E102 Andra Magher

Femininity is powerful in all its forms, exceptional women, rare girls must be appreciated in every way for their perspectives, actions, thoughts, and their unique ways of being. Such rare girls are inspiring. And this is what this podcast is all about. Hello, my name is Aziz and my guest today is Andra Magher. Andra is a student at University of Bucharest, Romania, studying business administration. Andra was born and raised in Bucharest and her hobbies include creating content for her TikTok account as well as makeup. She really loves to do makeup looks, in particular Halloween makeup. Andra currently has a wonderful internship at an international company and she is really proud that she is in her second year in college, yet already taking important steps in achieving the career she dreamed of since her childhood. Andra, how are you today? Hi, Aziz. Thank you for having me. And I'm really good. Actually, it's been a great day today. So I'm really, really good. I'm happy for you. I wish you a lot more great days, often and frequently. And to begin knowing more about you, I would like to ask this. If your friends could describe your personality, what would they say about you? If you ask my best friends, they will say I'm like that crazy girl who is into spiritual things and just loves to laugh. But if you ask someone who just know me for like five minutes or 10 minutes, they will say I'm mean and I look really, really grudgy. I don't know why everyone keeps saying me when I first saw you, you look really mean. But if they know me, they will know I'm just a happy girl, just a really busy and happy girl. I like that. And I have so many questions. And I'll begin with this one. You said they will say you're the crazy kind who is into spiritual stuff, et cetera. Can you tell me more about that? What does it mean for you to be a crazy girl? How important or when did you develop your love for metaphysical and spiritual things? And tell me more. It begins, I think, in the 11th grade when I just I was scrolling on TikTok. And these TikToks about the tablet and all these witches on TikTok keep showing up. And they was really interested like, okay, how can you be a witch? I think witches was just something in the movies or something in books. And they just keep searching, keep searching. And I really, really like this world, these spiritual things. I don't know, I think it was like a really love at first sight for me for this spiritual. And when I say crazy, I mean more like I'm the one who makes everyone laugh. I'm the one who everyone comes and say, you know, I don't feel really great today, but you just made me laugh. And that makes me really a crazy girl, because I don't do that often to other people. I mean, I'm not that open, but I'm just the one everyone keep come to me and be like, you're like my mama. I'm the mama of the group, actually. Thank you. That's so interesting. And you mentioned people say feel you're their mama, you make them feel better, you make them laugh. At the same time, you said you're not that open. And even before that, that people who don't know you think you have a bitch face that is scary, and all that stuff. So how do you combine these parts of yourself? How can you be someone who makes people laugh? Someone who takes care of people, yet you're not open? Is it that a part of you is always protected that you don't want to share because you don't want it to get hurt? Or is it the people who know you well, you open to them and make them laugh? And to strangers, you're a witch. I don't know if I'm really a witch with W or a witch with the B. But I don't know, it's just I get hurt in the past. And for me to open up is really hard right now. But if I know someone for like one year, two years, five years or so on, I try to open. But I just can't because I really have some wounds that didn't heal, actually. So that's why I try to make everyone laugh. I try to be the mama for everyone so that nobody will ask me, hey, are you okay? Hey, are you good? So that they think, oh, she's good. She doesn't have, she doesn't need any help. That's why I keep doing that so that I can get hurt again. I understand. And it's actually painful and traumatic and really a horrible situation when you get hurt in the past. But I understand that when you focus on others, you hope they forget to invade your private space in a way that can get those wounds triggered again. And to ask you, do you feel a large number of Romanian girls are open? Or do you feel that it's more common that they had also wounds and they try to protect themselves so they keep more closed than open? What's your experience with this? I think it depends. There are some girls who are really, really open. They give you all your heart in just like one minute. I just met you, but I want to say everything I had in my heart. And there are some girls that they can open even after 10 years, 15 years, you are a friend with that person. And I know I say lots of numbers, but that's just what I think now. And I think it really depends of how much of a personality you are, if you are a non-introverted or an extroverted. Much often I attract introverted to say like that. So they trust me and I didn't really see the difference between them didn't open or open to me. Like I told you, I'm like a friendly, really girl. So they really say, oh, okay. So she's cool. I can trust her and they really just do what they do. They really trust me. Thank you. And to ask you even more about people when you first meet them and maybe in the past, people who have hurt you, do you feel they are like really good psychopaths? So they pretend to be amazing and you feel, oh, wow, this person is so amazing, but they hurt you? Or is it more as some people say, they show some red flags, but because you like them, you're like, pretend they don't exist, those red flags, or you say, no, no, no, they're not like that or whatever. But it's like a part of you notices the red flags, but you try not to look at them until it's too late. What do you think about that? Are they good at deceiving or are most like people or even you good at deceiving yourself, which makes their job easier? I think the one with the red flags, I really don't see red flags in people. That's, I think is my, my really