Episode Transcript
Hello, my name is Aziz and I'm the son of a divorced mother. She is really my superhero. That's why it's important for me to support women, to share their uniqueness, their personalities, perspectives, and emotions about life. Too many women in this world feel alone. They worry about the judgment of others and they struggle with their mental health but when they listen to the rare girls podcasts where empowered women share their voices and tell their stories, many women will feel inspired to live a life of freedom and to overcome all insecurities. They will feel it is a safe space to find their confidence to remember their unique beauty and to feel their self worth and they will connect with the sisterhood of rare girls who encourage their success and support their dreams. That's what this podcast is all about. My guest today is Neda Kristanovic. Neda is living in Dubai, United Arab Emirates. She started her career here in retail sales then moved to management positions. She was a store manager for watch brand and a sales manager for a high-end jewelry brand. And now, just starting a new path and completely a new career in Dubai real estate. Originally from Serbia, Neda studied journalism. So she is definitely someone who likes to try different things in life and not afraid of risk. Neda, how are you today? Hello, hello. Well, very good. I would say I'm very, very good and I'm gonna say how are you today? I always feel blessed, I feel very happy to be interacting with you, sharing your voice. Life is always so amazing, full of ups and downs and adventures and to start this new adventure I know a bit more about you. I'll begin with this nice first question which is Neda, if your friends and the people who know you best could describe your personality, what would they say about you? They would definitely say that I'm very positive. I'm always ready for adventure. As one of my friends said, you're the only one I can text anytime and say, "Get ready in 10 minutes," and you will be like, "Okay, I'm ready." So I don't ask many questions when there is adventure around. I just like to say yes to life, and I think all my friends know that. And that's one of the reasons they love to hang out with me because they know it's not going to be boring. I don't like boring things in life. So I like to experience a lot of different things, a lot of things that are bringing us joy, but also any kind of experiences, because it's all about being alive. And that's definitely something they would mention for sure. Thank you so much, Neda. I have so many questions. I want to explore your adventure side, your ability to say yes to life. Tell me a bit more about that because in general there are too many people in this world who are stuck in a routine. They don't feel that ability to say yes to anything, to change plans in 10 minutes, to jump into adventure. What motivates you about this? Do you feel life is too short? I want to extract every second. Is it different that you get bored easily and you're like, "Oh my god, I'm so bored. I'm looking for something." Is it another thing that maybe during some period of your life, you were living in a routine and you promised yourself never again. Or what motivates you? What's the reason behind your adventurous side? I would say definitely I was born with it because I was the same when I was, I was a kid. I wasn't afraid of life even when I was a kid. I would just jump into different things, different sports. I would go one day to athletics, the second day to basketball, then I started playing handball. So there was always something bigger and greater than me to explore and see an experience. So I've never seen anything as bad experience or something to be afraid of. So as a young child, it's obviously a lot related to my family as well, because I have a very supportive family. And I know not everyone is blessed with that kind of family, but having that kind of strength behind you. I had challenges obviously with my dad while I was growing up because he was very tough and stubborn in a sense of trying to protect me and obviously now I understand that was his way of loving me. But me as a kid, because I had such a big personality, even as a kid, I had to kind of fight my ways to get what I want. So I would go sometimes maybe on from the opposite side of what he's telling me or my family is thinking that should be the right way. But having that kind of of inner voice inside of you that says, "No, I want to do it my way. I want to do it my way." That gives you a courage and strength to go exactly in that way. So while I was growing up, I just said to myself, "You know what? We are here on this planet and we don't know how much time we have. So what we do with that time is all that matters. So there is no good or bad. There is no loss. There is nothing else except experience. So experience that can be one day this, the second day this. And if I gain the strength and trust in myself that I can recreate myself as many times as I want, that's gonna be a beautiful life to live. So as you could see from my career so far and my different interests, so at some point I was thinking, should I go continue a professional career in sport because I was playing for my national team, I was captain of my team, so handball was a big love of my life. But then at some point they said, no, but I want to study journalism, which is completely not related to two different hobby that I have. So I said, you know what, why wouldn't I have all let me go study journalism. And then through journalism, I became a radio presenter. So I had my morning show in the radio. So it was it was fun and interesting. But then at some point, I said, there must be more to life because