E275 Brenda Tabot

Hello. My name is Aziz and I'm the son of a divorced mother. She is really my superhero. That's why it's important for me to support women to share their uniqueness, their personalities, perspectives and emotions about this world. In these difficult times in human history, we need to bring the people of the world together. And when we hear the voices of women, when we listen to real lives of women from other countries, we connect our cultures without differences or stereotypes and we get inspired by their stories to live a better life. That's what this podcast is all about. My guest today is Brenda Tabot. Brenda is an Afro dancer from Cameroon, actually the very first Cameroonian girl in this podcast studying both in 12th grade and in Vancouver Island University in Canada, and she plans to become a nurse. She's a friendly person with a big personality. She loves playing rugby and getting exposed to exciting new things. She even participated in the Miss Personality Patient in Canada. Brenda, how are you today? Oh, I'm fine. Thank you. I'm happy to have you here. So excited to talk more to you. And I'll begin with this nice first question, which is, Brenda, if your friends and the people who know you best could describe your personality, what would they say about you? That's a really good question. Thank you for asking me about that. So it's also an interview I've conducted myself with my friends and also like around school. So I asked them like, if they say the name Brenda, what comes into your mind first? And some of them says energy. And some of them says a leader. I don't know where that one is from, but like some of them say it's a leader. Some of them say I'm really friendly, and I'm really open-hearted. And there's still some people who consider me as their older sister, which is really nice. And I'm really happy to hear that from others. Thank you so much. So it seems to me that people are very important to you. And since you love exciting new things, is it more about exciting new things with other people? So it's important to do it in groups like in rugby or whatever. Or do you enjoy exciting new things, even if doing it alone or you're going somewhere without friends that you know? I like exciting new things which bring relevance to my life and not only relevance to my life. I see that it's impacting other people in my life greatly. Yes. Like for example, like rugby, I never knew I could play rugby because I used to play soccer before. And then like it was a new game and I was like, yes, go Brenda, go Brenda. And then I was like, okay, I'll try it. And then I tried it. It was so good. And then like my teammates, they loved me. They gave me so many different types of names from the other opponent team. They gave me different types of names. That shows how sweet it is. Like it shows that trying new things is not even that bad at all because there's this thing that my mom always tells me is better to bear a risk than not bear a risk. And it's also riskier to not bear a risk. So like it's because many people are like, oh, rugby, I don't want to break my bones because I know some people started with me and then they ended up stopping it. Like I break my bones and stuff. I'm like, oh, I don't want to break my bones. I'm like, no, I have to try to see if I'm good at it. That's how I will know if I'll break my bones or not. And same as football, that's one big thing I want to learn. But like I like from so many other people, I heard like football is not for women. But I'm like, who tell you that what a man can do, a woman can do, even though she can do it better, but she can do it. At least like sitting out of your comfort zone is better than sitting in because who knows the calamity that might fall upon you. That's why I love doing exciting new things. And also see that impacts people in my life. Because when I did the personality pageant, personality pageant in Canada, my advocate was for confidence. Like I didn't only go into that pageant to like go like wear good clothes. My most important thing I was like to make others know, most especially in my school, that they should need to be confident. Most of the human students, some of them they don't have the confidence to like do new stuff to get exposed into stuff. Some of them they're like, oh, I'm depressed, I'm anxious. I've been like depression because like, where I'm from, it's hard to know if human child is depressed, because like, it's not like they actually neglected. It's just like it's hard to see because during the time when you're depressed, like they make like my mom, she makes sure that talks to me. She makes me like to get out of the depression. Sometimes like was I being depressed? Yes, I try to like talk to them. I use that opportunity to talk to other human students, to send a message, be confident like no matter what, like what a man can do, you can do it. Not only about a man, there are some disabled people out there. I know of a disabled man who has his PhD degree in Cameroon. Like he's blind, but he had his PhD degree. How did that happen? Like he stood out of his comfort zone. He forgot the fact that he is disabled. And he woke up, he