E300 Lor Hamze

Hello. My name is Aziz and I'm the son of a divorced mother. She's really my superhero. That's why it's important for me to support women to share their uniqueness, their personalities, perspectives and emotions. Too many women in this world feel alone. They worry about the judgment of others and they struggle with their mental health. But when they listen to the Rare Girls podcast where empowered women share their voices and tell their stories, many women will feel inspired to live a life of freedom and to overcome all their insecurities. They will feel supported to find their confidence, to remember their unique beauty, and to feel their self-worth, and they will feel connected to a sisterhood of rare girls who encourage their success and support their dreams. That's what this podcast is all about. My guest today is Lor Hamzeh. Lore is a Lebanese woman who has grown up in diaspora living in Barcelona and Vienna. Lore is now finishing her second year of dental school in Barcelona, Spain, and loving it. She's passionate about art, music, yoga, meditation, and self-development in her free time. She likes to connect with nature, to read books, skateboard, be at the beach with friends, and try new things and adventures. Lore, how are you today? Hello Aziz, I am doing great today. How are you? I feel blessed, I feel fantastic, I feel very excited about this time that I will discover more about you. I'll begin with this nice, friendly first question which is, if your friends and the people who know you best could describe your personality, what would they say about you? If my friends would describe me, I feel like they describe me as someone that's very energetic, bubbly, I'm very kind, I always think of others, and also someone who's very creative, who's a free spirit, who always wants to try new things, meet new people and go day by day living through this life, you know? I love that. I have so many questions. And let's begin with the energy part because a lot of people, including many women, maybe they catastrophize, they worry too much, they overthink and therefore that saps their energy and drains them a lot. What do you do? What is your advice that can inspire other women to find that energy that you have? Honestly, this is a very good question. Thank you Aziz. Because I struggled with a lot of mental health issues for a very long time. And that energy for a big part of my life, it wasn't there. It was there when I was younger, but then like in my teens and stuff, I felt that lack of motivation. I was always very hard on myself. And so I think for me, which I think can also really help people when I started to just look inward and try to discover who I really am, be with myself and do things that actually bring me happiness. Not anyone else. Not how people see me nothing. Just like, for example, reading a new book or trying things that I used to like when I was younger. You know, like bringing out that inner child. That's what really brings out this energy that I have. And also apart from that, stuff that I do for my body, like taking care of my body through health, yoga, and physical co-activity really keeps the energy going. And especially since it releases endorphins. So you got the mental part and the physical part as well that keeps you going. I love that. Thank you for sharing that. you mentioned that you reconnect with your inner child and how you were as a little girl. I believe that's one of the secrets of creativity and you love creativity. How does that work? Let's say there is a girl and sometimes she feels that lack of creativity or worry about the blank page or whatever it is that she does. And she's like, that sounds great. I want to that you do. Can you tell me a bit more about that? I'd say to kind of reconnect with your inner child and that part of you that really needs self-expression. You really need to create that space, a space where you feel safe for that small scared part of you to really show themselves, you know, because sometimes we always like we have a blind paper and we want to create what's best and really make it perfect and everything. And I think when you go into it with the idea of just, I'm gonna do it and I don't care what happens, I don't care what comes out, I'm just doing it and doing it only for yourself. I think that's so important to just allow yourself to make ugly arts, to make stuff that you don't like because when you do that stuff, you work on it and you see what you do like and you find the stuff that you love and then slowly tailor towards something that's beautiful and that's really truly you. I think when you do the mistakes and go through the stuff that's meh or not so nice, you really find the inner part of you that wants to come out and wants to shine through. And also doing stuff that I would love to do as a kid, like watch Disney movies and those animations that really inspire me or listen to the songs that I would when I was younger, It really helps me create more art and physical art with paintings and music and everything. I love it. Thank you for that. Also an important point you mentioned of going to that safe space and feeling safe. I believe many people, including men, don't realize how important is the feeling of safety is for many women. And especially you, who is a free spirit, who's adventurous, who's a bit crazy, maybe, I don't know, but some people will think, okay, maybe a shy girl needs to feel safe, but you, how? So can you share a bit more about that? What is that safety? How important is it for you? Is