Episode Transcript
Hello, my name is Aziz and I'm the son of a divorced mother. She is really my superhero. That's why it's important for me to support women, to share their uniqueness, their personalities, perspectives, and emotions about life. Too many women in this world feel alone. They worry about the judgment of others and they struggle with their mental health, but when they listen to the Rare Girls podcast where empowered women share their voices and tell their stories, many women will feel inspired to live a life of freedom and to overcome all insecurities. they will feel. It is a safe space to find their confidence, to remember their unique beauty and to feel their self worth, and they will connect with the sisterhood of rare girls who encourage their success and support their dreams. That's what this podcast is all about. My guest today is Diana Madi. Diana Madi is a 22 years old professional ballroom and Latin American dancer who accumulated titles such as European champion, world and international finalist, Ukrainian and Asian champion. Originally from Kharkiv, Ukraine, Diana had an opportunity to live in the UK for two years but she is currently living in Dubai, working towards her dream of opening her own dance school. Diana has been dancing professionally for years and has a huge passion for it. Diana, how are you today? Hi, I'm amazing. How are you? I feel blessed, super positive and absolutely excited to know much more about you. And so I'll begin with this nice first question, which is, Diana, if your friends and the people who know you best could describe your personality, what would they say about you? I would say, I think that they would say that I'm very caring person. I really like to care about people, about animals, about anything, anyone that I'm very talented, hardworking. If I have something that I want to achieve or to do, I really going to do it. I'm not going to stop until I will do it. I am a very organized person. I really like to organize everything. And yeah, I think in general that I really love people. I really like to help. I love to share my energy with other people. And I think that as well, I'm very creative because as I'm a dancer, it's as well very important for me to be creative. And I like it in any opportunity which I have, I'm very creative. So I would say that this is my personality. Thank you. I appreciate that a lot. I have so many questions because there is so much to expand. But what I'm curious about is if you are, which I believe and is very correct, very caring, you care about everybody, how do you protect your heart when you're going after your big goals and dreams from being disappointed or people not being reliable or criticizing you because if you care. It means they can touch your heart, but it means as well they can touch them in a negative or harmful way. But you need to be strong in order to keep going after your goals. How do these two parts of you work together or how does it happen? Well, I'm going to be honest. As I'm a human, that's true that sometimes we have some ups and downs and we are not perfect. Especially I can say about myself as well that I'm a very emotional and sensitive person. So these kind of two parts together to be friendly in one person, it's a little bit difficult. So I would say that in the beginning of my journey, when I was just starting to dance, and when you're really, really young, you have friends, you have your small enemies, let's say in the dancing industry. And as I'm very, like, I like to care about people and it did hurt, it did hurt because I was kind of putting everything in, in, in, in. And then I would say already when I was more older, then I realized that I have to stop it and need to understand how to cut it and to not feel so bad after some situations happen. So obviously it depends on the situations. I can't really remember now the one of the situations. But what I would say, I started just to realize that I'm only one. And I don't have another Diana and I need to be more. I need to care about myself more. And I had some sessions with psychologists, which to be honest, I recommend because then you can understand how to protect yourself. how to understand which strong sides you have, which can help you to protect yourself, your mental health. And I started to as well understand that it's a line where people can start to use you and when they just need help. So I caught a lot of people in my life who just wanted to use you, let's say, which was actually a lot of people. I was surprised. And I started the, like, it was a kind of fresh start for me. And I started to meet new people. I started to, again, to believe more to other people because it was kind of, you know, the point where after this caring and believing to people, you stop doing that. It's like the point that you're already too angry and you can't believe to people, you start to close inside yourself. So, yeah, I started like freshly and when I have sometimes that's okay, it's too much, Diana, you need to again come to yourself, ask what do you need and I'm asking as well myself, okay. So, you can do this, this and this and if person are not listening to you, if not getting this help, don't do anymore. That's it. So I think you just need to start to realize where is enough and to understand that you can't help everybody because you're only one person. Yeah, and as well, I would say that the dancing industry is very tough and you need to be a very strong person to survive there. I think that this has helped me a lot to be more stable