E236 Taylor Dalton

Hello, my name is Aziz and I'm the son of a divorce mother. She's really my superhero. That's why it's important for me to support women, to share their uniqueness, their personalities, perspectives and emotions about this world. In these difficult times in human history, we need to bring the people of the world together. And when we hear the voices of women, when we listen to real lives of women from other countries, we connect our cultures without differences or stereotypes. And we get inspired by their stories to live a better life. That's what this podcast is all about. My guest today is Taylor Dalton. Taylor is a dense instructor, a dancer, and coach from South Carolina, the United States of America. Taylor is multi-talented. She is an abstract artist, a soul singer, an anomaly lizard catcher, and of course an elite world athlete with the international pole sports federation. She was twice a national champion. She has also won third place for the 2022 Miss Health and Fitness in her magazine. Taylor is a huge advocate for therapy, as it played the huge part in her overcoming fears for competition. Taylor, how are you today? I'm great. Thank you so much for having me. I'm really excited to be here to, you know, share my story and my experience and what I'm really here to share with you guys. I'm happy. I'm honored. I'm very, very lucky and absolutely curious about you as a person. So to begin this conversation, I'll start with this nice first question, which is Taylor, if the people who know you best and love you most could describe your personality, what would they say about you? I would definitely say that I'm highly energetic. I'm very passionate about anything that I do, and anything that I put my heart in, and that I'm just very ambitious. You know, I'm always going after the next big thing, which is usually the next competition or if anything catches my eye and I find it challenging. I'm obviously going to throw myself out there and give it a go, you know. I love that and I have a question and I have a sense that this would relate to your interest with in therapy and the benefits it has, but there are many women who might have such ambitions, such as yourself, that they understand there are goals that are difficult and they need to throw themselves into the mix, but they worry they think, what if I'm not good enough, or they have anxiety, or they worry what other people will think, how do you allow yourself to pursue your ambitions without inhibitions? How did you need to overcome specific fears related to that, or do you have a mindset that pushes you forward? My mindset is definitely what pushes me forward to set myself up for life challenges, and then sometimes I'll set myself up for challenges, and I freak myself out a little bit, you know, like, oh my god, what's I just signed up for? You know, can I really do that, am I really good enough? And the answer is yes, I really can do it. I am good enough. You know, these fears that come in and to ourselves, you know, we, we, we develop these things through childhood, through trying to fit in with our friends, through trying to be the best that we can be, through trying to feel good about ourselves, and sometimes growing up we lose that along the way, and the therapy kind of helps set me up to where I can step back from trying to be perfect and trying to impress other people, and really just be proud about what I'm doing, be proud of myself, and that's really what it boils down to, is you have to be proud about what you're doing, about what you're accomplishing, and let go of your imperfections, and let go of trying to impress other people, make other people happy, and really just making yourself happy, will overall make other people happy, because you will be influencing them, and you'll be showing them the guidance and the way to do things, and you know, a lot of people tell me they're like, you know, Taylor, I don't know how you do it. I could never wake up and do the kind of a schedule that you have, because I have a very tight schedule, you know, it's seven days a week, I dance four days a week, I teach four days a week, you know, I'm a mother of an autistic boy who is also in therapy for for speech, and for occupational therapy, I took therapy myself, so I could be a good parent to make sure that I'm giving him the guidance that he needs, so I can, you know, best support him, because I'm also a busy mom, you know, I'm not a stay-at-home mom, I'm a working mom, so, you know, to find that balance is really hard, and what I always tell people when they say, I don't know how you do it, is I always remind them, look, I didn't wake up one day and just have this seven day full schedule, you know, I took it on a little bit at a time, and whenever I would freak out and feel like I was losing myself and all of my ambitions, because sometimes it is overwhelming, you know, I'm a Sagittarius full-on, so I always set myself up for really big challenges and really big tasks, and sometimes I get really tired and I feel like I'm losing myself, and I feel like I give, put too much of my plate, and then I remind myself what my mom would always tell me, she would always see Taylor, sit down, and make a list, make a list of all the things that have to be done, and then just knock out a little bit at a time, and that's always what it falls back on is, it falls back on my schedule, just doing a little task