Episode Transcript
Hello. My name is Aziz and I'm the son of a divorced mother. She's really my superhero.
That's why it's important for me to support women, to share their uniqueness, their personalities,
perspectives, and emotions about this world. Too many women in this world feel alone.
They worry about the judgment of others and they struggle with their self-confidence.
But when they listen to this podcast where ambitious women share their voices and their
stories, many women will feel inspired to live a life of freedom and to overcome all
limitations that will feel empowered to heal their anxiety, to remember their unique beauty
and to feel their real worth and they will find a community of other powerful women to
encourage their success and to support their dreams and big goals. That's what this podcast
is all about. My guest today is Nonkulu Lekko. Nonkulu Lekko is the first South African girl
in this podcast. She is a poet, a student enrolled in a higher certificate in project
management, and she loves reading, writing poetry, swimming,
dancing, and wine tasting. Noncululeco, how are you today?
I'm good, thanks, and you?
I feel blessed. I feel happy. I'm very excited to get to know
you more and share your voice as a woman. So I'll begin with
this nice first question. If your friends and the people
who know you best could describe your personality, what
would they say about you?
They would describe me as a outgoing, very articulate and pleasant person to be around.
I like that. Tell me about the articulate part. What does it mean to be an articulate woman for you?
How would you describe that so that people get it?
I like to, I tend to like talk a lot and despite my very shy personality when I am put in a
situation where I have to talk, I know how to articulate myself very well.
And it is a confluence I seem to get from a lot of people.
So yes, that's, that's where, that's what it means.
And for somebody who does, um, battle with anxiety, it's really nice to hear
that, like, I know how to get my point across.
Is that related to your love for poetry?
Is it because you're articulate, you love poetry or is your love for poetry?
What taught you and inspired you to become articulate?
That's a very good question.
Um, I'd like to think it's both thanks to my parents, because they also know how to articulate themselves very well and my love for poetry has allowed me the opportunity to know how to speak for myself better.
Thank you. And can you tell me a bit more about yourself because usually people who love poetry and such things that connect with emotions and even outgoing.
Well, project management is more of a logical thing where you need to be productive, in
control, even too professional sometimes.
How do you balance that?
How do you take care of your emotional side while also displaying your more professional,
almost emotionless side?
It's actually very weird because I know I've had a couple of my friends feel like
my entire siblings are very creative and autistic and I'm the only one who hasn't done anything
autistic and poetry was kind of like my way to speak for myself and I couldn't. Again, I do deal
with much less anxiety so I needed an outlet and I started to write and I realized like oh okay
I can write and kind of just detach from my reality and be somebody else writing my own story
And in that, I kind of found it like very comforting.
And I was like able to express like my inner thoughts,
my, yeah, just to, how do I explain it?
Sorry, but yeah, just like I can talk about
what was hurting me and what made me happy.
And if I didn't know how to tell somebody
how they hurt me, I knew I could do my poetry.
And that's just how it has helped.
Not a lot of people actually know that I'm a poet. It does catch like some people off
my surprise from time to time because I am very, I'm a very literal thinker and a more serious
person per se. I lean more towards that than I do my creative side. Thank you, which makes me
also wonder even more about you. You said about the importance of you expressing yourself
For people to get you, because that's a very intimate part of who you are,
why is it important for you to be heard?
Why is it important to express yourself?
What does it give you? Is it about connection and bonding?
Is it about not letting those emotions put pressure inside you and bubble up in a bad way?
Is it like an artist you need to self-express?
Like what is to you the highest value when it comes to your desire for expressing your emotions and yourself?
So I take mental health very seriously. For me, I've dropped out of school,
I've paused everything and quit my job to just ensure that mentally I'm okay.
So being able to express myself is exactly that so that I can let people know that
They are triggering me and I do need like
time to just disengage from whatever is happening. And I think with what poetry does is that it buffers.
It's that buffer for me so that it speaks for me when I can't even speak for myself verbally.