salaries in Serbia, they're pretty low and obviously to have a very low salary and to who have very big dreams doesn't work. So at some point I started working on myself and self-discovery and thinking, okay, how else I can expand. And then in the meantime, opportunity for Dubai came completely randomly, someone would say, but I believe in destiny. I believe in, you know, sometimes some greater things happen. And when opportunity comes to you, just through a random person, let's say, who I met, he was working in Dubai. And then he told me there was an opportunity in Dubai. And he said, "Regruter, who is from his company, she's currently in Serbia on vacation and she's just a couple of tables next to us." So I said, "Introduce me, I wanna go to Dubai." I had no plans of coming to Dubai. I had no plans of going into sales, starting my career in sales, that just came. And then when opportunity comes, it's really up to you. Are you saying yes? Or you're saying, "Oh, I cannot, I'm afraid." my mind is same as everyone else's. So my mind said, no, but why would I go? I'm happy here. I have my family. All my friends are here. Why would I go so far away? But then again, that inner voice said, but you wanna grow, you wanna experience life. So say yes, go and then see. If you don't like it, you can always come back. And then once when you say yes to these kinds of decisions and these kinds of questions, then life brings you to our next level and the next level asks you a different question. And then you continue saying yes and yes, and you continue growing. - I love it and I understood that for you, your desire for adventure comes from a desire for growth and a desire to experience yourself through different places, different situations in order to unlock more of your potential, which is great. And I'll play the devil's advocate a little bit, which is that some people will say, actually, if you are jumping around from thing to thing, you only have shallow life experiences, you never develop real wisdom because you are experiencing the upper part of life. The youth should stick to one thing for a long, long time to unlock with them. And people who jump around are too shallow and superficial and they have no depth. What do you say to such people? How do you counter argue them? - I wouldn't argue them. I would say that's your truth. And if you believe in that, that's part of your truth and that's part of your discovery. It's there, as I said, there is no right or wrong when we discover life. It's all about how you wanna do it. Let's say the way how I do it, it's completely opposite from how my brother is doing it. We are absolutely opposite personalities. He's someone who likes comfort zone. He's like someone who wants to know, he's not gonna make a first step unless he knows 10 steps. After that, he really loves the stability. I'm the opposite. So if you ask him to live my life, he would probably be like, "No, this is absolutely enough for me." It doesn't fit his personality type. But if you ask me to live his lifestyle, I would be like, no, absolutely no, it doesn't fit my personality. So everything comes back to who you are as a person, what works for you? If for you it works, same as for my mom and dad, they are working in the same industry. My mom is an electric engineer, so she's working her whole life in one industry. She never tried anything else. And that's absolutely amazing for her because she keeps growing in the same field. For me on the other way around, I have so many hobbies. So what was I supposed to do? Say, no, I'm not gonna play handball because I'm gonna focus on journalism. I love them both. I'm gonna try both and see where I wanna go. When Dubai came and when the opportunity for sales came, I said, I was not studying this. I'm not into developing myself in fashion sales, but it came to me so easily. So I'm gonna say yes, and then I'm gonna see what happened there. So once when I said yes, and when I moved to management, I said, I'm loving the management part. I love to organize my people, to be a leader in some kind of way. And then you keep discovering yourself through that. So do I consider myself shallow? Absolutely no. Do I think that I've had chance to try different things and see what fits me what not? Absolutely yes. And I would say to everyone else, just try. See what is your way. - Thank you. And I'm curious about how your brain works because usually the human brain worries too much. And when people are outside their comfort zone, they imagine the worst case scenario, but for you, you're like, I'll go out of my comfort zone and find how it will happen, what will happen, how it will be there, which is exciting because all of our potential is on the edge and outside of the comfort zone. Otherwise, there is nothing you already know, everything inside their comfort zone. So there is not much growth really to happen there. But to ask you about it, what gives you that energy? Is it like you said you had a big personality since you were a little girl, you were full of emotions and you're like, I need to uncharge this to put it somewhere and that pushes you forward. Is it a destiny and a belief that, oh, I'm destined to be like an exceptional person in this earth and therefore I'm destined to be outside of my comfort zone. Is it you feel protected that the world and the universe and God is protecting you somehow? Is it another thing that you are, like I will say like me, If I am in my comfort zone, I feel like I'm dying if I'm not expanding every day. So if I'm not learning something new, I feel like I'm suffocating. I feel like, no, I can't, I can't, I need to explore. I need to, but in a sense about like growing and learning. For me, it's about that. It's not