it important? Is it really like, since you're adventurous and more spontaneous, you worry less or how does it work? This is a really good question because safety is something so, so important, especially when you want to discover new things and go out in this life without being always worried or scared about what's going to happen or the circumstances around you. And I didn't always feel safe in myself and my body and I was always such a very anxious person. And so the way I developed that was by comfortably putting myself outside of my comfort zone. So taking little steps every day that I would that would make me feel less safe But still knowing that if anything could happen, I could go back to that inner place of safety so for example, I used to have a lot of social anxiety so A couple months ago. I told myself. Okay this week once a week. I'm gonna talk to someone. I don't know. Maybe it's the Lady at the grocery store or the woman who's doing my nails I'm just gonna talk to them and get to know them. And so once I started doing that, you start realizing that you are ultimately always safe within yourself. If you know what to do, where to go and trust yourself a lot. But that takes courage and courage comes through action. It's not something that you are always born with. It's something that you build within yourself. And honestly, for women, I think safety is so, so important because we tend to feel so unsafe in this world where we're always judged, criticized, pat called and treated badly and cultivating that sense of strength within you really allows you to help like to face the difficulties of this world and of the like very cruel people inside of it as well. Yeah, as for ways to get that safety, I just say, you know, always just step a bit outside of your comfort zone, go back to your comfort and every day, step by step, you know. Thank you so much for these wise words. And it makes me think as well, you are a Lebanese woman who grew up in diaspora. And I don't know how it was for you in Barcelona, maybe you looked like a local, you spoke like a local, so you felt like you fit in, or did you always feel like you didn't belong in many places? And that is part, for example, of what gave you some of the things that you needed to struggle with in mental health. How is it to be a Lebanese woman growing up in Barcelona? How is it to be far away from the homeland? but when you return, you're not a million percent similar to what people who grew up there. So it's like you don't feel you belong anywhere. I had a similar also situation, but then I decided that if I don't belong anywhere, I can create my own small country or mini universe of the right people who are positive, not toxic. And therefore it's about the people and the relationships with those people that create the country. It's not a physical space, but I don't know how it were for you. Honestly, that's a really good question because I think identity and cultural identity is something that a lot of us struggle with, especially those of us who are outside of their home country and they're surrounded by predominantly white people or otherwise, like people who aren't ethnically the same as you. And so for me, well, when I was growing up in Vienna, And I thought, I think it was pretty hard for me because I, I did experience, you know, those little parts of, you know, racism, micro-racisms here and there about me being Lebanese, being different from them, not having the typical blue eyes and blonde hair. And I think that is what part of, that is a part of what made me stronger as a person to be able to recognize those differences and love myself all the same. And so I think it's really hard for, especially Lebanese women, anyone that's, you know, a minority in a foreign country, it's very hard to feel like you fit in. And so in Spain, when I came here, I felt a lot more inclusion, because I mean, people were mostly Spanish people, but I was in a French school. So I was always kind of different. I always found my identity in different places. And I think the way like the way you said it, the way you create your home is through the the people and surrounding yourself with people who make you feel like you're at home. And I really found that in in Barcelona, I have the greatest best friends. But the same goes for Lebanon. I think a lot of people struggle with this when they go back to their homeland. They're you called like oh you're not really from here like you're always outside but at heart you're still Lebanese you know um and there's this word in Arabic like people used to tell me like your Arabic is mqasad which means it's kind of like broken and it's like well all of those things all of this different identity or different places that I've lived have formed part of who I am and that makes me even more special you know because I think we always have a to want to fit in because there's safety in that there's safety and comforts and being included and loved just because you are part of the norm but once you accept that well we can't change it we're like this you kind of find that self-love of well this is who I am maybe I I'm not fully like Lebanese but I'm also a multi-dimensional person and that's okay we're all and we all find our sense of safety and security in different people, different places. So yeah, I think that's about it. Thank you for that. Actually, I agree with you. Being unique, especially nowadays, brings to you a unique tribe of people that will be much more exciting and interesting than fitting in because I believe