Japan. Some people argue that the food in Tanzania is one of the very best in Africa. Yes. And other people love Japanese food internationally, whether you go to New York or Germany or Dubai or wherever, Japanese food is considered like one of the best. What is your real-life experience without, don't say it because you had friends in Tanzania or anything, but honestly and sincerely, which food is better and why? I wouldn't say better because they're very different. I'm a big sushi fan and I'm a big ramen fan as well. I love both. but I also love the street food, especially in Tanzania. I would say the chicken in Tanzania is definitely better because just the seasoning is there. And then like here sometimes, unless you have the really spicy chicken that you usually get on the street, little scores, those are immaculate. But then in a lot of restaurants, the spice is just not spicing enough for me. And then also steak over here is really small and it's really expensive. So when it comes to any meat dishes, I definitely have to say Tanzania is the best. But when it comes to sushi and ramen and fish dishes, really, then I would have to give it to Japan. And another thing that I love about Japan, they have a lot of sweets just like and a lot of drinks as well that you would like not think would actually taste good, but they taste amazing. They have this like ice cream that is literally apple pie and then it's coated in white chocolate and you can just eat it on a stick. And I'm like, wow, like this is fantastic. And then the pudding in Japan is amazing too. So I have to get to Japanese people when it comes to anything fish related and anything sweet related that definitely have the upper hand. But when it comes to spices, especially in meat dishes, Tanzania will always win every single day. Yeah. Thank you so much, Janaina, for being here, for sharing your voice, your personality, your perspective. It was my honor and my privilege to have you here. And just as a final thing, what is your advice to yourself and to other women related to finding more of your confidence, being willing to go through the journey of finding your self-worth, even if some days you want to give up. What is your thought about it? Because every woman has so much potential, but sometimes anxiety or limitations or mental health, or just like what their parents told her when she was little, could stop her from reaching that. Any opinions or advice that you give and you remind yourself of that others could be inspired by? I would say nobody can unleash your potential except yourself. And one way to do that is to take risks and is to fail. And the most important thing is you need to learn from your mistakes. Mistakes are made for you to learn. And even if it's like you feel guilty about it or you kind of hate yourself after it, okay to feel down and you should definitely allow yourself to always feel what you have to feel. But just kind of, I guess I self-reflect a lot. I'm kind of, I let myself feel and then I'm trying to analyze why did I feel this way? You know, how could I prevent of feeling this way next time or how could I do something different just for myself first? So I feel good, you know? So, I guess that is important. Take risks and don't be afraid to fail. And if you fail, stand back up, even if it takes a week or a month. But as long as you stand back up and you learn from whatever experience, that is really the most important thing. And it's okay to also just take breaks. You don't always have to be on this self-improvement or try and find yourself kind of journey. It's okay to sometimes just be like, I don't want to think about anything. I just want to be with my friends. I just want to be alone. I just want to go swimming. I just want to read a book. Whatever you need to do for yourself, do that. And you should always put yourself first before you put other people, especially if you're not doing well mentally, don't force yourself to go out or to do favors for other people. because most of the time if that happens, there will be a mistake and a fight will happen or just something that will make you feel worse in the end of the day. So give yourself the space and the room to feel what you need to feel, to think what you need to think, and then stand back up. Do your hair, do some nails, do some face care, and just remind yourself you're queen, your goddess, you appreciate it, appreciate yourself, especially you always need to appreciate yourself. And yeah, times get better and whatever you set your mind to, you can definitely achieve it. I agree one million percent. Again, thank you Janaina. It was my honor to be here with you, to have you on this project. I wish you all the success, all the language improvement Japanese so that you can build connections with local Japanese people and keep going after all your dreams without limitations. I really, really encourage it and I'm proud of you. Thank you so much. It was great to be here. It was so much fun.