mistaken life. To be honest, I'm the one who really don't see red flags in anyone. And I'm like, okay, but let's give it another shot. Let's say if it's not like that, let's say, I don't know, maybe it's just a time. It's just a day. It has a bad day. And I think that made me like this, that made me be more absorbent to other people's problems, then really absorb my problems. So that's why I'm so close. That's why, that's why I don't really, because I was really hurt by someone, which I didn't see the red flags in it. So that's why right now I'm just remain close for everyone. So that I, even though I see the red flag, I don't say anything. Even though I don't see a red flag, I don't say anything. That's my motto in life actually. Thank you. And is creating content for TikTok and maybe even the makeup looks a way for you to find a place in life to be totally free and to not worry about being hurt again? Maybe you can pretend to be a Halloween witch or pretend to be any other personality so that you escape from the pain and wounds, or is it just something totally different, a fun thing that you love for other reasons that you can share? At first, I really thought it was like my escape. I'm talking right now about makeup. I really thought it was, okay, I put a mask on. No one will see that I'm hurt. No one will see that I'm in pain or I'm sad or anything. But right now, I think the makeup for me is more like an art thing. I know it sounds crazy, but it's really like an art thing. And TikTok actually is a really toxic place. So I can say about TikTok being like my escape world or like my, I don't know how to say it, escape room, actually. I don't know if I can say that. Yeah, I think only makeup is the one who keeps me this mask on. I don't have to show I'm sad, I'm in pain or anything. But TikTok, I told you, is just a toxic, so I can call it like that. It's just a fun thing. Yes. And not many people speak about how social media can be toxic to creators. A lot of them speak about consumers and how they compare themselves to people who seem perfect or seem to be in a great mood all the time or have a perfect life. Are you speaking about as a creator, there is a lot of toxicity in TikTok and how would you describe it? How do you deal with it? Or are you speaking more about you being a consumer when you see other girls who are making even better makeup looks than you do? You're like, oh my God, no, this is so horrible. I'm not good. Or how is that experience? I actually speak about TikTok like a content creator. I make I make TikTok since I was, I think 12 or 13. I don't actually remember, but it's like a lot of time, a lot, a lot of time. And I met a lot of people, a lot of other creators in real life. And I just realized when I met them that they're not like what they are in social media. So that's why I think it's toxic. How can you be someone in real life and other ones in the digital life? I know this is something you have to do. Like you have to pretend you're always, you're always happy or you have to pretend you're always sad if you, if it's that the content you like. But I think you're just lying to yourself. You're just creating yourself a lot of problems, but you have, because you have to have to face it. That's not really healthy for you. So that's why I say it's toxic because even though you make a video, you always will get comments like, wow, she's so ugly. Wow. She's have a unibrow. Wow. She didn't do that eyeliner. So flick or everything, because they always, the consumer have to say something hateful for you every time. I understand. How do you protect yourself from this? Especially that, like you said, you don't want any of your wounds that are still open to be triggered. Is it, you don't even look at the comments. Do you pretend also think, okay, I have a persona on social media. So if they attack, they attack that girl. It's not the real me. And so it protects you. Or how do you deal with that comments, those comments, that toxicity that comes from critical people? Most of the time I ignore them or I just delete them. I say, okay, they comment, they don't know me. If they don't want to see my real me, they don't, they don't, they won't see it. But sometimes it hurts. It really hurts. Especially when I do a live on TikTok, because there I can't delete any comments. So I have to see it. I have to read it. And most of the time I read it out loud. And even though I try to, I don't know, to skip it, to just pretend I didn't see it. I can't, I can't. So there are really some comments that was really hateful and really triggered my wounds. But most of the time I delete them or I have someone like my friend or my boyfriend to try to delete them or say, okay, you didn't see that. You haven't heard that. So that I don't have to be, to have a traumatic experience. Thank you. Yes. It's really important. And I love how much in tune you are with your own psychology and with people. Then why didn't you study and choose to study psychology? I imagine you'll be a great psychotherapist. So what's the story of you choosing business? Why business and not something related to makeup or to psychology or anything like that? This is actually a pretty funny story because when I first started high school, I was really with this idea in mind that I want to be a professor. Any kind of professor, it doesn't matter to me. I just want to be a teacher. I want to teach people. And then in the 10th grade, I think the second year of high school, I attend to a presentation for this university I am in. And they spoke really nice about everything they made here. They really opened so many doors in that day to me and they make me rethink my life for every year I ever had. So I was thinking, okay, maybe teaching is not really my thing. Let's say we go to business. Let's say how it is. So I start digging it. I start searching about it and I really, really like this world, world of the business, especially in marketing. I think it's a really, really, really great world. So that's why I really choose business and not other things. And I think with business, I can also combine it with makeup. So I will think about it in the future. I love that. So do you imagine or plan to have your own makeup company, makeup brand, and use the business skills