the same because some people will be like, I know some people will be like, if I am staying in one place, I feel jittery. But to me, if I'm learning, if I'm growing, I don't care where I am as long as I'm growing as a person, but to you, what moves you, what gives you that fire that pushes you outside of the fear that stops most people to stay within their comfort zone? - Well, it's gonna be a mix of all of that. I love the part of growth because growth is for me main motivation in life. And I usually like to say, if I'm not growing, as you said, I feel like I'm dying. So if you know what's your main drive in life, and in my case, it is growth, and growth comes from so many different ways and levels. I also like to say, if you know me based on who I was one year ago, you don't know me at all. Let me introduce myself, because I really keep building myself and recreating myself. I went from being a girl who was partying seven, not even seven, eight out of seven days, because some days we wouldn't sleep, we would just go party, party, especially when I got into Dubai. And then from that girl, I became a girl who was only into spirituality, only meditation. I would go for silent retreats, 10 days, complete silence. So from someone's perspective, they can think this person is bipolar, like what exactly is happening here? But I was never trying to be understood by others, but on the other side, I was trying to understand myself. So if you have, let's say two sides of your personality, or a few sides, as I like to say, they all have something that is driving them. And the more layers you, the more time you take to remove layers of yourself, you keep discovering them, what they like, what they don't like. So I realized I don't like to go from extremes. I don't want to be just the party girl, but I don't want to be only a girls who meditates with a, I don't know, vegan or whatever. I just don't want to go to any of the extreme sites. I want to be in the middle. I want to take from life everything that fits me in a, in a, in a perfect sense. And then build myself as that person. So within that there is growth. So if you ask me what drives me do, I think I'm an exceptional person. I honestly think everyone is an exceptional person. It's all about, are we ready to accept that there is more to life and there is more of us to discover, or we are simply afraid and stuck in our shell thinking, oh, this is who I am. I've made myself and I'm not gonna change anymore. No, why not? Just break the shell and go outside and explore the world. And what's the worst thing? When I challenge myself for something that it's out of my comfort zone. I just say, what's the worst thing that can happen? So if you're ready to make the peace with the worst kind of scenario. So when I was leaving now to real estate, don't get me wrong, I had a beautiful career in management. I reached very nice position, very nice salary for Dubai. When I told my family I wanna move to real estate, I'm guessing their first reaction was like, is she crazy? What's wrong with her? Seriously, she has super good salary, super good job, super safe. and then she wants to jump into something with zero payment, zero salary, we don't have salary in real estate. So you absolutely go through a extreme, but then I told myself, what's the worst thing that can happen? What, I'm not gonna succeed, I'm not gonna like it, but then so what? I'm just gonna change my path on the way, I'm gonna change industry, I'm gonna start something else. A worst case scenario, I'm gonna go back home to my country, I don't know what else. I made peace with every single scenario. I even told myself, you know what? If nothing works, let's say I don't like it. I'm not able to find another job. I'm not able to go back to my country. You know what? I have a car. I might sleep a couple of months in my car until I actually start earning again and find something else. Or I have so many friends. Maybe I can sleep on someone's couch. You know, so I made peace with the worst thing that your mind can comprehend. And then you say, you know what? I'm gonna be fine, even if that happens. And then once when you eliminate the dark side, Then I said, but what if, what if I really love it? What if this is an industry for me? What if I really go, you know, skyrocket myself? And then the brain said, yeah, actually it makes sense. Go take a risk. I love that psychologically, most people are driven by fear. Very few people are driven by the dream and what if, and you said that you are motivated even more by the potential and the possibility rather than scarcity and fear. And it makes me also wonder about your love life. And I know that's a bit of a tough question. But I'll ask I'll tell you why I'm thinking about it. Psychologically, the biggest reason that relationships break apart is actually because one person grows and is growing a lot compared to the other person. So they become like you said, one year ago, you don't know me, let me reintroduce myself, well, after some time within that relationship, you're like, who is this person? I don't recognize who they are because I'm different. And therefore, how does it work for you? Do you find it easy? Because I recognize how difficult it is to find someone, for example, who has the same drives as you, who's always experimenting, who says, yes, hell yeah, let's go. Instead of saying, Oh, maybe I don't know. And most people, even some who will be into some growth, I imagine the rate of growth, what you do in one month, they do it in a year or something. So soon enough, they can't catch up. So how does it work for you? And like, do you care in the sense that of saying, well, if they don't catch up, goodbye, or do you think about it? Like, let