at a time, and then if I set myself up for something that's a permanent thing in my schedule, I make sure that it's an organized thing that I can do, I make sure I set myself up for the time, I make sure I'm in bed on time, I make sure I get up nice and early, I make sure I don't stay out late and do things that prohibit my schedule, and it all comes apart with growing up and being responsible really, you know, I can't set myself up for a very busy schedule if I'm out doing other things that prohibits me from doing my schedule, I have to be stay responsible and on top of it, which means I have to also find a balance for fun, and that can also be a hard time, but I make sure that I have time in my schedule that is for myself. So yes, I have a busy 70s schedule, but there's time in my schedule that is dedicated to just me time, just me time where I can either sleep, I can go and work out if I want to do an extra workout, I can get things done around the house, I can go and have some me time get my nails done, get my hair done, that time is also in my schedule, so I make sure that not only I'm setting myself up for my ambitions, but I'm also giving myself the self care that I need to take care of myself and my body and my mental health, because that's what therapy sets you up for, it sets you up for loving yourself, taking care of yourself, and making sure that you remember to appreciate the little things that you're doing, and those little things that you're doing ultimately add up to really huge goals, and that's how I keep hitting my goals, is by setting myself up with little tasks, and then making sure that I'm setting myself up to be able to complete those little tasks a little bit by little. I love that and I agree with it so much, and I'm curious as well, what is the source of your motivation and ambition? Are you a competitive person? Are you in love with your potential and seeing how far you can go, or do you want to be a role model for your son, or how is it for you that drives you and gives you that fire and are your belly to do all that and more? It's all of the above, I am highly competitive, I absolutely love, love, love to win, don't get me wrong, but I'm also highly ambitious and passionate for other people to feel what I feel with my love and passion. You know, I always say that no matter what you're doing in life, just make sure that you're passionate about something, make sure you're having some kind of a hobby, and I just so happen to have multiple hobbies, that was what really drives me, and one of them is pull sports, for example, pull sports is a really big hobby of mine, and what pushes me to do that really aside from the competition is giving people the knowledge that I know, teaching them. You know, just seeing their face whenever they hit that next trick, or if I was able to help them achieve something, it gives me that inner, let's say like, when you do sports and you win the goal and your whole team looks at you and everyone's cheering you on, like that inside fire, that's right. It feels just as good as winning a competition. You know, helping other people, that joy that you bring them feels just as good as winning a competition. So that's my thrive. So it is everything. I want to win for myself, but I also want to win for others. I want to show them that they can do it, and I also want to show them that I wasn't perfect getting there. I took therapy to get there. I was scared once. I still get scared, and I like to remind them that they don't have to be perfect. They just have to be brave. You just have to be brave. You don't have to be perfect. A good friend of mine told me that, and I've been carrying that with me ever since. And really, that's my thrive. And that's my push. And also just, you know, to bring sports to the Olympics. Now, you know, the Olympic pull sports were on our way to the Olympics. And that's also a big push of mine. You know, I'm highly dedicated to getting it into the Olympics, which we already are on our way. And I just like people to feel what we feel. You know, we feel like we're on a team. You know, I always grew up as sporty kid, but I was never on the sports team. And this is that sports team that I've never got to be on as a kid. You know, it's, it really fills that gap for me. It fills everything. It fills the competition. It fills the love and joy of giving other people with a want in life, whether it be to feel sensuality, to feel strong, or to feel the thrive to win their next competition. You know, it's all, it's all good and it's all healthy for you, really. So all of that keeps me going. That's absolutely inspiring. I love that. And you spoke about being part of a team. Well, many people talk about how amazing the pole dance community is. Can you share your experience with it or maybe even some stories from it so that people can understand the draw and what is so special about people within pole dance? Absolutely. So actually, a lot of people have a stigma, especially in America with pole dance, you know, and it's kind of for people to kind of step away and just be open-minded really because there's a lot of things that come into play with that. Yes, when it comes to pole dance, it is sensuality. It is about finding your intersectionality, but it's also more than that. It's a sport, you know, it's also, you know, finding your strength and finding who you are and what you like. You know, there's people