stood up to his feet. No, I must have my PhD. And even though he couldn't walk, he like he begged, he did everything to be able to have his tuition fee to go to school. And he has his PhD degree. What about me? Why can't I do that? I'm not different from every other person. He breathes the same air that I breathe. He like he has almost every, he has like almost every like the same function in his body is the same. He has hands, like he can do it. Maybe people who don't have hands, they use their feet to do it. So why can't I do it? And so I have the confidence, I'm always confident that I will do this. When I put my mind that I'm going to do it, and boom, I do it. No you can't do this. But you know what, I did kickboxing and I'm good at it. And even though I can't continue because I have lots of school, I have work, I have like lots going on, like extracurricular activity, I couldn't continue. I had to drop that. But I showed him that I can do it. Like no matter what, I can still do it. Like there's nothing in this life that I cannot do if I don't put my head there. And if I don't have the confidence. And also like I need to be brave. Tell myself that you can do this. You are on top of the world. You rule over your world. So like you make the world a better place for you that you can stay in. So that's like, that's what I've been working on most, let me say almost all my life, because I don't want to see a fellow sister of me falling down. For example, when I see my sister sad, I feel like, you know what, it's going to be okay. Like the sad moment will come like the bad times will come. But there's a season for everything. That's what I tell her. And that's, I really like advocating confidence, especially self-confidence to younger girls like me and also to like other people. Thank you. I love the attitude, the energy and the wisdom. And to know you even more, because some people might wonder who is Brenda? Where, what is your story? How did you go from Cameroon to Canada? So can you share a bit more about your story and your background and how did you become who you are today? Okay. So my parents are not married. Like they didn't get married when I was born and my dad left for the United States. And then I was left with my mother. And then it came a time that my, because my dad moved and, you know, when you, when you change like from Africa to like the U S that's a really big move. That's like things weren't going well for my dad. So I learned how to hustle from a really, really young age. I learned how to like, like walk hard to get what I want. My mom taught me that if you want to get this, you have to work hard for it. And so that's like, my mom was selling boiled eggs and hot sauce and like, that's how we survived in it. And then my mom was selling like data, like credit. And she like did all types of part-time business, all types of small business in so that we can survive while my dad was trying to survive in his own way. And then that's how like she paid my school fees. Like she, she even like went on borrowing money. And then she told me that my daughter, I'm borrowing money when you have my grandchildren, never borrow money. That's why I don't like borrowing money today. And then she's like, you know what, work hard. And then like for me to go to school, I have to wake up early in the morning, boil eggs, because if I don't boil eggs, who will boil it? Where will I have the money to go to school? I wake up very early in the morning, try to make sure that I put all of my mom's business out. Then I go to school. And then I always told myself that since my mom is doing all this for me, I must make her proud. And like we were living on, were living on selling eggs and pre-deed and stuff. And then like when it was grade 10, grade 10 is known as a really hard, the hardest class in Africa. That is form five. In the translation, it's called form five. We have to write an exam called GCE. That is the government common entrance. So like that exam was so important to me because if I fail this exam, it's going to bring shame to my mother because everybody told my mother that you have female children. Don't send them to school. Take them, let them learn how to sew, let them then trade and stuff. And like, you know, let them then trade and just forget about them. Like I don't think they'll be able because the way younger children are growing up now, like some of them get pregnant, some of them, you know, these, that from one problem to another. But my mom said, I still have faith in my daughter. I know she's going to make me proud. And my mom still like send me to school and I wrote the GC exam. I out of 11 paper, I had all of my 11 paper and everybody in the society was shocked. Everybody came and with me because just passing that particular exam, it's, I don't like it's so important for many families in Africa, like just having that exam because they want to be proud that, oh, my son or my daughter have that exam. And I was like, yes, I must have that exam. And then when I had the exam, then my dad was like, yes, you're intelligent. Like you're my daughter. And then my dad was like, okay, I'm going to bring you here. And he