Episode Transcript
Hello. My name is Aziz and I'm the son of a divorced mother. She is really my superhero.
That's why it's important for me to support women to share their uniqueness, their personalities,
perspectives and emotions about this life. Too many women in this world feel alone. They
worry about the judgment of others and they struggle with their mental health. But when
they listen to the Rare Girls podcast where empowered women share their voices and tell
their stories, many women will feel inspired to live a life of freedom and to overcome
all insecurities. They will feel it is a safe space to find their confidence to remember
their unique beauty and to feel their self-worth. And they will connect with the sisterhood
of rare girls who encourage their success and support their dreams. That's what this
podcast is all about. My guest today is Katerina Kostyuchenko. Kate is a dance instructor
with more than 14 years of experience. Originally, she is from Ukraine but nowadays she lives in Riga,
Latvia. In addition to being a teacher and dancer, Kate has a master's degree in chemistry.
She never worked as a chemist but she is very grateful for this experience. Kate is in love
with music, playing the piano a bit.
She is interested in philosophy and science, yoga, skiing,
books, and to try more and more new things.
Kate, how are you today?
I'm great, thank you.
Hope you so.
I feel happy, positive, blessed,
and very curious about you as a person and as a woman.
So I will say, if your friends could describe
your personality in Latvia,
What would they say about you and would it be different to the woman or girl you who you used to be in Kiev?
Okay, I remember one time we played a game with friends and we were just sitting and
Asking questions about each other like to know each other better and I remember one question
We asked one boy to describe everyone in the room. It wasn't it wasn't big party
it was just four of us, to describe everyone in the room
with one word.
And he described me as a wisdom person.
So for me, it's like maybe what I get
from moving to Riga is the wisdom,
because I always wanted to be as deep as I can,
as a person, as a woman, as a girl,
as a daughter, whatever. And I feel happy that I reached it. And
people see me like that. Because in Kiev, you know, like
when you start the journey yourself, when I moved to Kiev
to university, when I started studying, it was my first
experience living alone. And I cannot say that it was
completely like happy times. Because a lot of insecurities,
as you said, and it's just part of growth. So yeah, I
I think I became a more wisdom person.
I hope so.
Thank you for that.
I love it.
And I want to know more.
Two things.
What is to you the definition?
What is for you the definition of wisdom and how do you develop it?
How do you feel when you have it?
Why is it important for you?
About definition, for me, it's like seeing things from your inner perspective.
From the depth of your heart, of your soul, for me, it's like when you look outside that
you're trying to manage things only on the level that happens to you.
For example, talk, some drama, some situation that happens and you try to manage the results.
It's not the beginning of the things, but when you try to manage your state and change
situation first of all inside of you, it works much better. For me being wisdom is
to see what's in you brings to what results. I mean every situation in your
life happens on a reason and it shows part of your personality, parts of your
mentality, parts of your of your thoughts and the clue is to find in
yourself, what exactly bring to this result? What exactly brought you into this point?
So this is like a journey for me, what I'm trying to improve in my life. I'm reading
books about it. I'm trying, you know, some spiritual growth ways, some like esoterical,
but but mostly it's reading books and reflection on like about
Okay, okay. What happened? What why it's happened to me? Why it's
keep happening to me. So yeah, for me, it's like, every time
you come back to yourself, it's like close to Tao philosophy,
Taoist philosophy. Yes, I was, I started like a journey to
for just of discovering this, like amazing Chinese
philosophy, and I find it really, really, really useful for the
life. So yeah, this is for me. Look from an inner perspective.
Thank you. I love that very, very much. You spoke about like
wondering why things happen to you even doing some esoteric
and spiritual things, we can discuss that later. But
specifically, when it comes to finding your self love, your
self-worth, your self-confidence, what did the
journey tell you about yourself how did you evolve and what is your advice to
other women who might not already have found those ideas that the wisdom you
developing gave you you can share with them okay first of all what it gave to
me they're like like one small but powerful sentence you're enough you're
enough for everything you don't need people to be happy you don't need
like not money to be happy. Yes, everyone needs it because money gives you freedom to do whatever you want to be whatever you want, wherever you want, and not to worry about the future. But same time, usually what I see from from the girls, they are struggling. Oh, my God, I don't have relationships. I need this to be happy. Or for example, my God, I need a business. I need this to be happy. But to be honest, not.