I know I could write something and just send it to that person be like, hey, don't take it too literal.
But this is exactly how you've made me feel. Sometimes I don't even send it. I am able to read it back to myself.
I'm like, okay, that's what I was trying to let them know.
And I can go back to the discussion
or to the person who may have heard to trigger me
and be like, listen, this is exactly what I wanted to say
and how I had wanted to portray it.
And I'm sorry I didn't, but in that moment,
I was so triggered I couldn't articulate myself well.
Thank you.
And as the first South African woman in this podcast,
can you share, what did you notice
about the culture of women from South Africa
that makes them different to other African women
or women in the world?
Are there some unique traits or some things
about the culture that you can share?
Maybe someone never visited your country
or doesn't have friends who are women from South Africa?
I think the one I can think about a lot is that
they do say that South African women are very pretty.
We're very diverse as well.
We are such a diverse nation and you will definitely bump into somebody who can speak
about all 12 official languages that we have.
South African women know how to have fun, both in a literal and with the pun intended
as well.
We are just, we are lively people, that's for sure, and we're hustlers.
I'm sure if you do have to, if you have to research on majority of South African
women, you'll realize that we really are hustlers, resilient as well, very
nurturing, and we have, I don't know, we have like a different type of warmth that
I have not really experienced or seen outside elsewhere, and we know how to
cook. Cooking is a staple within the South African women culture. Thank you.
And since you're mentioning cooking, I know you're really really interested
in wine tasting? What about wine tasting is something that makes it a passion of yours?
Is it more that you feel sophisticated and you're like, I made it, I'm able to taste
the wines like you see those people in James Bond movies and whatever it is? Or is
it because you're more of a sensual being where your senses add to your emotions a
and therefore the wine tasting is an emotional experience or is it fun with
friends and to feel unique in a way that not many people would do it or what is
for you the story of beginning that and the big desire fascination and
interest about it? For me I believe in experimenting like it I do it everywhere
in my life maybe everything has to be different I can't keep on repeating the
same thing and with wine tasting what I didn't enjoy the most about it is
but I could be drinking the same red wine genre,
like I could be having red wine Merlot,
but I know that the Merlot that one brand makes
is gonna be different to the next brand.
And that's what I love about it.
Like every single wine tasting,
it's a different experience on its own.
I'm introduced to new flavors, new scents as well.
And it's also a very nice bonding time
with my friends and my partner as well.
Thank you.
And I'm surprised you didn't mention
that maybe you are a dancer or something like that.
Maybe you can share a bit more about it
because the fact you're a poet, you express emotions,
you love the different flavors,
the different experiences.
It would make me think that you try to express yourself
in every possible way,
including in art and painting and dance, et cetera.
Can you share a bit more whether you do that
or if you don't do that,
Why did you find that some other ways of self-expression, which is used in words,
is for you more appropriate and better than body expression or artistic expression in a different way?
I did try dance. I did when I was in high school and as much as I loved it, I just
couldn't connect to it the same way I did with poetry. I've never really liked
a painting or anything like artsy. I just found it so boring and dull. I was like, nah.
So it was just, I don't know, I felt more connected to writing out my words that I did with
like dancing. But I do have, I do have like a TikTok place where I do dance from time to time
because it really is a nice way to express myself and my parents did this to me with
rhythm. So I can't dance here. I do it for the fun of it, but it wouldn't be my way of
because I just, I don't connect to dance like that.
Thank you.
And if you could describe a day in your life
so that people can imagine it,
what do you do?
When do you wake up?
What do you do within even the week to both balance,
taking care of your mental health, your social life,
you being a student, you hustling hard, all that stuff.
Do you find even that balance or are you go, go, go,
and you almost don't find time to rest?
Can you share a bit more so that people can imagine
and how your life is structured.
I am one of the few privileged South African people
who can actually say that I am a professional
stay-at-home daughter.
