Episode Transcript
Hello, my name is Aziz and I'm the son of a divorce mother. She is really my superhero. That's why it's important for me to support women to share their uniqueness, their personalities, perspectives, and emotions about life. Too many women in this world feel alone. They worry about the judgment of others and they struggle with their mental health, but when they listen to the Rare Girls podcast where empowered women share their voices and tell their stories, many women will feel inspired to live a life of freedom and overcome all insecurities. They will feel. It is a safe space to find their confidence, to remember their unique beauty and to feel their self-worth. And they will connect with the sisterhood of rare girls who encourage their success and support their dreams. That's what this podcast is all about. My guest today is Sara Khattib. Serafina is a Syrian artist in the United Arab Emirates, her songwriter since the age of time with a passion for playing instruments, concocting fashion aesthetics and creating crazy makeup art. Currently, she is majoring in audio engineering in Dubai and she of course enjoys being a socialite every now and then in this city. Serafina, how are you today? Good, I'm feeling great. I feel happy, blessed, and looking forward to know much more about you. So I'll begin with this more standard, the only standard question that I ask to help you just get into the groove, which is if your friends and the people who know you best could describe your personality, what would they say about you? Probably a very creative, ambitious, artistic, a little wild, strong, and persevering, had been impulsive from time to time, but with good reason and overall like a caring and a loving friend. Thank you. I love that and I want us to explore more your wild and impulsive side because there are too many women who have let anxiety and worry stop them from flowing free with their true wishes and so to you. First, what does that mean being wild? Does it mean that you're willing to break the rules or that you follow your own rules or that whatever you feel you go for it and you don't care about the judgment of others? What is it really so that when we discuss it I know what you mean exactly? Yeah well it's not necessarily that I mean you know it's more of just really not caring about what other people would think of you or judge you, even those closest to you, they can even be from your family or something. And it's just like going against all these odds and just doing what makes you comfortable or what you know is best for you and making the best memories that you can, because at the end of the day, we only have one shot at life. So, you know, I'm only young once as well. Thank you for that. And did you always have that tendency or did you go through a period where you were more shy, more reserved, and then you either had an epiphany or you had an experience that opened you up? Can you share a bit more about that? Yeah, of course. I would definitely say that I've always had that side to me. It's just that I was definitely at some point more reserved. I was more like timid, anxious, filled with guilt and shame for no reason as well, for just wanting to experience a normal teenage girl life. And at some point you just get you get to a certain point where you get treated differently when you're living in that bubble. When you're always just not speaking for yourself, you're not just acting, you're not going for what you want, you're just letting everyone else decide for you. You're being scared, you're letting fear stop you, you know, it's just a lot of experiences and situations that led me to the point where I was getting myself into unwanted positions in life and problems and, you know, these kinds of circumstances. So yeah, you just get to the point where you're like, that's it, you need to put a stop to this. And in order to To put a stop to that, you need to change. And by changing, you need to be more confident. You need to be more outgoing, outspoken, unapologetic for being who you are and not suppressing it even further. Thank you. And you alluded to this, but I wanted with more clarity. There are so many women that struggle with people pleasing. They struggle with worrying. What if I do something and my parents judge me and are disappointed or if I do it and I fail, I go for my dreams. I feel and people say I told you so or any of those things that they might worry about and that stop them from going for their potential and building the woman and the life that they know they're capable of What's your advice to those women and what is a mindset shift that they could have? If maybe they did not reach the point where they said enough is enough But they have that within them where they feel they're not really living life on their terms but based on other people's expectations? That's a great question actually and I love answering it because Lord knows what I've been through but at the end of the day we live alone, like we were born alone and we will die alone. You are not an extension of your family or your parents, you are your own individual, your own adult with your own thinking mind that can take its own decisions clearly. And we live in an age where we have all of knowledge and education at literally the palm of our hands. So there's something that you want to do, you can literally do it yourself. Everything that does not excuse not having someone like an older mentor or someone like an idol to look up to or whatnot, obviously does make the