me try to help them catch up. But if they are not serious about it, then they're not ambitious enough. Or how does it work for you? Honestly, you just, you know, pointed to the pain points of my life. Thank you for that from one side because I once promised myself and I'm actually writing both books at the same time. So one is about finance, one is about love. And as my brother would say, "Oh my God, you will write a book about finance and love. You were the worst at it." I said, "Yes, that's exactly why I'm going to write it because I want to overcome the challenges that I have at the moment. So eventually when I do live the life or love that I believe in, I'm just going to write a book and actually publish a book because I'm already writing it and I'm going to explain. So it is challenging. Definitely. I don't really remember when was my last proper relationship to call it actual relationship because my life is changing so fast and I'm changing so fast. And you said it perfectly. It's really hard to have someone who can at least match my levels of growth and need for growth, if not exceed me. So in my ideal world, I would love my man to to exceed me and then I'm gonna be kind of inspired by him and we will grow together and build our empire together, you know, that's in my mind. But what reality is showing me so far that sometimes people are, as you said, not ready to accept that you are changing so fast and they don't, they're not ready to understand the level of your growth and it simply, you know, it goes faster than them. So what I've tried in the past is, as you said, trying to pull people, you know, come after me and it's nice here. Look where I've got. Let me show you how it's nice here. But what they usually do is they look from down and they're like, just come down. You're a crazy person. So just come down. So when you feel that your inner intuition says, it's not the person for me because the person for me is going to grow in the similar speed and it doesn't have to be even the same speed, but at least it's going to have similar drive, similar passion for life. He doesn't have to be overly ambitious, but he has to see bigger picture of life to have some kind of goal, some kind of vision where we fit both together. Because if it's only me who thinks life can be so great and beautiful and he keeps thinking of the negative side, then it's just not an energy match. So what I was doing in the past is trying to help these people come up and in some way kind kind of even heal them and help them. But if there is something I've learned in life, you cannot heal others. You can heal yourself. You can do things for yourself. And then maybe if they see some kind of inspiration in your life, they will say, you know what? It seems that you're happy and good. Let me see what I can do about it. So far it didn't work trying to save and help men, especially there is ego, there is a lot of things happening there. So I kind of gave up of that idea, not giving up on love, definitely not. But I'm just going to be patient enough to meet someone who can meet me where I am, or accept the fact that I can give love to my friends and family and it doesn't have to be necessarily emotional love. Because I'm not someone who is thinking, oh, it's time, time clock is ticking, I should get, you know, married or have kids or anything. No, it's not like that. It's my happiness comes from my growth. And And then if at some point that growth happens to be with someone else, great. If not, I'm just going to have fun on my own. And I agree with you on the point that we don't change people. We cannot. It's about creating our own small universe with the right people that we have the right chemistry with are on the same wavelength and level of ambition and path rather than trying to put lipstick on a pig, as they say, which doesn't work at all. I want to ask you another thing because you're someone who has a lot of ambition, a lot of energy, and you also did a level of spirituality. I don't know whether you did like Vipassana or any of the meditation groups. And it's really fun and really good. But I'll ask you, some spiritual teachings will say that you are right now often in your masculine energy and that being in your masculine energy does two things. one, it attracts more feminine men. That's one of the things instead of masculine men. Secondarily, on your body, because you don't have testosterone, if you're staying in it too long, it's damaging in the terms of stress. While men have testosterone, which allows them to handle a lot more of the stress comfortably. Do you agree with these? Does this match your experience? How do you balance and bring back some of your femininity? Are you saying like you said, "For the right man, I can be feminine, but for now I am the man of my life," or how is it? Because sometimes women nowadays, because they experience it like you said, they become the man they wish they could be with. And therefore it's not, if they are that, then they're attracting like feminine people more in general. What's your perspective on these thoughts? - Definitely, I've experienced it as well. I was, let's say lately, I was meeting more feminine men. And I chose to see that as a reflection of what exactly they're contributing with their presence in my life. So as much as I have my masculine side, and it is definitely strong, my feminine is very strong as well. So once when I'm around masculine men, I go to a very soft mode. I'm very cute, I'm very sweet. So I didn't forget where my feminine is, but I just realized that in life, and now specifically these days, life is very masculine. So I'm living alone, my family is not here. There is no one to provide for me. There is no one to pay