Episode Transcript
Hello, my name is Aziz and I'm the son of a divorced mother. She is really my superhero. That's why it's important for me to support women to share their uniqueness, their personalities, perspectives, and emotions about life. Too many women in this world feel alone. They worry about the judgment of others and they struggle with their mental health but when they listen to the Rare Girls podcast where empowered women share their voices and tell their stories many women will feel inspired to live a life of freedom and to overcome all insecurities they will feel. It is a safe space to find their confidence to remember their unique beauty and to feel their self-worth and they will connect with the sisterhood of rare girls who encourage their success and support their dreams. That's what this podcast is all about. My guest today is Victoria Popaduk. Vika is a third-year student at Vinitsa Pedagogical University studying English and German philology. She comes from a small town in the Vinitsa region and now she has been living in Germany for a year. Vika has been playing volleyball for 4 years, not professionally, but for her own satisfaction. Sometimes she draws and she loves to read interesting books she is into, psychology, human nature always interested her, so she learns it by herself and for herself, Rika just wants to know herself and other people, and with her knowledge and skills, she wants to help others get to know themselves better. She is on her journey of happiness and a joyful life, and she is really motivated to help others also live a happy and exciting life with this podcast. Others can share her idea, and even if her words are helpful for one person it already will make her happier. She wishes everyone would love and respect themselves that would definitely make life better. Vika, how are you today? Hello, Isis. I feel great right now and what about you? I feel blessed. I feel full of good vibes and ready to know much more about you. So I'll begin with this nice first question, Vika, which is if your friends and the the people who know you best could describe your personality, what would they say about you? I believe they would say that I'm a pretty cheerful girl, positive and very supportive friend. I'm a great listener and I can always give decent people the advice if I was asked. And also I'm pretty intelligent. I'm into stuff developing and learning all the time. So that's really it. Thank you. begin with the self development, although I have questions about your cheerful side. For you, did you always desire to learn? Was it something that was part of you always? Or is it over time that you discovered the value and importance of it? Is it that you're an introvert and that's how you add excitement in your life so you're not bored? What is the role of self improvement in your psychology and in your life? it was from the childhood I was interested in others, how they feel, how do I feel. It always brings the joy to me and I believe that in this world people are the most important thing so I want to know them better, how to make social skills, how to improve them and how to work with myself so I can be a really good human. That's my aim. I like that very, very much. At the same time, because people are so important for you, doesn't it make it harder for you to set boundaries, sometimes to say no? Does it make it difficult for you? Or are you at a stage of development where you can balance both taking care of people's emotions and taking care of your own needs and boundaries? - Actually, sometimes it's hard because you know that you can hurt someone's feelings, but I believe that I'm on a stage right now but I can clearly make my boundaries and stood for myself. Like I can say no if I don't want to because at first I respect my own needs. I put myself in the pedestal. I'm myself on prior. That's why I can easily do that. And actually that's a good example for others to make the same because I believe that we don't have to do things we don't want to or we don't like just for others. I understand and you spoke about your love for psychology and understanding people. You spoke about social skills and how it helps you become a better human in your mind, just to explain a bit more what is your definition of social skills? What is your definition of understanding psychology and how do they lead to you becoming a better human? So, first of all, I think I'd like everyone to believe that actually independence, it's in sociality, it's actually believing that we are all together united as humanity and you can easily show yourself out because it's really a problem right now to show your own mind, to tell your thoughts, to share your ideas, to do it for yourself and to like defend even yourself sometimes. And for me social skills is a way of great communication with each other, finding something in common, making yourself present right now. And even a simple example, when you want to ask something, not the way on the road, you can easily just come to a stranger and do that. You're not scared, you're just confident with your own power. I like that. That's very empowering. And then I'm curious because people are so important for you and you you had many, many parts of your life, whether during nowadays after the invasion or before that during COVID, where you needed to study online to stay at home. How did you deal with the mental health issues that come from not being around people to interact with them, but being isolated at home, especially during your teenage years, basically like they ended on a situation where you are totally isolated. - Yeah, that's true. It was the first, it was really hard for me. I was lack of some social life, but then I just found