mentally and be a very strong person and to go through these things. But as I said before, I'm honest as well on this podcast and that it was times that I was down, but you always need to get up after one, two, three days, maybe months, but you need to do it and find a ways how to help yourself. And as I mentioned, sometimes it can be psychology, sometimes you can find your loved one which can help you in these situations. Thank you. That was very, very wise and I want to know more. You mentioned that after cutting people off, you went into a situation where you closed yourself off from people, you were more angry, and that was a step before going into the balance of being in the middle. Well, let's say there are some girls or women who are listening, maybe, I don't know, they're teenage girls who got their heart broken by a bad boy, or there are some people who are in the dance industry and they find that there are too many people who are there just because they want something and they're not real friends and they're angry, what can they do in order to balance it and go to the middle? How does that process happen? I'll share my story. Maybe it's a somebody that will be helpful. How it happened to me. I moved the country. You know, sometimes I didn't move the country straight away. It was like, like bit by bit because I used to travel a lot from Ukraine to UK. This is how it's happened. So all my friends started to just go away. We stopped talking and it was just a big change in my life. So this is what helped me. I moved the country. I started to meet new people. And I started as well because it was hard to start to talk to myself as well a lot, not like in a strange way. I'm still here all good with me, but in the way that I was just, okay, Diana, why it's happened? What happened? What you can change in yourself? What you can improve? Which good things you have, which you can use for yourself to meet new people and to find people which will be good with you and not going to use you, let's say. Obviously, we are not living in an amazing world. It can happen again, but I would say that for me it helped that I left Ukraine. I just left everything. It was hard, but I just decided to cut everything. So this was my kind of decision hurts, but it really helped because I felt in this way for a long time and I was trying to do it inside myself, in my city, in my country and I felt that it's not happening, it's not helping. So I can't say it was right or wrong decision, but this is what helped me. I just left the country. At some point I realized that you can't run away from your thoughts and yourself. So yes, situations get better, you started to meet new people, but some things, anyway they stay with you, doesn't matter which country you are. So this was another part. This is when I realized that I need to go to a specialist, to a psychologist, which was very helpful. And yeah, this is how it's happened. I think that it's possible to change the situation and change yourself even by not leaving the country. I think it is positive just to start to believe in yourself more and find more positive things and strong things about yourself because I think this is where it all starts as well. Thank you for that. I appreciate your answer so much and it makes me wonder, because I have interviewed some ballroom dancers. There are cultures that even like psychological schools or religious Sufis who consider dance as a meditation and a healing experience that allows you to get in touch with the divine energy and heal your soul. What I've also interviewed some Ukrainian ballroom dancers who are so perfectionist, that dance for them is almost like torture where they will overthink and punish themselves about a small mistake and a small move and they consider that their body should be like a doll that they need to move in perfection more than a human being can and therefore it's a stressful experience, it's not at all a relaxing or meditation or ability to heal. Which one is it for you? Is it sometimes one way, sometimes the other? How does it work? How do you experience dance when you're in it as an experience that is way beyond just moving your body but as something bigger? That's actually a very interesting question. I don't know how did you find out this question, how did it came to your mind? But this is a very true story of my life, because I was the second version of what you said, what you explained. This was me for the 14 years of my dance career. I would say this is because of the industry in general in Ukraine, because we are not just dancing for fun when we dance in at least six days per week, many hours a day. It's not fun and it's not hobby, it's sports. You are doing everything for it. This is your life, that's it. You're not doing anything else. This is your goal, you're torturing yourself. I'm not saying I didn't enjoy it, I didn't enjoy my dance career a lot, but this is becoming not an art. It's so big discussions actually not just between me and other dancers, it's a huge thing in the dance industry at the moment because it is became a lot of as a sport not as art and dancers are not feeling as a dancers, they feel more as a sport people. And I didn't realize it until I met my partner because he is from the UK and they're absolutely different type of dancing. They teach dancers absolutely in different way, not like in Ukraine, they are more presented as an art and they're trying to dance literally like from their soul with their soul and this way I realized that something is missing so I didn't realize it