And you can be happy just on your own.
This is what my latest, it's my latest discovering
that to be honest, I deserve much more
than the people around me can offer me.
And I will not like agree for something
that not satisfy me in fullest.
So you're a source of your happiness.
I know it's like everyone hear these words
every time right now it's became too viral.
this, you know, spiritual growth and you hear it in TikTok, Instagram, whatever, and yeah,
yeah, yeah. I hear it every day all the time. But you know, the trick is when someone's
tell it to you, it's just the words. But when you like deeply inside, you feel that
I'm completely happy on my own. Oh my God, it's just amazing. So yeah.
Thank you so much, Kate. I mean, I understand, I believe that and it's a very important understanding,
but I can imagine many women wanting to believe that, but they think, oh, that means I have
to set boundaries, I have to say no to some people, maybe some people who have been
in their lives since their childhood, they're toxic, they need to cut them off.
And they feel it's too difficult, they will be disappointing to many people and therefore
there are many women who have been programmed to sacrifice themselves for others.
So if they are in such a situation, what can they do?
If they think about feeling I am enough and demanding that every person in their life
should be up to their standard, it might be too much.
So what can they do to develop that strength to begin those steps without it being too extreme?
Like, mostly, it's not about pulling people to your standards.
It's just impossible.
Leave people alone.
That's like the main, like, thing is no, you cannot help.
You cannot save people.
This is like a game changer for you.
If you think that you can really influence on someone's life, if you really want to,
you know, sacrifice, oh, I will sacrifice food for, to make this person happy,
it will never happen, because everyone is responsible for its own happiness. And I read
a book that in April I started and it really changed my life. It's my biggest maybe recommendation
for everyone. It's Neil Walsh's Conversations with the God. And the main thing, everyone goes
right direction. If you think that someone's is wrong, you're wrong. So everyone has its own path
and no need to sacrifice for others because they just live in their lives and we will never
understand what's like war this person fighting. So that's why your sacrifice is just pointless.
Like limit your boundaries. It's pointless because you change yourself for what? For nothing.
It's just people who live different lives.
And if you find someone who can support your journey, you will never like, this person will
never ask you about like, okay, can you become smaller?
Can you please move your boundaries or sacrifice it?
If you need to sacrifice something, it's just not for you and like millions of people
around.
I know sometimes we think, okay, oh, we want to get something from this person because
and we invested a lot, but it's gambling game.
It's a casino and you will never won.
Everything you will get from this person,
it will be not enough because you invested too much.
So the best thing I think for me is just stop one day.
Okay, I stopping.
If this person like moves towards you
and trying to reunite, okay, it can work,
but it's not just not because we everyone wanna be right
And I do like feeling that, okay, I'm wrong.
I was wrong about it.
I was investing my time, my precious life
into something not worth it,
but it's the best thing you can do.
Sometimes you can be wrong.
Thank you so much for that answer.
And it makes me wonder about dance.
It's something you're dedicating your life to
even more than chemistry,
you're teaching people, dancing.
I'll ask from this perspective,
did dance help you develop your own confidence?
Did it make you feel that you fall in love with your body more?
How does it relate to your confidence?
And in general, what do you love about it that makes you enjoy it so much?
From that perspective, yes, it brings you, if you didn't try dancing, I just recommend
you to try because I don't know how people can live without it.
Because you feel so good in your body when you understand how each part of it moves
and you understand that you can synchronize it with music and you can express with your body
all your feelings you're like feel right now. I always say that dance it's like very complicated
process for our brain because if we think about okay we need to coordinate part of our body
according to the music it's tempo this is the speed this is the balance a lot of things
happens in a dancer's mind. And it's for me, it's equal to
meditation. Because you're so much concentrated on the
process that you forget about everything. And the second
thing, yes, as I said, it's feeling your body for me, it's
like form of my expression, how I really feel the world,
the world. So for some times, I cannot say that
powerful, but they can dance it. And like about teaching, because I mostly
teach her then dancer, because I'm not like professional, I'm not on stage, I'm
professional dancer, but I'm not on stage. I'm not part of the part of the
show ballet, but as a teacher, first of first thing I want to give people is to
show how your body can influence your cycle. People become more calm, people
become more confident on the big, just one thing,
posture is change your posture.