you're learning in order to do that? Or do you prefer to always keep it separate where you will work for multinational companies and have a job? An outside job, it's like Superman and Clark Kent. In your job, you're a person and you transform into a makeup personality after work. I think for a moment I would be like Superman. I would be like Batman. If I can say that, I would be like a really normal person in the day and the real Superman in the night. But after a while, I really, really think to have my own brand, my own makeup brand or company. I didn't thinking really, really well about it. I just go with the flow. Let's see where our life will be, right? I love that. And it makes me ask you this question. A lot of people who have been traumatized and wounded before, they refuse to go with the flow because they feel if I'm not in control of every single thing and I'm not a perfectionist and a control freak, then I can get hurt again. So how are you able to open yourself to go in with the flow yet protect yourself from being triggered and your wounds reactivated? I think my wounds are especially in the social life. So when I'm with my friends or when I met someone new, that's when my triggering is beginning. But when I think about my life, when I think about my career, when I think about my family, there is nothing traumatic to experience there. So I think that's why I combine these two, let's say, because social life, being with new friends, that's what makes me, that gave me panic attack actually. But when I think about my career, I really, I'm really in control of it. So I think that's why I just go with the flow when it's about my career, when it's about my family, but when it's about the friends, I'm really reserved. Thank you. And to ask you then, as a reserved girl, have you ever had the experience of meeting someone new where you, for some reason, felt like you know this person all your life, that you could open up to them more than any other new person. And it felt almost like you have known each other in a previous life or something like that. Or do you always observe, stay close no matter what, and you don't even allow such wonderful and magical experiences to happen? I think I'm more of the person who just observe and stay close. I don't think I have a person who I just met and to say, wow, it feels so familiar. Wow, you can be my mama. I don't have that person actually. I mean, if he would come in the future, I would be open about it. But right now I don't have that person. So with everyone new I met, I'm really observing, staying close. Let's see where this situation is going. If it's not going well, then I will end it and cut everything out. But if it's going well, maybe sometimes in like three or four months I will open up. Maybe. That's really interesting. And I would like to speak about witchcraft and magic. What, I mean, it was to you a love at first sight when you discovered it on social media. What kind of power did you wish to have through this? Is it more about the look that you want to do your Halloween costume and say, and I'm a real witch, ha ha ha, or whatever, so that it's even more cool? Is it a part of you wanted revenge on the people who hurt you in the past and you're like, I'll do a voodoo doll of you and make you suffer? Or is it like you wanted somehow more control in this chaotic life by trying to influence reality to your will rather than being like a leaf that is randomly going with the flow? I think it's neither of them. I just really love the tarot cards. I love to know my future. I'm planning a lot of things. I already have my agenda booked. Actually, I know what I'm doing every week, every day, every hour, every second. So maybe I think it's a little bit of revenge if I go to the friends that hurt me. Let's call it friends, but they're not my friends anymore. I would say, you see, in these cards, I see you will be hurt like I was hurt. So maybe it's a bit of revenge, maybe. But most of the time, I really love this thing with the future. So that's why I'm attracted to tarot cards, not actually all the witchcraft. It's really this portion I really, really, really like. I like that. Have you ever had any stories of experiences with tarot cards and knowing your future that made you think, wow, this is so real. I'm amazed. This is fantastic. Was there anything that you foresaw in the future that turned out exactly as it was? And then you're like, I need this now. I have the power. Actually, with this internship that I'm in right now, it really happens to see that in tarot cards. I know it sounds crazy, but that's just something I saw. I saw that I would be having a really, really hard time. And then after, I don't know, sometimes because, you know, the tarot cards are not really after an hour, you will have that job. No, they're like sometimes. So after some time, I will have something great in my life coming. So I did that reading, I think two months before having done this internship. And there was really a hard, hard time when I had the interview for the internship. And after a day, they called me back and say, yeah, you're accepted. And I was like, oh my God, the tarot cards really, really saw that. I'm really surprised. So that's when I called all my really close friends and I saw that. I told them, you see, I see that in tarot cards. I can do this to you, but you have to pay me because they're not really, really cheap. Yes, you're being a business person, you know, appropriately. Can you tell me about marketing? You said it's something that you find powerful and very interesting. What is interesting for you about it? And what additional power is it like? Is marketing a form of tarot to you? Is it something like that? Or is it a new tool? Or what makes marketing a topic that is so essential in your life because you have chosen it purposefully rather than like choosing any topic and saying whatever? I didn't think about it. It's actually, yes, it's like a tarot to me. You can predict future by marketing. You have to speak with people and say to them, you see, I have this company, I have this product, I can make your life better. So it's actually like a tarot card. That's what tarot cards do. You see, you have this life, you will do that, and then you will have that. So I think