Episode Transcript
Hello, my name is Aziz and I'm the son of a divorce mother. She is really my superhero. That's why it's important for me to support women to share their uniqueness, their personalities, perspectives, and emotions about life. Too many women in this world feel alone. They worry about the judgment of others and they struggle with their mental health, but when they listen to the Rare Girls podcast where empowered women share their voices and tell their stories, many women will feel inspired to live a life of freedom and to overcome all insecurities. They will feel it is a safe space to find their confidence, to remember their unique beauty and to feel their self-worth, and they will connect with the sisterhood of Rare Girls who encourage their success and support their dreams. That's what this podcast is all about. My guest today is Alia Lapina. Alia was born in Russia in Zhukovsky, town of aviation. She had studied in the aerospace school and the international relationship in nuclear energetic sphere, in the national research nuclear university. Right from the university, she started working in Cytec, now Solvay, a big international chemical company in the Department of Composites for Aircraft. Alia has been involved in work with several aerospace programs. In 2019, she started developing the Wake Surf Club with friends in parallel to work. In 2022, she left work and focused on wake surfing only when the hobby took over her life. Alia is now one of the top 10 wake surfers of the world. Her other hobbies include making videos, drawing, snowboarding and any type of outdoor activities. She cannot really sit still and be without movement. That's why she is not missing the laptop work and she enjoys the freedom she has now. Alia likes doing things, anything. Cooking, building, designs, even sewing clothes and making accessories to keep her hands always busy. Alia, how are you today? Hi Aziz, thank you for welcoming me here. I'm really good. I'm really good, thank you. How about you? I feel blessed, very, very positive and I really look forward to know much more about you. So, I'll begin with the usual first question, which is nice, which is if your friends could describe your personality, what would they say about you? That's a good question. I would tend to think that I will say that I'm open, I'm always ready to help, that I'm up to activities, adventures, that I'm brave, that I'm strong, that I'm quite smart. That's at least how I would want them to see me and not only friends. That's how I would probably want to be presented worldwide. Thank you so much for that. I really have so many questions, but I'll begin with your brave side. There are too many people in the world, men and women, who lost their ability to be brave. They live in their comfort zone. What makes you brave? Where do you find your ability to be brave when many other people do not find it? I think the nature of the modern world with changing environment, with so many things happening with so much information around us, which is confusing from time to time, it's really scary because the pace is huge. And I think many people are afraid to get up to speed with the movement and changes of the world. But I tend to think that we as a human being are very adaptive. And that's one of our best traits. And no matter what happens, we will adapt. So no matter how good things are, how bad things are, how worrying things are at the end of the day, it's only worrying or scary or threatening at the beginning, when before you start. But as soon as you start doing it, it won't be that scary anymore. So the key is just to start going through no matter what's facing you at the moment. Thank you so much. Show in your own experience that imaginary hesitation and anxiety and fear before doing something is always bigger than the experience of doing the thing itself. So much better to take action and then to discover what's happening and to live life rather than imagine or be afraid, which makes me also wonder, maybe you answered this a little bit, but you said that you are helpful, you're generous, you give people, you're a kind person. And for someone who's taken so much action in this fast-paced reality you spoke about, sometimes you give to people who do not appreciate it. You get hurt when you are so open and such a good person, but you still keep the positive attitude. What about you makes you either deal better or not become close when more than one person, they do not, you know, respect your openness and take advantage of your generosity, which is normal since there are eight billion people in the world. Not everybody is a perfect companion. You're actually very right. And there are a lot of occasions, like you mentioned, that being open and ready to help to people where they sometimes don't need it or they, I won't say don't deserve it because it's not up to me to judge who deserves what. But definitely there are cases which I could have regret that I did something to people. But thinking about it, trying to find answers if such occasions happen, I'm first of all asking myself if I'm going to do exactly the same next time and I'm going to do it. So it will be painful for a bit. But if I'm ready to be close to the world, definitely not. Will I be helping people if I see I can be helpful if they ask to like there is any indication that my experience can be useful? I will do it. I won't regret it in the long term because I believe in karma, I would say, on the balance of good and bad things. And as soon as I keep doing good things or useful or helpful or at least in my reality, because sometimes things are good for one people. So at least as soon as I see that there is a value in what I'm doing, I'll keep doing that because I'll regret being stubborn or fancy for because that's our all bad feelings. And bad feelings will not make you feel happy. That's like a rolling snowball. If you start switching to the dark side, it may only grow. So I keep keep believing that the