Different it's scientifically proved
is change your chemistry inside your body.
If you just stay straight,
oxygen's come different way and you feel different.
You know, like all these coaches,
psycho-psychologists, they use like powerful pose.
This is dancing about.
If you know that after dancing,
you can walk like a goddess on the corridor.
course it will influence your confidence because all men in the room will just break their necks to
look at you. So you control your body language. It's so much things. Musicality, like game,
uh-huh, flute, everything. It's just amazing. It's the best thing on the world.
Thank you. I love that. And you were talking about walking like a goddess and I want to
women nowadays who maybe feel they have to or they choose to be much more in their masculine
energy because they have to live their life, they have to do what they have to do and then
they don't feel comfortable going into their feminine because they feel too vulnerable.
For you, maybe there are even some girls who don't really understand what is feminine
energy, what is masculine energy. Can you discuss this topic? What's your definition
of feminine energy, masculine energy, how to find the balance, how to feel safe in femininity
if you have been too much in the masculinity and how maybe dance can help with all of this?
Yes, sure. It's very, very, very nice question. I like it a lot. I'm thinking about it a lot
because what I see right now, there is a cult of like, okay, boost your feminine energy,
You need to work on your femininity, so on, but to be honest, it's all about energy.
Musculine energy and feminine energy is just energy that you move for different things.
For example, if I'm thinking about, okay, rent an apartment, pay my bills, how to plan
my schedule, of course, I'm in masculine energy because I need to be logical, I need
to plan something, I need to like be responsible about what I said. So like being time somewhere
everywhere, it's about masculine energy. But same time, if we talk about in the evening
when I want to, for example, make a cup of coffee for myself, or like use my spa,
you know, treatment for me, so I'm putting it, I'm in feminine energy, how dance can
help. It's actually depends on the dance style. It can like
invest more this or that direction. For example, if we
talk about hip hops, or some like modern styles, I mean,
mostly hip hop, Afro dance, Afro, maybe not more mostly hip
hop. When girls do this, they improve their masculine side,
but same time, they cannot stop being the girls. So it's
like, overthinking for me, because we are in balance. If
you are, for example, in the relationships
and you're with the right person in the relationships,
you become more feminine naturally.
You don't need to think about it.
Because like for me, when I discovered
my like single life journey, I am single for four years,
I became more balanced.
I see both sides, it's like equal.
And when other person around you appears,
you become a little bit more this or this.
So you can choose your surrounding
to, if you want to improve something, but same time, falling into one side, it's not very
good for us because we still need to manage with the world. We need to be active. We need
to improve our ambition. So on, because all girls, okay, I need to work on my feminine
energy and I will sit at home. I don't know, cook, but for me, I don't like
cooking. It's not my thing. I'm not, I'm not cooker at all. I am eater. So yeah,
But time to dancing, but this, you know, stereotypic things that
usually society put on us that we need to be like, we're long
dress, we need to cook, we need to raise like, five children,
so on. I'm not telling about children. I'm not a mother, not
but you but you know what I'm talking about, like long hair.
If you don't like it, it doesn't mean that you're not
about dancing, how dance can influence it. As I said, it depends on the style. I'm not worried about my feminine energy because my background is belly dancing, the most feminine dance ever, forever in the life. So I just cannot put it out of my body. But same time, I'm working more on my masculine side in way like to be more organized, to be more concentrated, and like to go like to reach my goals.
because feminine is like staying, masculine is movement.
So for me, it's just an energy you put in
some different things, masculine, feminine doesn't matter.
Thank you so much for that.
And you spoke about dance, belly dance, of course,
is very, very feminine
and it puts you in touch with your femininity.
Nowadays, there are many women
that are because of Instagram,
they compare themselves to other women,
they feel ugly,
Maybe that makes them not even want to try belly dance or anything like that,
because they think, oh, I'm too ugly.
I don't look like that Photoshopped girl.
