Episode Transcript
Hello, my name is Aziz and I'm the son of a divorced mother.
She is really my superhero.
That's why it's important for me to support women to share their uniqueness, their personalities,
perspectives, and emotions about life.
Too many women in this world feel alone.
They worry about the judgment of others and they struggle with their mental health.
But when they listen to the Rare Girls podcast where empowered women share their voices and
tell their stories, many women will feel inspired to live a life of freedom and overcome
all their insecurities.
They will feel.
It is a safe space to find their confidence to remember their unique beauty and to feel
their self-worth, and they will connect with the sisterhood of rare girls who encourage
their success and support their dreams.
That's what this podcast is all about.
My guest today is Gloria Staravoitava.
Gloria is a girl from Belarus who has been living in Vilnius, Lithuania for
last 1.5 years. Gloria studied custom service and then finished her master's degree in marketing
in Belarus. Now she's working as a marketing specialist for an online trading platform.
Gloria is very passionate about dancing. Her entire life she has been looking for a dance
style that makes her feel is perfect for her.
And this is how she started doing social dances such as salsa, bachata, and kizomba.
Last year, she fell in love with bachata and focused mostly on it.
Dancing helps her to express the feelings she cannot put into words.
Gloria is very empathetic and a sensitive person.
So about a year ago, after she found out she had depression,
she started to practice self-love.
Her biggest wish in life is to be happy,
and she's convinced that every person on this earth
deserves that, but happiness starts inside of you.
Gloria is happy to be able to share her voice,
her story, because it's important for her
to inspire others to start their own path to happiness.
Gloria, how are you today?
How is this?
I'm happy to join.
I'm very good today.
Thank you.
How are you?
I feel blessed.
I feel lucky.
I feel very excited to know more about you.
So I'll begin with this nice first question,
which is if your friends and the people
who know you best could describe your personality,
what would they say about you?
Uh, so I, the most often thing that I hear from my friends about me is that I'm very
sensitive and wise person and, um, I'm very proud of it because I'm, I'm really working
on it, uh, on, uh, accepting that part of me, but I'm so lucky that I have these
qualities in me.
And, uh, I think that it helps me in life a lot as well.
So I think that they're right.
And at the second point, they say
that I'm a very strong person because I
can work under pressure or doing something.
In some difficult situation, I've always been so focused
and I can solve everything.
But I think that's another point.
But I'm also proud of this quality of me.
So I think that my friends are really happy
that they have me as a friend
and I'm happy that they have my friends as well.
That's great.
I really, really love that.
And it makes me ask many questions.
You as a woman who has been very sensitive
but also knows how to be strong.
How can you explain that to other women
or even teenage girls who feel very sensitive
but they get hurt again and again
And so they avoid doing all of that.
What I mean is, how did you become strong?
How did you find the strength?
And what is your advice to other women and girls
to be strong in the same ways?
I think that nobody teaches us how to be strong.
We just, you know, get in some situations
and then we have to solve the question, the problem.
Then we have to figure out how, where we are,
what we have to do.
And yeah, sometimes you just do something just because you
feel like you have to do that.
And at that moment, you don't ask yourself,
am I strong or am I weak now?
You just do something.
And just reflecting and realizing after it passed,
you can say that I was strong in that moment.
And I think that every person is strong.
But at some point, some people maybe don't know that,
or they have, like, you can only discover
that in a difficult situation if you're strong or not.
But we all have our own limits,
and I cannot say that some people are more strong
or less strong.
We all that strong as we were made from the nature.
So I think that every person has this power inside,
which is moving us forward, no matter what happens.
I agree 100% and you mentioned,
I mean, I even said it in the introduction
that you discovered you were dealing with depression.
Just to explain a bit more your experience,
how was it for you the difference
between feeling depression and being a sensitive person
who has been hurt a lot?
How do you describe that?
What are you doing about it? How are you practicing self-love as well?
Okay, let me start with that part of being sensitive, because I think that's a very important point for me and maybe for some other people as well.
My whole life I thought that being sensitive, so sensitive as I am, it's my disadvantage.
uh and because like I heard a lot of time that no you should take it easy you know like you have
you don't have to overthink you should just relax and do this and that and I thought that
something is wrong with me the people who said that to me that I should take it easier they
like you know said the the thought that I'm I'm not right that I something is wrong with me
And I really tried to get rid of being so sensitive.
And of course, it didn't feel good for me
because this is who I am.
This is how I am.
So at some moment, I just got into therapy session,
psychotherapy session, and I started to do therapy.
And my therapist, she even didn't talk to me about that.
She just showed me with her own example
that being sensitive, it's a gift. It's a really big gift
that I have and other people have. Because this is how you
how you connect to this world through your feelings. This is
how you how you understand what is happening around you and
inside you. So she just started, you know, very gentle
to show me that being sensitive can be my advantage. I
have to recognize that. I just have to acknowledge that. And yeah, that can work for me. Actually,
this is how I started to feel that being sensitive, that's nothing bad with me.