before so it was like three years ago let's say and what I did in the beginning was very difficult and it was a lot of fight inside yourself like why no you can't more be relaxed or in dance you need to work hard to be strong to be like literally a robot and this and that and I didn't want to accept this because my partner more as a like he's dancing yeah he's a very great dancer but it was more with art, more with some passion inside his dance and we couldn't match at all so it was very difficult in the first period to actually dance together because it's like a fight between two different versions of dancing you know and I was fighting with myself as well because I couldn't understand what can I do, what should I do, if it's right or if it's wrong. And then I went to different teachers, we went to different teachers, I started to kind of crash this wall in my head bit by bit by realizing that okay just try something new, try something new. It's okay, you will try and if it's not yours you can just forget about it. So this was very important part about trying something new. And by different teachers, with help with my partner, I started to understand, okay, dancing not just like robotic anymore, you need to put some art and it's it was really good and now when I'm dancing I feel much more comfortable to dance much better and it's not like a big torture for you to dance if it makes sense. I'm not practicing now as to compete as I put or we put on hold the Korea at the moment. But the last competition which we had together I felt on the floor really good because I actually felt that I'm dancing with not just emotions which you kind of show in and teachers put in your heads or you put on your head that you actually feel it, which was really nice. But obviously we have a dancing industry growing and changing a lot. So unfortunately with art, only with art you can't win nowadays. So you need to be tortured, let's say. And but I hope that it will change a little bit and it will be more art again than just a sport. it's any of a sport is going to be a sport and I agree with that 100% but it needs to be a bit more art and it's at the competitions as well and I hope that one day I will be able as well to perform this art again. Thank you so much, I believe in you. I will celebrate when you perform again and it makes me very curious about something you said that your friends describe you as creative. How did you express your creativity before as a robotic sports woman compared to later on when you became more of an artistic dancer? How is it different the expression of creativity? How did you see yourself as a creative person then and now? Okay, sure. So, first of all, I like to initiate things as well. So, I used to do at school a lot of things like help with some events. So, I like to help with that, to create maybe some dance for kids or I like to do shows for myself or for somebody else. So this is kind of as well where I can create. I mentioned before that I like to organize stuff, but it's not only like, you know, in my head, I like as well to, you know, this books where you're writing down what you need to do, what you want to do and all of that. I used to like to draw it, you know, I like that it's in a nice way with beautiful writing and so things like that. I like to do pictures and to go to some photo shoots, so create some kind of outfits. I like to do makeup and hair so I decided to go learn how to do it so I can create makeup and hair as well myself or on some other dancers or just you know some weddings or other events so I like to do this. Yeah like in dancing for somebody else like wedding dance for example was very popular in the studio as well where I'm working at the moment. I like to do it. So it's a heartwarming when the couple, they finish their wedding routine and you can see this, how they're smiling and they like the routine. And yeah, but to be honest, the accrate in anything like organizing stuff at home, you know, to create some when it was no such as things like now this plastic boxes which you can buy in Amazon, you know, when I was little, I used to create it from some shoes, boxes and just to to put them somehow with glue some kind of nice things on them, paying them and it's just some nice box, You know, so I just like to decorate some dances. I think this is how I can show myself from inside to outside to the world. Thank you. And when you show yourself from inside to the outside world, how does that make you feel? What does that mean? Why is that important? Can you tell me about the experience, whether it is you're doing a show or creating something or makeup and hair and you feel you're showing yourself in the perfect way to the world. How is that experience? Let's try to imagine being you and why would that be such a pleasure? That's actually a very deep question, but a nice one. I think that nowadays, you're competing in everything. Yeah, you have social media, you have, I used to be in a big dance school with a lot of girls, which are competing between each other as well. And you're always trying to be the best. You're always competing to get attention from other people or when you're really like young and this kind of period where already like it's a boy's year and you can see some other girls and you're like oh no I want attention from this boy you know and all of this so as I'm creative I thought that this is my way of show first what I can do and that you had to get attention. I would say that my family in general, I'm grateful for everything, what they've done for me. And