So I'll feel ashamed of my body and all that.
How do you find your ability to love how you look and what's your advice
even to some teenage girls who might be suffering with that, comparing
themselves to others in order to feel their unique beauty and not really
compare themselves to others or maybe belly dance could be a way for them to love what
their body can do and so begin to love how they look more and more.
Thank you for the question and you said unique beauty.
That means that before you in and after you know girl like you.
So you are unique.
No one like you.
So your parents, your society, your experience, country,
everything influences on you.
If we start comparing, of course I was there.
If you start to compare yourself to other people,
it's very like, okay, it's very like stereotypic things.
You start to lose yourself.
But what I wanna say,
if you wanna improve something, you can improve.
If you don't know how to dance, you can try.
If you cannot like it, it's easily
because for some people, they don't want to invest so much in it because dancing, it's like,
oh, that's so beautiful, that's nice, but it's huge work. Dance, it's a lifestyle. For example,
for me, it's a problem to have a lot of hobbies because I live in my hobby. You cannot stop
doing it. If you are a dancer, it's impossible for you not to dance. But if you want to
improve something, the best advice I can give you is stretching. If you want to be more
feminine, more beautiful, to feel your body much better, start with the stretching.
Every part of your body, not just the splits, because everyone like, okay, I wanted to split.
Split is nice.
But what about your back?
What about your fingers?
So stretching can help you a lot.
And it's not like that big investment that's dancing, because dance also includes music.
Also, like my advice is to work on your strongest part.
When you look at yourself in the mirror and you ask, okay, who am I, what characteristics
I have and work on it.
Because everyone's want to work on the big parts.
Okay, I don't have good posture, I will work on the posture and they invest all the energy
into it.
But it will not happen in one time.
But same time, this girl can paint very beautiful pictures or she's incredible gamer.
why not so if she knows how to build a strategy I know a lot of guys who likes
it a lot because she is different to be like not don't be stereotypic girls like
if you are makeup artists great if you are professional in chess wow that's
good that's that's not like make you less girl it's just make you better
person. So first of all, concentrate on things you like
and things you already know how to do. Try to improve it. If
you're playing piano, if you're playing guitar, wow, playing
basketball, great. Football, yes, everything. If you are
reader, like read the books, write something on after it.
So just improve what is your passion about. So for me, it
was always dancing. And of course, I want to say, okay,
coming to dance because it can give you a lot, but it gave to me, I'm talking about
it from my perspective. If you will like deeply think, okay, what really inspires me
talking to the people, it's also inspiration. You can like go somewhere, talk, like get
some energy. It's also a talent. So it's about natural way of development. Your inner
will show you what is the best for you so about teenage girls also I want to add
that your journey just started it's so beautiful it's so nice to be teenage and
you need to know that the best is still coming this is time these times it's
just the beginning of the big good great beautiful journey for you if you
just relax and trust yourself. That's it. Try things. Don't be afraid to fail. Of course I'm
afraid too. But you know, while you're a teenager and when you're under your parents' protection,
I hope so. But if not, still, you will never be alone. Always people will come and help you.
Even if you're in a worse situation, there is always an answer to it.
Try things, good things, I mean, of course, not a destructive one, because it leads to
death.
It just leads to nowhere.
But if something makes you happy, just try it.
Why not?
Today I tried badminton for the first time in like eight years.
I'm happy.
I have shaking hands like this because they are tired, but I'm happy.
I'm happy about your happiness. Thank you so much, Kate, for sharing your experience,
your voice, participating in this podcast. I wish you all the progress, the wisdom,
and the adventures in life. And thank you again for being in this podcast.
Thank you so much. For me, it's the first experience where I can really share my thoughts,
my wisdom, my way. And I'm happy for the opportunity that you gave to me. If someone will be inspired
by this, this is the best thing I can do for the world. Because now I'm 28 and understand that,
okay, before that was a huge journey that led me to this point where I started a new journey.
I am the happiest ever and it doesn't mean that I don't have problems, but I calm down
because all problems, like all our bad times comes from our minds.
If you just say, I have everything I need, I will move on, I don't need to rush, I
will move my own speed, everything just miracle happens when you are relaxed.
One hundred percent.