more good things I do, the more nice and good people I will meet some. And it doesn't really matter if at some point the reality for those people will change. I don't think that helping to people who don't like they're no good and bad people, it's just the conditions in which people start behaving in different ways. So it's not that someone turned out to be bad. It's not something that people change. I just think that the environment change and in different environments, one and the same person can behave differently depending on their needs, depending on their their own informational sphere. Because that's another thing. It's like if I'm looking at the situation one way, it doesn't necessarily mean the other person is looking to the situation exactly the same and I may be mistaken. So it's just the changing again, the nature of changing environments around us and people come, people go. But your own perception of yourself, of your position there or for whether you think you're doing good things and you're helpful and useful for the for your environment. That's what makes you yourself more consistent. You'll be pleased with yourself. You'll grow on that. If you kind of start being offended or fancy for grow bad feelings, that will be also part of you. So thinking about that doesn't matter how people change. I will focus on me being a good person in my own eyes and in my own reality. Thank you so much for sharing that. That was very optimistic and very, very positive. So I want to understand a bit more your spiritual side. How do you see the world since you believe in karma? Do you see the world as energy? And therefore you are like a goddess who is creating her world by the energy that you give to the world. Is it that you believe in destiny? So you're always protected and you cannot take any risk because if it's not meant to be bad, you can do anything crazy and it's going to be fine. Or if it's meant to be bad, then you can be trying to protect yourself and you will not escape. What are your perspectives on the world that allow you to be who you are compared to being any other person? You're right. You're right in terms of. Yeah, you mark the rating that I believe in karma, but I do not belong. I can't say I belong to any religion, to any certain formed point of view. I think I have my own view, which is first of all, it's respect to all religions. I don't necessarily belong to any of them, but I respect people because for me, really, a religion is a tool for people in making. Streamlining their life, so it gives hope. It gives some guidance on what and how to do it. It gives their orientation on what is good and bad. It gives you how you should behave with other people around you. And basically, most of the religions, they are more or less talking about one and the same thing. And so I obviously do not trust that there is I don't think that I believe in destiny because we are we can build our own destiny. And every moment, every second, we are making choices which will result in the final where we will get. And it's up to us. As the world is unpredictable at the moment, I can't even say that I have some special goals or some orientation or some some exact view on where I want to get. I would say that I have the direction. I have the direction which is guided by the which is guided by the things that I trust true, which I trust good, which I trust will not harm anyone around me. And this thing may change again because the situation may change and the environment may change or the information fields which I may change. There are like new things appear, new studies appear. I get new pieces of information and I may change, but the general direction of I will keep. And hopefully that will bring me to all the good things. Obviously, I have dreams. Obviously, I have targets, general targets. But I tend to move through the direction rather than sticking to some because sometimes it's like, I don't know, for example, you wanted new iPhone, for example. It's just a weird, weird example. But what if iPhone stop existing at all and there is something new appearing? Will you keep wanting iPhone? No, you just want something that feels good, that is good with battery and so on because it's your day to day tool. Why don't you change then your wish and dream to something else? You will still have the direction that you want your phone to have some certain functions, but it not necessarily be one or another at the end. So, yeah, that's a weird example with some possession and some certain object. But I guess it can a little bit describe how we're moving at the moment, because at some point I started stopped planning. Obviously, when I had office work, when I was at school or university, there was definitely some milestones which I wanted to achieve. Like after university, I need to get to work. As soon as I started working, I need to get her being developed and promoted. I wanted that I have a home, I wanted that I have a car, I wanted that I could travel and things like that. But again, following these rules, I don't think that they necessarily bring you luck. And also, if things do not go the direction, like their purpose, you've chosen and you need to switch in that, that probably will not make you happy if you are not flexible in changing this milestone. So I don't think that you're a weak person if you change your milestones or desires and wishes, if you don't go to the end to something you already declared you want. I don't think that I actually think that it's a strong moment of a person if he realizes that he can change their opinion, he or she can change their opinion, that it's a strong skill of a person being adaptive, observant, and to admit that what they have previously thought could have been a mistake. So that's one of the things that's really important to admit, that probably the new pieces of information get into the different picture you imagined before. And that, from my side, if I see that people are accepting criticism, if