everyone who really fits in is putting on a mask, Pretending to be average when in reality we should not aspire to be in that way. And earlier you mentioned and you said that you had a journey of feeling comfortable in your body. I don't know whether you mean like many women and girls who struggle with how they see themselves because they compare themselves with the social media, with celebrities, with photoshopped women, whatever it is who don't those photoshopped women are also struggling because they don't look like their photos. So even them they might have that. To you, how was that journey of feeling comfortable in your skin and did yoga, meditation, things like that help with it or was it something else? Can you share a bit more? Yes, of course. The thing is that social media, all these new forms of communicating with the internet and the world, they bring us so many good things, but they also bring us a really toxic side to it. That is, as you said before, it's kind of a mask of what we want to portray to people. So each one of us is gonna post the best and most amazing side and perfect angle on the internet because we don't want to show this insecurity or this vulnerability of how we look. And so that creates a standard for women, especially women, but also men, to look a certain way or behave or be and in a certain way or dress like very trendy street girls stuff like that, you know, and it does become very toxic, but my number one advice is that has helped for me is the connecting from social media and choosing what I want to see on Instagram. So for example, like, I just, you know, the stuff that I follow is now more art and creative based and mental health based, rather than following a bunch of models and constantly comparing myself to other people. Because at the end of the day, you were born with this one body with this one life. And you if you keep spending it hating the way you feel and how you look, it's, it's gonna it's gonna kill you from the inside because I know for me, for a really long time it hurt me so much to not look a certain way, to not have a flat stomach, thin thighs. Because of these standards that are set by society onto us women in general to look a certain way, but we're all different. We can be all different sizes and shapes and still be beautiful. And what I also learned recently that really has helped me with my insecurities, because we all have insecurities, we're all imperfect, is to love my body, not for what it looks like, but for what it does for me. So I try to remind myself that I'm grateful every day for my body, for keeping me healthy, for keeping me alive, for allowing me to do the things that I love, to skate, to be active. And I think being able to differentiate the way I look to my worth really helped me because when you associate your worth to what your body does for you and your body as a vessel, instead of like something that's needs to be physically pleasing, you loving it is so much easier, you know? And that's, it's called body neutrality. And it really, really helped me because instead of associating my worth to how I look, I'm associating it to how I feel. And that really helps me a lot. As for social media, it's a crazy topic. I could go on hours and hours about it. But yeah, try to, you know, moderate who you follow and what you really follow. And if it's, you know, if you go on Instagram to like, actually enjoy your time and see what your friends are doing, communicate with people, or if it's to go on Instagram to ignore your life not feel so good, compare yourself, you know, try to limit those things that you know are ultimately gonna hurt you. I agree 1 billion percent. That's a lot of wisdom that comes from real life experience and struggle. And I salute that lore. And I'll play the devil's advocate a little bit. You're a dental student. I remember at some point in the US being a dentist was voted as the most boring profession of all. So you, as someone who's aspiring to become a dentist, yet you crave and desire new emotions and excitement in life, how would you balance that? Because there are many women who might be doing a job because they're smart at being a lawyer, let's say, or a doctor or something that rewards them financially, but it's not what nourishes their soul. So how will you be able to balance your emotions? How do you do it even now when you need so much study, so much also learning about all the medical terms and theories and memorization and all that, yet you skateboard, are you trying like to get mini snacks of good emotion between meetings where you're doing a few tricks of skateboard just to recharge yourself or how do you plan it? Let's say tomorrow, finally, you're a dentist, you spend, I don't know, eight hours a day drilling teeth and taking care of that with people. At the rest of the time, how would you have the energy in order to enjoy the day? What would be your plan? Would you be escaping to the beach every weekend to a natural oasis? How would that be for you? That's actually really interesting because dentistry has been rated boring, but also among the highest suicide rates, which is, it's very intense with medicine as well because it's a very hard degree where you have to know everything about the human anatomy, the human body to be able to treat a patient not only in their mouth, but as a whole, you know, with the systemic diseases related to it. So, and that implies a lot of work-life balance because if you're out of balance, you can spend your whole life just focusing nonstop in survival