Episode Transcript
Hello, my name is Aziz and I'm the son of a divorced mother. She's really my superhero.
That's why it's important for me to support women to share their emotions, their personalities,
perspectives and uniqueness. Too many women in this world feel alone. They worry about the judgment
of others and they struggle with their mental health. But when they listen to the Rare Girls
podcast where empowered women share their voices and tell their stories, many women will feel
inspired to live a life of freedom and to overcome all their insecurities. They will
feel supported to find their confidence, to remember their unique beauty and to feel
their self-worth. And they will feel connected to a sisterhood of rare girls who encourage their
success and support their dreams. That's what this podcast is all about. My guest today is
Anna Maria is a 21 years old Ukrainian girl and a political science student in Komenius
University in Bratislava, Slovakia.
Anna Maria likes dancing, playing ukulele, sometimes singing, and when she has the right
mood, she writes poems.
For her, hobbies are the way to be alone and just have a rest from her daily life.
Anna Maria started three months ago sessions with a psychotherapist,
which she believes is an important thing for everyone to do.
Anna Maria, how are you today?
Thank you. I'm fine. And you?
I feel blessed. I feel honored and happy to have you here
and very curious about you as a woman and as a person.
So I'll begin with this nice first question.
Anna-Maria, if your friends and the people who know you best
could describe your personality,
what would they say about you?
I only want to say thank you
for this opportunity to be here.
And my friends will tell you that I'm kind,
I'm nice, I'm a clever person, pretty girl.
They definitely would say that I'm really sensitive and I'm a really empathic person.
And when you see me on the street, you will see a smiling girl.
Thank you for that.
I love it.
And I want to begin directly into the important questions, which is you doing psychotherapy
and believing that's very, very important for everyone to do.
Can you speak about how you felt before starting it?
When did you decide to do it?
Why did you think about some worries
that other people will judge you for that?
And how was that experience?
As I said, I'm really sensitive person
and I felt it from my childhood.
And it was really difficult years in a school when you are changing and your friends are changing.
And it's difficult to maintain these relationships with others and your body changing.
And it was difficult to me to understand that I am OK.
When your parents said, like, you're getting a little bit fatter than you were, it's difficult
to me as a 14-year-old girl to understand why and why it is important to say me.
And it was really hurting me.
So I felt alone a long time.
And I think, I don't know actually now,
is it was a depression or something like that,
but I felt really bad.
And I had an anorexia this years and I had self-harm
because I didn't find other way to express
this pain inside of me.
So when I grew up, and now I had a lot of problems because the main thing is a war in Ukraine.
So it was like the point of why I decided to start this work with psychology.
So now I feel like I'm not alone and I'm okay and I'm not alone with these problems and a lot of people have it.
And actually there are a lot of ways to decide it.
And it's okay to ask people for help like my friends, my parents and others.
And actually, I know that is, I don't know how in other countries, but in Ukraine, it
is like something strange to start work with a psychologist, because people think like,
I'm not insane, I don't need it.
But it is okay.
It's like you go to the other doctors when you feel pain in your body.
So it's okay to go to psychologist.
And I advised to my friends to start to work with psychologists and a lot of them did it.
So I think, and it is my point of view, like if you need it, you should try because you will find a lot of ways out of your problems.
And life is getting more easy, actually.
I love that. And that's very, very important.
And you said that you were hurt a lot psychologically throughout your life
and you needed to overcome self-harm, et cetera.
Can you speak a bit more about, in your experience, maybe only about Ukraine,
how common was that within girls?
Do you feel is it mostly because some people,
uh they bully them somehow or say mean things. Is it even Instagram and when they see girls who
look much more pretty than them and they think oh my god I'm so ugly I will nobody will love me
all that like can you share because you shared about a bit about your story and I want to hear
more but is it only you or is there something happening to many girls nowadays maybe the
also is making a lot of girls suffer from mental health issues and that's why
also you recommend psychotherapy. Yes, actually a lot of girls. I know at least
three of my close friends who are anorexic and when I find it, it was
really surprising because there are a lot of pretty girls. They are really
interesting, really beautiful. And it was like strange why you
do this, why you have these problems. And a lot of a lot of
Ukrainian girls, yes, and now I'm living in Slovakia, I think
Italy, it is a little bit different situation here, like
in Ukraine. But I think the main point is Instagram. Yes. As
said, because we see beautiful bodies, we see beautiful girls, and but it doesn't mean that
they look in real life the same. And it is, I think it is really important to say to little
girls and boys, it's not only about girls, that you are okay, like you are normal, you have normal
body and everything works that way that it should. So don't think like I should be prettier because
it is life is not about it. It's not the main thing in your life. Thank you. So if I understood
you correctly, even girls that you thought are very pretty did not feel self-confident, they
did not feel beautiful and it was even in their mind they were not feeling worthy and they
having anorexia, etc. Is this correct? Yes, yes. They were my close friends, so I know it.
I know it for sure. Thank you. And as a dancer, do you believe that dance could be part of the
healing process? That when a woman dances or a girl, she connects with her body,
she falls in love with how her body can move, and so she can see the value of herself outside
of the Photoshop pictures?
Or do you find that it's so deep,
the mental traumas that even dance cannot help it
and really you need psychotherapy more than anything.
Even dance is not making a big difference.
I think it depends to a person.
Like I know some girls who,
which are like going through it and forget about it.
Like it was in an early age, like in a 14, 16 years,
And now they're okay.
But some girls have really mental issues and they need to go to specialist and do something
with it.
Because dancing is a good way.
I think it is a part of healing.
It's not the main thing.