they are open for different point of views, if they're not judgmental, if they are ready to absorb and give their healthy outcome of the gathered information, for me, these people are strong and those people at the end, be successful. Thank you. And is this the same exact strategy that you approach, wake surfing, that you are always open to change in direction, and you are based on the information that is coming, being flexible? Is it that wake surfing is teaching you about life or that's why your understanding of life is what makes you a good wake surfer? Or how do you experience that? I always used to say that those who we are in the water, those we are in life and the other way around. So actually, wake surfing does influence a lot on your life. And again, how you are behaving on the water shows a lot how you are behaving in life as well. I think that the person I am definitely played a good role in how I could reach my goals, which exactly were not the championships. My goal was never getting the price. My goal was never being on the podium. My goal was becoming better than I was the previous day. Only that was holding my interest. I was happy if I got better. I was unhappy if I did something wrong, if I missed the training, if I without being focused just fooled around on the way, for example, that would make me unhappy that they couldn't get concentrated. And again, I was following the direction that was within my line of thinking, right? That how I would see me a good rider and the podiums were not the purpose. Even on the competition, if I did a bad run but got on the podium because everyone had a bad day, I would not be happy because that didn't make my run perfect. But if in the, for example, bad conditions or nervous situation, because obviously the competition is always a thrilling moment, you always get nervous before that. But if within these conditions and I don't know, whatever else could have fallen in that day, you managed to concentrate, you managed to think of the best routine, you managed to... Then it doesn't really matter which place I take, if I'm podium or not. If I managed to do better than I could, if I was better on that day, then I could have, then I would be happy. So for me, it was never about the place. It was always about whether I managed or not within my own expectation. And gladly with most of the time that came with pretty high places as well. Thank you so much for sharing that. That was fascinating. And you described yourself already as someone who has the energy to need to do a lot of things, to keep your hands busy, to be always active in every way. And that is something that is rare nowadays. Too many people are constantly tired. They're exhausted. They are just waiting to finish their work in order to nap or to watch TV and forget their day. Where does your energy come from? How do you cultivate it? And what makes you have that much energy and the ability to always be doing something when many people will get so tired from doing that as much as they would if they followed you, they wouldn't be able to keep up. Thank you for asking this. I actually would like to share a lot my view on that because I think many people need it now. Because I see a lot of examples around when people are not super happy about their lives. So they are exhausted, but they are exhausted not because they have too many things to do. They're exhausted because they're really not happy at the place where they are. So they work on the jobs where they are not satisfied. They communicate with people with whom they don't really want to communicate. They do tasks which society expects them to do rather than focusing on what they personally would want. That's what's tiring. Also, people sometimes tend to think that lying on the sofa or at the beach or in the bath is the proper time to rest. For me, the rest is the switch between the activities I like. So my motto over life is do what you like and like what you do. It always works. And I think thanks to my parents, I have quite a stubborn character. And every time if I am in need of doing something I don't like or don't want to, most probably I will end up justifying why this should not happen. So that I'm not forced to do it anymore. That has been through my work life, my office work life as well. If I didn't see any reason to do that, I would justify that it won't be done. If I see the reason, I would be interested in doing that. So now I try to surround myself only with things that I like doing. That's why switching between them makes me more energetic. Because also, sometimes, even with weight surfing, I would say that just call something work and it will become more annoying. So even with weight surfing, if you spend 24/7 on the boat, it's not that fun and pleasurable and pleasant anymore. If you spend half of the time on the boat and half of the time doing other things, all these things will keep bringing you pleasure. And because you'll be switching, you'll be looking forward to getting back to one or the other activity because you're like all of them. And so regarding the level of energy, I really noticed through the past years when I was trying to build some of the routines, some habits which do good for me. So I like waking up with the sun. And to be honest, I don't like being much awake when the sun is down. So during the dark hours, I'm already ready to go to sleep or I do something where I don't notice that there is no sun outside. So having a long, light day definitely helps. Other things, I try to move a lot every time. So not only weight surfing, I mean, making enough steps or running. So to be honest, I'm not a very big runner, but I try to walk as much as possible. So even now I'm living on the 10th floor. I hate using the elevator because every time I'm in front of the elevator or the stairs, I would take the stairs because that's essential to keep going because it makes your blood run faster. And when your blood runs faster, all the activities in your