mode on working, learning, helping people and not really taking that time to nourish your soul. So for me, honestly, the balance that I find like it's literally what you said, I get like little micro snacks of emotions during like very intense days. So for example, I try to go day by day which works the best for me. I don't like to, I mean, I do make plans but I don't like to be very strict with myself because when I do, I realize that I have too much stress and too much anticipation towards something. So I go day by day on how I feel. So for example, if that day I had to work all day at night, if I feel exhausted, if my body is tired, I'm gonna do something that helps my body. So for example, yoga or meditate or listen to music, dance a bit. And if I feel like I want to let out energy, I'm angry, you know, let out the stress, I'll skate, for example. I think listening to your body and listening to yourself is really, really important, especially when you're doing stuff that takes a lot of mental effort, such as working, listening to what you need in the moment, and giving yourself that this time I'm going to give it all, give it my all, focus, work, do this shit. And then this, like for this time I'm going to relax is so important. Finding that balance is definitely hard. But you know, day by day, like some days you'll relax for an hour, 20 minutes, another five minutes, you know, it really depends. Also, to find kind of the balance between passion and work, I think your work, your vocation has to be something that you're passionate about because I know a lot of us work and do things that really don't make us happy just to be able to survive and make money and making money like in this capital's world, that's what we have to do. But if we have the choice, It's best to be able and like really try our best to do something that makes us happy inside. So we're not spending every day wishing we were somewhere else and doing something else. But we have to be here just to make money. So for me, dentistry, it really it does that for me because I really love working my with my hands with my hand. So I'm like a very manual person. And I also am a people person. I love communicating, getting to know people, helping people. So dentistry was perfect, because I didn't want to do medicine. That was too long, too much for me, you know? But dentistry here in Spain is five years. So I was like, I like science. I like working with my hands. I want to help people. And I think that it was perfect for me to make this choice. It was a very last minute choice when I went into it, but thankfully I got accepted and I've been loving it ever since because you can really not only help people with their teeth, but you can help them feel more confident with their body with themselves and treat their whole health. You know, a lot of patients who come in, for example, a lot of us have broxism, like we grind our teeth at night and that comes from stress, you know, and one of the first people to notice it is the dentist because they can see the wear. So you can also help the person not only with their teeth, but with their mental health and recommend certain psychologists or recommend something that might help the person as a whole. And I think, yeah, that's it. Find something that you're passionate about that also will help you allow, like allow you to make a living out of it and don't stop. Because there have been many times where I like contemplated giving up because of how intense the work is, but just go to sleep the next morning tell yourself, I'm gonna wake up again, and I'm gonna try again. And it might be hard, but you're gonna fucking try again. You fall down, try again, you know? Thank you, Laura. I love that. I agree with every single thing you said, and so I want more. And to finish this, what would be your advice that you believe many women and girls who are in your same age, same similar situations, maybe they struggled with their mental health that they need to hear and you need to remind yourself maybe if there is one thing or a few things that they should keep in mind what would that be? I think what's most important for all of us to hear not only women but also men is that we are inherently amazing beautiful beings you're inherently worthy you're inherently amazing just as you are without having to do anything to prove that worth. And to any girls or young children or guys out there, even old people, just allow yourself to be weird, allow yourself to be different and shy or crazy or angry, just every part of yourself, make space for that and try to take it day by day, step-by-step and be kind to yourself for everything with everything that you do and Yeah, stay Stay smiling I guess But also sad you have to let all the emotions in and out, you know Thank you, Lord honest It was my privilege and my honor to share your voice to listen to your thoughts your perspective and your experience I know everyone who will listen will resonate with it very, very much. I wish you all the success. I'm happy you do what you love and you use your body because like you said, you value it because it allows you to experience life in every way that is meaningful to you and to skateboard, et cetera. I wish you all the success and thank you for participating. Thank you so, so much for having me Aziz and for creating this amazing space for women to share their voices. I really think it's so beautiful what you're doing and I'm so honored that you told me to come onto this podcast and I'm really happy. Thank you. You are welcome.