What that means is that I don't have the pressure
of having to find a job.
So the day in the life for me
is basically just waking up.
I wake up at like around eight
and I will just lay in bed for some time
just to kind of figure out how am I feeling.
If I'm having a good day,
then I will wake up, go brush my teeth,
myself something to eat, do my schoolwork of course, and watch. I am a huge fan for the
Real Housewives franchise, especially the one we have within Africa. I literally watch that
religiously and on some days I cook, other days I'll just literally be on TikTok or watching
Real Housewives and doing my schoolwork and then go to sleep. I don't socialize as much
because I do have social anxiety,
but I do try to see my friends as often as possible
and it will usually be them coming over to my place,
we'll watch movies, gossip,
and just eat and just like, yeah, and chill.
Thank you.
And you mentioned social anxiety.
A lot of women struggle with that.
Can you share a bit more about your experience?
What have you done that didn't work
and what you have done that helped?
So maybe another woman or girl who has similar social anxiety can feel inspired and learn about the journey more.
For one, I taught myself how to be aware of my triggers.
I would like test out theories and be like, okay, let's see how I would react if I had to go to the club.
And I do kind of do stick it out if I notice that I'm having too much of a panic attack that I can't handle, I will remove myself from that situation and note that, okay, that's my trigger.
But just I like to, I like to push my boundaries, which I wouldn't suggest for everybody might not work for everybody.
But I like to push my boundaries just to see that okay this works for me that what that doesn't work for me. And also just to breathing exercises as well.
I use breathing exercises and I always warn the people I'm with that hey I suffer from social anxiety.
If you do notice that I'm having a panic attack please do one two three four five and yeah I just
make sure that I'm well equipped and the people who I'm around are safe that I feel safe around
them. At the moment I do not feel safe I just go home but I do also prefer to be home a lot
the time so I spend most of my days indoors that I do like outside when I
when I can and therapy I did I did do therapy as well so that also gave me a
few like coping tools and I am still like ongoing with it to find if I might
need to take medication or not. Thank you and you spoke about being a
professional stay-at-home daughter and you love the Real Housewives franchise
especially in Africa. What is fascinating to you about that? Is it the drama? You're like
a drama queen in another life, although you're more secluded and resting at home. You love all
that excitement of the adrenaline and the tension and to know what's gonna happen.
And in many ways, you're an African girl who should have been a Latina,
would be born to those telenovelas. Or tell me more, because you said it's one of your
favorite things that you watch very often?
I actually love how they dress more than anything.
I like how they could be just going for a dinner
and they'll be wearing like ball gowns and everything.
And I'm like, ooh, I actually want that.
And the sisterhood, like as much as there is drama
and everything, at the end of the day,
they always have this very, very beautiful sisterhood.
And that's kind of what I've always wanted.
I want to like a friend group
that's just that connected and that close.
I know that like if I'm going through hard times, I know we're gonna fight, we're gonna butt heads,
but at the end of the day, I know who to call on. And even though they don't really end
like that sometimes, but I just, I really do enjoy that about the Real Housewives.
And I just really do like, I am an African girl at heart. I'm here for all my African sisters.
Well, I wanted to speak and I'll ask a question about your interest in how they dress,
but first, you spoke about the sisterhood,
which is very important.
All women need such a network of other women
who encourage them, who support them,
who are there for them.
Can you tell me a bit more about that in two ways?
One, what is the ideal dream you have
for like a sisterhood that will be there
for you in your life?
And secondarily, is your social anxiety a barrier
to you finding that?
like did you find it when you're a little girl growing up and so you don't have to deal with
that or do some days you're staying at home and you're like I wish I had the courage and
the bravery to go out and build that sisterhood network for me but I have to overcome so much
first or how does it go so two things your ideal vision of the right sisterhood for you
how would you describe it and in your life are there any things that's stopping you from that
or how is your progress on having that?
For me, the ideal sisterhood,
like my ideal sisterhood to you
is having a very small group.
