Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 0:08
Femininity is powerful. in all its forms exceptional girls, rare girls must be appreciated in every way for their perspectives, actions, thoughts, and their unique ways of being. Such rare girls are inspiring. And this is what this podcast is all about. Hello, my name is Aziz, and my guest today is Mariia Fylyppova. Mariia is a flux alumna of 2018, and the political science and international relations bachelor's student at American University in Bulgaria, originally from Ukraine, she is currently the assistant to the
[email protected], a marketplace of developers. Mariia is a TEDxAUBG organizer, a piano player, a harp player, and a pasta lover. Mariia, how are you today?
Mariia Fylyppova 1:11
Hello, there, thank you for having me Aziz. It's such a pleasure. I'm good. And I'm just very much happy to be here to be speaking with you today.
Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 1:21
I'm privileged. I'm honored. And I'm very curious about you. So I will begin with this question. What does it mean for you to be a woman? And what is femininity? Is it actions? Is it aesthetics? And a look? Is it an energy? How would you describe it? And what makes you feel like a woman?
Mariia Fylyppova 1:45
Wow, that's a very nice question. As far as being a woman, I would think that it just encompasses so many qualities and characteristics, both feminine and masculine. And when you ask about femininity, I would think that is a states of a person. And his emotional brother has emotional state and the energy that one projects to the others.
Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 2:21
Thank you. And to go even more, because that's a very general question and very generous as well. what's common between being a piano player for you, a heart player, and a pastor lover? Is it emotions is it sensations, visit experiences that are new, or that make time stop? What's for you the commonality that make these something special,
Mariia Fylyppova 2:53
I would think that in all of these activities, it's the energy that I produce and the energy that I'll receive from these activities when engaging in them. Because I think when when you engage in activity that you love, you, first of all, you project some sort of calmness, and you also receive the energy to feel empowered to feel like you want to do things and you want to explore things. So I would think that all the hobbies that I have, they definitely give me more power that I could later on use in my studies and my work, and in general, just being a human being.
Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 3:41
Thank you. And to understand you even more from another facet, why international relations? How did the choice come to be and what motivated?
Mariia Fylyppova 3:53
Well, international relations came about when I travel to the US for my exchange here as a flex students, and it's been there a year, living in host fumbling and going to the school and just seeing how it's quite interesting how you can be from another culture yet share so many things with the person from another part of the world. And when I came back to Ukraine, it was also interesting how I myself was a Ukrainian, but I just spent just a year in the US. And coming back it was sent like I was a partial, a different person. That's why international relations would be such a field, which just has so many factors of human communication, which I'm quite passionate about. And I would think that studying Bulgaria is also part of the journey to realize how them community communication evolves. Because in Bulgaria, it's The culture itself is sort of similar in many ways to Ukrainian culture, yet I'm studying in American University, which also is sort of similar to the experience I had in the US. But it's also different. So it's quite interesting how it can be just so versatile. Yet. The core of international relations is the communication.
Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 5:28
Tell me more? How does that relate to exchange of energy, which is similar to your favorite activities? Is it with people that you love that exchange of energy, and the way you give or share your energy is with communication? And the way you receive? It lets you learn and notice the similarities. And the differences, or is this a totally different sphere, with its own preferences role than enjoyment?
Mariia Fylyppova 5:58
I think if we're talking about national relations as a field, I would think that it relates in so many ways to just day to day communication, because it is communication, but just on another level, whether it's diplomatic, whether its political, whether it's economic. But when we go to the core, again, it's still communication. And it's that empathy and sympathy you have for the person that you're talking to. And it's being able to see the perspective from their side, and understand why they make certain decisions, the way they make them. And yet, also project your perspective and just find the common ground, which is something that exchange programs teach you in a way that you should find common ground with a person. And there are just so many ways, so many levels that you can do that. That based on like personal preferences, or some activities that you've shared in the past some backbone, some similar backgrounds, but also just wanting to understand the person in the first place.
Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 7:20
Thank you. And if there are situations like, for example, the war in Ukraine, where it's very difficult or impossible or unlikely to find common grounds, what are your thoughts on? What could be? Or what could happen? Or how can communication or that level of international relations as a communication or diplomacy, help with that, if at all?