brought me back. He brought me here to Canada and I'm staying with him. Even though like I didn't know him that much. He doesn't know me that much. And then we kind of like had a little bit of misunderstanding about some certain things and some certain like values and even we're fine now, but like my life has been on working hard to get what you want. You have to work hard for it. And that's what I've ever known. And that's what I will ever know. And what I'm always going to encourage others like to get what you want, you have to work hard for it. And hadn't be that I didn't have my mother to sell eggs. I didn't be that I didn't study. I wouldn't have had that exam. I wouldn't have made my mom proud and people would have been calling my mother. There's this thing in Africa that if I told my mom to be a nurse, they call her mommy nurse. Like if I told her I want to be a lawyer, they'll call her like she got that name. It's kind of like a title for her. Whenever she walk around, she brags. She's like, yeah, I have female children. She tells like, because my mom had a problem with my dad's family about her not having male children. Like it's a kind of like a thing that used to happen that like you have to have male children. My mom walks around and brags like, you know what, I have female children. They make me proud. Like she and then my dad bringing me here to like help me like improve to have like an advanced knowledge of how things work. And that's why I came here. Even though like it's been a little bit tough for me, but I'm okay now because I've already adapted to the system here and I love it. I love that too. Thank you for sharing that. And I understand that your big goal is to become a nurse. Why did you decide that? What is the plan with that? How does that relate to your big personality and even your origins from Cameroon? Why the choice of becoming a nurse? Tell me more. So originally, like I've, you know, while I was growing up, I've changed a lot of career paths and stuff. Like it's been a lot for Auntie. I finally came to this decision. I just realized that I kind of like like helping people and stuff. Like I like, I'm a kind of like a people's person. Whenever I see people happy, I'm happy when the atmosphere is like not okay. I'm not okay because I want to see a smile, a beautiful smile on people's face. So that's why I wanted to be a midwife at first. I wanted to be in the moment. You know, when you be in the moment of a birth, like you see somebody like having a new baby, newborn baby. Oh my God. That's the best moment. But I realized that that's not only the moment in life. There's some, there's some moments that like you see people like they're fighting for their life. For example, like people will have like cancer. They're like, oh my God, all is gone. Like you, me as a nurse being there, like trying to tell them that, you know what, with cancer, you can fight it. Or with HIV, you can fight it. With this disease, you can fight it. Even though I'm not a doctor, but like, you know, nurse, like when they're attending you, like the way they see other people behave and how they react. Like, I think like with that, I'm going to feel, I'm going to like try to encourage them to tell them that, you know what, you can do this. And since I'm a nurse, I kind of like know a little bit of solution or I'll try to help them in some way to advise and encourage them that they can do this. 100%. And since you love to advise and support people and you spoke about the confidence of women and you gave some tips there earlier. But nowadays, maybe because of social media, there are women comparing and girls comparing themselves to other women and feeling ugly or social distancing. Many girls maybe are not so comfortable with human interactions anymore or in general, worrying about the judgment of society. What are your tips for women to feel confident, to go after their big dreams and not feel anxiety about their looks or the judgment of others? The thing is, like the thing I will, because I look at all other women out there, like my own sisters, like I look at them as if if that was my sister, what would I have done? I always tell my sister this, forget about your looks. I don't want a man, I don't want people to tell me you look beautiful. I want people to tell me you're strong, you're resilient. That is what I would like to hear from people because that's the best thing you need to hear because telling you that you're strong, it helps you to overcome every situation you have. Telling you that you're resilient, you're transformed, it's going to help you to like to rise up from like the bad state or from like to rise from the valley you were in. Like that's why I always tell my sister like don't expect somebody to tell you look pretty and do not expect somebody to compliment on your look because the beauty is in the eyes of a beholder. So what if the the eyes of the beholder has has a problem? It means like the person tells that oh for me you don't look good. For me, I know that I look good but I just need somebody to tell me that you're transformed, you're resilient, that's it. Like that so it gives me much more confidence. Like