who walk into my studio and they walk out of my studio feeling empowered. They walk in and they're not sure of their bodies. So they gain body awareness by just discovering movements. You know, there's people who come in there and they're already sporting. They have a sport background and they're eager to win. So they're eager for their next tricks and they feel empowered by learning their next tricks in the next move. And we're all here to share that same that same love of pole, you know, and what's great about pole and what brings us all together as a community is the genre. Is there so many genres of pole? I mean, there's comedy pole, there's sexy pole, there's scary pole, there's sporty pole. You can do your pole with your shoes on, your shoes off, you can, you can be six years old, you can be 70 years old, you can be small, you can be large, it doesn't matter who you are or what your body type is. You can do pole and that's what's amazing about it. And that's why there's so many people involved is because it hits so many people's hearts, you know, whether it's for the sport or if it's for the choreography or if it's to share a community with your friends, if, you know, you and your friends, you're doing Afro yoga together or if you're finding yourself alone in your bedroom and you're discovering your sensuality and you're discovering yourself in your body and you're getting comfortable with your body, you know, which is something that all women have to do and a lot of women are very uncomfortable with and pole dance, you know, a lot of people shy away because it makes them uncomfortable at first. It's, it's a weird thought. I understand, but if you let that guard down and you just give it a try, it is uncomfortable at first sometimes. But when, what is an uncomfortable when you try it for the first time, right? Everything is scary and uncomfortable in this world. Driving is scary. Dancing is scary. Your first partner is scary. Your first kiss is scary. Your new class is scary. Everything is scary in this life. And that's why it's important to just be brave and be open-minded because when you're open-minded, that's when you discover more about yourself. That's when you discover more about what you love. And of course, that's when you can discover something that you love about pole, whether it's to walk in and to learn a trick and to get your workout in, you know, which is also fantastic, by the way, people step away from the gym and they come to pole class because it's distracting. You're working out and you don't even know it because you're focused on learning your trick and you're focused on learning the choreography. And that's really why we all connect so well is because we've all, we're all these outsiders and insiders come in and we can just gather and we can all be just this one big group of different personalities that form into one thing, pole, you know, no matter what genre, no matter who you are, pole, you know, and that's what, that's absolutely why I love it. Because it can be professional, it can be sexy, it can be a group gathering, it can be a party, it can be something you do alone, anything. And that's why I think pole is for everybody. And that's why I think everyone should give it a shot and really just be open-minded towards it. Thank you. I agree with you so much and it goes back to what you said that you don't have to be perfect, but you should be brave or put your best foot forward and make yourself as brave as possible. And let's speak about therapy, although you mentioned like some of the motivating things you have discovered, but specifically, why are you an advocate for therapy? What are some of the benefits that women or girls or teenagers could expect if they go to therapy? And it's interesting that pole dance has many benefits, but it has a stigma and therapy to some people has a stigma as well. So you seem to be drawn to things that you want to lift the stigma out of all, but please tell me more about your experience with therapy and why people should use it as a tool and not shy away from it. Oh, definitely. Okay, so a lot of people think, oh my gosh, you need therapy. That means you're crazy. First of all, you don't have to be falling off the edge of the world to get therapy. I decided to get therapy when not necessarily was feeling my best, but I was definitely in a really good time in my life, but I was feeling overwhelmed. So for example, I started taking therapy because after I hit nationals, I went and I did nationals. I had a lot of pressure on my back to be this perfect athlete. You know, a lot of people look up to me because, you know, I'm self-taught polar. I had only been an elite polar for like one year, then I got into nationals and then I made to worlds. And there was just this high expectation of myself even where I was like, you know, what I have to be perfect. You know, everyone expects me to be good. And I went to nationals and I put on an amazing routine, but I was so disappointed in my routine. I was so helmet on all the things I did wrong in my routine. I remember people going up to me and they were like, oh my god, Taylor, you did amazing. You did so good. That routine was beautiful. And I remember breaking down and crying to one of my students who was there to support me. And I was like, you didn't see I messed up this. I messed up that. Like I was in tears. I was like, I did horrible. You know, like, why