Mariia Fylyppova 7:49
I think that's a very good question. Because when you when we consider the case of the word Ukraine, especially when I myself being a Ukrainian, it's quite hard to distinguish the emotional part of the perspective, rather just analyzing the situation. So I would think that the part of the negotiations would definitely be the other side accepting and acknowledging the responsibility that they had. Because I think that's what enables the communication in the first place, is the realization that both sides had have responsibilities have some beauties. And if one of the sides did something wrong, it's quite important to acknowledge that. And it's not only in the matter of saying, I am sorry, but rather saying I apologize, because it's such a big difference. Rather than saying, I'm sorry, it's just the other person does not to feel it as much. But when the person says, I apologize for that for like, some specific action, and also trying to make the other person forgive. It's I think that's what's very important, and I would consider that to be a crucial part of the negotiations on diplomatic level.
Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 9:18
Thank you. And you can you share your story of that first day of war first week first experience? How did you take it? How did it change you as a person? What happened? What Where were you and how does it make you feel?
Mariia Fylyppova 9:37
Looking back? I remember that. I on the 24th of February, I woke up from a text from my friend who is from KF who texted me that the war has started. And the next text was from my dad who said that the gap word that is just 15 minutes away from my city has been bombed. And the feeling that I got was that whatever I had, in my mind, whatever picture whatever safety, whatever feeling of security that I had, it just vanished all of a sudden, because it was the first day, so there was no understanding how, how big it can be in a way, because you just see the news that all over Ukraine, there have been some bombings, attacks, showings. And it's just the feeling when you go to sleep, and you just cannot fall asleep, because you feel anxiety that you don't know whether you're gonna wake up tomorrow. And there is still such a country as Ukraine, which is weird, which is something that I would think that, you know, it's something from the movies, I would never think that I would sort of relive it. But it's just, it's that feeling of anxiety and not knowing that, despite me not being in Ukraine, physically, because I'm studying Bulgaria, and at the time of the start of the word, I was in Bulgaria, so although it doesn't affect me directly, it's the feeling of the security that you have, the security of your family is the security of your friends that enables you to go with your day to day life. But when that vanishes, it's also your personal life that is affected, and you just cannot go as it was before.
Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 11:39
Thank you. That's something absolutely emotional. And it's an experience that changes a person forever. And I hope, you know, your diplomacy and international relations skills help you with that, in many ways, you know, this situation going on? And all that? What is your perspective on it? Do you think the war will end soon? Do you think it will keep on going for a long time, if it happens to keep going and the people who are invading or the invaders or Russia will keep on destabilize and Ukraine for a while and all that? What could be a plan and for you? Do you believe a lot of Ukrainians if that happens, we'll still return to Ukraine or because they started new lives abroad? Well, they will continue to be abroad, making Ukraine have a brain drain honestly,
Mariia Fylyppova 12:42
I think speaking in that perspective, I would have two sort of attitudes as a Ukrainian and as a political science, science bachelor, because I mean, future bachelor, not yet. But because as a Ukrainian I would, I believe that the word will end soon. However, as a political scientist, and simply because I've taken the course on foreign policy of Russia, I understand a little bit more of the background of them. Policy station in the Russian Federation, therefore, understand that there are resources that are put to a certain goal, the goal has to be achieved. And it's, that's that is something that bothers me, because I am not sure how far the Russian leadership is willing to go to achieve it. And what we have seen so far, that they are pretty risky, that they are unpredictable in ways because there are so many people who debated whether the war will start in the first place. And there was still some sort of understanding that the word can not just happen in the 21st century, and dead. And it's, it's just that you own by observing the patterns in the past. It just doesn't predict the future, although it is one of the ways of analysis and politics is simply observing the patterns. Yet this case proves that it's just not true. You cannot just look at the past and say, Well, this is what's going to happen because there are so many factors in bolt. And that's why I would think that there is a chance especially seeing the progress the Ukrainian army has made by today, and the political changes that are happening in the Russian government. I think that they're finally there is some sort of realization in Russian government that this war is not particularly something beneficial to the Russian course of action, yet. It's them people who shape the politics and from what we've seen so far For the rational leadership considers it to be rational but not rational in common sense in the sense of common people when we think that something is rational meaning like, you do the cost benefit analysis, but meaning rational that there is a goal, and it has to be achieved through any means. So, I would want to believe and I want to believe, and I believe that the war ends soon, yet there are just so many factors that does not that do not particularly depend on, on Ukrainians, unfortunately.
Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 15:37
Thank you. And it's a very deep topic. And as well as you as a metaphor, you're a person, but you're your own country, your own personality, where your communications with other people is your own personal relations or international relations. If you were to describe your personality, what would your friends say about you? How would you describe yourself? What makes Maria Maria?
Mariia Fylyppova 16:07
Oh, that's a very good question. I would want to believe that my friends would describe me as responsible, mature, supportive, and empathetic, as well as intelligent,
Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 16:25
thank you. And if you're responsible, mature, intelligent, and all that, and I hope that doesn't put you in categories, I'll ask you more about a behavior. Let's say you meet people, maybe it's a guy that you like, or a girl or anybody. Do you have you ever experienced instant chemistry where you felt, you know, such a person for a long, long time that you've known each other forever? And it was easy and smooth from the beginning? Or are you always thinking, analyzing, observing, and you need a lot of meetings before you open up to any person at all,
Mariia Fylyppova 17:09
thinking on that topic, I would think that both of those ways are acceptable. And both of them are possible. In my situation, I have experienced instant connection with a person. And as we just say, it just clicked there was it seemed like I knew the person for so many years. And we had so many things to discuss, and I emotionally felt safe and secure to be vulnerable with them. Yet. Another possibility is when you don't have that in some connection yet, through the meetings through getting to know each other you become closer yet, I think in that case is when you drift apart for some time, you know, beatification D is a whole day bit, whatever. When you meet again, it again takes you time to get close. Whereas when you have that instant connection, no matter how much time you've spent apart, when you meet again, you just have that instant connection that just you just don't have to spend so much time getting close to the person again, which is amazing, which is one of the things that I appreciate and people when I meet them
Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 18:24
is that for you, like the most important thing that makes everything so special, or is it for you to develop trust, you need to have similar opinions, similar values, similar personalities. So if you had to choose for the rest of your life, only meeting people who you have instant connection with, but they're not really similar to you, or you meet people who are absolutely similar values, responsible, intelligent, all that, but you always need time to develop that connection. Which one would be a happier life for you?
Mariia Fylyppova 19:03
Wow, you're putting me in such a hard position. Um, if I may, I would say that it's not possible to have a connection with a person and have different values, because I think when you have the connection, you have a connection based on something, right? So it's either the values, it's either the background, or it's either the chemistry that you have, so it's something you know, the energy. And again, it's based on something particularly whether you're attracted physically whether in there are some sort of characteristics that you're attracted in the person, but I value the feeling of being understood a lot. And such a feeling can be can be experienced with people who share the same values. So if I were in such a difficult position to choose between a certain connection In and similar values, I would go with similar values simply because it's, it is important to have that connection, yet at the same time, it is quite frustrating when the person does not understand you, and when you feel like they just cannot see things from your perspective. So I will just have to go with that.
Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 20:22
Thank you, I understand exactly what you mean. And in the beginning, when I asked you about femininity, you said, it includes so many characteristics, even masculine kind, in men, because I had guests here, for example, one, she said, I like feminine men, because it makes me feel confident and powerful. And therefore I don't feel my insecurities, while another one or others that I like very strong and masculine men that are stereotypically masculine, because then I feel vulnerable in a good way. And I feel protected and feminine. Which one are you? And how can you explain it in a way that? Why is it that way? For you?
Mariia Fylyppova 21:08
Oh, that's a good question. I would think that, I would like to experience the feeling of security, both emotional and physical. Therefore, I from the experience, I see myself to be more attracted to masculine men. However, it is also quite essential for me to see that the the guy can be vulnerable, and which is sometimes a difficulty for because of the stigma that exists in the society that men cannot be vulnerable or cannot express their emotions. That's why it's something that puts me off. So I would say that there has to be a balance in a way.
Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 21:57
Thank you. And then to ask you, because you spoke about this. And it's very important. And I agree with you and everything you said, but let's say something, there is a guy who's similar to you, he's responsible, he's intelligent, and all that. But as you like that exchange of energy and emotions, maybe he's not so emotionally exciting, or maybe boring, compared to some bad boy who's a risk taker and full of emotions and excitement and all that. Which one would you choose? And why would the other be wrong for you? Or is it your brain controlling your instincts?
