Episode Transcript
Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 0:08
femininity is powerful in all its forms exceptional women, rare girls must be appreciated in every way for their perspectives, actions, thoughts, and their unique ways of being. Such rare girls are inspiring. And this is what this podcast is all about. Hello, my name is Aziz and my guest today is a Lika Stephanie Sheva Lika is a Ukrainian future leader leaders exchange program alumna of 2019, and the flex city representative of Vinnitsa 2020. A Lika is fascinated with the IT field. And she is currently working as an SMM, manager in a tech company. Alisa, how are you today?
Alika Stepanishcheva 1:04
Hi, I'm doing good. And it's a pleasure for me to be here. And I'm honored to take part in this podcast.
Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 1:11
My The honor is mine. I'm happy. I'm glad. And since this podcast is about women, and about girls, and about femininity, what is it to you to be a woman? Do you feel your feminine or more masculine? What is the meaning of femininity for you? Is it an energy, a look at behavior? Tell me all.
Alika Stepanishcheva 1:41
As for me, it's I think everything is one, it depends on your look on your behavior, on your perception of the world, on how you accept yourself in this world. So all of that is, is femininity, and it forms you as a woman. And for me, true woman is the one who is tender and cordial. But at the same time, she's strong and independent. She knows how to defend herself. She knows how to look good. She knows how to talk. And she accepts only positive things. She's strong. And she can build her thoughts and express her and express her thoughts. Yeah, she knows what family means. And she knows how to fight for her rights. And for her position.
Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 2:48
Thank you. That's wonderful. Do you feel you're very feminine? Or what is the energy you get when you're in your feminine element?
Alika Stepanishcheva 3:02
When I'm in my feminine element, I think I feel very, I feel beautiful. I feel confident. I feel tender. And I feel strong energy. I think all of that is about confidence. I think this is one of the main other the main aspects of my feeling of melody.
Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 3:31
Thank you. And often people think when they hear confidence about a man and masculinity, can you explain if there is a difference between feminine confidence and masculine confidence? And what is for you masculinity? How do you experience it? How can you describe it?
Alika Stepanishcheva 3:55
Yeah, so I think there's not much difference between feminine and masculine confidence. I think it's very similar is the woman who feels confidence when she's sure in her actions in her words and how she looks and she, she know what she knows what she's doing. And the same is about man, they are sure about their actions, they know whether you're doing and they see their goals and targets up front and they go towards them. So and talking about masculinity. I think it's about strength. First of all, it's about willpower, and a great wish to protect their family, their kids, their girl and their lands, their home country. Of course.
Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 4:51
I agree with you 100% And we will speak about that. A lot to you what kind of man is most attractive in that I have interviewed previously other people who said one of them, she said, I like feminine men, because it makes me feel more confident. And therefore I don't worry about any insecurities. While another one said, I need a strong man so that I feel protected. And not in worry. Which type are you? What is the attraction? That what? How would you describe that for yourself?
Alika Stepanishcheva 5:34
For myself, I think it's closer to a strong type. Because I can, I can explain that in a way that I consider myself a pretty strong woman, young strength woman, and I really want to see a strong man by me, I want us to be a long tandem have the same synergy and move towards our goals together. So I want my mind to be as strong as I am, and even stronger. So together, we can conquer any obstacles in front of us.
Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 6:10
That's really wonderful. When you say a strong man, because the man can be strong in many ways. Which one is the most important for you? Is it a strong personality? A lot of intelligence, strong and big body? Is it like a very handsome man in a masculine way? Or is it just he's loved by everybody and strong? Because he has so many friends and people helping and helping each other? Or what is for you all our strength? But which one is for you? The most? Fascinating?
Alika Stepanishcheva 6:52
That's very interesting question. And the most fascinating. I think, when I say strong, man, I don't mean us strength, like physical strength. I mean, like mental strength, intelligence, and his purposefulness, the way of conquering his targets reaching like new points in life, and knowing what's he's doing, so have kind of a plan and know how to solve different situations in life, be confident, of how to do it, and, and build his way in this life, build his way towards the career, build his way towards the family, and, and so on. So he, as for me, I want to see my man strong mentally, not, not physically. I mean, that's a good point. And it's, it's good when a person is strong. Eight can be a woman or a man, if they do physical exercises or sports and they have strong, that's perfect. That's awesome. But that's not like the main point. For me when looking like for someone or just having friends, you know, I'm looking for and really value, mental strength, strength in thoughts and inactions, and in building like a strategy in life, reaching new goals and implementing new ideas. That's what I really value.
Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 8:29
I have so many questions for actually. So I'll ask the first one. There is a stereotype that women like the bad boy guy who takes a lot of risks, but he's not really having long term plans. He's in the moment full of emotions and excitement. What you're describing is the opposite of that. Did you ever or do you feel attraction for such characters, but you stop yourself? Because your brain will not allow it? Or you're not at all fascinated by that? And if so, why would you explain the stereotype? Is it real? Is it only a fantasy in movies? Tell me your thoughts.
