Episode Transcript
Hello, my name is Aziz and I'm the son of a divorced mother. She is really my superhero. That's why it's important for me to support women to share their uniqueness, their personalities, perspectives, and emotions about life. Too many women in this world feel alone. They worry about the judgment of others and they struggle with their mental health but when they listen to the Rare Girls podcast where empowered women share their voices and tell their stories, many women will feel inspired to live a life of freedom and to overcome all insecurities. they will feel. It is a safe space to find, their confidence to remember, their unique beauty and to feel their self-worth, and they will connect with the sisterhood of rare girls who encourage their success and support their dreams. That's what this podcast is all about. My guest today is Fereshteh Oslub. Fereshteh is an Iranian clinical psychologist and PhD researcher living in Dubai, United Arab Emirates. She is working at Emirates Airlines and her hobbies are studying, reading books, cinema, gym, as well as cooking and swimming. Fereshteh, how are you today? I'm fine. How about you? Thanks for inviting me for your podcast. You're welcome. I feel blessed. I feel very very happy and looking forward to know more about you. So I'll begin with this nice first question which is, "Ferechti, if your friends and the people who know you best could describe your personality, what would they say about you?" They would say, "I'm a very strong girl who went through a lot of struggling moments in their lives, but I never stop and I always chase my dreams. I always try to better the better to create the better things of my struggling moment and still I'm chasing to create everyday better things than yesterday. I agree with you. I love having more dreams than memories every day and to know even more about you because I have so many questions, but I want to know what made you interested in clinical psychology? Why did you choose this? Was it for many people? It's because they want to improve themselves and understand themselves. So they go for that first, or is it for because of something related to other people or how is it for you? Basically, psychology, it was my dream since I remember myself but since I've joined to the airlines I never go to study deep about the psychology. But later on when I got married I had a lot of struggling moments with my ex-husband which I never I could understood why sometimes he is very angry sometimes he can't control his emotions even me once sometimes I'm sad deep from inside once sometimes I'm very happy You know, people, they have different streets. So then later on, I understood my husband, my ex-husband, he's struggling with bipolar disorder. After that, I start slowly, slowly research through the Go-Gals, through the different programs to understand about the mental health and the programs, how it's worked for the people. And after we divorced, so I feel this is my responsibility to like to share my experience with people, but more deeper than only the experience. That's why I started to study for Psychologists and I'm working actively on the mental health programs. I love that. There are so many things we will discuss. And first though, you said that you were thinking about your ex-husband, how he sometimes his behavior changes, and yourself when sometimes you feel triggered or other people, there is a great, great thing that you can contribute and help other women with. Let's say there are some women who need to change country, maybe go from Iran to Dubai or go to any place in the world away from their friends and family, and they need to make new friends and new people. What are the signs that that you think they should look for to know if someone is a sincere and good person, or if they're a narcissist who is good at pretending to have charisma, but they have bad intentions, because if a girl, many could be their first experience making new friends, so they will trust too easily. How do you see this? - I'm feeling the immigrant, it's the big decision for every people. So as a woman, when we are doing the immigrant, when we go to the different countries. So the first things we have to know about the cultures in that country, how the different people emotionally and their cultures is different. So as a woman, I would suggest it before to strike the weight, go for the relationship, first to slow down, knows yourself, knows the environment, know the cultures, and also select exactly what you want to have it in your partner. So if you see the sign in the beginning of your relation, the person he is, for example, trying to control you, trying to not letting you to flourish yourselves, for example, asking you, no, you are not allowed to work, no, you're not allowed to go to meet your friends or always around you. What you're doing? So it's better you go always to slow down. Don't jump into the loft of the people, especially when you immigrate to the new countries. And when you immigrate, you're always suffering off to be alone. You don't want to spend your time many times on your own. You are looking to have shared your times with someone else. So that is very dangerous moment to make sure slowly you are going into the relationship. - Thank you. And you, based on your experience in psychology, there are many women who have anxiety, they are afraid, they don't do the things that will help them have their big goals and potential because they stay in their comfort zone. What do you think is the right way for those women to find their confidence and to be able to go for their big dreams without so much fear? - Actually, I'm doing CBT. CBT is a cognitive behavior psychologist, which we are working in the root or in the core of the lives. So if sometimes you feel you can't do something big or you can't follow your goals, it is always a core on that lives. Maybe you are coming from the parents who always try to control you, or maybe you are coming from the parents or from the family always telling you, "No, you can't do that." Maybe you are suffering of any small challenges. So I would suggest for those people, they have fear of, "No, I can't do it." Make your goal and change it to your value. Because many peoples, they are making their goals. Goals is very easy to make a goals. So you can say, I want to study, I want to immigrant, I want to create the best future for myself, I want to create the money, it's everything. But as long you don't move and you don't try to change it your values, this is only goals. So when you don't move, when you don't put yourself on the challenges to change your goals to the value, you will feel anxiety because you have a goals and you never success to reach. Why? Because you are sitting in your comfort zone and you're scared to move. Move even if you can't achieve, you will try it in another way. Always is a way slowly, slowly move and slowly, slowly achieve your targets. - Thank you. And before I ask you even more about psychology, I want to know more about your life in Dubai. You work in the airlines, But what is usually a nice day for you in Dubai? When do you wake up? When do you go to the gym? When do you meet friends? How is a typical day? And what do you enjoy doing? Do you enjoy going to the beach? Or you love the library or go to the mall? Just describe your typical good day when you are relaxing in Dubai. - In Dubai, I can say, okay, for me, as I do airlines work plus the study, It is not easy to have a fun time to go outside or enjoy in the malls. But usually I planned for three times in the week, I'm going to the gym, I'm using the fitness first club which they have a group exercise and I'm strongly recommended go for the group exercise because you can push yourself