did I do this? And she was like, I can't believe that you're feeling this way. And she started crying. And and I, she was like, I can't believe that you don't realize how good you are up there. And, you know, and during my training for nationals and my coach, my coach, Tanya, Tanya, Chris, an awesome friend of mine who's also my coach who also got me into international pull sports, Olympic pull sports, I should say. She would give me pushups. Every time I'd say something negative, she would, she would say, all right, Taylor, you gotta do pushups because you're focusing on things that don't matter. You know, you put on something amazing. You are an amazing athlete and you should be proud of yourself. So pretty much after nationals, after putting on this great routine that I was disappointed and I still ended up making it to worlds. And I was like, there's no way I'm going to go to worlds feeling like this. There's no way I'm going to prepare. I'm going to do everything I can. And really what it is is, you know, I've loved pull for so long that whenever it came time for me to do pull as a job almost, you know, it's almost like it took some kind of a joy away from me because it then felt like a job. It then felt like the pressure was on, you know. And so I was telling my student about this, you know, about how it's having a hard time, you know, preparing for worlds because it was like I didn't love my routine anymore because I couldn't shake the feeling of nationals of messing up at nationals, you know. And so she, you know, recommended performance therapy to me. And so I began performance therapy and performance therapy helped me realize, you know, it was like I said earlier, it was time for me to let go of my imperfections and be proud of the things that I was doing. And to also prepare for those imperfections, you know, what choreography could I come up with in between, you know, where was those imperfections really boiling down to and it boiled down for me from my childhood, you know, I always wanted to fit in. I was a really big tomboy, but I was a really small tomboy, you know, that's where my, my cue is saying tiny, but mighty comes in. If you ever go on my Instagram handle, you'll see tiny, but mighty. Some there what that is really referring to is I'm tiny and I'm small, but I'm a mighty big person, you know, and I like to put my best before and I like to be considered tough no matter how small I am. And um, and that therapy really helps me let that go of just trying to please other people and to be proud of what I was doing and to go to worlds being proud of my routine. And you know, I went into nationals, you know, I wanted to win, you know, that was really what it was about. I wanted to win. And then I went into worlds thinking, I'm going to do my best and I'm going to love myself no matter what. And that was the winning mindset for me. That was what therapy helped me do. You know, and of course therapy helped me with my son as well. You know, I am not a perfect mother. I struggled being a mom to a my son who was autistic ADHD, who was my first baby. You know, I struggled with postpartum depression after he was born because I've always been highly ambitious. And then I plan to have a baby. And it was wonderful blessing. I absolutely loved having my baby boy, but then it was like I felt like I lost myself. And so I took therapy for that and that helped me gain myself and it helped me understand how to be a parent to my son. You know, how to communicate, how to play, how to be there for him and how to be there for myself and to know that I am a good mom. I am doing the best that I can. I am a good athlete. I am doing the best thing that I can. The mistakes you make in your life do not define you as a person. The mistakes you make in your routine do not define you as an athlete. You know, if you're a parent and you feel like you're struggling, that's okay. Nobody's perfect. You know, you have to remember that you're doing your best is you being a good person. You're doing your best is the best attitude to have and you should love yourself for that. And therapy is what gave me that mindset. You know, without therapy, I would not have that mindset. I would still be going into competitions thinking I have to be perfect and I have to win. No, I do not have to win. You needed to be great. We all love that, don't we? But that's not what you go into it as. You go into it being proud of what you've done all of your hard work. And if you mess up, so what? Nobody knows that you messed up in your routine except for you. So what do you do? You have choreography for that. You plan for that. And you plan for that through therapy, through coming up with a schedule, an organized schedule, which was also part of performance therapy. So whenever you feel like you're behind and what you're doing, preparing for nationals or for worlds or for whatever kind of a performance that you're doing, do you remember that you're on time and that you're on track and that you're not falling behind, that's what your schedule is for. Anyways, I love to just ramble. Sorry about that. But it's all true. And it all comes in down to therapy for me on why I am successful with my mindset that I have today. And it took performance therapy and it took therapy with my son's school, you know, just so I can realize, you know, like I said, I wanted to be perfect. I wanted to be a perfect mom. I wanted to be