Alika Stepanishcheva 9:16
Um, that's, that's a nice question. Um, I think that's true. And yes, it's shown in many movies, in many books, and it actually happens in life and I have also experienced that. So I think that it's like an entertainment. It's an interesting and risky advantage which woman wants to take an experience at some point in life, and it looks very dynamic. You know, seeing those guys those bad boys as you said, it looks very risky. Interesting. You do not know what to expect. back, and you want to take this risky invented journey, I don't know, and see what's going to happen next like to take yourself on adventure, I think it's some kind of that, and to experience some new emotions, you know, some very, very energetic moments with that guy. But what I really think it's not for their, like relationship, either no, because I have experienced that in some point of my life as well. And I would say it's not for relationship, it's fun, you can observe that you can see it. But once you become a part of that journey with a bad guy, it's not very, it's not going to lead. Like, as I think it's not going to leave lead for long term relationship. At some point, an emotional man and emotional woman will meet that obstacle. And they will not resolve the issue, I think. And the woman in those kinds of relationships often experiences some trauma. And she can have those emotionals jumps, and ups and downs, and it very hurts her, as we know, at the end of those kinds of stories there when when is hurt, and it's not very good. So those relations are as for me to not long. For a long time, there are not very long relationship.
Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 11:36
Thank you. And actually, there are women who say the good guys, the problem with them, is they become boring after some time, and therefore the woman will miss the toxic guy. Do you believe that? Or how do you make sure or what is needed for a healthier relationship? To have the emotions that will make it not be boring?
Alika Stepanishcheva 12:04
Yes, that happens. I heard also many stories about that, that after dating a bad guy and you start like healthy relationship with someone, you might miss some moments. And I think that's okay. We mostly It depends. Men and women also miss some moments of their past relationships. And that's okay. But if you were dating, let's say, a bad guy, and you start dating, kind of called guy, yes, who does not do crazy things, he plans his life, and you start feeling boring, you're bored with him. And I think that point when you like, catch yourself on those thoughts, you should think that if that's if this is really your person, if this is someone you actually want to talk to, well, we'll spend time with him. Maybe that's not just your person, if you're feeling bored with him, I think in this point, you should talk about that about your feelings about his feelings, and actually resolve and decide what's going on like to take this issue on the talk now. Yeah, so I think not. Yes, you can date and meet like a boring guy. But I think the problem is that it's just not your person. And you just should talk things out and decide whether you you're one, one couple, you know, side by side, and if you actually need to be together, if you're not feeling okay with him.
Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 13:48
That's wonderful. And about time, do you need time to be attracted to someone to observe their behaviors and all that? Or did you have the experience of meeting someone and from the very first second, you had electric chemistry and you felt like you know, this person all your life?
Alika Stepanishcheva 14:15
Yes, I, I've experienced those two situations. And I had a moment when I met a guide, and I found that, like, chemistry is like, the love at the first glance, but it's lasted very fast. It wasn't very long kind of relationships. But then I met my current boyfriend. And we were, we didn't know each other. Of course, we weren't paying attention to each other for a long time, and didn't even notice our existence. But after some period of time, we just added up in situation when we became Hey, Janelle each other better, we opened new things about ourselves. And we started like talking to each other spending time. And it started like, from unknown person to the person to that feeling that you know that person for a very long time. So I didn't have like with my current boyfriend, that's park at the first time because we didn't even pay attention to each other, when you that we worked like the same space because we met each other on our, in the office. And just after some time, like, after a month this, we ended up in the situation when we started talking to each other. And then we met that feeling, we experienced that feeling of knowing each other verbally for a very long time. We found like we knew each other for for the whole life, you know, so to find from that feeling of not knowing each other, to the feeling that we know each other for further how our lives.
Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 16:07
Thank you. And so since that feeling is so important, the more stable more long term, I want to understand how do you experience men? Do you experience them in their soul their energy? Did you ever feel attracted to a man who other people think looks ugly? But to you he was so attractive and interesting? Or do you have a type that is necessary for a man to look like in order for you to explore more? How is the look of a man a factor in the way that you feel about him?
Alika Stepanishcheva 16:47
Well, I do not have a type. That's the first thing. And the second one that I have. I have been dating. Now I dated a guy several years ago. And like other people did not consider especially like, girls, my friends. They said that he wasn't like very handsome. But I consider him handsome because I knew how, how he thought, his intellect it interactive, like skills. And I just knew that he's a good person. And that's why he appeared handsome to me, even if he did not appear handsome to someone else. So I think that's about inner word of the person in our world, of the person that you're attracted to. So if you like it happened to me, I saw, I saw someone, I found something interesting about a man. And I decided like to start talking to him to start spending time with him. And I opened new characters for him. And I got to know like his inner world. And after that, he becomes like, handsome. And he might be handsome at the beginning, he might like, spark your feelings, fuel your feelings, even if you have looked at him for the first time. He appeared handsome to you, and then you came to talk to him, that can be that situation as well. And it's okay to look how the person looks, what eyes he has, what kind of hair he has, and if it's attractive, you can go talk to him, this also works and I think it's not a problem to look on them alter. Like, look of the person. Yes, and then talk, talk to him and start some kind of relationships you can get attracted as the outer word of the person. And as with the inner world, you know,
Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 18:59
have you ever felt that attracted to the altar of a man but after talking to him, You really did not like his personality? Or you thought he's not interesting or stupid or something like that?