I want to emphasize that, a very small group of girls
who empower each other.
Like, if I know that I have a company
and my friends have certain skills
that I could use in my company,
hiring them to come in with my company.
Like, whenever they're down, I know that I can help them
and they can help me too. We are navigating this life thing as females together and we are holding
each other accountable, number one, and we're loving each other through all our seasons. So
if I had to go into a depressive episode, I wouldn't be ditched by my friends, but instead
they would make an effort to come and see me if they need to give me my space or communicate
that, hey, we're going to give you a space. We know that you're going through something,
you know, just to have like pillars.
That's my ideal sisterhood, to have pillars.
And I'd like to say that I've made progress.
I do have my one, I have two friends,
my one friend who whenever I introduce it to anybody,
I always tell her that this is my love.
Is she the love of my life?
Like that's my ride or die.
She is my power of attorney.
Like whatever happens to me is in her hands.
And our friendship, we've been friends since 2011.
And she literally showed me that despite
my mental health problems, I do deserve to be,
I can be loved by friends and have a sister.
So yes, I've done that.
And I recently gained another sister too,
who does my hair as well.
Her name is Tanya.
And in that I'm noticing that my social anxiety
did pose a barrier,
but it poses the barrier for people who didn't want to deal with all that I come with and
didn't want me to deal with all that they came with, just probably wouldn't for each other.
But there are people out there who are willing to hold me down when I'm going through
like the toughest of toughest times and I'm always going to be there to hold them
now when they're going through the toughest of toughest times. Thank you. I really,
really love this and I feel also you're the right person to give some insights to
next question. A lot of women whether because of the pandemic and social isolation or because of
social media and the perfect lives and like women photoshopped that they see over there, they really
really struggle with their mental health and their self-worth. What would be your advice
for those women so that they will let go of those insecurities and finally go out of their
comfort zone without being too afraid so that they can conquer the world and build their
big dreams?
I think it's just understanding that that realm was not built in a day.
We're not all going to just wake up one day and be cured.
It's a process and a lot of times you're going to have to be so tough on yourself.
You know, there are going to be days where you want to stay in bed.
That's fine.
You can stay in bed.
But what I tend to do and I don't know if it will work for the next lady is that
If I do feel very depressed or highly emotional,
I give myself a day,
I give myself a day to go feel everything that I'm feeling.
And the next day,
even though I am still going through what I'm feeling,
I try to like motivate myself.
I'm like, okay, I'm sad,
but I'm sad because I haven't gone outside.
You don't have to leave the house.
You can even just go outside to the balcony
or outside to your backyard, you know,
to just constantly find ways to motivate yourself.
If you enjoy music,
While you're doing stuff try that listen to music while you're going out and just go to the gym
if you don't feel safe at the gym, there's nothing wrong with not and just go back home and
There's nothing wrong with
being
With with having mental health issues. There's nothing wrong with being anxious
There's nothing wrong with being depressed and the moment you can accept that
It makes a lot. It makes everything a lot easier to deal with but I also emphasize
get professional help. I know in South Africa, it's a bit difficult, but there are facilities
that offer free mental health counselors and therapists as well, and schools are also starting
to do that where you can actually talk to your student services within your school,
and they can also refer you to an in-house counselor who will refer you to professional
therapists who are willing to do work pro bono,
but if you can't afford them,
then you can pay these apps as well for that.
Thank you so much.
I'm really proud of you
and your representing South Africa.
Thank you for participating in this podcast,
for being part of Rare Girls.
It's my privilege and my honor to have you here.
I wish you all the empowerment,
all the healing to your mental health,
all the success, all the dressing like the housewives and all the fun and sisterhood
that you will meet them and have that small circle that is a pillar for you.
Thank you for participating.
Thank you so much for having me.
And I also pray for more prosperity and that you interview more South African women
as well and getting more followers on your podcast.
Thank you so much.
