E094 Maria Ciocan

Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 0:08 femininity is powerful in all its forms, exceptional women, rare girls must be appreciated in every way for their perspectives, actions, thoughts, and their unique ways of being. Such rare girls are inspiring. And this is what this podcast is all about. Hello, my name is Aziz and my guest today is Maria Cho Kang Maria is from RAM Nico Valsa, Romania, and she recently graduated in 2022, from University College London with a degree in computer science. Her hobbies are playing chess, which is actually both a hobby and a side job. She doesn't play competitively anymore, but she loves to teach kids. She loves to run, reading and writing Maria, how are you today? Maria Ciocan 1:09 Hi, ss, thank you for having me. I'm feeling lovely tonight. How are you? Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 1:14 I'm feeling positive, optimistic, filled with the energy of life and very curious about you. So I'll begin with this. If your friends were to describe your personality, who you are, what would they say as well as would people in Romania your friend say something different to those friends you made in London? Maria Ciocan 1:38 That is? That is a very tricky question. But a very interesting ones. I'm saying tricky, because I feel like sometimes we tend to perceive ourselves differently as people around us do. But for my friends in Romania, I think they might find me quirky. But in a funny way, I hope I'm saying quirky, because I'm the type of person who gets interesting about things quite easily and likes to read into different topics or just is not very consistent with, with the things she reads or writes about. So that's, that's what I'm thinking, my friends might call me quirky. For both my friends in Romania, and in London, I think they might label me as an open person. I really like getting to know people. And I'm usually not afraid to introduce myself to ask people questions, to talk about myself or listen to others talking about themselves. So it's a it's a thing that I really appreciate myself, Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 2:43 thank you. So if I understood correctly, or the type of person who gets excited about new things that you delve into them, but often you get distracted by the new, exciting, other thing, and that makes you somehow jump from one thing to the other, be open to all topics and get excited about all big range of various things. Is this correct? Maria Ciocan 3:12 Yeah, that's actually a very accurate description. I think curiosity is one of the keys to really living life at its fullest. Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 3:22 I love that. But I will, you know, ask about how do you deal with some of the society pressure that you have to focus on one thing to go deep on one thing to keep on learning more and more and more about one thing, especially chess, specifically, you're literally doing the same thing for many, many years in order to reach your levels. So how do you deal with that kind of scenario, expectation, or at least, you know, productivity tip, Maria Ciocan 3:57 I would say that the topic of productivity is a complicated one for me. Because on one hand, I am preoccupied about my studies, I am preoccupied about improving myself as a person. And I want to do this in in the most effective way possible. But at the same time, I try not to get too stressed about how many hours of studies I'm putting in in one day. And that's a that's a tricky balance to achieve. I feel like on social media, there are various trends that are encouraging people to be more organized to be more aware on what bit there's been spending their time on, on what they're directing their attention on and I think that can be very, very helpful to a certain extent. For example, I might follow some accounts that Post very high aesthetic photos of people studying in coffee shops or organizing their desks in, in certain ways. And that makes me want to get into studying or keep studying as well. At the same time, if that is the only type of content that you consume, then you might become overwhelmed quite quickly, you might constantly have the feeling that you're not doing as much as others are doing or as much as you could achieve in one day. It also gets harder to allow yourself to take a break. So for me, personally, this this balance is always moving, I don't have a perfect recipe yet. But I'm trying to listen to my buddy, I'm trying to monitor the levels of stress or anxiety that I'm feeling towards a specific task. And also I try to understand what are the types of studying and the types of handling tasks so that I am fully engaging my brain, if that makes sense. Like for some people, drawing or visualizing their tasks might be more helpful than listening to a YouTube video or the other way around that I try to pay attention to what works for me, when it comes to studying and working. Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 6:26 Thank you. That's really wonderful. They chose the sense of self awareness of balance. And you mentioned that you're open to meeting new people to introduce in yourself, what are people for you? Are they like a source of energy? Are they a gateway to stories and lessons? Are they just like a reflection of the universe that you go meet, and you get in touch with that basic humanity, or what is the driver behind your openness to new people, while many are too shy or too reserved, or too scared to connect so much with strangers? Maria Ciocan 7:14 So I would like to begin by saying that I identify as an extroverted person. So that might be explaining a lot of my courage towards talking to new people. And I think every person has a so called Social battery, that once it's drained, that person might need to take a break from people. And it's perfectly normal for every person to understand where this, this, this level on their social battery lies and sort of calibrate themselves to it. So yes, I would say I have a high social battery. And for me, meeting new people represents the source of inspiration. I really appreciate when I meet someone that tells me something that I didn't know about that shares with me a part of themselves, that maybe shows me something about the world that I haven't I haven't considered before or I haven't looked from that angle before. It is truly wonderful to listen to people. And then leave that room of conversation wherever you are in a restaurant, in a pub, on a bench in the park, and feel like those two hours or 10 minutes that you spent with that person were valuable that there is a tiny bit of information, a tiny bit of the world that you got to put in your pocket, thanks to talking to that person. And definitely, when I meet someone, I see a reflection of the world but also a reflection of myself. Because whenever I notice someone about I notice something about someone or I have a strong emotional reaction to something that someone has said to me, that is ultimately revealing something about myself. So you could say that by meeting people, you get to meet yourself as well. Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 9:15 I agree 100%. And that makes me even more curious about you since you're an extrovert. Yet a lot of HA your hobbies, activities you do whether it's running, reading, writing, or chess are usually more introverted and Solitaire. So how do you bring that human element for example, to chess, or even to writing? Do you write stories and then you try to understand and analyze the characters as people and you get inspired from the people you meet? Or in chairs? Do you try to talk to chess people and usually they're very quirky as well. So it's interesting or do you have somehow have to To find that personality when your battery is drained, you go for those activities, you'll become temporarily introverted, and then you'll return back to your normal self. Maria Ciocan 10:12 Now now that I'm thinking about it, I might have the two sided personality that you mentioned. However, when it comes to chess, I would wonder to give a little bit of a shout out to the really strong Romanian chess community that I've been lucky enough to be part of for a really long time. So by participating in chess tournament, since I was seven years old, I got to visit a lot of cities and towns in Romania, but not just in Romania. And this way, I got to meet people that were also very, very passionate about chess. And that's, that's the best conversation starter for us chess geeks. So I do I do have some some friends that are chess players, and we like to share our games, even online games just to make fun of our mistakes or make fun of our opponents mistakes. So when you share the same passion with with someone, you are very likely to bond more easily, at least in the beginning. And about writing, I definitely do take my inspiration from the people in my life. So most of the most of the characters that I put in my stories, they are based on someone that I know or that I want you. Usually they are combinations of people. So they reveal a certain personality trait that I met in someone maybe five years ago with a personality trait that I see my dad every day. So I would say that writing and meeting new people, they have sort of a reciprocal relationship, as in meeting new people gives me inspiration to write. And then whatever it is that I arrived, I ended up talking to my close friends about and then they say something about my stories, and then then I get inspired again, and so on and so forth. Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 12:14 Thank you. And since you seem to be a student of people, and of characters, whether fictional or the people you meet, what do you believe deep down makes a character or a person, fascinating and unforgettable. You mentioned passion, you mentioned some character traits. But to you, there are some people you might meet, and it's nice and okay. And there are people you meet, and they're fascinating. How would you describe the feeling of that? Or at least how would you describe your kind of people, the people you tend to gravitate towards? Maria Ciocan 12:56 The one thing that I find most fascinating in people is their drive to change things around them. I've always appreciated those types of people that not only know does the things around them that might be wrong, or unethical or unfair, they also decided at some point in their lives, they're going to come back to those unethical things or unfair, unfair things and try to make them better, even if it's just by a little bit, even if the difference that they make in this world only impact two or three people. Which is why