my bills. There is no one, unless I do it, no one else is gonna do it. So, and as you know, many women gained that strength that if there is no one else, I just have to do it by myself. You know, from your mom's example, of course. So every woman has the strength to overcome absolutely anything that comes her way. Absolutely anything, I can guarantee this. A lot of my friends, they're in a similar perspective. They're really, you know, these strong girls who became strong, not because they one day woke up and said, I wanna be the man of my life, but because there was no other option, if tomorrow she meets a man who is grounded, who is healed, who is self-aware, and who says, I'm gonna lead you, I can guarantee you every woman will forget about her masculine side, she's gonna soften up. But to get my soft side, to get my feminine side, that person has to deserve that, because I've built myself, I've built my strength. So I will let go of my guards once there is a guy who is actually worth of seeing my nice and sweet and cute side. And I know I have protections around me, but I have them because that soft side is so beautiful. It's so gentle and so loving. And she shouldn't be given just to people because they just showed up in my life. So I do balance them both in different ways. So I really understand when my masculine is acting, when my feminine is acting, or when one is down. So I see them as a beautiful couple. Some days I wake up and my masculine says, I wanna go to the gym. And my feminine says, I actually don't feel like today I would just prefer if we can stay home, do some yoga, do some reading and meditation. And then if that side at that point is stronger, I say my feminine needs a bit more affection now. I started doing dancing just so I can give her more attention so she can feel a bit more in the flow. So I have hobbies that are related to my feminine side. I have hobbies and work that is pushing my masculine side. With the unity in both of them, it's me. - Perfect, I love that. And that's like proof to the people who might think that people who experience a lot of adventures are shallow. That was very deep and very inspiring. And to finish this, I want to ask you because you have a level of confidence, which also comes from you also your feminine side feeling beautiful. Nowadays, you yourselves, maybe you go around, like you said, you're partying Dubai or anywhere and you see many beautiful women. You look in Instagram, see women who are photoshopped and maybe you compare yourselves or maybe you don't. What is your advice to yourself and to other women so that they remember their unique beauty, they keep their own confidence, don't compare themselves to else and feel less than or feel ugly just because they don't look the same as that other woman because nowadays even for teenage girls it's messing a lot with their confidence and self-esteem. If there is one thing you know I would say to my daughter one day if I if I have a daughter I'm gonna I'm gonna tell her honey you just be you everyone else is already taken so as much there is so many beautiful women out there, they don't have the essence that you have. And I just tried a couple of days ago, a beautiful post that says, if you base your confidence on acts, on doing, there will always be someone who is better than you in doing something, in looking better than you. But if you base your confidence in your essence, then no one can replace you. No one can be you. So, and this is something I tell my friends as well. I used to have some friends who would say, "Oh my God, you have such a skinny body or skinny legs," or whatever, but it's not the same body. It makes no sense to compare what I eat and how my body reacts and how your body reacts. But the whole essence comes from really hugging that mirror, that image that you see in the mirror, no matter how she looks like, to thank her for her look, for her legs, arms, whatever, any kind of insecurity that you have, really to embrace it, to say, "This is who I am." I used to make my hair straight so much, not because I was trying to be like someone else, because I was thinking my hair was not good, but then eventually through years and years of self practice of love, I realized this is who I am, this wildness, the character, the passion, that's all represented in my wild hair as well. So now instead of being against my hair, I'm actually absolutely proud of my hair and that's something that people recognize me for. So instead of taking your insecurities as something that is bothering you, let's say if you have a tiny waist and big hips, go girl, just wear the clothes that it's really emphasizing your tiny waist and beautiful hips, show whatever it's your dearest thing. If it's eyes, show them in the best way, but don't compare yourself with someone else who has absolutely different insecurities, fears, problems, life. They're living their own life. They're in their own line they're just working for whatever they want to work. You are you, you be you. On that beautiful note, thank you so much, Neda. It was my privilege and my honor to have you here, to share your wisdom and your insight. And yes, namaste to you as well. Namaste. Thank you so much. You're welcome. I wish you a fantastic day. I wish you all the success in real estate, to not need to sleep in your car or in friends couch, but if you do, those are beautiful stories that when you tell people will inspire them very much. And thank you again for participating. Thank you so much. And really, thank you for the effort you're doing to create more confident women. As I told you, it's such a beautiful life purpose to have. You're doing an amazing job and please keep going. I will and thank you so much. [MUSIC]