more when you are exercising with peoples. And also I'm going to the gym as I'm working for Emirates. We have a lot of, fortunately, opportunity to use the free access to the Five Stars Hotel. So of course I'm going and enjoying my times there with the swimming, chilling in the beach, and reading my books. This is my days usually in Dubai. - Thank you. And I love your determination and going for your goals. And then I will ask you about that because I interviewed some women where they say they are goal oriented and they work very hard. But sometimes they feel it's too much masculine energy, they wish they could have time to enjoy more of the feminine energy and to balance it because it feels too much of heavy, like struggle to be always going, going, going, going. How do you balance both sides? Do you feel this is a correct thing to think about? What's your perfect perspective about balancing masculine energy and feminine energy? And what does it mean for you to have your feminine energy? I would say, firstly, I don't create the big goals for myself. For example, if I say I want to go every day to gym, of course, this is not possible. And this makes me tired. Okay, work is work. And we have very friendly environments in Dubai airport. So to be honest, The work pressure is lot, but I don't feel very tired because we are working friendly as a group together. And managing the time is not very difficult for me. From this side, maybe I don't meet my friends much. I should be honest, but as long I'm chasing my goals, changing to my values, doing my study. Currently, I have usually two, three times online meeting with my patients and I see they are moving, they are improving. So their changes, I can say, make me more power to, yes, Farish, that you can do it. Stay strong and chase every day to create the better things. I like that. I really appreciate all your drive and strength. And I will ask you another thing, because nowadays a lot of younger generation girls and teenagers are growing up and they see many, many women in Instagram who are photoshopped, they look perfect or they have artificial intelligence retouched. So it's not even possible. And then they think they're ugly and they feel depressed for you. What's your advice for them so that they see their unique beauty and don't struggle so hard with all those thoughts and with comparing themselves to women who maybe don't even exist because without the Photoshop, their life and their faces will look very different and their bodies, etc. I would say firstly, invest on yourself. Invest on yourself means how you can add everyday values on yourself and create a better things, better version of yourself. I feel we have all of us, we have responsibility to make a better version of ourselves, not looking what others they are doing. As long as, as much as long you are looking always what others doing, what others wearing, what others eating that or where they are going, this is end of the day's anxiety and depression for yourself. We are not hearing this word to look. Of course, it's nice to know about people lives, but always go as a reality. You can't find, I don't think anyone in these worlds, just have a happiness every day. No, happiness and challenges, it's all together. It's getting side by side. And I can say even about the body, about your beauty, try to be the best possible beauty or body for yourself. You can't find even any actors, even any celebrities, they are the beautiest in the world. We don't have it. Everyone, they have some weakness, they have some words, they have part of beauty, they have part of not very satisfied of that. So be satisfied to what you have only. Don't keep trying to make a better things with edit, with filters, no, be happy of what you have and create the betters on yourself. Thank you. And you are a very hard working woman. You work very hard and then you're studying and you're doing consultation with your clients. Well, some women can feel tired, like at the end of the day, after some work, they're like, I don't have energy to study, but I really want. How do you find the energy? Is it, for example, you love the gym and you think every time you go to the gym, you have more energy. Is it that you have, when you cook, you cook a special diet or you take some supplements or it's psychological and visualize in your goals or how do you give yourself energy? So after traveling and all that tiredness of working in the airline and working in different parts of the airline, you still have more energy to study and to work. - I would say first, be friend with yourself. No one can be friend more than you with yourself. For example, many times when I feel tired, I say myself, "Ferezde, I know you're tired. I'm really appreciate of you. You walk a lot today. I can understand you." And you should know yourself. Sometimes I feel I want to sleep. "Okay, Ferezde, let's go on a sleep." You don't need to worry to do any things today. So when you know yourself, when you know your body, when you know what your body is asking you, when you give the time to your body, maybe today is just a sleep, tomorrow you will feel more energy. No one can be friends with your body more than yourself. So talk with, I'm talking, I'm usually talking myself. Sometimes when I'm coming from the work, you can't believe I look at myself in the lift and I say, "Thanks for today." I know we are very tired. So these things is back energy to myself. You can understand me or sometimes I hug myself. First, I know today you struggle a lot, but thank you, you stay strong. I can understand you. Because always as a psychology side, if we look, we have one child inside. We should know our child inside, we should know how to speak to ourself from inside. So in that way, you will find more power because you can understand yourself. I agree 100%. Thank you so much for H10 to finish this. If people, let's say some women are listening and they need help and they want to connect with you, they want to learn from you or get your help. What is the best way for them to communicate with you? Where can they find you? And what normally can you do with them? kind of things maybe you specialize in and help people with. They can always reach on me through the Instagram page, Ferris those looked at psychology. They can WhatsApp me through the links in the view. And I would sit with them and I would talk you know, people they are struggling with the difference moments for those people they divorce, I can understand how is a difficult moment. Ladies, they can have it after divorce, how many challenges they can have. You divorce, you're separated, you have to handle your life alone. Yes, woman, this is not easy at all. I went through this way. I can understand how would be difficult, but I would suggest only one thing at the end. Please, if you divorce, don't jump to the new relationship. Give yourself time. Just recover from the previous relationship. Don't put all the mistakes on your partner because the partner your husband has already gone. What you need to find to create a better future to understand what mistakes also you did. Mistakes could be If you sometimes you provided even more things, you provided more life, you control your husband because you love him, find those things. Then for the next partner or husband, for sure you can find the better person who can help you to flourish and continue this life. Thank you so much, Fereshteh. It was my pleasure, my honor, and my privilege to share your voice to interview you. I wish you all the success and to help so many more people and to live your best life always. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. I appreciate for giving this opportunity. (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music)