journey harder when you don't already have someone you can look up to. But regardless, you can still do it yourself. And at the end of the day, people who try to take away your power are only because they are threatened by your potential and what you could possibly do. So you cannot give them that power. You can't give anyone not your jealous friends or your hater ex or your toxic family, whoever it is. At the end of the day, what they do or say to you is a projection of their own So it's not even personal. Sometimes it's not even about you. Like it's about them and they're just trying to drag you down with them. And we don't really want that energy. So yeah, steer clear of it. Thank you so much for sharing that. That was very wise. And I'm very curious now about your creative side. Where do you get your creativity from? How is that process? How do you tap into it? Some people, they get it because they feel so full of emotions and energy. that they need to express it and let it out, and it's cathartic to them to be creative, to be an artist. Other people, they just live in a daydream where they see the potential of how life could be and they feel almost compelled to change reality in order to bring that dream or visions that they keep getting or looking, "Oh, this could be so much better. This could be in this unique new way." that visionary perspective gives them the push to be creative. And for some other people, they get bored easily from life. So creativity gives them emotions so they're not bored. And it's a form of self-entertainment. But to you, how does it happen? Maybe it's all three, maybe it's a bit of some. But how do you tap into your creative energy? How is that experience? How does that work for you? Well, I was born an artist, basically. So as you know, there's a saying that goes like an artist cannot live without their art because it feels like when you are not letting that flow out, the capital explodes. Like it's just going to keep on bottling up and you'll feel like a part of you is dead because I there came a time where basically I was not creating anything and I was just going about my life just literally existing and I felt dead inside and empty and literally devoid of all life. So when I'm not being inspired by certain situations or life lessons that happen in my life or other artists that are better or they're wiser, bigger, basically I just take in all of my emotions and the things that I feel because I'm a very empathic person. So a lot of these situations I just can't really go out and or at least I feel like I can't go out and express how I'm feeling or what I think is right and wrong. So a lot of it I just take all of that self-expression out through my art and basically make a statement whether it be through fashion or my music, I'm always trying to make a statement that this is me and you cannot change it and that how do I put this? It's just basically art is proof that we are living and that we are unique and each and every single one of us puts out things differently. And definitely a lot of other spiritual practices also really help when I'm feeling a little dry on the days where I feel like I'm running out or, you know, I'm experiencing a certain block. I always try to look in, like look inwards, look into my psyche, why am I feeling blocked? What is, what is stopping me? What is like that barrier that is making me think like, "Oh, I have all this brain fog and I can't really focus." So most times, it's something that is mental and needs to be worked through, basically. - Thank you for that. And you spoke about how important people are in your life from a sense that you spoke about before, if you are surrounded by the wrong people who might judge you or put expectations on you that was suffocating, how dealing with people who can mentor you or are ahead of you within the artistic journey or in other ways that can be a form of guidance that opens your mind and helps you learn new things. Well, what kind of people do you look for or when you find them even if you're not actively looking for? You think this is my kind of person. What What characteristics do they have? Is it emotional? You just feel the vibe and frequency and energy? Or is it that you think, okay, this person is nonjudgmental, this person is artistic, this person is experienced, whatever it is? And what are traits just to generalize it, you believe should be for the people that women fill their lives with and for the people that they should steer away from because maybe they don't see the red flags, but those people ship away at their soul and make them feel limited. Yeah, I would definitely stay steer clear from energy vampires and narcissists. Because whether these people come in the form of friends or partners, they can just suck the soul out of you. They can make you feel like you're a nobody, that you don't deserve love or affection or that you don't deserve being given importance and energy and time of the day, and that you're worthless. They fill your mind with all of these nonsensical, destructive thoughts that will enable you to start self-destructing behaviors eventually. And then you look at yourself and you're like, the damage is not really external anymore. Now it's internal. And that is something really, really hard to get rid of and manage. It needs some really deep brain rewire and hard soul cleansing for it to actually be completely or at least almost completely gone and healed. So yeah, but when it comes to really choosing my circle and the people that I would prefer