a perfect athlete. Well, you can't be a perfect mom and you can't be a perfect athlete. But what we can do is we can put our best foot forward and we can love ourselves for that. I love that. That's absolutely true. And such a great mindset that allows you to actually do progress forward and not get stuck in plateaus and be kind to yourself while you're evolving and developing. And on another note, many people and as well as women and teenagers, etc. I think your schedule's so packed and I know you mentioned that your mom told you to write everything and then do things one at a time or the way you built your schedule was by adding one more thing and one more thing. But physically, and I know you said sometimes you have time to yourself. How do you keep yourself having the energy that allows you to perform and to be productive a seven days per week, especially that you're dancing so much, which is exhausting and working out and all that. Do you have a specific nutrition regimen? Do you do something for rejuvenation on purpose? Do you make sure you get enough sleep or is it just that you're so motivated? You break through any tiredness and fatigue or how does it work for you? Well, luckily for me, I'm ADHD. So I am very, very active all on my own naturally. But what helps me keep up with that because I am also 30 years old now, you know, and I am not 20 years old and I do get a lot more tired than I used to be despite my mind constantly on the go. But what is important for me to keep up with my schedule, especially with my dancing, is definitely the sleep and the foods that I eat. Yes, I definitely have a sleeping schedule. I make sure that I'm in bed on time. I make sure that I'm up early on time and I also make sure that I'm getting the foods that I eat. Now, I don't have like a crazy specific diet. You know, I'm a pretty small person. So it's actually important for me to eat as much as I can so I can keep weight on my body considering all the dancing that I do do. But I make sure that the things that I am in taking are the new traditions I need. You know, my avocado is my proteins, my smoothie shakes, I make sure I get my tuna in. I just, anything that sounds healthy to me that I think I'm supposed to be having, I make sure I get it in. You know, I try not to make sure I'm skipping any meals or anything like that. So my spare time, I'm eating, I'm sleeping, or I'm cleaning. I'm always doing something. And that's what keeps my schedule successful is definitely sticking to my sleep schedule. If I miss out on my sleep schedule, then it's like a domino effect. It messes me up for the next day, which messes me up for the next day. And then it's like I have to sacrifice something in my schedule in order to play catch up if I do that. And I'm 30 years old now. So I don't really do those kind of mistakes anymore. You know, I'm so held in my schedule and making sure that I'm on time with things. And then I've gotten pretty good with it because I've been in a schedule since even, even before college in high school, I started my scheduling in high school. And after high school, which also plays a part in this is a morning person. So what played a part in this is after high school, I had, I always had jobs that were had to get up early. And then after those jobs where I didn't have those jobs or had to get up early, I was already in that schedule. And so I just fell in love with being in a morning person. And so that also plays a part in my schedule is just I've always had this one. And so it's always been able to stick with one. If you're somebody who doesn't have a schedule at all, well, then you got to start out small. But I would consider myself a pro schedule or by now, you know, so it's easy for me to pack it all in and to stick with it because I know it's important in order to make the next thing happen. That's absolutely fantastic advice and absolutely great because some people think that having a schedule will be suffocating, especially if they have ADHD, etc. Like you mentioned about yourself, but in many ways, it allows you to slowly bit by bit, build things that are absolutely incredible. And to end this on a more general note, is there something a lesson you have learned from Paul dancing that maybe people can use it in general to live better, to grow more, to face their fears and to develop and achieve more? Can you talk a bit more about anything that through that persistence you have ingrained into your mindset that helps you a lot? Absolutely. There's always a lot of people who say in their life that they never did what they wanted to do in life because they wanted to be successful on their financial and I understand that. Well, lucky for me, I always did what I wanted and I always did what my heart wanted. So when it came to a pole dance, you know, a lot of people said that dancing wouldn't get me anywhere. You know, a lot of people were like, do you love what you do? Do you really love what you do though? Like you're too pretty to be in this kind of an environment why are you here? Why do you do this? And what they're not understanding is actually it's a very empowering. You know, I'm able to take care of myself. I'm able to make my own schedule, do whatever I want. You know, I'm able to feel good about myself and really when it comes to pole dancing is like I said, let me get back to what's really important. People told me dancing would never get me anywhere. I'm