the marketing and tarot cards are somehow the same. And I really think about it right now. But I see marketing like, because I'm in the social media, I see this marketing like a tool I can use to have my own brand, to have my own company. And I think the marketing is the one who gives you sales. That's my opinion. That's my really definition of sales. When you ask me, how can you sell that product? Well, you have to do the marketing because if you're not doing really marketing, really good marketing, you will never sell the product. I love how you think. It's very useful. And so is makeup similar somehow to tarot as well? Let's push it. Oh, I don't think. No, makeup is really, well, actually, it's not that different, but it's still different because when you put, when you stay at that table and you're like, okay, today I will do a natural look, you will have to think the natural look in your mind and do this. But I don't think it's that really predictable. Let's say that it's not like that. It's different. Thank you. And you said that because you spoke about predictable. I'm trying to understand because often you mentioned going with the flow, yet every minute of your life is scheduled and you know exactly what to do and you're using tarot to know the future. So you schedule even more and you want the marketing so that you know how to sell and everything will be organized. So two things. One, how do you keep yourself from burning out if every part of your day is full with an activity? And secondly, do you need more control or is a part of you wanting like the freedom and flow in without any responsibilities, but the part that was hurt is like, that's crazy. You'll get hurt again. Let's be responsible. Or how does it go? I think I really combine them really well. I don't think I'm really a burnout person. Everyone is keep asking me, how do I still standing? You are just sleeping two or three hours a night. Yeah, I know. But in the weekend I sleep like 12. So somehow I really complete the hours of sleep. I didn't burn out until today, thankfully. And sometimes I just want to control things so that I won't have surprises. I see that I see it lately that when I have surprises, I really become really emotional and I sometimes have panic attacks. It depends when it's a social gathering and I didn't chose to be at the social gathering. I have a panic attack, but sometimes there are some topics I have to go to the flow because I don't really know what's happen next. Like in the social media, you have to just do the trends. If you don't do the trends, you're like nothing. So sometimes I have to be in control. Sometimes I have to not be in control. Or maybe I have to have someone to be in control so that I can be really released from that. I love that. And I want to know more about that. What would be necessary since you've been hurt and you close yourself for someone so that you trust them enough to give them full control so that you can release yourself from all responsibilities? Because I imagine you'd wish for that a little bit at least so that you share the burden. But the part of you that maybe doesn't trust people anymore because they could disappoint you, refuses. And so what would be necessary for a person to deserve that and for you to relax totally into that way of being? Or is it really not that possible anymore because you just stay closed anyway? For a person for me to trust it, this person have to be a really, really great listener, a really great listener. And I don't need the advices. That's not something I need. I need just to listen. I need to be listened actually. So this person to be in control, let's say over me but not really because you know I'm a Scorpio so I'm always in control. This person to be in control it has to be really, really a great listener. It has to be like okay, it's okay. You can cry. You can do whatever you want. I'm here. I will always be here. So that's something that my boyfriend does. He's a great listener. He doesn't really push me. He doesn't really give me advices even though sometimes I need them. But if I need them, I will ask for them. But most of the time I just need to be listened. That's all. So if you really want to be my confident, you have to listen to me. Thank you. How is it possible to listen to you really well and fully if you said you close yourself anyway to people and that it's the standard way of being? Is it that even though you close yourself, you wish them to still hear what you share? Or do you speak about some few people who after some years you're open to them and therefore it becomes necessary? In the first you have to actually win my trust. But sometimes like I told you, I'm the one who observe and stay close. Let's see what this happens. When I spoke about the topic and I see that you listen, that you are really open to that topic, that we're like having the same vibe. I think I just in that moment I start to really open up. But not like in one moment. Not like all everything out. No. Just a little bit of in the time, you know. Right now I told you something. I don't know. I didn't eat this morning because I didn't feel really well. Then tomorrow I will say, yeah, today I really want some, I don't know, a drink that I really dreamed about last night. These kind of things. And then with time I think I really open up for real and with everything I know. Thank you so much, Andra. This was my pleasure, my privilege and such a wonderful way to understand you and to begin sharing the parts of you that maybe not a lot of people know so that they can connect to your humanity and to your soul. Not the social media impression that many people, not you specifically, but even consumers, they project some kind of aura into people they see online that makes them look like cartoons or whatever. They don't think they're real people. And therefore, thank you for this. I wish you success in your internship. I wish you the best grades in your studies. And I wish you to grow as big as you wish in your social media work, yet that the algorithm will automatically block all the haters so that you don't have to worry about that. Thank you so much for having me. This was really an honor for me. I'm really, really pleased that you helped me. And God, let's make it, right? For sure.