surrounding myself with, definitely people who are more knowledgeable than me, more experienced, more accomplished, more empathic as well, like people who actually have like the right moral compass because if that doesn't exist, you know, if they're doing other people wrong then there's nothing stopping them from doing you wrong as well. And so yeah, that success and that knowledge and the wisdom that you from the people that you surround yourself with is contagious. So if you're gonna surround yourself with the wrong crowd, you will get their bad habits and you will start thinking like them. Because at the end of the day, you're the average of the five people that you spend the most of your time with. So yeah, more confident and driven people with goals, people who actually love life and want to experience more. And you feel like they almost have this, "I have nothing to lose energy. Even if they have everything to lose, they still move with their head high and just going full on, like full drive. Thank you for that answer. And you mentioned that there are energy vampires who make women or some people in general feel inferior, feel worthless, not feel good enough. And you spoke about how we are often the average of the five people or the average of the group of of friends that we have around. Well, nowadays one of the people or the influences within our lives is social media, which often does a similar thing to the energy vampires where women can be comparing themselves to other women and they feel that they're not good enough, they're not beautiful enough, they don't see their unique beauty because they keep seeing images that might be different to how they naturally look. So to you, did you deal with this? Did you find a way to help overcome it? And what's your advice to other women so that they trust in their unique beauty and see both their energy as a possible beautifying factor, a huge one, as well as that they don't need to look like anybody else because there is only one of them. And so that is by itself is beautiful. - Yeah, of course, I definitely think that every single girl and woman has been through this experience at some point in their lives and I am no different. I've definitely been through that. And while it was much worse back in the day right now, I could confidently say that I don't really feel these things anymore. I don't really try to compare myself to other women because at the end of the day, yourself that you come from a different background. These women come with a different background. Life is basically like a video game. We were all born with like certain different stats. So some women were born more genetically disposed. Some women were born more financially blessed. Some women, you know, so some women are born with more supportive families and some weren't, you know, blessed with that. So at the end of the day, it's really up to you to how you deal with the circumstances that you were placed in, whether they were decided for you from birth or circumstantial over time. So really, it's just always reminding yourself that everyone has a different journey. It's so easy to get caught up in the whole rabbit hole of, you know, oh, there's this like 16 year old that like made all the success. She's really rich and famous right now. And it's really easy to get caught up in that whirlwind where you start to think like, oh, I'm in my mid 20s right now, or I'm in my early 30s. And like, I haven't made that much success. But you always people always forget to factor in the circumstances and the journey. Each and every single person is unique and special and different to their own journey. And while they may have things that you don't have, you definitely have things that they don't have as well. Especially if you're someone who has been through a lot, who has overcame a lot. So you are left with all that wisdom and experiences that that 16 year old does not have because at the end of the day, their success might be short lived, they might have come from a different thing. You never know. That's the thing. No one knows what happens behind closed doors, you know, behind the scenes. So all of these comparisons are just very, I would say, almost delusional. And they're definitely fueled by the media itself, because at the end of the day, the media profits off of women, especially women being insecure and self-conscious. So yeah, overcoming it was not easy at all, to be honest. But always reminding myself that I am special and I'm different and I'm beautiful in my own way. I have my own charm, just like my other influencer friends, they have their own charm. They're doing their own thing. They're good at their own thing. We often see many people trying to be good at everything, and it can be a bit confusing and distracting. But it all comes down to, "Okay, I am best at, for example, my music. My friend is best at makeup. Like, you know, each one of us has their own perks in a way. So it's like a cute little video game stat in a way. And regardless, at the end of the day, even your biggest and your deepest insecurities is what makes you, you that scar that you have on your leg or the one that you have on your face or whatever it is, it can be something you're born with or deformity or even mental that makes you special because no one else in the world has these same exact set of characteristics. It'd be physical, mental and emotional and characteristic-wise all in the same being, all in the same person and soul. So really take pride in that and just love yourself