And about depression, it was a really hard year for me because I made a lot of
really important decisions in my life. I finished my master's degree, I got married, I moved
to another country, I left my whole life in Belarus, so my friends, my family, my parents,
everything. I just left and moved to another country where I didn't know anything, even
the language. I don't know the Lithuanian language, so that was a big problem for
I mean, psychologically, because you have to start your life all over again from zero.
And this is like, I know a lot of people who moved to another country. And some of them,
you know, like they're going through that not so like that. It's not so complicated for them
to adapt in another country for some of them, you know, like they got really bad in like
mental condition or something. But everything is when it happens to you. It's like, you know,
It's normal. Because this is how you go through that. It doesn't mean that you have to go through that like your friend does or like anybody else. You have your own way. So I just started to feel really, really bad and really, you know, like unsafe and
I don't know how to explain it.
That was so many feelings at that moment
that I felt really lonely.
I didn't do anything.
I get angry very often because, you know,
like when they went to the shop for shopping,
I couldn't even read any, you know,
like whatever it is, like the products or something,
I could not understand what I'm buying.
So, and that was so annoying.
And so, you know, like really,
This was a disaster for me.
And after a few months, the war in Ukraine has been started.
And I have a lot of friends, and some of my family members
are there, and some of family members of my husband
are also there.
And I got so stressed because of that,
because I wanted to help them.
I wanted to support them.
And that was so, so, you know, emotionally damaging for me what's what's what started. And yeah, just at one day, I woke up. And I realized I cannot go through that anymore without any help. I just you know, I couldn't even get up from that in the morning. Like I couldn't take a shower. I couldn't cook. I couldn't do anything. I couldn't work at all. I couldn't like I didn't want anything.
didn't want to sleep. I was, you know, like when you're bored of life and you feel like
nothing brings joy to you. But at the same time, you have, you don't have the physical
energy for doing something. So you're completely exhausted, like inside and like your body
is also exhausted. So yeah, and I went to the doctor and because I didn't know
that it's depression.
I just felt that something is wrong with me
and I went to the doctor and she told me
that it looked like you have depression.
And I started to take the antidepressants
and what I want to say,
maybe someone is going through the same right now.
Taking the pills, it's okay,
but it doesn't help you to solve your inner problem.
you still have to have to deal with your feelings. So pills, antidepressants, they support you
physically just a little bit to give you that missed energy to do something, to take a shower,
to eat, to, I don't know, go for a walk or whatever it is. This is how it supports your
body. But still you have to pay attention to your feelings, how you feel. And this is the
how you can get rid of it. So now I'm taking the pills for more than more than one year. And yeah,
I, I feel like, you know, step by step, like, sometimes I feel like I'm moving back and then
I'm moving forward. And then they're like, I'm on the same place and I'm not moving at all. But
every day I try to do something for me to feel better. It can be a simple thing like, I don't
know, buying a coffee, having a walk, you know, like simple thing, something that can
bring me joy in that day. And it helps a lot actually. And about the self-love, how
I started that, I have a very good friend and like we met a year ago. Yeah, last year
we met like in spring it was and I didn't tell him that I have depression. I already
found out I have depression, but I didn't tell him.
And at some moment, he asked me, I
feel like something is wrong with you.
You're not feeling well at all.
And then I told him the truth that I have depression
and I'm suffering so much about that.
And he told me just a simple thing that he said to me,
you're just unhappy.
And just hit me so much.
like saying that like the reason of my old problems is that I'm not happy. And the second
point that he told me that you're like yourself only when you're happy and you know, like
joyful when you enjoy the life when you have this all these good feelings when you're
passionate about that when you're like extremely focused and like really productive. This
this part of you you like, but there is another part of you,
like, when you're sad, when you're disappointed, when you're
like, lonely, when you're exhausted, when you don't want
to do anything. And you don't accept that part of you. So
like, and that is why what it's like, just imagine two
kids, like, one is like, so really playful and joyful and
like really good guy, the other one is sad and, you know, like not so really, he doesn't
want to do what you want. And he's not so really, he's not so really like, like the
other one. And when you pay attention just to one, the other one will get angry because
you don't accept him. You don't like pay attention to him. You don't want to do
something with him. You don't want to listen to him, to his feelings, like to the
so really enjoyable feeling sometimes. But yeah, and he said that you have to accept another part
of you. And that was really something important that I had to listen and that I had to hear.
And yeah, I started to pay attention to what I feel, not only good, but also bad.
And it's not bad emotions. We don't have bad emotions. We just have different types
of emotions. And for example, anger was created to protect us because when you're angry,
your brain tries to protect you in kind of fighting or doing something for you,
just defending you. But for example, for me, when I got angry in my childhood,
my mom was always talking to me like stop being angry that's not good you know like you're not a
good girl in that moment so she was kind of uh declining my feelings what I feel or for example
when I when I felt scared before some important exam at some point she said like no you're not
scared you know like I was like I'm saying I'm scared why you're saying that I'm not scared I
I told you, I'm scared.