look into yourself and and tell like most of the people have to go for beauty pageants and all of the other stuff. Like look in the mirror, tell yourself I'm the most beautiful girl out there no matter what they say, no matter what like the people tell me I am beautiful, I am strong, I am speck. Like no matter where I go I drip in glory, I have the confidence, I have to stand like over everything no matter what I'm still the best. Like when you tell yourself that you know what it'll be hard for somebody to tell you that you're ugly and you believe it because you already told yourself your mind, in your conscience, in your head you know you're beautiful. Like there's no but like for me for instance I know there's some people who think I'm not good looking, who think I'm not beautiful but I look at them I'm like I know I'm beautiful and I'm sure I will tell you that I don't need you to tell me that I'm beautiful, I need to tell myself that I'm beautiful and then I'm strong and because I'm strong I'll not let your your comment to bring me down and also like some girls like like stop like really following social media if not for me I I already stopped it I tried to build myself build my own platform view everything for me for me that is going to help me because I know that's the best way because that's that's a way that's a part that helps me to know who I am because starting a thing for me helps me to know like who I really I am who really I will be all like purpose in this life or my purpose in future so like that's why I'll tell any girl like just be confident and just know that you can do this. 100% thank you and you as someone who went like you said going from Cameroon to North America is very very different. How did you adapt to the culture? How do you feel? Did you have some culture shock? What did you go through and your advice to women who maybe for their future or for their studies they need to go to a new country and they will need to adapt away from their friends from before and the people they used to know? Okay so like it was a really big like change as you said it was the shock it was indeed a shock because um when I uh when I got here I didn't really have friends I know it was kind of like it was really hard for me to like you know when you don't know something I you don't know somebody it's hard to talk to the person like my mom always tell me like do not talk to strangers and like I'm like these people are not only strangers they're going to be my classmates and then they're going to be my schoolmates so I have to look for a way to like like have to deal with all of them and like the the things that is different like the n-word the n-word in Africa we use that we know like I knew the meaning of n-word but for me it was just a cool thing like you just use it but yeah like those that I call the friend like stop like he was Asian I was what's up I use the n-word and I was like oh you call me the n-word I was like what's the big deal and I never knew what was behind it I was like so shocked that I was like oh I'm so sorry I won't call it the n-word said no you don't need to be sorry like I won't call you the n-word I'm like okay that's fine and also like the food yeah like it tastes different like the African food yet is so different and it's so new and somehow I learned how I learned how to like adapt to other like cultures I learned how to like make like some different food and stuff which was a really good part in my life that and let me say I really enjoyed it like learning how to cook from like other cultures and other stuff like which is a really good part and my advice to other people that are going to come here or go to another country the thing is be yourself just be yourself just be who you are don't fake it because I know some people who left others other countries to come study here who are faking like the like they're faking and they literally got caught in all of the mess they created because they're faking just be yourself and if the world doesn't accept you for who you are accept you for who you are because like you're always going to be with that one special unique wonderful woman and you know what your daughter or your son is going to be your biggest number one fan you need that's what you need to know like always accept yourself for who you are before the world accepts you and always be yourself never fake things it's not okay to fake faking is not a good thing it's not a solution and that's my advice and go up to the ladies that are listening to me now thank you so much Brenda it was my privilege and my honor to include you in this podcast to share your voice your life your perspective I'm privileged I'm honored I wish you all the success there and I wish you to make it to become the nurse you dream of becoming and share all those special moments helping people in with their health and what is important to them thank you again thank you very much like I really really appreciate you like trying to where I'm from and what my beliefs are thank you thank you very much it like this podcast is a really like big thing to me and I really thank you and I really appreciate for inviting me yeah you are welcome