they always used to notice little things. It's not like that I was I wanted to get attention from them. But I think the kids, they're quite naughty when they're small. So you know at school kids can bully you and especially because I used to travel a lot. I was a dancer, they thought that you know I'm like a queen of something and it's so easy for me to do everything which is not true at all. So when I get older I was I think it starts from to show off, I would say, you know, to kind of show not I can do and I can do this and I can do that. And now especially because it's very competitive because of the social media, I thought why I can't do it now as well for this, why not to show it. I would say now it's a little bit easier because before it was more like from the anger, you know, or from the some jealousy. Now I'm not thinking in that way. So it's a way to express yourself. And as well, I found that it's in the difficult days when you feel dumb. This I found for myself really helpful so you know I can sit, just do my makeup, hair and just feel more beautiful, just say to yourself no everything is okay, you still look good, it's just some thoughts in your head, everything will be fine. So yeah I think it was just depending on the periods of your life. How is it helped? Thank you. It reminds me of an interview I did with a Romanian girl called Doina. And she said her recommendation to all girls who might feel a bit sad or depressed, she said, wear your favorite dress, put your makeup and hair, wear high heels and go walk outside and you'll feel much much happier. That was her advice to women and I can feel that you can relate to that and that you use a similar thing to nourish your soul with your interest and beauty. You said even before when you had goal-setting notebooks you will try to make it look beautiful so it's very important to you and so I would like to ask now that you spoke about competition between people and women on social media. Nowadays, there are many girls and women who are feeling that they are not beautiful. They compare themselves to photoshopped women or models from every country in the world, not just their school or their neighborhood. And so they feel, "Oh, I don't look like her, so I must be ugly." Or they think, "Oh, she's living the jet-set life." Like you said, they they say about you, she's like a queen, everything is easy for her, things are hard for me. And so they feel very much crushed. And the human brain is always comparing. So maybe even you compare yourself to those other women, especially in Dubai, maybe comparing to dancers or beautiful women. How do you take care of your mental health? How do you keep yourself believing in your unique beauty? And what's your advice to both younger girls and girls in their like early 20s, etc, who might be struggling with this so that they can finally feel their own beauty and gain their confidence? That's a very good, very good question. Yes, especially nowadays. And yes, I did feel the same. You can see this Instagram which can as well for example spend their money to the left and to the right you know they sold like beautiful luxury you know of that at some point when I fell like too much down from all of it I just closed my Instagram like I remember one time for around three weeks to months I was just not really Instagram. I just forget about it and because I was like okay that's that's enough for my brain you know and that on that period of time I was going through my wardrobe for example looking okay this clothes nice this is maybe not really okay what should should I wear with this and that? So just to put, first my recommendations to go, for example, through your wardrobe and just get rid of the stuff which you don't like, leave what you like and try to put them in a kind of outfits in your ideas and wear them. Because I was thinking before as well, you know, if I will have a thousand clothes in my wardrobe, I will be the most stylish, you know? but now I understand it's better to leave this outfit which you really like and feel comfortable and confident in and leave them, use them. So this is number one. Number two, it's to try as well to get your own look in terms of the hair makeup, for example. Yeah, not every makeup will suit each lady. So I was trying different ways and I found my own. I found which hair as well suit me. I dyed my hair like four or five different colors in one year. I found finally my which I like. I cut different hairstyle which make me as well more confident now. And so I would say change your look, experiments don't scare about it, hair will grow, you know, you can do it, it's nothing to worry about it. Then I would say another part which is very important, was very very important in my life, it's people with who you are. Because if I will compare myself with, for example, the person with who I was a long time ago, what was it, four or five years ago, and now I would say it's two different danas, not only because of your dad's, but it makes a huge impact in my life, how I feel, how I look, how I behave, how I think, everything. Why? Because it's very important to have people around who believe in you, who are positive, who will say that you're beautiful when you feel terrible, you know, even if you're in tears and like your mascara all over your face and the hair is messy. This is very important to find your person. Maybe it's not the person, not like your boyfriend, for example, even your friends or your family because family is well very important. They anyway say to you that you're