more than anyone else in the world could ever. I agree 100%. And earlier you said that when you feel stuck, you do some spiritual practices in order to reconnect with yourself and understand why. And twice you use the metaphor that life is a video game with different stats. So I'm curious, you seem to be spiritual, but what is your understanding of destiny and fate itself? Do you believe that the only destiny is the stats you you started with and you build your life, you have full freedom, free reign to do the best you can with the stats you have. Do you believe that is different, that there are milestones in your life that are destined, but what you do in between or after each milestone, the direction you go, you open a new destiny. Or you think it's like you are protected, everything is meant to be, and so you're just witnessing and watching and being someone who is along for the ride within this life? Or how do you see it? How do you perceive it? And maybe, how does that help you get more confidence in yourself and ability to reduce anxiety through your own understanding of destiny? - A very interesting question actually. Well, regarding this, I think that we don't, We're not really stuck in one fate or destiny. I don't think that our lives are all predestined to happen from the get go till the end. We can change what we are in control of. What you're not in control of is like your ethnicity, who your parents are, where you were born, these kinds of things, who your family is, but the rest can be changed by you. So I definitely do believe 100% and wholeheartedly that we can change our own destinies. And that with the protection of the higher forces, whatever you believe in, your God, or whoever you worship, definitely, definitely protects all of us in some way or another. Because at the end of the day, we're not just mere humans existing in bodies. We are souls in bodies. We're not bodies that contain souls. It makes a big difference once you start looking at it that way. So we are souls that are having a human experience. So it is very important to do things that feed the soul as well, not just the mind, not just the body, you have to feed your soul. And with that as well, there are multiple faiths or destinies and based on your choices, because at the end of the day, it is an action-based video game. You cannot be a spectator in your own life. Otherwise, you're letting other forces take control of it, in the areas of the-- within the area of the things that are within your control, things that you can control. So yeah, you need to be an action taker of your own life, not the spectator. And based on these decisions is whichever destiny that is laid out for you, you will go through. And oh, it's always also keeping in mind that whatever negative experiences that you go through, they're also important. You need to have that contrast of good and evil, dark and light. I mean, I literally have a tattooed like angel and devil because there's that contrast of like yin and yang. You cannot feel the good without having the bad and the bad will also turn to good because in the long run that is shaping you into the person that you are maturing into and developing. And as they say, character development. So yeah. Thank you. And you use the metaphor that life is a video game. And at the same time, you said that you feel we're souls in bodies. So some people might think, well, your interest in fashion and makeup, it's just being interested in the skins in the game. It shouldn't matter. but to you since you're the one who's experiencing it, how is your soul expressed or nourished or there is a soul connection between you and those activities where you're creating fashion aesthetics and makeup that are beyond mere skins that you can just buy in the game and they don't make a difference to the playthrough? It actually does make a lot of difference for the play-dear Because when you are customizing your character and you're making her look more personal and authentic to you, so when you're like these it all comes down even to the tiniest little details, they do really make a difference. Maybe sometimes not in games where the story is already planned and there's only one way, But there are the choice-based games where every little detail and choice that you make throughout the game matters. And there's this whole tree that they lay out for you, like a tree map of certain incidents. If you say a certain thing, you will experience a different event. But if you say the other thing, you'll experience another event. And so I think that appearance really does play a big role in especially today's society. And it has always been that way. because we deal with people on a daily basis and we obviously don't have the time or the energy to get to know each and every single person that you meet in your life on a daily basis inside and out. So the first thing that they're going to judge you off of or make their impression based on is your appearance and how you put yourself together and how you choose to express yourself. So the art of self-expression is very important because that is one of the things that fuels your soul. It makes you feel like you are in your own right skin, you know, like you are in your element in a way. So that definitely does get your creativity flowing. It makes you feel, how do I say this, like you're wearing your own soul's art on your skin. You are externalizing it. You're not just keeping it in here, you're also materializing it into the real world. So it almost feels like a