Alika Stepanishcheva 19:15
Yes, it happened to me and not once. Many times when I found something somebody interesting, I want to talk to him to start some kind of dialogue. And he appeared very handsome. But then yes, I opened like new traits about him. And I saw that he's not kind of person I want to talk to again or date or plan something with him. Because during our dialogue, I saw that his thoughts are not similar to my thoughts, like his point of view also very differs from mine and I made it Visit but the decision that we just can't, can't form a house together, either in any way or like in a romantic way.
Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 20:09
Thank you. And how comfortable are you with touch. Some of the people I interviewed, they say, touch is very important that allows you to feel the person to feel the connection and the chemistry, while others say I grew up in a family where there wasn't a lot of hugs and kisses. So touches too intimate, too intense. And it takes a long, long, long time to be comfortable with touch in a romantic situation, or with someone that you're dating, etc. How was your experience? And how does it feel and why?
Alika Stepanishcheva 20:51
Well, in my family, I was like, growing in a family where I had just a mother, and she gave me all the love she had. So she hugged me all the time, she gave me kisses. And she, she showed me that touch is important as well, and they felt safe. So I have never, like experienced any difficulties with touch. But I can say one important thing. It's personal space. And I very value my personal space. And I do not really like that people whom I don't really know, with whom I do not spend a lot of my time and who appear to me like just an unknown people, I do not like to let them like, hug me or come very close to me, because that's kind of destroys my personal space. But once I, if I know this person, if that's my friend, we know for many years, or if that's my boyfriend, I love that. And I like that as well. So I don't have problems with touch. But if talking about like romantic relationships, I think that's the point that two people, the man and a woman must reach by mutual agreement, by touching each other, and come to that point together. Because it's very important in the relationship. But it should be agreed usually by each other. Because, first of all, to not break someone's personal space, do not frightened someone and have positive experience from it, but not negative.
Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 22:50
Thank you. That's so interesting. And let's speak about Ukraine, because it's very important. How are you experiencing the war and the invasion? How were your emotions in the beginning? Did it change you somehow? And how do you try or aim to keep your mental health nowadays?
Alika Stepanishcheva 23:14
Well, when it first started on February 24, at 4am, around 4am, when it's all started, I was frightened. I experienced fear, no one understood what happened. No one could not believe what's going on. And I was scared for for a long time. And I'm scared now for my home country. I love my home country, and I'm scared for everyone. But my fear it grow in some other kind of feelings, from fear it girl to hate it grow to more aggressive feelings towards the country, towards the country who invaded us towards Russia, and what's going on. I feel sympathy to Ukrainian people, to people who lost their homes who lost their kids who lost their families. I feel so sorry for them and for all of us, because we all experiencing this hurry now. And as we know throughout history, our country has been fighting for light through against incredible darkness for many years. But we stay strong, and we fight and we will do it until our victory.
Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 24:47
Thank you. And something that I'm thinking about. Some sociologists say that this event will traumatize the Ukrainian society that this whole gender ration will never be the same that there will be PTSD even when the war ends, and a lot of people will be more depressed, more or less allergic, less energetic, while others say some Ukrainians say no, as, as soon as we have victory, and we celebrate, we'll be excited about rebuilding our country and grateful for every moment and second, we're alive. Which one do you agree with? Do you feel that Ukraine will have some war trauma for a long time, I mean, emotionally and psychologically, or that things will be even better faster?
Alika Stepanishcheva 25:41
Well, I agree with a second option. Because once the were the tools care, scale war began, our country united so much, was period became stronger. And we were started fighting. And now we are united as never before. And that's awesome. And after, once we, we win, once the victory happens, our victory. And after that, people will be happy to come back home from other countries, they will be happy to rebuild the country, they will be happy to see their native streets to see their native places and come back home with which is very important. Everybody who left the country and is over 11 million people, they wish to come back to their countries, to their cities and into their country and rebuild it. And I am sure, and I know that the Spirit will go up, and we will, we will be united even more than now. Because we will be together we will meet people who left and we will stay and start rebuilding our country. Living in peace and, and being happy, being happy living under the peaceful sky. That's all we want. And I'm sure that people will be will be happy will be excited will be positive. And I don't think that people will experience trauma. Because right now we are united and we believe that everything will be fine. And we will celebrate our victory very soon.
Abdulaziz M Alhamdan 27:33
Thank you so much. Lika It was a privilege and honor and so earn enriching. And I wish you safety and success. And of course, Slava okra uni,
Alika Stepanishcheva 27:47
head arm, Slava, thank you so much for inviting me for this podcast. It was very nice to talk to you. And talk about those important issues and discuss those questions. And yeah, I'm really honored. Thank you for doing this for for all of us for gathering all of those valuable thoughts of people of a young woman and and man and everybody. Thank you