sure people have heard that with their hobbies. You know, art will never get you anywhere. Basketball will never get you anywhere. Karate will never get you anywhere. Your hobby will never get you anywhere. That is a lie. Okay. You know, all the people who have told me that dancing will get me nowhere. Let me tell you what it got me. It got me two national championship trophies. It got me two recognitions for a world competition. I'm considered an elite world athlete by people all over the world. I'm a highly respected athlete here in the United States of America and all over the world as well. I represent a federation for Olympic pull sports international pull sports federation to be exact. You know, all because someone said dancing would get me nowhere. I run a studio here in Charleston, South Carolina, you know, and you know, in the future I plan owning my own studio. I'm a dance teacher out here, a highly successful dance teacher in Charleston, South Carolina. I'm a successful dancer outside of, you know, the pull studio. So to all the people who said that dancing would get me nowhere, you are wrong. They are wrong because it got me my dreams. What do you mean? I'm wrong. You know, what do you mean? Is this what I love to do? Absolutely. Pull dance is what I love to do. You know why? Because it hit all my goals. It helped me become a successful person. It showed me my dreams. It keeps me in shape. It helps me influence other people. I'm part of an amazing federation. I'm part of an amazing sport, which is on our way to the Olympics. I'm so, so proud of that part. Oh my God. It's, you can just really, you can hear the passion of my voice. You know, you can, you can hear it in my heart that pull dance is what I was meant to do. You know? And so if that hobby is something that you are meant to do, then do it. Because you know what? Everyone is being told that they can't do something by people who themselves think that they can't do it. You know, that's who's telling you. You know, those people who are telling you you can't do it are the people who they themselves are think that they can't do it. You know? And change that mindset. Show them, prove them wrong. You know how good it feels for me to look back and think I've proven so many people wrong. You know, because I stayed diligent with my passion and I knew that there was more to dance. I didn't walk into a dance studio and think, oh my God, you know, I walked in and was like, oh my God, I have to learn this. I have to do this. You know, this is going to be me. And I diligently learned that and I diligently proved people wrong that you can make your hobby and is something that you love to do every single day. You just have to go for it. You have to be diligent. You have to be passionate enough to put everything that everybody has to say about you and about what you're doing behind you and do what you love. And then people will start to see and they will start to respect you for it. I wasn't a respected athlete until after my success until after I made it to nationals. That's when people were like, you're a pole dancer. Oh, okay. And that's when they were like, you're a pole dancer and a lead dancer. That is so cool. You know, it was like I had to gain that respect first. You know, I had to get good at it first. But at the same time, that wasn't what kept me going. What kept me going is because I knew in my heart that there was more to pull dance and that there was more to what people had to say about it. And I am so damn determined. I am so determined to get people to see that there's more to pull dance than what they see. And really, I guess that's what I'd like to end it with is that there's more to life than what people have to say about you and to go for your dreams, go for your passions because you can do anything. And last, I'd like to also finish off with the Miss Health and Fitness. I had no idea. I was going to win that thing. I went into that competition, not knowing what I was getting into. You know, like I said, I set myself up for things. And then I just go for it. You know, when a time comes for it, I just go for it. That's what I did with Miss Health and Fitness. I just pushed for it and then sure enough, I won. I had no idea I was going to win. I had no idea I was going to make it into a magazine. They flew me out there. I got to share my story about pull dance and with the world, you know, and that was an amazing experience. And you know, I wouldn't have never got there if I didn't just try. And I didn't just, you know, you have to try things pretty much. But anyways, I'm rambling again. You know, it's what I love to do, but I'll let you go here. If you have any last questions for me, I'd be happy to answer them. But yeah, that's, that's me in a nutshell, I guess. Thank you so much. You already shared so many interesting thoughts that I'm sure a lot of people will be impacted by. Thank you, Taylor, for being in this podcast, for sharing your perspective, your voice, for being an important part, as well as representing the pull dance community. And again, thank you. And I wish you all the success and to keep being proud and take your support to the Olympics and beyond as ease. Thank you so much for having me. It was really such a joy to do this with you. And yeah, I'm looking forward to hearing the rest of the stories. And thanks for having me a part of this again. Take care. You are welcome.