out that it can be really beneficial in some ways. I could have time for developing myself, for working on my own fears, and I don't know, things that I wanted to improve. I had enough time for that and I made my own decisions. And actually I had more time to deal with my family at home. It wasn't easy always. I wanted some private space, of course, but it gave me some also important lessons. Thank you. And you spoke about your cheerful side, your positivity. Well, you as a student of psychology-- I know it's not at university or philology, but I mean that you love to learn about it-- you are aware that the human brain evolved to think about negativity, to worry, because in old times, If you worry a lot, you're more safe than if you're too brave and then you get killed and die by the animals and the predators. So usually being cheerful and positive is something that we train ourselves to be something that we develop. Was this true for you? Did you go through periods where you struggled with some negativity and then you decided to work on it? If so, what did you do? Tell me a bit more about this side of you and your advice to other women so that they find their cheerful side. Yes, that's totally true. and it's the hardest way you can choose actually to stay positive all the time. It's not easy and I've come for a long way. Like from my childhood, I lived in society that was a fast, a solid union, right? And that's some, it has some own specialties, I would say. I was raised to be a perfect human, a perfect student. And I believe that I could not have a chance for any mistakes. I have to be perfect all the time, which just make it so hard to live. And I was struggling all the time from like, if I was imperfect and it happens in life because it's normal. And I just came through the way when I changed my own beliefs, through crying, through suffering, through dealing with problems, because life always give you lessons to improve your own insecurities, right? So I just learned to believe that I have the right for mistake, I have the right to be not perfect all the time. I will just continue to improve myself and go to being best version, but I let myself make mistakes and actually learn from them because I changed the statement in my head, the narrative, that problems are not problems, they are the opportunities. Love that very, very much. And then I'm curious, what kind of people are you most interested into having as friends, as acquaintances? Do you tend to like people who are wise and full of knowledge so that you learn and develop through them or people who are more reckless and crazy so you feel you're like the mommy protecting them and teaching them how to be better? What is your like approach, style and the way that you feel best? Actually, I love both. Like, both of them can develop in me some different sides. Like, I'm not only intelligent or into psychology, I also have different sides. Like, I can be calm, I can be funny, I can be like, somewhere as crazy adventurous human being as everyone. We have different sides. So I love both and different people just bring out the different parts of me. That's what I like. So but actually they have to be interesting for me. Like I want to speak with them about something because when they just sit in their whole life, going through social media and watching others live and not creating their own, like about what we can speak to have even a topic to discuss. It has to be someone really into themselves. Tell me a bit more about that. Can you explain it? Let's say someone is listening or a girl and she's like, "I want to be interesting. I want to be into myself." What does it mean to you when you have a conversation with someone? How do you recognize it? How do you work on it to develop it within you? How does that go? I believe it means that the person knows herself. They know what they want, they know what they like and don't, they can stand for that. They can prove their own thoughts and actually they have their own mind, their own beliefs which they can discuss and actually make a point why we can speak through different topics. And I also have my own thoughts and beliefs about everything around me but with an interesting person who knows even more maybe, I can kind of change it. I can improve my own ideas. That's what I like. Thank you. I love that very much. And you spoke about people scrolling through social media all day. Well, you grew up in the age of social media, where there are many girls who compare themselves, especially teenagers and early twenties to beautiful women online. And they think, I'm not, I don't look like her. I'm not beautiful. I must be ugly. And they feel depressed. And you you said as well from the culture of Ukraine, there is this drive for perfectionism. So every girl is thinking, if I'm not perfectly beautiful, then I'm bad. How did you deal with that? And what's your advice to girls and women who might be really struggling with comparing themselves to others so that they find their positive, cheerful side and grow into their potential? So actually, I came through this also in my teenage era. So I understand totally how it was and how it feels. And it's not an easy way to come. I must confess, but it takes time and step by step, you learn how to love yourself. You know how to care about your own body, satisfy your own needs, but at first to satisfy it, you have to know what it is and what you need. And I would suggest actually advise to disconnect yourself from all of those sources like medias and just unfollow. You don't actually want it. It's not helpful really for you right now at this point of your journey. And you just know yourself better, explore what you like, like learn the world outside of