body run faster. So you have a quicker mind, you have all the functions inside you work better and more smooth. You have better skin. You have you're woken up. And with all these pleasant feelings, how can you like you won't end up being unhappy? So with all the efforts and routines which you find healthy, pleasant, balanced for you, you just need to figure out what they are for you. Because definitely for every person, they would be different. But yeah, at the end, if you surround yourself with such small moments like probably coffee in the morning or listening to music before you fall asleep, that all helps to have your world a bit more comfortable for you and which will result in making other things more pleasant for you. Because even I'm not saying that I am 100 percent doing things that are only fluffy and pleasant because obviously there are things that you would prefer not to do. I don't know what to think of because even those things I'm trying to think that they are healthy, pleasant and useful for you. Like in a washing car, going to the shops or spending time and traffic, for example. What about spending time and traffic? It's a lot of time sometimes where you think it's a waste when you think, but just start listening to your podcast and you'll be already spending your time wisely. Thank you so much for sharing that. At the same time, in the beginning, you described yourself as someone strong. And right now you said that it's about designing your life so that you do the things that you love and you love what to do. Well, many people might think that this weakness to them that define being strong as doing the things you hate, but staying strong in order to finish it. To me, what is your definition of being strong and how do you believe someone can become strong? How do you create that and how do you develop it? So for me, the definition of strong is definitely not a physical one. It's definitely not unbreakable in terms of like if I have decided something that will stay with me today. And I was saying before that, that for me, it's actually the opposite, the flexibility of mind, the ability to agree that you could have mistaken to the ability to change the mind and to adapt, to absorb and to be attentive to the other points of view. That definitely makes a stronger character because it's not always like admitting something, especially admitting that you could have been mistaken. That's a hard thing to do. It's much easier to say that I'm standing on where I was standing, even in deep inside, you understand that probably it's not what you think anymore. So, yeah, definitely it's not physical. Definitely it's not unbreakable in terms of decisions. I would say that for me also the strength is in bringing things to some certain point because many people give up on the middle if they think that they are lost. Some people are not ready to ask for the help. And to be honest, I am one of those who barely can accept help. And this is I think that's my mind, my mind, my mind and weakness that it's hard for me to ask for it. But I'm working on it. I understand that that's my weakness and that it's a long term. And there must be cases where I could have used some help, again, not to disturb my energy that much. And other people like helping. That makes them again, that brings them positive thinking as well. So if we think about the energy exchange between people offering help and asking for help, it's a very good energy exchange, especially if it doesn't take people, I don't know, overcome them. So it's all needs to be on the like that as well. People need to be honest with themselves and realize when it's harmful for them or when it actually will be energized for them. And with these with these connections, if these energy exchange works properly, I guess the world would be a better place. But again, that's another strong. That's another strong thing. Being knowledgeable about yourself, being open and honest with you, what you like and don't dislike, what you accept and don't accept. Being bringing your own boundaries, but at the same time being open, that's also the strength, like getting to know yourself and building your habits around it. That's definitely a big strength because what I like, what I want to highlight it, because obviously the society is building some paths already. But we are all different. We all have different backgrounds. We need to be knowledgeable how to adjust ourselves, our specifics to be inside the society. But at the same time, not being hurt by the society, because again, because we are all different and we have different needs and different perspectives, they need to be adjustment. Because the rules were written to the general population. It never counts our small deviations or big deviations. Being knowledgeable, open and observant about yourself as well. That's definitely a strong strength, the strength of the person. Thank you so much. I really appreciate that answer that was thorough and very detailed and absolutely a great perspective. And to finish this, I have a question because you spoke about how many people are hating their life. They're not the living the life that they're meant to live. There are too many women, for example, who are people pleasers and who are living a life, maybe because their parents expect them to have a good job. But they would prefer to be wake surfers or artists or something like that. Or they have some level of worry and thinking that maybe the future, if they take a risk, it's going to be bad. And that they might not get help or they might be in a dangerous situation because they did not take the safe life. But the safe life is unhappy. So what is your advice to those women and to people in general who maybe they really understand that they do not live in a life that makes them happy, but they are either afraid or they are in a comfort zone. So it's much harder to begin the process of change so that they really live life on their terms and feel that excitement