divine thing because you're a creator at the end of the day, which is very beautiful. Thank you. And I love that metaphor that you're wearing, your soul's art on your skin. That's very, very interesting. And I don't think I've heard it before. It deserves a verse on one of your songs. And to finish this, thank you so much for this great conversation and all your interesting thoughts. What are some words or advice that you want to remind yourself of and to share with other women so that they really feel empowered, live up to their potential, and truly go for it? Because, like you said, you only have one life, you're only young ones, so that they'll be willing to not wait and say, "No, I have time later," or, "No, it's too hard. I'm not ready," or whatever, so that more women can move forward towards their potential. I know this may sound a bit cliche, but really, just a message. If I had to get one message across to each and every single woman out there, do not wait for anything or anyone. Yes, have patience, because patience is virtue, it's key. But don't wait on other things that you feel deep down is a waste of time. When your gut instinct is telling you to just go for it, go for it. If it's telling you to leave, this is not okay, leave. You need to trust your intuition more because that is truly a gift, especially that I feel like women are more sensitive to their gut intuition, because it's basically, it's the training our biology. So do trust it, because that is your compass. And do not wait for the time where you get to the age where you're 55 or in your 60s. And you're not able to do the things that you once had the chance to do when you were young, and you start to look back and say, I really regret this. Because at the end of the day, regret is really one of the most painful experiences to go through. So it's never too late to start and it's never too early to start. Whatever it is that you've been keeping off or that you want to do, go for it and do not expect that things will turn around overnight of course, but it's always in the micro habits and in the tiny baby steps that you take every single day. These micro decisions that you do every single day that probably don't even take like a couple minutes are the ones that actually make the biggest difference and like the most exponential growth by the end of the year or you know by the end of whatever certain time period you have set for yourself. Don't let anyone ever ever in your life, not a man, not a family member, no one to tell you that you are not destined to do something that you know deep down you should be doing something that you've always been thinking about or dreaming of because as long as you keep it on your head it's just gonna remain that way. It'll be a dream and your soul will ache for it to materialize into your reality. So yeah, love alone is not enough. Of course, we should love all of those that are close to us but at the same time if those same people really do love you they will support you in the long run as well. So yeah. Thank you and even before we end because I noticed this is the third time that you spoke about soul so this is going to be very interesting and very difficult but what is your definition of soul? How do you see it? How do you perceive it? Do you have a metaphor for it? It's soul, the energy of the people and therefore energy vampires are sucking away your your soul and destroy it. Is it something else? What is it to you because it seems to be such a core, guiding part of your identity? I don't know how to explain it because it's something that's very complex and truly divine. Because it's like trying to ask me, what is a God? I've never seen him, I don't know, but I feel him. I just feel it and I definitely think that It's what inhabits our body. It's what keeps us alive. It's that will to keep on experiencing and living and going. And it's like that thin barrier that... not a barrier. I mean, it's like a thin, small, little sliver of connection that connects us to other beings that are not seen by the naked eye. I genuinely believe in the afterlife and spirits and whatnot, angels. So our soul is the only connection to that world that our physical body cannot fathom or comprehend. Yeah, I do believe it's very important to keep it alive because if not and your organs fail, you know, we've probably seen a lot of these cases where people were like, "Oh, there's this guy, like, he almost died, or he died for a couple minutes, and then he came back to life." And it's because his soul was not ready to leave just yet, even though his organs were good as dead. They were as good as, like, Allah's game over. They gave out. But the soul itself chose to stay because they were not ready to leave this world just yet. It's something that I think in the midst of capitalism and our very superficial world, people tend to skip out on a lot and just not really pay much attention to. And that's why a lot of people are miserable. So yeah, it's definitely something to pay more attention to and nourish in the long run as well. It's energy. Thank you so much, Serafina. I wish you to keep nourishing your soul, to live with confidence like you described those people, with the energy that you have nothing to lose, and to truly express yourself and only surround yourself with the right people, to live your dreams, to share your voice, and I celebrate your success. Thank you so much. - Thank you, thank you for having me. I really appreciate it. (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music)