She said, no, no, no, no, no, you're not scared.
Everything is fine, blah, blah, blah.
That's not, you know, like,
probably she tried to support me,
but, you know, at that moment,
I felt that my feelings,
like these kinds of feelings,
like fear, anger, like disappointment, loneliness,
they're not accepted.
You know, that I kinda cannot feel them.
And yeah, and this is the first thing
what I started to work on,
was accepting all of my feelings. When I got angry, when I got upset, or, you know, like, I got
some feeling when someone disrespects you like this, I started to allow myself to feel them,
just to let them be as they are, not try to get rid of them. Because this is now how it works.
The most you want to get rid of something, the more it will follow you, you know, all the time.
And I heard this kind of theory of the psychologist, a lot of psychologists, that they say that
depression is a kind of response for like not expressed anger.
And I think that I can relate to that as well, because when I started my way for healing
to healing, I found out that I have so much unexpressed anger in me.
And when I just started to express in a different way, there are so many healthy ways how to
express your anger.
When I started to do that, I felt much more better.
That's true.
So yeah, first step for accepting, for self-love, for me especially, it was accepting all of
my feelings.
And yeah, then I started to do something with me, for me, like some joyful moments, I'm doing something like if I would be a kid, what would I do for me? What do I want now?
And I started to ask myself that, and I found out that I have so many things to do for me that I would really appreciate for myself as a kid, for example, or as an adult.
So now I can feel all the gaps I had in my childhood, for example, because I'm an adult now.
So I can take care of myself, finally.
And yeah, nobody knows better than you
what you really need, what your needs are, what you want.
So if you just listen to yourself,
if you just ask yourself, what do I want now,
you will get the answer inside you.
I love that so much.
That was so full of wisdom
and truly sharing your voice and your journey
and your story and it makes me wonder,
how is bachata part of that?
What does bachata add to your life or to your mental health
or maybe nowadays in the age of social media,
too many women and girls compare their bodies
to other women and they feel ugly.
Maybe bachata gives you a feeling of loving your body.
Can you share a bit more when it comes to social dances
and in particular to bachata. Yeah of course first thing why I started to dance I mean last year
so when I fell in love with bachata is just because my therapist told me that I have to
do some physical activities to go out from home you know like to have some sports I don't like
gym so I decided to go for dancing because this is something I I always liked you know
I've tried so many dance styles like ballet, dance, hip hop, contemporary during my life.
So I started to dance salsa in Belarus, and I decided that I will go to continue that.
And I've been learning salsa for maybe a few months, and then I found out Bachata,
And I tried because it's very sensual, you know, like, it's like, for me, it was the way not I left the music a lot. And for me, it was the way how I can express my empathy, being so sensual, being so sensitive. So just it fits me a lot with my soul.
And yeah, I started to do that and of course it was like part of learning, you know, like the basics, the figures.
But when I dance on the socials, when like you dance with a dance partner, you can improvise.
Sometimes I just, you know, turn off my brain and I just enjoy the music, enjoy the body movements.
And this is how I can express what I have inside, because about accepting the body probably will make you feel more confident in that moment that every woman especially has this sexual energy.
And we're created, you know, like, to be so like, to move so graceful and be so pretty and yeah, and Bachata, you can do that because the moves allow you to show that how you really are.
And this kind, it seems to be a vulnerable part of women to show how you can move, how sensitive you are.
but at the same time, it's our power,
because nobody except for women has that.
Guys don't have that.
So like, why shouldn't we use that?
So yeah, and I was really happy
when I started to dance bachata
because I felt that I have a partner
who is caring about, he leads me.
I don't have to think about what I have to do next.
So I can just relax and be led, you know,
just follow. Because I really think that women have this interesting nature, you know, like
being leaded by a man, but at the same time doing all by yourself. You know, like, I will
explain what I mean. Like when the guy leads you, you follow, but you can add some moves
or move in your way, how you feel the music, for example. And this is like, that
me really deeply and when it happens and when that connection in dancing happens that's so magical
for me and yeah I feel at that moment I feel that I'm so I can be anything that I want to be really
when I'm dancing I just forget about everything around so yeah this is a way how I express my
as well. Thank you so much. I mean, Gloria, this was absolutely
a fantastic episode that truly shares your truth. I appreciate
your time. I appreciate you expressing your emotions. I wish you
all the success, all the sensuality and all the emotional
growth and balance you could ever desire. And thank you for being
in this podcast. Thank you. I'm so happy to be invited to that
I hope that my life story can help someone to find the way to self-love as well,
because that will make you happy for sure.
I'm sure it will, and I know it will. Thank you.