of being alive. First of all, I want to say that comfort zone is not necessarily a bad thing. So some people are really getting outside of the board rest, living in the shaking ground. It's not good and healthy for some people. So for some, indeed, they probably look on the Instagram and other and think that they could have had a different life. But for some people, their nature will not allow them. They could have tried to have a risk and tried to leave it, but they end. They most probably will end up in this comfort zone. And again, within that, like, again, that's about being open with yourself. Do you if you think of a person you would want to be or you look at the picture and think that, oh, I would want this life. But be honest with yourself. Are you ready to take the downside of this beautiful life as well? Are you ready to live in the uncertainty? Are you ready to live for like sometimes without money, sometimes without support, sometimes? Yeah, it's like because everything comes at with cost. I don't think that there is anything super white or super black, right? So anything comes of course, like comfort zone, we would say it's somewhat neutral. Like all the peaks of good life, they definitely has the comeback. So for some people, if they if they just want the bright side of life and not ready for the dark, they would better keep on that on their safe, graced middle zone, which is also good, because it definitely is also with minor, minor splashes of good things, pleasant things. They always can find something like there is always vacation. There is always weekend birthdays, meetings with friends, calls, good foods, good music, candles. There are so many things that even in the more or less average life can still be super pleasant. But for example, if people dream of completely different life, or at least they imagine, what if I could they again need to like, what are they ready to put there? And are they ready for this different life? I would always say take a risk and you try and you can always get back to the comfort zone, right? There is nothing like if you're already there, you can always come back and there is nothing bad in coming back. And there is nothing bad in taking the risk and the experiment, because we all do in one another extends within our lives, like painting hair pink when we are 14 years old, for example, it's a risk, but most people by the age of 30 get back to their standard hair color, for example. So there is nothing bad in taking the risk and checking and trying. And if you're a person of a comfort zone, just, I don't know, save some money to take this risk or like make sure you always like take this safety bill for you, near you and try to take the risk. But yeah, normally if you want something great to happen, you need to take a bigger risk. So my advice would be, first of all, estimate and be true to you what you actually want. The picture, which you see, which is not always the exactly the same thing in reality, you want someone else's life or you want your exact perfect light, which will be perfect for you. It will not and never resemble someone else's life. You cannot take someone's template and put it on you because we are all unique and different. So start with things, just literally make the list with everything that makes you happy, that could make you happy and try to think how you can start incorporating them every day in your life with small bits. And see how big it is because for me, wake surfing was not the thing that I got. And like just because I wanted to be a wake surfer. No, I wanted to be active. I wanted to be outside. I wanted to do things. I wanted to drive the boat at some point. I wanted to. There were so many things which made me happy around it. And it's resulted in something really very beautiful, which became my profession. And to be honest, even with office work with my in my previous company, I was always looking for places what actually keep me interested. And I had a very good job, to be honest. It's not something that I read from there. I'm not missing not having enough movement there. But to be honest, I was super interested in what we were doing, because I think that being a part of the airspace world, seeing how these beautiful birds are flying in the sky after you gave some impact there is beautiful. It's like you were making parts of the history. But the downside of it that you need to spend 12 hours a day in front of your laptop or even more. And when you are an active person, that's like the result definitely is very pleasant. But the process is not. And I have chosen the process rather than the result. And the result is like for me, the result is now unpredictable. I don't know when I will be. And I cannot really plan. Thank you so much. It was my privilege and my honor to have you here and to hear your thoughts and to share your voice. It's always a privilege to have a woman who spent a lot of time understanding herself and thinking about her life. So thank you, Alia, for all of this. I wish you to keep enjoying the process, going through it all. And that good karma returns always and forever. And thank you again. Thank you so much. That has been a pleasure to share my thoughts. And thank you for really deep questions, which made me think and feel and actually to share a lot that people will never see on the Instagram pictures again. Because I do want to spread this belief because I think it's not it won't do only good thing to me. And it's not only my approach, but I think I tend to keep two things which will make most of people happy if they think about it. So it's not an exact recipe of a happy life, but it's again, the direction how you can get to your perfect life. And if I could have made some people thinking and if I could have made some people actually changing something in their lives, I would be super happy. Thank you for giving me this opportunity. And yes, thank you for noticing that. Again, I believe in my karma. And then you are welcome.