Mariia Fylyppova 22:37
Wow, you're, again, I have to choose. Um, as you can see, I'm not the person who particularly likes to make choices. But if I have to, I would think that I would be more comfortable with a guy who is a risk taker, because there is something that is attracted, that is attractive in people who are opposite of us. But I'm not, I don't mean it in a way that are complete opposites. But rather, there are some certain traits that we lack in ourselves. And when you see that in the other person is as if I want to develop that trait in myself as well. So I Yes, I would say that I would be attracted. So like a risk taker. Boy,
Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 23:23
thank you. And you mentioned you don't like to make decisions. So if you're like a man, do you like him constantly? Or are you always like, Maybe yes, maybe no, maybe? Yes, maybe no, I can choose I can decide and all that. Tell me more about it. And how does it work inside your brain? Because maybe it's different men can have consistent things where they have clarity and think, Oh, yes, I like this girl. 100% or I don't like this girl. 100%. So tell me about you?
Mariia Fylyppova 23:54
Well, I would think that I, I would be certain in the guy who I like and why I liked him. Because from experience, I would see that. If I liked the person, I mostly go full N O N, meaning, I don't really have any doubts whether I like the person or I don't like the person. It's more like it's a sign to me if I have the doubts, if I start doubting, and if I have to, you know, bring up the arguments and the they have some sort of evidence. I think that's a sign that I'm not sure and that's not particularly for me, that person or the situation or anything, because it's sort of a life hack that I've developed over the past year, that if I want something if I truly like something or someone, I don't need to be persuaded. I just like it and As if, in my head, I start coming up with the arguments, or the persuasions, or that's a sign. That's that's not, that doesn't click with me.
Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 25:10
Thank you, that was absolutely clear, and a great life hack, as you mentioned. And let's, in the end, or almost before we speak about touch, some girls, especially from Ukraine, there is of course, like the thing where they think they're smiling, some of them but they have a bitch face. I don't know if it applies to you. And another thing is Dutch, that they say, well, we're not really have this touch culture in Ukraine, there are not a lot of hugging in the families and all that. So even if they like a guy, if he touches them too intimate, it too intense. And therefore they might not like it while others, they say I need to feel his touch and energy so that I fully experience him as a person to know if it's my person. And if we have that chemistry, which one are you and why
Mariia Fylyppova 26:06
I would completely agree with what you're saying about smiles and the witch face, because it's, it has happened to me as well when I traveled to the US. And as you may know, the American culture is quite friendly and welcoming. And it's one of the things that people tend to smile quite a lot. And what I'm more I was coming in from Ukraine. So I didn't particularly have that as a habit to smile to strangers all the time. And people considered me quite rude and unwelcoming, simply because I wasn't smiling all the time. So I've learned that. But actually, it's also nice to know that once you smile a lot, you actually feel more confidence, as well as more positive. But as for touch, I would, I can see why it can be intimidating, or why it can be a bit too much for some girls, because I used to be that way as well. And I would have to make sure that there is some sort of emotional connection first, before the touch because the touch the physical touch can sort of spooked me at first, which if I'm not sure whether I feel comfortable emotionally with a person, the physical touch can even determine even more, and I'm not going to be as excited to engage in the conversation. So I would rather make sure that actually enjoy talking to the person first, that I feel comfortable expressing my emotions. And in case there is some sort of touch. And something else, I would feel free to say that I don't feel comfortable. Or I would encourage and indoors and say, Oh, that's great, or like, you know, and I would also reciprocate the actions with kisses or hugs or simply a touch.
Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 28:12
Thank you. But isn't that contradictory? Where you said your life hack is? If you need to be convinced or anything, it means it's not correct. Because you said now that maybe you need more time to be sure that I know that but before you said, if you need to be sure it means it's no.
Mariia Fylyppova 28:33
Oh, well spotted. Yes. Last thought a contradiction. Um, it's just that, you know, as we talked about, because there are some people that you just have the instant connection and there are some people that you don't have that instant connection. And although you might not have the distance, the instant connection with the person, it's, it's not going to be a factor in just stopping talking to them or communicating. So with the people that I don't particularly feel comfortable, instantly, both emotionally and physically, I would just need a little bit more time getting to know them. And I think the next step would be the physical touch.
Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 29:13
Thank you, Maria. You're very fascinating. Very interesting. I learned a lot from this very enriching conversation. And I wish you peace, success, and Slava Ukraini.
Mariia Fylyppova 29:30
Heroyam Slava! Thank you so much as always for having me. That was a pleasure. Thank you for thought provoking questions, and I appreciate you putting the effort and the time in making such a great podcast about the girls.