And for sure it will help.
and like for me and I see different girls with different body and they are dancing and as you
said fell in love with with them and it is so great and wow I actually feel happy every time
when I go dancing for me it's like it's like it's it's a way I can be myself and and I don't have
be shy and I don't have to be perfect. I do what I do and it's cool. Thank you. And you don't live
in Ukraine now anymore. You needed for the last years to adapt to a new society, a new culture.
How was that adaptation? And in that time you didn't yet begin psychotherapy. Did you feel
it was even harder to be away from your friends,
from your family when you are a girl
who had to overcome mental health issues.
How was that experience for you?
Actually, I want to say that it was easier
than I thought because I changed everything around me.
And it was like, like I can breathe now
because nobody knows me and I can be myself and I can find new friends. I can find new me.
And it was actually great because in Slovakia, there are different people, not like in Ukraine.
Maybe the difference is they don't look at you like you should be that way, because in Ukraine it is.
And for me it was some kind of freedom, because I was here alone and I started a new life with myself.
So it was much easier than I thought.
Thank you. And I love that you mentioned that you struggled with some people thinking about
you, that you should be a specific way, their expectations. Some girls, even some women,
they have that in mind where they want to go for their big dreams, which is out of
their comfort zone, but they worry, what if I make a mistake? What if I do something
wrong? And then people will think, we told you, we told you not to do it. Or
they think, oh, we always knew you're not smart
or anything like that.
And therefore the judgment of those people
stops those women from living to their potential.
What's your advice to them?
Yes, I am as a girl who feels pressure all the time.
And my advice is you are a main character in your life.
Don't listen to other people
because they don't know what to do in their lives. Who are they to tell you what to do in your
life? So when you started to hear yourself, when you started to be your best friend,
life is getting easier because you are the only one, like you are the only one for yourself,
You should be. And do whatever you want. Try. Make mistakes. It's okay, because it's life.
And everybody makes mistakes. So you should try everything for me. I think you should try.
And just be happy. The main goal is to be happy and feel free.
Thank you. And before we get, because I want to also ask about your experience with the war in Ukraine and the whole situation, but before that, I'm curious about something.
You as a girl who has suffered from self-esteem issues, from feeling that you're not beautiful enough, that your body is not good enough, that you needed to not eat or suffer from anorexia.
When it comes to dating, let's say there is a guy that you liked or a boy or whatever,
and he thinks you're beautiful.
How does that work within your psychology?
Do you resist that and think, oh, he doesn't know what he's doing and you feel extra
shy if he thinks you're beautiful?
Or did you use it as a positive saying to say, at least he thinks I'm beautiful,
so I'm beautiful?
Because there are women who is the opposite, that they will hate positive compliments
if they don't feel good self-esteem and therefore they create a kind of relationship where they lose
that relationship in the end because they don't accept to be happy because they have so much
trauma and mental health. What's your perspective on this? Firstly, it was difficult to me to
understand it. Like I thought he's just kidding, he's just he wants to make a compliment for me
So it is nothing or he loves me, so it's okay.
But then I had a boyfriend who tells me every day
that I'm pretty, that I'm good enough,
that I'm clever and I'm smart and I'm worth it
and et cetera and et cetera.
And I'm really, really thankful for him
because when you hear it every day,
you start believe in it.
And now I'm that person who tells me every day that I'm pretty, I'm good enough, and I'm clever.
And it works, actually. And I think that women, they are so critical to yourself, themselves.
And it's so big problem because you like lost a lot of things when you just think like,
I did something wrong or I should I shouldn't say that or I look bad today and you spending
whole life in your head actually and it is it's wrong you should believe in yourself first and
second, the people who love you, they won't say anything like for bad, to make bad for you.
So you should you should be more polite, I guess. Thank you for that. I really appreciate all your
insight and your support and ideas that come from real life experience and to move a bit
because you said one of the things that made it even more important for you to go to psychotherapy was the war in Ukraine.
Of course, it started in 2014, but there was the February 24th invasion.
How was that day for you? Did you believe it? What happened? What news did you hear?
How did your emotions change? Were you in Ukraine or you were at your university in that time far away
and you're worried about your family,
share your story so that people can imagine
that period for you.
When war begins, I was in Bratislava in Slovakia.
I was studying.
I remember the day I woke up really early.
I don't know why.
I just don't know why.
And I look at my phone and I saw a lot of messages
and I talk about it, about war,
and I feel stress. So it was early morning and I read a message from my friends who said like
they are in Kiev and I live in a small city near Kiev like in 20 minutes and I actually
I didn't know what to do. I'm just sitting in my bed and I told my friend, I live with her,
that the war starts. And actually it is so difficult to understand it because
in the 21st century, how is it possible to start a war? And we're just checking messages,
checking the situation, checking news about it. It was terrible. It was actually terrible.
And I called my mom a lot of times in a day because she was there in Ukraine. And actually,
it is difficult because you don't know what to do with your stress. Like everything you can do
is just checking the news, that's all.
And if somebody doesn't answer me,
I was like, oh my God, oh my God, I don't know.
I don't know what happened there.
And it is what my psychologist told me,
like it's even more harder
because people who live in Ukraine
and are in this situation,
they do something, like they run, they hide,
they move to another city or etc. And when you just check in news, it's difficult because
you do not do something with it. So in a few months I came to Ukraine in summer and I saw
my favorite gift and I saw people who studied to live with it and they do great, I guess,
because I don't know actually how it was in the first days.
Thank you so much Anna Maria for sharing your voice, your story in this podcast.
I appreciate you giving your real life journey
and experience with other people and other women.
I wish you all the emotional balance, happiness,
freedom, success to you, to Ukraine
and everyone that you love.
Thank you so much for participating.
Thank you so much for this opportunity.
Thank you so much for opportunity to speak about it.
It is a great job and thank you for your podcast.
You are welcome.
Thank you so much.