your house, right? Learn what you want. try something new. It's not that difficult to try new things and just create memories for yourself. Step by step, you're going to come to this love and hear and when you're going to appreciate your own way, you're going to understand that you have the best body you can because it keeps you alive every minute. So you have to be grateful for that. Great. And I'm very aware that you are a student of philology and you studied German and now you're in Germany. Germany is known to be a hard place to make local friends because they're a bit distant, especially you who could have grown up with some friends in childhood or you know people that you have to be with because you're studying together. So as a Ukrainian girl, are you surrounding yourself with other Ukrainians when you are in Germany? So you're in a small German Ukraine or are you finding it easy to make friends who are German or from a similar culture. How is your experience adapting for a while now into the German culture? So, as I said, I'm into different cultures. I want to know people. So, of course, I have German friends already. And actually, it's not that difficult to make them. But I do not know about older people, older generations. It's not my thing, actually. But I have friends, age or a little bit older, which are German and they are really great people. They are very understanding and actually youngsters, like they we can get along, right. And also I have many Ukrainian people here whom I really have a good friendship. So it's both. Thank you. And on February 24th, how was that day for you? How did you hear about the invasion? you believe it or not believe it? What happened? What was your journey from that day until today where you ended up in Germany? It was actually terrible. I didn't expect it at all. I just woke up at 6am in the morning. It was my studies days, right? I was in different cities living alone from my family and then I just got a call from a father telling me that the war had started and I could not believe it, like how is that even possible? I was thinking about going to my classes father that day and then just it was all cancelled, my studies, the whole day we were hearing the sirens out loud. I was really scared and I don't know how to describe even this state of my own self, like I was just like frozen in that moment. I was planning to go home back and I was spending the nights still there and it was really scary for me to spend a night on my own in that condition. It's just undescribable. I know, I can imagine how you would have felt and how hard it was for you and for your family and in many ways it's something that of course you wish it never happens but it makes you appreciate the value and how precious life is and your family and all those you love so much. And you spoke earlier, you said it's not hard to try something new. There are many women who feel stuck in their comfort zone. Maybe they think, "Oh, if I make a mistake," like you spoke about perfectionism, maybe their parents will say, "Oh, no, you're a bad girl now," or other people will laugh at them, they imagine that, or they think they will get bullied, or they think, "Well, if I have dreams, I never try. My dreams stay alive, but if I make a mistake then maybe I never make my dreams happen and then I cry forever or whatever those thoughts that come for you. You said it's easy to try something new. What mindset do you have that allows that and what's your advice to women who are not living up to their potential because they feel it's too risky to go and stay out of their comfort zone until they create their dream goals? It's not that easy as I said, right? But I just want others to believe in it because when you believe in it, it actually happens. That's what I learned through my journey. You just believe that it's not that hard and what everything you have to do is just start from a little because we tend to dream about so big things that we cannot accomplish right now in this moment and it creates a imagination like it's so far away from us that we cannot even have to start doing that. It's just too big for us right now. But start from something small, step by step. I use this method, I would call it like that. Like when you, for example, want to ask something, use here, but you have to do that in some circumstances. Just give yourself 20 seconds and make a promise that you will do that until 20 seconds are gone. And you actually, under those pressure, you actually do this. It helps me, I don't know for others, but it helps me all the time. I just create this circumstances, right? And also, like, for example, this saying, I love it. To start doing yoga, you just have to, like, bring a cup on and step on it. Just do this and you will start doing it with something. So start from the little things and step by step, you go into make this wish come true. And what I want to add also like a year ago I wouldn't even think about doing this podcast. I would think like I'm not good enough, I don't know English yet to speak about it. I don't know who this fan is, like maybe it's a fool, maybe it's a trick, like it's not true. So I came this way and now I easily can do this just because I believe that I can do this and I believe that it's not that difficult. I see this as a comfortable and interesting conversation and it really helps me to change your relation to the situation. Thank you so much, Vika. I wish you all the success. I wish you to help and impact and inspire people every day to stay, being a good friend who gives great advice and to try everything in the world, growing and expanding your confidence and your comfort zone. thank you for participating. Thank you very much, have a nice day.