beautiful. Yeah, you can do it. So this is another thing which helped me a lot. It's people around me and it's making a very big difference. Sometimes maybe you'll kind of like, okay, yes, you say just because you love me or something like this, but somewhere inside it stays, it's going into your head and it's helping you a lot. So go through these moments to stop thinking about these perfect ladies because it's, what do you mean perfect? Like who said that it's perfect? Nobody said that it's perfect. You should do this way which you like and which you think and feel that it's perfect because it's your life nobody else can tell you what's good and what's bad so find to find yourself find the best way for you and find the best people to be around with this is this is what's very important and this is what I found very helpful for myself and I'm not really looking, the last thing I would say, I can go to TikTok, Instagram, you know, like we anyway want to switch something when we are, just want to relax or something, but I'm not following bloggers at all, I'm following only one blogger from Kiev which I love, absolutely love, and only her why? Because she is showing her life literally like it is if it's some bad moments, good moments. So from her I found as well this kind of energy and again reminder for yourself that it's normal to be good, normal to be bad, it's normal to have white line in your life and black. You can do everything, life is not perfect and it's okay, you can do it and you always can ask for help. This is another thing. Yeah, this is my way. I love that very, very much. Thank you for that. And to finish this, You said one of the things that people will say about you that you stick to your goals, you keep going, even when times are difficult. There are many women who might be dealing with anxiety, with worry, sometimes they fear the judgment of others or they think, "Oh, if I try something and I fail, maybe my parents will be disappointed," and that stops them from living to their potential. What do you do in order to stick to your goals and go from Ukraine to the UK to Dubai and like all those big changes? And what's your advice to other women so that we finish this with some motivational speaking that can really help other girls? I would say at first that whoever is listening to me at this moment in time, that first of all, you know alone on this journey and that everything will work out now or later it will happen. Sometimes it can happen five years what we want sometimes in five months we never know but it's very important to keep going and I will share now what helped me. I actually wasn't very surprised because when I was around 17 I felt really down 17-18 something like that age, I can't remember exactly. I was really down and then I saw one picture in Pinterest or something like this that lady it's again about creativity actually. So I created a vision board where I put all the stuff which I want in the future from like material to some other stuff, you know, like family or partner or whatever, everything what I wanted at that time. And as I left Ukraine, it's just whatever I put it, it was there. And I went to Ukraine in August to visit my family and I saw this board and I was really surprised by how much I already done from this. So it helped me anyway, it wasn't next to me every day when I woke up. I think I put it in my head and it's already helped me to go to my goals. Some of it still didn't happen and I'm sure it will go to this point that I will achieve everything what I put in there. But what I would suggest is to sometimes because we're thinking a lot about the goals, for example, yeah, or some things, we started to, that's how we started to think negative, because one thought after one, another one, another one, and it's becoming like a big circle of thoughts without actually doing something. What really helped me is to write down things, or like I did this board. So to write it down, because you actually started to think properly, not like in just some clouds, you know, you starting to put your thoughts in a nice way. And you can start to ask you questions and not just in your head, answer to it, literally write it down, because then you start to think clear, not just, you know, just to think because it's happened to me as well. Even like now, sometimes, one day I'm just waking up and oh my god and this and that and we just start to go this negative thoughts one after another and okay stop why you at least why it's all you're thinking about it's like let you start which question what it is so I'm even like maybe on my phone I'm just tapping okay this is this is what actually started from so okay I have this in this problem how I'm going to deal with that. That's it. So put more clear what do you want? If it's not clear, then we are starting to think like in the clouds. I'm saying it's in this way. Yeah. Thank you so much, Diana. It was my privilege and my honor to have you here. I wish you all the success. I wish you to start your own dance studio in Dubai and in Abu Dhabi and all over the world to become an international brand and keep growing, keep taking care of yourself. And thank you so much for sharing your soul, your spirit and your truth. Thank you. Thank you so much for inviting me. It was a big pleasure for me to meet you and as well to share my story and I hope I will help some other girls, ladies on their journey. And I will go forward and I hope that we will meet anytime soon anyway again. Thank you. (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music)