by the way, I appreciate your podcasts so much. Unfortunately, not all changes are good. So I would have to add that this fascinating person with enough ambition to actually change something in the world must also be incredibly open minded. This person has to be willing to give up on prejudice on biases, they have to avoid being judgmental, or at least judging people to quickly. So I would say the second most fascinating thing I find in in people is when they know or at least try at least make it as a goal to handle people's emotions with care to be preoccupied with saying empathetic things with asking the appropriate questions with actively listening to the people, to the people around them is ultimately if you want to make a change and you want to make good change, you have to listen to the people around you see what their problems are, see where things could be better and then base your your ambition and your drive to change on to the information that you gathered. I think by By giving girls the opportunity to share their stories to talk about their experiences, not only are you inspiring people, but you are also putting that information out in the world. I'm a girl, I'm talking about myself, and I might inspire someone to do a great thing for tomorrow. Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 15:21 Thank you so much, you're so kind, and I appreciate your support. And again, I'm curious about you because you're a multifaceted person who contains multitudes. And I like that you don't fit in any category. And I like when I don't categorize people, because then you see their uniqueness. And that's one of the goals of this is to show how unique every girl is there is really not such a thing as girls in general, or women. Although it's like in the language, it's used to understand otherwise, we'll be confused. But every woman is so unique and every way, and sharing that can both inspire as well as allow the listeners or girls listening to think I don't have to fit into any mold. I don't have to be like an Instagram girl, or whatever I can be anything I want, because there is no definition I have to follow or subscribe to. And so to ask you again about your multitudes. Emotionally, do you tend to only focus on positive emotions you wish to be happy every day? Or are you the kind of person who feels and enjoys relaxing to a murder mystery documentary, or a serial killer thing? Or like a sad movie that makes you cry? And you'll feel that pain, emotional pain, sadness, heartbreak, etc, are essential for you to keep life interesting and to appreciate the happy moments or if you could live happy forever, in positive bliss, nonstop YouTube that and never feel bad emotions are bad, you know, quote, unquote, again, Maria Ciocan 17:17 to answer your question, I'm definitely not happy all the time. I don't necessarily think that being happy all the time is, first of all, something achievable? Actually, I definitely don't think that. And I am not sure that it is something to wish for. either. I think I read this, this bit once that happiness is a feeling that often people idealize as a sentiment that something long lasting, whereas you are usually feeling happy for what five seconds or two minutes and then you feel good, but not happy, not ecstatic. Maybe happiness is not something that is meant to last when I am feeling sad or blue, I try to remind myself of two things. The first one is that I believe there is a tendency in us human beings to focus more on negative things, especially in hindsight too frequently recollect Bed Mat bed memories instead of good ones, because that might be our body's mechanism of warning us to not make the same mistakes in the past. So if I remember a moment in time when I felt disappointed or ashamed by remembering and recalling that memory, I might be less likely to do the same thing in the future. I think that might be how it works in the second reminder would be that it might be helpful to treat emotions as information rather than uncontestable fruits. So what I might be feeling right now is a valid emotion. I'm definitely feeling sad or depressed or disappointed or nostalgic, but I might also be tired or hungry or not eating the right thing. So I might be influenced by that as well. And my body might be worrying me that I am burning myself out that I am too stressed that I need a break. So whenever I eat, I'm feeling overwhelmed by an emotion. I try to look into it and see what that emotion is trying to tell me maybe there's something that I should change maybe I need a break. Maybe I need closure from a recent event in my life and so on and so forth. And I do enjoy murder documentaries. I'm not gonna lie. They do bring the the Sherlock Holmes bit of my personality into action. I find it fascinating when detectives they're trying to put together the clues and they're trying to psychoanalyze the, the criminal and sort of see what his pattern is what his MO is. I think that's, that's my favorite bit. Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 20:13 All right like that. And since you mentioned Sherlock Holmes, and that's very, very UK your view? Well, if you could describe what you notice about the differences between the culture of Romania and Romanian people compared to people in London, how would you actually describe, although you're from a small city, so you're even in touch with the more real culture of Romania? How are Romanian people? How are Romanian women and girls, the younger generation compared to people in London and from other cultures. Maria Ciocan 20:57 One thing that I've noticed about Romania and this is just an opinion, is a big difference between the young generations that are not now coming and the their parents basically, I think, in in Romania, the, the generation of my parents is a little bit more rigid in terms of career choices in terms of lifestyle choices. So people, young adults, especially girls, they are more encouraged to treat things as achievement more than experiences. So you might notice a young Romanian adult being encouraged to pick a very demanding internship, rather than one that is not as the Met demanding maybe it doesn't look as good as the other one in the CV, but it is in a more exciting city or it pushes that person to experience a completely different culture. I however, I would like to say that I have met a lot of Romanian girls that are incredibly ambitious, and that have succeeded in overcoming these stereotypes in these, these, this pressure that is coming from, from the already mature generations. So obviously, in London as a as a way more international community, you don't get this pressure that much, you have the chance to meet people that might take a gap year or might take six months of school just because they want to they want to pursue a hobby or they want to learn something about themselves or they want to go traveling, you want to go on a music tour. They are not as concerned with with the fingering their life, as a lot of Romanian young adults are and although in the in the short run, it might seem like being very focused on your career is going to get you that job is going to get to that salary very quickly. I don't necessarily underestimate the actually, I don't underestimate at all, the importance of having different experiences and sort of figuring out what it is that you want and that you don't like before settling for for a job. And I feel like a lot of young Romanians are encouraged to do the latter to find that job, finish that degree and live life after that. Not before that. So that is I think the biggest difference between living in London and living in a small town in Romania. Obviously, in terms of the student life, the things that you get to do, London has, what 10 million inhabitants so there are so many things that you get to do regardless of what type of person you are. If you're into rock music or pop music, you are gonna find something to fill your Friday night with. That's something that I really love about London and then you don't get in, in small towns, and definitely not in Romania as much the diversity. I understand Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 24:16 and I feel your wisdom you're actually a very self reflective kind of person what you spoke about murder mysteries and the detective psychoanalyzing and putting pieces together and many ways I believe, and maybe I'm wrong. That's you're describing yourself, and how you think and feel and therefore to end this wonderful conversation. Is there a lesson that as you mature and grow you understand about life, either a way of living, a way of capturing moments better way to approach this elusive experience we call being alive I've that has helped you or is developing into your mind that you'd like to live through, and practice more, Maria Ciocan 25:09 I would like to encourage people to challenge things to challenge the societal constructs around them to challenge the behavioral patterns that they grew up with, to challenge the norms and beliefs in their community. Of course, not publicly, or at least not in the beginning. But just when when they're looking themselves in the mirror to see a person that doesn't have a lot of strong beliefs that have not been gone through that person's system system of beliefs. First, I would want to encourage people to challenge those socials, social trends, challenge those perfect Instagram photos that revealing the perfect life and the perfect study routine and tried to make their own. I would like to chat to encourage people to be so intellectually curious that they are developing within themselves a way to, to judge our reality so that whatever statement they accept as true, is not just something that they pick on from the people around them, but something that they thought about and that they truly and genuinely agree with. Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 26:29 Thank you so much smarter. Yeah, this was enriching. This was very valuable. And I learned about you, I remember a lot of timeless principles that you shared, and it's my honor, my privilege that you participated in this project. And I wish you good luck in your next chapters of your life. I wish you a positive week. And I thank you again, Maria Ciocan 26:58 thank you so much for having me. I can't express in words how grateful I am to be here today and also how truly thankful I am for you developing this project you given the opportunity to me and two other amazing girls in this world to share our stories and to answer some some questions that other girls around the world my smile when hearing the answers to Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 27:24 thank you so much